


everything you want is right in front of you (this is the greatest show)

by occasionallywritesthings



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Slow Burn, and like throw in some the greatest showman in there bc i'm weak, like slow burn af i'm not even kidding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-03-19 03:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 124,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13695657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/occasionallywritesthings/pseuds/occasionallywritesthings
Summary: She’s got a responsibility she doesn’t want (this show) and a person from her past that she didn’t think she would ever speak to again (Chloe). Beca Mitchell’s Junior year is starting off nothing like she expects, and she isn’t sure how she feels about it. Otherwise known as: a High School AU that's also a Childhood Friends AU with heavy influences from The Greatest Showman because that's the play they end up putting on for Chloe's Senior year.





	1. The Start

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written fic before in my life but one random evening at 11pm I thought it would be a good idea to not only start a random fic but make it multi-chapter'd and average at least 5k words per chapter. I'm in over my head but if you're willing to read, enjoy the ride! Also, literally no one is reading over this for any mistakes (and I'm sure there are many) so if tenses shift and there are spelling errors, it's all on me and I 110% accept that because a majority of this is usually written when I'm awake at weird hours of the night and can't sleep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse and Beca are introduced to the Seniors and we learn a little bit about what the school is trying to do this year.

Barden High is no one’s favorite place to be. Unless you’re Jesse Swanson. In which case, Barden is the greatest and their Sloppy Joes are The Shit. They’re sitting outside today because the weather’s actually pretty decent and “it’s the first Friday of school!” A week back in this hell hole, and Beca’s already been dumped with a responsibility she doesn’t want. And she doesn’t mean Jesse.

“Dude, you can’t seriously enjoy this.”

Jesse’s too busy swallowing (because the bread is so fucking _dry_ ) to answer her right away.

“It’s de-vi-shush. Yo uh ‘ater.” 

Beca makes a face at him, tossing a crumpled up napkin at his face. 

“Gross, dude. Close your mouth. Who _raised_ you?”

“Elliot and Hannah Swanson,” he says after taking a long gulp from his water bottle, which he probably needed because the bread was so fucking _dry_.

Beca just rolls her eyes at him for the fiftieth time that day before looking down at her food. She brought food from home because she knew this was what they were serving for lunch today. She pushes around some celery sticks when Jesse tells her he’s “goin’ t’ geh moh foo.”

“Christ, swallow before you _talk _!” She chucks a piece of celery at him. He dodges it like a pro even with the tray in his hands.__

She pulls out her phone while she waits for Jesse’s return, scrolling through Instagram and double tapping some video of a corgi puppy that wants to eat its food but is too lazy to make the effort. Same. Though, right now, she mostly just doesn’t want to eat her food because--

“Hey!”

She looks up and to her right expecting to find Jesse pulling an impression of his female counterpart ‘Jessica’. She swears to God, if he did that thing where he puts the small packs of chips in his shirt again…

“Dude, what—” Oh. _Oh_.

It’s not Jesse. Not at all. It’s… well, someone Beca never thought she’d really speak to again. She can’t remember the last time she was this close to her. Up close, she manages to look both different and familiar. She’s only seen her from afar through the years.

“Um… Hey,” she answers, her tone noticeably wary.

It’s weird. Kind of. Well, not actually. It should be, though? She hasn’t spoken to Chloe in… years. Since they were twelve probably.

“I heard you were helping out with the production this year and I just wanted to say I’m really excited to spend time with you.”

What—

Before Beca’s brain can finish that, Chloe’s adding to her words, effectively halting Beca’s near moment of bewilderment.

“To work with you,” she clarifies. Beca thinks Chloe sensed that she was kind of freaked and knew to correct herself. “But also to spend time with you.”

She swallows. What does she say to that?

“Sorry if that’s weird—” She apologizes, shaking her head. Beca wonders how sincere that apology actually is when the redhead is moving to sit beside her as she speaks. “I just… We used to know each other, as kids, we used to spend all of this time together, and I’m just excited to spend time with you again. We were really good friends once, Becs.”

“Beca,” she corrects. And she only _kind of_ feels like a dick when Chloe noticeably winces at that. She just doesn’t like before being brought up and… This was pretty much just really weird all together. 

_Don’t be a dick _, she chides herself.__

“I mean, yeah, I… it’ll be good. I’m actually pretty curious to see how this goes,” she admits. And that’s not a lie. She actually is. A school production created, organized, and performed by the seniors without any adult supervision? If only _one_ person gets naked during that entire thing, it’ll be a miracle. She knows how stupid some of them can be.

“I’ve been coming up with ideas,” Chloe lights up. Of course, she’s the head of this whole thing. No one cared quite like Chloe did.

Even with their years of estrangement, they still lived in the same town, attending the same schools. It’s hard not to notice someone when they’re the star of the school’s dance team, or this year’s MVP of the volley team, or even that time she managed to be co-captain of the cheerleading team when she was just a brand new recruit. (And okay, she knows that because people talked about it. Like, it was a thing people would mention at games and stuff. She hasn’t like, been stalking Chloe for all of these years.)

“Yeah?” Beca voices. “That’s pretty cool I guess…” Though the distinct lack of interest her voice and mannerisms may convey otherwise… She just wasn’t good at this thing Chloe seemed to be trying to do. The reconnecting thing. The talking thing. Any of it.

She can tell Chloe can tell. From where her sight is focused on the picnic table, she sees Chloe’s hands flex nervously. She ignores the pang of _something_ that rushes through her. Her chest kind of hurts.

“Yeah… I, um… I’ll tell you all about it.” 

Beca has to give it to Chloe: she manages to sound positive, even in rejection. 

“But maybe another time though. You’re still eating, clearly, and I just came here and kind of—“ Beca watches as Chloe’s hand makes a quick motion that’s supposed to signify the thing Chloe’s wordlessly trying to express. “—and got in your way, and—“ 

She stops herself. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen Chloe do that before. 

“Anyway, I’ll tell you later,” she promises. And there’s something Beca reads in Chloe’s eyes. Like… sadness? Pain, maybe? 

“Enjoy your lunch, Beca.”

It doesn’t sound cutting, she knows it isn’t meant to be. But something about Chloe purposefully using her name – like she let known she prefers – like that kind of sucks. Or maybe it’s the way Chloe’s smile before she goes is kind of forced and she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Chloe Beale with a smile that small, or awkward. Needless to say, she feels kind of like shit once Chloe is out of her line of sight and she’s looking at her half-eaten sandwich again. 

Well, _fuck _.__

* * *

__

_“Becaw!”_

Beca rolls her eyes. It’s practically on instinct at this point. She’s shoving the books she won’t need tonight back in her locker when Jesse strolls up, a grin on his face like he’s never been sad about anything before in his life. 

When Jesse moved here when he was fourteen, Beca was unfortunately who he decided to gravitate towards after he was introduced to the class. And despite her moody disposition and uncommunicative nature, they became ‘friends’. Or at least that’s what Jesse likes to call them. Beca likes to think of it as a ‘shadow she hasn’t been able to shake since the 7th grade’.

“You excited for the meeting today?” He asks, like he doesn’t know who Beca is and how she feels about spending time after school with people she doesn’t know or care about. 

“Ecstatic.” 

“Hey, c’mon. It’ll be fun. We’re like the only two Juniors they asked to help out.” 

“Okay, they asked _me_ to help out. I lumped you in because I didn’t want to be miserable _alone_.” 

“Now now, Becs, I know you claim you ‘hate my vibe’ or whatever, but who made you that video montage that made you cry on your 17th?” 

"Shut _up_ , that was one time. And it was only because you used ‘Lean on Me’ like the sap that you are.” She punctuates her words with the shut of her locker. 

__

In sync, they both begin towards the direction of the auditorium. 

“And like the sap _you are_ for crying!” 

Beca goes to punch at him, but Jesse knows better and hops away, dodging her fist just in time. 

“Ah ah ah,” he warns, chuckling as he moves closer and they’re walking side by side again. 

“I hate you.” 

Beca is smiling. 

“You don’t.” 

She _does_. 

“I do.” 

“Nah.” 

His arm hooks over her shoulders and he swings them into the hall that leads to auditorium. 

* * *

“Alright, everybody! Settle down. Please.” 

Mrs. Byers voice carries throughout the auditorium. The seniors are all sat – or almost sat – down, occupying most of the first couple of rows. Jesse and Beca are quiet, moving towards the side of the auditorium to go down the set of steps there instead of going straight down the steps in the middle, getting them closer to the action of it all way before they’re ready. She notices them trying to be unbothersome and waves them down. 

“Yeah, come along. Take a seat down here.” 

Beca notices Chloe turn her head when Mrs. Byers takes her attention off of the now-settled seniors to speak towards the back of the auditorium. 

She and Jesse hurry now that they’ve been called out and take the two seats at the end of the row on left side of the auditorium. All of the seniors seemed to gather on the right side, like an unspoken role. Or Mrs. Byers preferred they all sat on one side. Probably the latter. She knows if Bumper and Donald had their way, they’d be sitting by the sound system pretending they knew how to operate it. That’s Beca’s job. Sort of. Unofficially. She hasn’t really decided what she’s going to do to help. She just knows they need her for ‘music things’. 

This is what she gets for having a public Twitter and talking to Stacie Conrad that one time. 

* * *

_“Hey, you’re Beca, right?”_

_Yeah. Um, here.” She hands Stacie the papers her father wants to have passed to the leggy brunette._

_“Thanks… What’re you doing?” The girl has taken notice of the mixing program open on Beca’s laptop._

_“Uh, just mixing.”_

_“Like DJ-ing and stuff?”_

_“Um, no, like… Just you know, stuff.”_

_Stacie frowns at her. Honestly, if she could frown at herself, she would too. She has no idea what that meant. But before she could clarify herself, Stacie’s moving closer._

_“Can I listen?”_

_What the fuck. “Um, sure—?” She has no idea what the fuck she’s doing. She doesn’t even let anyone go _near_ her headphones, let alone let anyone _borrow_ them momentarily._

_But soon enough, Stacie is listening, then she’s bobbing her head, and she has this wild look of enthusiasm on her face that’s borderline sexual and—_

_“I love it! Holy shit, that’s **so** good.”_

__How_ on earth did that manage to sound as suggestive as it did._

_“Um yeah,” Beca chuckles nervously. “Thanks.”_

_She take her headphones back and watches Stacie stand up. She’s so _tall _._ __

____

__

_“Good shit, Beca…” She regards her for a second. And Beca uses the term ‘regard’ because she can’t just say Stacie looks at her. There’s something else in it. Like she’s sizing her up, or seeing something she didn’t see before, she doesn’t fucking know. Her cheeks all of the sudden feel really hot and—_

_“Pretty dope for a Freshie.”_

_She’s a sophomore but okay._

_“Thanks for the papers. See you around!”_

_And just like that, she’s gone. And Beca’s face feels really hot and she all of the sudden can’t stop seeing Stacie’s legs._

_When she gets home later that night and plugs in her phone (because like an idiot, she tends to push it and forget to charge while she sleeps), she comes to find a new follower to her Twitter by the name of ‘staciexo’. And a lot of likes to mixes she’s linked as tweets._

_How did Stacie find her?_

* * *

Anyway, long story short, she’s sure Stacie is behind this. 

Because no one on Earth knows Beca mixes music like she does but her. She’s considered her dad but she knows he won’t push it with her and all of the sudden start going off about her hobbies like she’s good enough to help produce music for a show. They’ve just recently starting being okay again, so she knows he isn’t going to risk it like that. 

Mrs. Byers carries on re-explaining what this whole ‘experiment’ is to the room. Beca uses the term ‘experiment’ because she knows it isn’t going to last. It’ll go on for a week or two at most, then someone will likely get lit on fire and the whole thing will be called off, and they’ll just try to do Rent again like they did last year except Principal Reed will find out and shut it down for its ‘inappropriate themes’ and they’re doing another rendition of some Shakespeare play where someone fucks their mother or commits suicide. Because that’s more appropriate than gay people, right? 

“Is everyone clear?” 

There’s a round of yes’s and mutters of agreement before she moves on. Then someone’s lifting their hand talking about how ‘do they have to all work together’ or ‘can some people do their own thing while others do their thing’? 

“Mr. Allen, no you cannot attempt to do a One Man Show as you’ve requested to do before… countless of times.” 

Bumper sits back down. A few laughs are heard. Beca shares a snicker of her own, and Jesse smiles like he’s trying not to. 

Mrs. Byers explains a few more ground rules, such as themes they all should avoid, heavily suggests (basically commands them) that no pyrokinetics are allowed, and that Chloe will now be speaking. Wait, what?

If Jesse notices how Beca straightens in her seat and actually turns her head to get a proper look at who’s talking up front, he doesn’t say anything. 

Chloe starts talking about an idea she has about doing a musical on P.T. Barnum, who she says is a piece of crap (not shit, never shit, especially in front of Mrs. Byers) in real life, but elements of his story were pretty interesting regardless. She wants the musical to touch on the circus, show business, and its creation, the underdog, and overall it being a celebration of humanity and its many different beauties and diversity. 

“Just because what actually happened was horrible doesn’t mean the retelling has to be. Fiction has happy endings--!” 

“Yeah, that’s impossible when J.K. Rowling keeps extending the Harry Potter series and making Harry out to be a bad dad,” the Australian exchange student interjects. 

Chloe just presses her lips together all confused, shakes her head, and disregards that. 

“Anyway,” she continues. “I’ve actually been working on this with Jessica since she was the one who originally came up with this new retelling of Better!P.T. Barnum, and she’s got a whole story planned out – well, the general gist of it – so we just need a script and to work on creating music—” 

And that’s it. That’s when she looks at Beca. Even if it was just a quick glance to refer to her. She didn’t even know Chloe knew she was here. Like, she knew Chloe saw her walk in, but like acknowledge, you know? Then again, Chloe Beale would never willingly ignore someone. Even if they were a little cold to her at lunch that day. 

“—I’ve been working on some stuff, but I’m not all that great at it, so it’ll take a while. I’m probably going to have a little team work with me on it if anyone’s interested.” 

Right then, half of them – the seniors – seemed to shrivel up and minimize because they don’t want to do that. 

Beca thinks they’re dicks. 

Flo offers to help. Though, based on the things she’s heard her say in assemblies, Beca’s not so sure this is the person that should help with a story about the ‘celebration of humanity’ as Chloe put it. 

Chloe gladly takes her though, enthusiasm shown in her small claps. 

Then suddenly, even more people are in the room. Mrs. Byers is ushering them inside with a push of the heavy metal doors. It makes this terrible sound when it opens that makes everyone grimace. 

“I forgot to mention!” She speaks. “I have two more people to help out. This is Benjamin Applebaum, a fellow Junior, like Jesse and Beca, and this is Emily.” She refers to the tall drink of awkward water standing beside Benji. (Beca knows Benji. He’s Jesse’s weird magic friend, but he’s a nice dude. Total sweetheart, honestly. And Beca isn’t in the habit of describing people as ‘total sweethearts’.) 

“Emily is actually a Sophomore, but Chloe, once you mentioned writing music, I just had to rush out and retrieve Emily. Thank goodness she stays behind to partake in that after-school science class.” 

“Chemistry—” Emily interjects, albeit a little awkwardly and she looks like she regrets it after even if she has no reason to. Beca can tell she’s mumbling something to herself after but she can’t tell what. 

“Emily writes the most _beautiful_ poetry. She sometimes _sings_ it too.” Something about the way Mrs. Byers says ‘sings’ makes Beca believe this Emily was not in fact supposed to sing her poetry but felt the powerful need to anyway. She smirks. 

“Anyway, I think she’ll be useful to you, so go on—” She sweeps them towards Chloe’s way before going up the steps again to leave the kids to their business. ‘Leave’, ‘kids’, and ‘to business’ in the same sentence just tells you it’s a bad idea and you shouldn’t be doing it, but Mrs. Byers is gone with an oddly loud shut of the double doors anyway. Beca winces at the sound and adjusts her position on the cushioned seat. 

“Hi.”

“Hello.” 

She almost feels bad that Mrs. Byers just left these two kids here unattended. And yeah, Benji’s the same age as she and Jesse but she still refers to him as a kid. Probably because of the way he dresses, with his striped shirts that are tucked into his jeans. Not to mention cuffed jeans. 

“Yo, Benji, c’mere—” Jesse’s quick to save the day. 

Soon, Benji is sitting beside him, and Emily, not familiar with either of them, takes the same seat Beca’s in but a row above. So she’s close but not so far away from the only other girl here who isn’t a senior (i.e. Beca). 

“Hi,” she says, clearly trying to break the ice. 

"Sup.” Beca’s not one for words but that’s the friendliest she’s been all day. 

Emily seems to think so too because she smiles at Beca before turning her attention to Chloe, who is waiting for everyone’s attention before speaking again. 

“Okay, so welcome, Benji and Emily, and I’m really excited to get things going. Let’s do this, you guys.” 

There are a few hollers of ‘whoo!’ but for the most part, the boys are groaning and there are polite claps of support (which are probably the worst kind of claps; it’s like “yay but I don’t really care” claps.) 

* * *

They spend like an hour left to their own devices before someone decides to call it a day. It’s that tall blonde Aubrey that spent all of her Junior Year campaigning to be Class President for her Senior Year, which shocker, she is now. Probably because she left no one a choice after she threw up on the other candidates during one of the first campaigns speeches. They were so disgusted, they decided to withdraw and that gave Aubrey the position by default. And honestly, with the stress and pressure she seemed to be under, the teachers decided it was best they just let her have it lest she have a breakdown further down the line. 

Chloe spends a lot of time with her. They’re most probably best friends from what Beca can notice. Around the time Jesse moved here, Chloe and Aubrey began to spend a lot of time together. They usually sat several rows ahead of her and Jesse in Science class back then. Always together, always beside each other. Beca doesn’t know why they’re friends. Aubrey doesn’t seem like the type. Then again, Chloe was friends with Beca once too. Chloe had a knack for befriending the most out-there people. 

During their hour, the seniors were split up into little groups that Chloe happily organizes despite looking overwhelmed. It gets better when Aubrey steps in. They all gladly do whatever Chloe wants when Aubrey is spitting it out at them. Chloe looks at the blonde with gladness in her eyes and the warmest smile. And Beca is _terrified_. Yikes, that chick can bark orders. 

On their side of the auditorium, Jesse is the first to break the silence while the seniors do their thing. He asks Emily about herself. They learn that she did in fact sing poetry she had to do for class once and Mrs. Byers has taken note of her since. She mentions she likes to write music, sing, and Science. She’s part of an after-school club that has to do with Chemistry or something. Beca thinks they mostly just try to make DIY slime and blow things up, but… Oh, and also, she just got a Hamster. His name is Cornelius. He’s nice. Apparently. And a good runner too. 

Beca thinks she’s kind of cute. She also thinks she needs to make sure Emily isn’t ever lured away at any point by colorful candy bars from strangers. Jesse mentions they (Beca, Jesse, and Benji) all kind of know each other already because he and Benji are Catan fans and Beca is his best friend. 

“Shut up.” Barely-any-effort-put-into-the-slap slap to Jesse’s shoulder. “I’m not,” she tells Emily. 

“Is too,” Jesse interrupts before continuing at a speed which Beca can’t interrupt, or doesn’t care too. (If she’s being honest, then okay, Jesse is technically right, and he is kind of sort of the closest thing she has to a best friend.) 

Emily just kind of laughs at it and listens on. Soon enough, they’re all excitedly talking about some show on Netflix that Beca doesn’t follow and she just rolls her eyes before turning around and whipping her phone out. She’s about to play a game of Piano Tap – it’s what she usually does when Jesse is like this – when she hears a “hey” from a voice she doesn’t have to look up for to know it belongs Chloe. 

Somehow, even with all of the time that’s passed, she’s never forgotten what she sounds like. 

“Hey yourself, team leader.” 

Chloe’s forehead creases for the tiniest of moments – like she’s confused Beca’s all of the sudden in a better mood than earlier – before smiling brightly, erasing any evidence of hesitation to her approaching Beca, which she does now with more confidence since Beca’s thrown her a bone. 

“How are you guys doing?” She mostly looks at Beca before directing her attention to the huddle of nerds who can’t stop talking about the ‘upside down’. Whatever that means. Somehow, like it was planned (because she knows it wasn’t), they all turn to Chloe and reply, “great!” with voices of matching enthusiasm and glee. 

Beca can’t believe she doesn’t feel out of place when she’s pretty much Batman in a group full of Teletubbies. 

“That’s good. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted.” 

Beca wants to frown because it’s been like 5 _minutes_. Of course, Chloe can’t organize and talk to everyone in that time. 

“Don’t worry about it, we didn’t even notice,” Jesse answers. 

“Yeah, we were just getting to know each other and talking about Stranger Things,” Emily explains. 

Right, that’s what they were talking about. Jesse’s been trying to get her to watch it for forever. 

"Oh, I love Stranger Things!” Of course, Chloe does. Beca can’t help but smile a little at how she lights up when she says it. “I’m almost done with Season 2. Don’t spoil me.” She winks. _Actually_ winks. 

She almost wants to knock Jesse over for looking in love before she clears her own throat and steers the conversation somewhere else. 

“So, what did you wanna talk to us about?” Beca Mitchell: professional bitch, always down to business. 

“Oh right! Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you guys didn’t feel left out or anything and tell you the basic thingy-ma-jig for the play.” 

It’s here where Emily moves a seat down and pats what was once her place so Chloe doesn’t have to stand a foot from Beca’s face and explain what this whole plot thing might be. Chloe sits, thanks Emily, and begins explaining. 

She gives the overall plot, lists some key important moments, and tells them they should have a complete script before this semester is over. (“Or earlier, fingers crossed.”) And that hopefully they can spend the semester after Winter Break knocking out the choreography and music so they’ll be ready to put on a show before graduation. 

Benji is over the moon about this idea and his eyes are as wide as saucers. Beca can tell he wants to play P.T. Barnum from how his eyes widen even more every time Chloe mentions his name, but knows it’s the seniors’ time to shine. 

(Benji loves to sing. She hears him sometimes when Jesse is driving them home. He sounds good. Like actually. And he sounds good with other people too. Like Jesse. And her when she feels like she can contribute a little something to the song they’re singing. Usually both boys seem to have the whole song covered though, even when there’s a girl part. Jesse can surprisingly go very high. Many have-your-balls-dropped jokes are shared when this happens.) 

“I’m so happy you guys seem to be excited over it. It’s such a relief, honestly. Some people aren’t taking it too well.” 

By ‘some people’, Chloe probably means Bumper and the three dudes who always agree with what he has to say. His ‘hypemen’ as she’s heard him refer to them on occasion. 

“It’s a great idea, Chlo.” 

The nickname slips without thought. 

Then Chloe’s looking at her like she’s surprised and there’s this softness in her eyes that Beca can’t really get into or she’ll shiver. 

“I, um—yeah, anyway, I was thinking it’ll take some time before the script is done but I can give you general ideas or themes for the songs that we want to have and maybe you guys can work ahead of time to create something for it.” 

She’s taking a little notepad out from behind her back pocket. ‘Diverse’ and its many forms are thrown out more than once. Circus. Show. Greatest. Differences. Celebration. Acceptance of differences. Celebration of differences. Fighting despite differences. ‘Differences’ and ‘diversity’ get used a lot. Weirdly enough, ‘circus’ was only used a couple of times for a play that’s supposed to be about the circus and show business. 

“That’s great, Chloe. I think we can definitely work up something with that.” 

Benji’s a gift. 

“That’s awesome. You guys are incredible.” 

She makes it sound like they’ve actually done something when they haven’t. They’ve literally just been sitting and talking. But Chloe’s looking at them like they’ve overcome so much and she’s proud of each and every single one of them. Emily’s totally for it with her brown eyes that fill with so much appreciation. 

Jesse suggests they make their own circle on the floor like the seniors have done because talking in the seats is kind of hard with how they have to twist their body all of the time. They all move to do that. Beca is deterred by Chloe. Not actually, but the redhead’s not making a move to go anywhere and looking at her like she wants to say something. 

"What’s up?” Beca decides to bite. 

Before Chloe can speak, the two of them are taking a step back to make a space for Emily to walk through on the steps. Emily mouths an apology as she passes by them. Chloe makes a face as if saying ‘oh hush’ and shakes her head fondly at the girl who – a little clumsily (“I’m fine, I’m fine”) – makes her way down the two steps and joins Jesse and Benji where they’ve huddled on the floor. 

“I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for being here… to help.” She corrects and clarifies herself like she meant to say that but Beca has a feeling the first part rings more true.The way she says it sounds so… Beca can’t describe it. But it’s soft in a way that Beca can’t be an asshole in reply. 

“Um, yeah, no problem...” 

She feels heat in her cheeks at the way Chloe is looking at her. She becomes keenly aware they’ve managed to stand much closer to each other after they’ve parted ways to let Emily through. Beca has the urge to create a little distance between them, for her sake. (But she can’t, because that’d be weird, and it’s gonna make Chloe feel like shit again and Beca’s not about to do that for a second time today on purpose.) 

“Kind of have to be,” she jokes, even if it’s not actually one – she does sort of have to be here. 

So that can’t-be-an-asshole thing lasted all of two seconds but who was she if she didn’t deflect? Chloe doesn’t seem to mind though because she’s nodding and smiling. 

“You know, if I knew all it took was a teacher ordering you, for you to be around me, I would have done this a long time ago.” 

“I love being in places against my will, so…” 

Chloe chuckles. 

What was this? What were they? Children? 

“Anyway, I should get to…” 

“Right, yeah.” 

“Yeah.” 

Beca’s off the step before Chloe. She notices that Chloe stands there and watches her settle into the little circle with Jesse, Benji, and Emily before descending herself and going off to the Seniors 

* * *

"So what was that today?” 

"What was what?” 

“You and Chloe.” 

God, did Jesse _ever_ just mind his own business? 

“Nothing. God, why are you so weird?” 

“What? I’m not being weird,” he argues. “You guys were like talking. But like, it was a _moment_.” 

Beca scrunches up her face like she doesn’t know what that means. 

You guys were talking, and it seemed… I don’t know, _intimate_." 

"You’re crazy. We spoke for like 2 seconds.” 

“Yeah, 2 seconds of intimate.” 

Beca huffs and rolls her eyes, leaning her head against the window of his car. 

They dropped Benji off a bit ago, so now it was just them… sadly. 

“C’mon, you know I know what I’m talking about. What is it with you and Chloe? I didn’t even know you guys knew each other.” 

Beca lifts her head off the window then and looks at Jesse with a confused frown. 

“Benji told me you guys sort of used to know each other,” Jesse admits, oddly sheepish about it. When is he sheepish about anything? He chooses to be sheepish over _that_? 

Benji has lived in this town for longer than Beca she thinks. Her parents— _She_ moved here when she was like five. Benji was apparently born and raised here. Plus, considering how all of the kids who attend Barden High were in the same elementary school at one point, she can’t say she’s too surprised. 

“So?” A+ job at deflecting, Beca. 

“Soooo. Like, how come you never told me about that? Her?” 

He’s looking between the road and her so frequently she’s a little worried for him. She figures she might as well tell him than get into a car crash because it’s hard to stop Jesse when he’s like, too curious for his own good. Beca falls back into her seat. 

“It’s nothing. We used to be friends when we were kids. Then we weren’t. That’s all.” 

“That’s it? You act like you don’t know her at all when we’re at school.” 

“Yeah, I knew Charlie Portman when I was in grade school _too_ , Jesse. You don’t see _me_ rattling off about how he peed his pants in the 5th _grade_.” 

Jesse scoffs. She knows she made a point but he still doesn’t completely believe her. 

“How did you guys stop being friends?” 

“Why do you _care_?” 

“Why do _you_ care?” He throws her own words back at her. “If you didn’t care, like you claim you do—or don’t, whatever—then it should be cake to talk about it. But you’re fighting it. Getting defensive. Why?” 

God, she hates Jesse sometimes. 

Beca scoffs, shaking her head. Unbelievable. God. 

“I _don’t_ care, I just—” She squares her jaw to settle her frustration. “It’s forever ago, it doesn’t matter. And you keep bringing it up like it’s still important to me.” 

“If it wasn’t still important to you, why would fight it—” 

“We just grew apart!” Beca finally yells. 

Jesse goes quiet. 

“We grew apart, and that’s it. Done. Nothing of it anymore.” She lets out a deep exhale. 

Jesse seems to take that for an answer. The rest of the ride is silent. Jesse focuses on his driving, and Beca turns away from him and leans against the window for the rest of the drive. 

She figures he concocts his own story in his head. Like how Chloe and Beca are really different people and that’s why they grew apart. Because Chloe is popular and _pretty_ and **nice** , and Beca is… well, none of those things. Though, knowing Jesse, he would argue that Beca’s _beautiful_. But that’s because he’s a sap and supportive. He doesn’t know any better. 

It’s probably the story a lot of who knew them back then make up in their heads. “They finally grew up enough to realize how different they both were,” they say. “That Beale girl is way too pretty to be hanging out with that scrappy one.” Okay, they don’t say that – Beca has no idea what they say – but that’s what she imagines they say. Jesse comes to a stop in front of her home. She gives him a curt ‘thanks’, snatches her bag from where its resting at her feet, and makes her way out of the car and around it without another word. Jesse’s car still lingers for a moment instead of driving off once she’s out. Because Jesse’s fucking nice. He’s probably watching Beca walk to her door all sad and shit. God, she hates how considerate he is sometimes. 

She only manages to unlock her door when Jesse has already driven off. She hates this new fucking keyhole her dad had installed because he thought it fit the door better. He was always doing things like that: making changes where they didn’t really need to be. Not to mention picking up the weirdest hobbies to pass the time. 

“I’m home,” she announces, not loud enough to really reach parts of the house anyone can catch but her dad’s learned to keep his ear out for it. 

But before he can say something to her, she’s bounding up the steps and retreating to her room with a slam of her door. 

From behind her shut door, she can imagine her father’s pressed lips – Sad? Disappointed? – that he hadn’t gotten a word in with his daughter. Whatever. She’ll see him for dinner anyway. Him and _her_. 

She shakes the thought away and kicks her shoes off, making her way towards her desk area that she has set up with her mixing gear. She’s loading up the program and pulling up a track when her phone buzzes beside her on the desk. 

**Jesse:** I’m sorry  
**Jesse:** Didn’t meant to upset you  
**Jesse:** Sad puppy emoji, sad puppy emoji, rain, umbrella, cry emoji, broken heart emoji 

There is no sad puppy emoji. Jesse just likes to put the sad emoji and puppy emoji right beside each other and hopes Beca gets it. (She did after a while.) But what makes her smile is that he didn’t put the emojis but rather write them out. She’s best friends with a fucking dork. 

**Beca:** it’s whatever  
**Beca:** you’re forgiven  
**Beca:** nerd  
**Beca:** go play that video game thing you and benji are obsessed over  
**Jesse:** League of Legends isn’t just a “video game thing”  
**Jesse:** It’s a testament to teamwork!  
**Jesse:** And skill!  
**Beca:** whatever  
**Beca:** dork 

He sends her the tongue-sticking-out emoji. She smirks at it before she goes back to what she was doing. She’s thinking of circuses, a showman – she’s not sure who, but she pictures someone strong under there instead of creepy, someone actually cool like Hugh Jackman or something – and tries to come up with a beat. She realizes original work is so much harder than making mash-ups after fifteen minutes and scraps the attempt all together. Embarrassing. 

She begins to look through her files to find a song to mix with New Rules by Dua Lipa. She’s loading up Into You by Ariana Grande when her phone buzzes again. It’s probably fucking Jesse sending her another screenshot of his ‘wins’ to justify how undorky the game he’s playing is. She could ignore it, but she isn’t in the zone of mixing yet and feels unbothered enough to make fun of him a little more. 

When she picks up her phone and presses the ‘home’ button to see the screen, she blinks at the name she comes to find there. 

**Chloe.**


	2. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca thinks it's weird that Chloe wants to have lunch with her on a Saturday.

**Unknown:** Hey! It’s Chloe :)  
**Unknown:** I hope you don’t mind me texting, I got your number from Jesse

Now she knows what Jesse was doing standing around Chloe when she was nagging at him to ‘freaking go already, dude’. What? She doesn’t like spending unnecessary time at school. And this play thing already took an hour of her time.

Beca stares at the notifications, wondering if she should open the chat at all. Honestly, she’s given Chloe a hard enough time today already, and she doesn’t want to make things even more awkward between them if they’re going to have to do this for a whole school year.

 _stalker much?_

Nope.

_wow jesse’s a fuckin TRAITOR_

Definite nope.

 **Beca:** hi  
**Unknown:** Hey!!! :) :) :)

She grimaces at the ‘Unknown’ at the top of the screen. She hates it and it makes her feel like she’s willingly talking to a serial killer, so she creates a new contact with this number and assigns it to a ‘Chloe’ real quick before the conversation continues.

 **Beca:** what did you want to talk about??

She sees the three dots come and go and come and go. She never took Chloe as someone who didn’t know what to say. But eventually there’s a bubble with some words in it from Chloe that gives her an answer.

 **Chloe:** I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch with me tomorrow to discuss music things   
**Beca:** tomorrow’s saturday???  
**Chloe:** Do you fast on Saturdays or something???

She can almost picture the way Chloe’s head tilts to the side and those blue eyes of hers wait inquisitively. Chloe isn’t being cheeky; she literally just hasn’t known Beca in so long that she’s uncertain of her habits now.

 **Beca:** ummm no  
**Beca:** i just meant it’s not like a school day or something  
**Chloe:** We have to be in school to have lunch together? :P

Well, _no_. But like, she’s acting as if they haven’t not been talking to each other since they were 12. It’s been almost 6 years. But the three dots on her side have been blinking for too long so she just gives in, types a reply and hits ‘Send’.

 **Beca:** where were you thinking?

She’s going to regret this _so much_ , she knows it already.

 **Chloe:** You know the café on the way to the trail?  
**Beca:** theo’s?  
**Chloe:** That’s the one! :D  
**Chloe:** I figured we could eat and work. Plus, the music collection there is AMAZEBALLS so hopefully it’ll be great inspiration for us.

Beca doesn’t know what to feel about it – she also doesn’t know how she feels about Chloe using the word ‘amazeballs’ unironically – but she knows it’ll just be socially inept to back out now. She’s awkward, and at times terrible at this, but she’s not completely unknowledgeable about social etiquette.

 **Beca:** okay

That’s good, right?

 **Chloe:** Great!  
**Chloe:** Is around 11 good for you?

Beca doesn’t like waking up before 10 on weekends. But she also doesn’t like being late for things. If she has to be there “around 11” (which probably means 11), then that means she has to wake up at around 9:30 to get ready, get dressed, and have adequate travel time.

She has no idea what brings her to type ‘sure’ as a reply.

 **Chloe:** Great!!!  
**Chloe:** Jessica, Ashley, and I are going to be working on the story all night tonight so hopefully I’ll have a solid storyboard for you to work some music into by tomorrow :D

Jesus, it was a Friday night. Didn’t popular chicks have better things to do? Like parties or whatever. Then again, Chloe seemed to really want to do a good job at this. She was the type of person that hated to disappoint. (Unlike Beca who gladly gave her father a splash of it in his coffee every single day.)

 **Beca:** cool  
**Beca:** see you tomorrow then?  
**Chloe:** Tomorrow! :D  
**Chloe:** Have a good evening, Beca!!

Beca stares at the last word of that sentence longer than she’d cared to admit. It seems out of place for Chloe to be using ‘Beca’. But she’s done it without issue since Beca corrected her. Like, obviously, she should because it’s important to respect people’s wishes, but like… It felt off for some reason. 

Just because she feels a little bad, and maybe has some discomfort about ending text conversations this way, Beca sends Chloe the peace sign emoji before putting her phone down. It buzzes again not too long after and Beca peeks at her phone to see 3 blushing smiley face emojis.

* * *

She’s right in the middle of building up to a really good breakdown when she feels it – two taps on her shoulder. She hates when people interrupt her in the middle of mixing, but she’s figured her dad has called for her several times before resorting to this and she just didn’t hear because of the headphones. She takes them off.

“Becs, dinner.”

Her father is standing behind her, eyes looking between the screen and her. She knows he wants to ask. She knows he doesn’t understand it but he’s trying to. She also knows he just doesn’t know how to broach it in a way that won’t make Beca go on the offensive again. She thinks he’s just as tired of it as she is – the whole having to be a bitch when he’s trying to reach out. She can’t help it. She doesn’t know why she can’t just have a decent conversation with her dad that doesn’t end tense or in a fight.

“I’ll meet you downstairs,” she says.

He nods, something hopeful is present in his smile, and he leaves her to her business. He’s learned to do that now.

* * *

She’s trained herself to do this: to _not_ roll her eyes when she sees Sheila on her way to the dinner table. So far, she’s only failed once this week. And it wasn’t even an obvious failure, she didn’t even notice she was doing it till her dad shot her this sort of chiding look from where he’s seated at the head of the table.

It’s an 6-seat table. Her father takes the head. Sheila takes the seat to the right side of him. And Beca has learned to bring a big book with her to place on the seat directly to her dad’s left, so she can take the next seat down. Petty. She knows. But Sheila’s learned to place her plate one seat down so it all works out doesn’t it?

It’s some lasagna dish today. Beca thinks that’s the only thing Sheila knows how to make on Fridays: some variation of pasta. She takes a small slice for herself and wordlessly begins to eat. She hopes this isn’t one of those nights her father tries to start conversation again.

But who is she kidding? This is John Mitchell she’s talking about. Resident trier, friendly dude, and the English department’s greatest gift. She isn’t looking forward to senior year Lit because of it.

“So, Becs, Sheils and I were just talking about how nice we think it is that you’re going to be helping out the Seniors for their final project this year.”

Beca only looks up.

“Becs is going to be helping with music,” her dad tells his new wife.

Not her mom, not her _step_ mom. **His** new wife.

“Oh, I think that’s lovely, Beca. I heard something about how they were going to it all from scratch. Create and run it all by themselves?”

Oh, you _heard_ did you? So like, my dad _told you_ , so you’d have something to bring up? 

“Yup,” Beca replies, mostly focusing on her food.

There’s a beat of awkwardness that she knows she caused and she doesn’t know if she should feel proud or suffer along with them because it _is_ pretty awkward. Her dad probably senses school things is the last thing she wants to talk about so he tries again – something different this time.

“Anyway, Becs, Aunt Pam is flying in tomorrow from Utah and we’re going to pick her up from the airport.” He doesn’t suggest. He knows if he suggests Beca will back out and say she’ll just welcome her when they inevitably have dinner together or something. “She’s bringing pictures of Cousin Landon’s new baby, and—”

This is where she tunes out. First of all, she doesn’t understand why Aunt Pam needs to bring physical pictures when they all know there’s going to be pictures of the thing on Facebook. Also, everyone’s _seen_ a baby. It looks like every other baby in the world. It’s small, and swollen, and _bald_.

“So we’re setting the alarm for 8, so we all have enough time to get ready and drive down there before she arrives… Bec? Beca?”

She snaps out of her weird train of thought about babies. “Oh, um. Yeah. But um…” She can sense her father’s patience thin at her ‘but’. “I can’t tomorrow.”

“And why’s that?” 

She’s testing his patience. She better have something good.

“I have a meeting. Lunch. With Chloe.”

Her father lightens up at that. “Chloe? Beale?”

Beca’s lips are in a tight line. “Yup.”

“ _Oh._ ” Game, set, match. She knows he’s for that. “Oh, well… Well, that’s okay, I guess…” She can tell he’s not completely sold on it, but he’s lightening up to the idea because of Chloe.

“Yeah, we’re going to talk about the play and things.” 

Throw in some school and she’s won for sure.

“Oh. Well, in that case, we can’t have you missing this meeting can we?” 

Sold. He’s smiling, poking into his food contently, taking a bite. 

“Where’s this happening?” It sounds a little bit like the beginning of an interrogation but she also knows she’ll have to give him some details anyway – so, might as well.

“The coffee shop near the trails? Theo’s.”

“Ah. Lovely place. We’ve had coffee there once.” He gestures to Sheila.

That kind of sours Beca’s mood about it but she doesn’t let it show, she just nods.

“Anyway, I’ll just see you guys when you get back or something. Probably gonna have Aunt Pam over for dinner, right?”

“That’s correct.”

“I’m cooking pot pie,” Sheila shares.

“Aunt Pam. Loves her pie.” Beca can’t believe how sardonic she sounds. Her dad can’t seem to either with the look he throws at her.

“I’m sure it’ll be great,” she says after, sounding somewhat genuine. She doesn’t want to get in hot water now that she’s got her out.

Her dad is satisfied. Sheila looks like she’s not completely downtrodden, so she guesses that’s a win for all of them.

“Anyway, I’m gonna go up now. I’ve got homework and things.” Lie. She just wants to be out here. 

She’s up before they can say anymore, but she catches their words as she walks away.

“Okay, goodnight, honey—” Sheila.

“Alright, Becs, I—”

One of these days, she’s going to regret how she never lets her dad really finish what he’s going to say before she shuts the door on him. 

But whatever, that’s not today.

* * *

When she gets to her room, she turns on her speakers and plays a song to drown out her thoughts. ‘Drew Barrymore’ by SZA is her selection for the evening. She stands by the speakers and absorbs the song for a second before she walks over to her desk to finish that mix she started. With her headphones around her neck, she reaches for her phone to see if anyone’s texted her while she was down. She doubts it, but she does it anyway. It’s usually Jesse. It’s only ever Jesse. And some social media notifications of a few people liking her tweets and linked mixes.

Jesse sends her a screenshot of one of his wins that’s apparently supposed to impressive to her.

A couple of randos and ‘staciexo’ likes her latest linked mix.

She has a Snapchat from Cynthia Rose – one of the seniors today that actually bothered to talk to her, Jesse, and everyone besides Chloe. 

She came around the time she, Benji, and everyone were messing around with Snapchat filters because Jesse claimed he did a really good impression of Colonel Sanders with one of the filters. Cynthia Rose makes a comment about how ‘you all wild’ before sitting with them for a bit, even learning their names, and saying she thinks it’s cool how they’re helping out.

The snap is a clip of her grooving to the chorus of this song Beca suggested she listen to when they got to talking about Spotify. ‘Sally’ by Thundamentals. The caption reads _: shit’s lit (fire emoji) (fire emoji) (fire emoji) you were right, Mitchell _.__

She smiles to herself before sending a thumbs-up in their chat.

She sends a middle-finger emoji to her text with Jesse and puts her phone down.

She’ll finish this mix and probably try to tackle whatever homework she _actually_ had to do this week. She figures owes it to all the people she’s using that excuse on.

* * *

She wakes up on her bed with her bio book on her chest at 10:02 in the morning.

“Shit!” She shoots up from her bed when she realizes what the time is.

She didn’t set an alarm, and now she’s paying for her mistakes, rushing around her room like a freaking maniac.

By the time she’s out of her shower, it’s 10:15. She still has to do her make-up so she decides her clothes will take the brunt end of the deal. Any pair of semi-clean jeans she can find, any shirt, and the first thing her hands touch from her closet to go over it. The only time she slows down throughout her getting ready is when she has to do her eye-liner. When that’s done, all could break loose because she was out the door and running out to her Lyft. It’s 10:35. She’s definitely going to be late.

Fuck.

* * *

She arrives outside of Theo’s at around 11:08. She was contemplating texting Chloe she was running late but for some reason, she fought herself on it and decided running in there somewhat breathless was a better idea. Her argument was that ‘around 11’ meant any time before or after it, even if she hates that argument and hardly ever uses it herself. 

She spots Chloe sitting by one of the shelves. She’s on her phone, the light from the shop’s large window does wonders for her hair. She’s wearing this sort of plaid pea coat over a white shirt, and she looks great, like she had a team of stylists here a second ago making sure her hair was set in the right place before she looks up to notice Beca and flash a smile.

Beca forces lips into a tight line – a sort of smile – and waves a little before making her way towards the redhead. She probably looks like a train wreck. These pants are like two days old but at least these are one of the ones that fit her so she didn’t have to cuff them. Black tank top was fine, no evident stains from Beca’s observation. She wears a yellow and black flannel over it that Sheila got her to get in her good graces a while back. (“It’s black and yellow. Like that popular song we hear that Jesse boy and you dance to all the time”.) She rolls her eyes at the memory. First of all, she hates that song. Jesse _loves_ it and bothered her with it endlessly. They jammed to it ironically, but she guesses it’s like the term ‘yas’ where you say it ironically until you don’t. 

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.” Beca takes the seat across Chloe.

“Oh, it’s no worries. You’re kind of right on time.”

Beca looks at her for a second because really? She’s like 10 minutes late. But Chloe’s always been that kind of person that doesn’t want to make you feel bad over anything, so she understands.

“Been here long?” Beca decides to ask as she lifts the strap of her bag over her head and hangs it behind her chair.

“Not really. Just a few minutes actually. So you have nothing to worry about,” she reassures with a smile, watching Beca get settled.

“Cool. Anyway…” She finally _breathes _, shoulders rising before drooping down. “What’s up?”__

Chloe smiles at her then like, giggles. Beca doesn’t understand it but the whole action in of itself doesn’t seem mean-spirited, so she doesn’t feel too weird about it. Chloe’s just the kind of person who giggles.

“Do you want some water?” Chloe’s inching the glass of water with a slice of lemon in it towards her when she says it.

“Uhhh,” Beca starts.

“You’re sweating, Beca.”

Beca’s hand follows where Chloe seems to look at on her face, and when she feels moisture there, she rolls her eyes and wipes at it with the sleeve of her shirt.

“Drink,” Chloe encourages, moving the glass all the way in front of her. “I’ll order another one.”

Beca drinks without any more protest while Chloe calls over a waitress. And then a menu is being passed to her by Chloe.

“Hungry?” She asks, holding it out for Beca to take. 

__She stops sucking on the straw and moves the drink before she takes the thin binder from Chloe. “Thanks.” She opens it up to read just as she hears the opening chords of Kehlani’s ‘Honey’. She loves this song._ _

__“I love this song,” Chloe comments out loud the same time she thinks it._ _

__She and Beca smile at each other for a second before Beca breaks the gaze and focuses her attention on the offered dishes again._ _

__Honestly, she doesn’t know what to get. She doesn’t eat breakfast. Even if this technically doesn’t even constitute as breakfast. She woke up like an hour ago, so this is basically breakfast for her. Though, Chloe doesn’t need to know that._ _

__“Are you ready to order?” The waitress soon returns to ask them._ _

__Beca still doesn’t know, so she lets Chloe go first. She orders a salmon eggs benedict and a latte. Is this one of those places that does breakfast all day? Beca’s never eaten here before. Either way, she orders something called the ‘French Chicken Sandwich’ and hopes it doesn’t come raw. She knows no one can rightfully sell anyone raw chicken, but she also saw that Mr. Bean movie with Jesse where he ordered a steak and it was just raw beef with like an egg in the middle. She just hoped she wasn’t about to get some variation of that. It’s in a sandwich, so it can’t be raw, right?_ _

__Chloe smiles at her when the waitress leaves with their orders. Beca sips on the water again just to have something to do. And if Chloe notices that she chews on the straw a bit, she doesn’t comment on it but instead asks Beca how her morning was._ _

__“Not too shabby,” Beca replies a little cheekily, still nibbling on the straw. “You?”_ _

__She can’t imagine any of Chloe’s mornings ever being bad. She just seems like the kind of person to be like ‘fuck you, I’m making this morning my bitch’ even if everything was going wrong. She’s been making the best out of bad situations since she was five, and she and Beca met on the courtyard of their school._ _

__“A little rough, but nothing a morning jog couldn’t fix.”_ _

__“Morning _jog_? Jesus.” She shrugs her shoulder a little. “Was it tough because of that ‘all nighter’ thing you were talking about pulling last night?”_ _

__Chloe blinks like she’s kind of glad Beca remembered that._ _

__“Yeah, actually. We were up till like _two _, but I’m really proud of what we came up with. If we’re lucky, we may have a finalized script within _two_ months. Or at least before midterms. It’s amazing what can happen when you have a group of really passionate people working together.”___ _

____“That’s great.”_ _ _ _

____She doesn’t mean for it to come out so forced, but she has a little trouble sounding supportive. She hardly ever has anything to be supportive about. Most of Jesse’s were bad ideas, and Benji’s magic tricks were just… They were hard to be convincingly proud of._ _ _ _

It also may have something to do with the fact that Beca remembers they haven’t spoken to each other in years until yesterday. And yesterday, they spoke not only in person, but also through text. Chloe doesn’t really miss a beat. Or an opportunity. 

In the background, she can hear John Splithoff croon about not worrying about single thing and just listening to him sing. Beca’s foot mindlessly taps to it.

“Bec— Beca,” Chloe corrects herself, pressing her lips together before continuing. Her hand is on the table like she meant to put it over Beca’s but knows she shouldn’t so instead holds the phantom hand in the space between them. “I know this is a little… weird.”

Beca’s eyebrows just raise a bit at that, letting Chloe continue on. 

____“But it doesn’t have to be.” Chloe smiles a little sheepishly then. “I know we knew each other once upon a time ago, and you mentioned you don’t like to think of that now, so it’s fine.” She stretches her smile a little wider, her eyes soften. “We can just… start new.” Her teeth come to bite at her lower lip._ _ _ _

____Beca is staring before she makes herself aware that she _shouldn’t_ be doing that, and looks away, to Chloe’s eyes, which may have been another new mistake all together. They’re… crazy blue. And Beca doesn’t know what to do with herself when she looks into them, so she moves her eyes to something else like the waitress walking behind Chloe before Chloe herself saves her from any more unnecessary gazing._ _ _ _

____“So,” she extends her hand. “I’m Chloe. Barden High senior, head of the Senior’s final project, Public Relations Officer for the Student Council, member of the cheer team, and big fan of puppies. All animals, really.”_ _ _ _

It’s silly. Incredibly so, but the way Chloe’s looking at her right now… She looks like the most quirky, cheery person on the planet and it’s kind of hard to say ‘no’ to.

“Beca.” Beca clasps her hand against Chloe’s. She fights the way heat burns at her cheeks at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. “Junior. Never headed any project, would _die_ before I participate in Student Council or _any_ team.” She smirks. “Puppies are pretty okay though.” Wink.

____Chloe seems to be really happy with that. She grins and shakes their hands once. She doesn’t make the first move to let go though, so Beca does that for them. Chloe’s too busy like, staring at her like she’s impressed or happy or something. It’s so weird. She does one thing. Sheesh…_ _ _ _

“Anyway, Chloe, senior from Barden High, what’s going on with this lunch thing? Ever gonna tell me what you stayed up till 2 for or is it a mystery I have to work out of ya?”

“Well, Beca, who thinks puppies are okay though…”

____Beca smiles, and Chloe tells her all about what she worked on with Jessica and Ashley last night. Apparently, Jessica is really passionate about literature and writing. She wants to be an author when she ‘grows up’. Beca gets a lot of unnecessary exposition after this, which she doesn’t necessarily mind – Chloe is really excited as she talks about it so Beca lets her and just listens._ _ _ _

____“So this summer, we were going around town and came across this cool book store. There was this one really cute book on circuses that I got for my little cousin, and Jessica brought up that she wonders who came up with the idea of the circus, and basically we Google Search’d the crap out of its history and ended up finding out a _lot_ about P.T. Barnum.” _ _ _ _

There’s a couple of mentions about how it’s dark, and how he’s horrible, but while reading his biography, Chloe tells her Jessica said there could be a story in that.

“It was like her Lin Manuel Miranda moment,” Chloe tells her. “Like how he was reading the biography of Alexander Hamilton on vacation and was like, hey! This could totally be something! It was like _that_ for Jessica.” 

She tells her obviously there was a _lot_ of change in what _actually_ happened in Jessica’s version. But Jessica’s no stranger to fanfiction and “righting where TV shows went wrong”. At this, Beca presses her lips and is reminded of a conversation she and Jesse had once. (“Did you know that 50 Shades of Grey was originally fanfiction for Twilight? And she wrote it on her phone!”) 

Anyway, Chloe shares that Jessica went on a writing binge after that and produced two chapters of a nicer retelling. Chloe chuckles when she mentions the very first page of Jessica’s work is a note that says: ‘I know P.T. Barnum is a douche.’ Beca smiles at that too. 

Chloe tells her she read those two chapters and fell in _love_ , feeling magic and adoration in Jessica’s writing. She managed to completely change the darkness of the story and make it something that cheers on the underdog and inspires dreams. The way she talks about it almost had Beca curious to read it… and she _hates_ reading.

Anyway, Chloe goes on to share that Jessica soon abandoned the project after a week’s worth of hype on it. But she does tell Chloe in passing what’s basically going to happen in the story after the redhead bugs her about it in a string of late night texts. Chloe notes would have wanted more but she guesses “after starting the circus and rising up, he gets hype on how big he is, it falls apart, but he does the right thing in the end” has to be enough.

“I actually still have the two chapters. They’re printed out. I still revisit it sometimes. It’s nice to read before bed. It makes me feel like important things are about to happen. Good stories should do that don’t you think?”

Beca nods. She doesn’t feel that way about stories but she feels that way about music sometimes. 

Chloe manages to get to what actually happened last night after this. She tells her Ashley, who is Jessica’s best friend, also happens to the daughter of a writer for TV who has experience with plays. So with some tips from him, they’ve already started drafting the script and finished the first couple of pages of dialogue. (“It was basically just translating Jessica’s first chapter into lines and sides but we’re really proud of ourselves. We added some other extra stuff too just for kicks.”) 

It’s a lot faster than writing a book, and Chloe says she’s just glad she finally got the whole story out of Jessica in more detail. (They have a storyboard with note cards on it of all the points that are supposed to happen. “Subject to change though,” Chloe notes. “But it’s most of what Jessica had in mind.”)

“It was so exciting,” Chloe goes on about it. 

They basically came up with the entire gist of the story last night, which Beca is honestly impressed with. Chloe takes her through each important ‘scene’ that needs to be covered. She mentions where she thinks it’ll be a great idea to have a number. She wants to start it with a number, actually… 

“I know it’ll be a long shot since not everyone’s a singer or a dancer, but a girl can hope, right?” 

The food comes then, and they take a break from talking about it, but Chloe still tells her a bit about she envisions for the play in between bites at the start. Beca is honestly floored with the vision Chloe has for it. It’s incredible – truly – but she also does know Bumper is one of the people she has to work right, right? The dude’s a nightmare. And to her knowledge, has zero dancing experience. 

“It’ll be a rough start, but I’m sure once we start working on it, it’ll be better than we ever imagined,” Chloe notes once they’re finished eating. “I actually… It’s silly, but I’ve kind of been working on a song for it already. Ever since I read the first two chapters that summer…”

Beca watches as Chloe takes something out of the pocket of her jacket – which she removed earlier to hang behind her seat. It’s a hardbound notebook that’s a blue pastel color with a golden emblem of a bear on it and there’s some flower patterns lining the top and bottom of the cover. It’s cute. Very Chloe.

“I’m not a songwriter by any means,” Chloe starts. “But when I finished the second chapter I just felt something you know?” She goes back a couple of pages from where it’s bookmarked. When she finds what she’s looking for, she bites her lip. Her eyes glance up at Beca, who’s watching closely, before she moves the notebook towards her to read.

_Every night I lie in bed_  
_The brightest colors fill my head_  
_A million dreams are keeping me awake_  
_I think of what the world could be_  
_A vision of the one I see_  
_A million dreams is all it's gonna take_  


It’s adorable. Hopeful. Completely Chloe. Beca smiles softly as the loops her handwriting makes across the pages before peeking up to catch a glance of Chloe. She’s already looking at Beca, eyes expectant and hopeful for her reaction.

“It’s… It’s beautiful, Chlo,” Beca promises. 

The smile that Chloe gives her then. She doesn’t think she’ll ever be ready for it. It’s soft and important, and yeah, Beca’s not ready for it. 

“You think so?” 

“Yeah.” 


	3. Roadblock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creating a play is hard.

She’s not prepared for what her life becomes now that the Seniors’ project has officially been initiated. From what Chloe told her on Saturday, this ‘experiment’ was just for the people whose clubs were shut down due to ‘budget cuts’, otherwise known as: the teachers really regretted letting students start their own clubs because there was literally a group of like 30 dudes who just watched Fight Club every week and ‘discussed’ last semester. Did it count as a film appreciation club if you only watched one movie? Needless to say, Jesse left that club after the 2nd week.

The singing groups got cut, some visual arts and gaming club got cut, ‘film appreciation club’ got cut (it was basically the football team trying to get away with doing nothing), and some other clubs that teachers really didn’t care to monitor anymore but were probably equally stupid. The seniors from those clubs were allocated into this project, and the rest who weren’t from that year just had to pick other clubs to dedicate their time to.

She, Jesse, Benji, and Emily sit a couple of rows above the seniors on the right side of the auditorium rather than the left this time – at Chloe and Jessica’s suggestion when they see that the lot of them were naturally migrating to the left to be hidden (or god forbid, forgotten).

They’re all sitting in the middle a couple of rows up. It takes like 15 minutes for everyone to arrive and settle down. It’s a hassle, and Beca wonders how Chloe does it with a smile on her face. Like always, it’s Aubrey who gets everyone to ram their asses on to the seats. Beca snickers every single time. (But also jumps every time Aubrey yells and she’s not ready for it.)

Chloe and Jessica announce they’re happy to share that they’ve finished the first couple of pages of the script over the weekend, and that they have parts to assign and give out to everyone.

This unlocks something of chaos.

First, Bumper claims he should be the lead because no one is a greater showman than he is.

Chloe frowns a little like she doubts that but it’s good-natured. Jessica isn’t even hiding how dumb that fucking sounds with the look on her face.

Chloe shares that P.T. Barnum will have to be auditioned for, but she has an idea of who she wants some other roles to be filled by:

Charity Barnum, P.T.’s old lady, is played by Aubrey. 

Phillip Carlyle – a character of Jessica and Chloe’s creation because “who doesn’t love a good love story?” – is offered to some weirdly attractive dude named Luke that Beca can’t believe she’s never noticed before.

Fat Amy – the Australian exchange student who genuinely wants the word ‘fat’ to be a prefix to her name so that “skinny bitches like you don’t do it behind my back” – says it’ll only make sense if she plays the Bearded Lady because she was Santa Claus at a mall in Sydney every Christmas for three years before she took the exchanged program and moved to America. 

Chloe has a look on her face like she’s contemplating that decision.

In the end, everyone sort of has a role, and the rest are okay with supporting by doing props and such.

Most of the dudebros from ‘film appreciation club’ prefer to do “background shit anyway,” as some dude named Tom lets be known. They can get high off testosterone building shit in the work shop with Mr. Peters. It’s probably better off that way. 

The few people who don’t get assigned an acting role or supporting one are offered to work with Benji on visual arts and such. Their first assignment is to draw up some costume and set ideas for the play. They all go off to the computer room to fuck around on Photoshop or whatever drawing program, and Jesse deflates a little when he’s gone. Beca pats him on the shoulder before taking her hand back and returning her attention to Chloe.

Now that they’ve got the roles cast (most of them anyway), Chloe thinks it’s best to see if they can all actually act… and _sing_... and **dance**. Beca makes a little ‘yikes’ face at that because, yeah, while they may have seemed to be fitting for the part, if they couldn’t do what they had to… what was the point, really?

What happens next is a shit show. Beca means that as literally as it possibly can get without actual fecal matter being involved.

Chloe asks them if they can match pitch. It’s… well, it’s something. Most of the ones cast as actors can sing though, mostly the girls because they were part of Chloe’s singing group that was disbanded due to lack of funding. The Bellas or something Beca thinks they were called. She saw them perform during last year’s Winter Special. And they weren’t half bad. 

When Chloe asks if they can dance, it’s… a fucking train wreck. They’re all lined up on the stage, and Chloe goes down the line ask them to show their moves. If it’s not stupid or awkward looking, it’s extremely sexual (looking at you, Stacie Conrad). Chloe winces. Aubrey touches her stomach like she’s trying to hold something back.

Thankfully, Chloe gives them each a sheet of paper and asks them to pair off to practice the scene for a performance of it 20 minutes from now. “Memorized,” she tells them. Meaning: no paper while you’re on stage. Aubrey makes that really clear to Fat Amy, who suspiciously seems to be trying to hide her script in her boobs and read it at the same time.

It’s only then that she notices Emily has been really quiet the entire time, and she looks at her to find that it’s because she’s intensely writing into this notebook she rests on the arm of the seat.

“Whatcha doin’ there, Em?”

Emily looks up then. At first, she looks around like she’s in trouble but then calms when she notices it’s just Beca. Beca has a feeling Emily tends to do this in class and gets called out for it.

“I’m writing music,” she reveals. 

Beca’s frowns a little when Emily seems a little winded. She knows she’s just sitting down, right? Like, she doesn’t have to use her whole body to write. Just her hands.

“Chloe and I got to texting over the weekend and sent each other some lyrics and voice clips and I’ve just been really into it,” Emily admits. “I was so into it I had to do my homework on the car ride to school.” Emily’s face flushes like she’s embarrassed about that. Beca feels a little bad for her. If she only knew Beca’s been doing that since before she was born. (Okay, Emily is only a year younger than her, but still.)

“Can I see what you’ve got?”

“Yeah, totally—” She hands the notebook to Beca.

She can tell Emily writes in it a lot from how the corners of the cover feel worn. And the pages aren’t flat. Like they’re constantly revisited or marked. Sentences run down the lines of the page. Some of them with lines right through them, some of them completely scratched out with black ink like they’re an abomination to the lyrics in the book. Beca feels a little bad for them. And then also worried for Emily because she’s just looking at the scratching out, but she can tell it was done madly and out of much stress. She focuses on the approved part that Emily directs her to:

_So tell me do you want to go?_  
_Where it's covered in all the colored lights_  
_Where the runaways are running the night_  
_Impossible comes true, it's taking over you_  
_Oh, this is the greatest show_  
_We light it up, we won't come down_  
_And the sun can't stop us now_  
_Watching it come true, it's taking over you_  
_Oh, this is the greatest show!!!_

“It’s for the opening number,” Emily is quick to tell her when Beca has been reading through it and hasn’t made a comment yet.

“How does it go?”

Emily blinks, like she can’t believe Beca just asked her that.

“Um, well—”

“Dude, this script is amazing,” Jesse saves her. Apparently, Jessica gave him a copy of what she and Ashley have been working on when they ran into each other at the grocery store on Sunday and Jesse told them he was a total movie buff and loves films.

“It’s like 4 pages,” Beca lamely replies, paying more attention to Emily’s notebook.

“Yeah, but like, it’s so heartfelt.” She thinks she hears Jesse sniff. He better not be fucking crying. “The only thing that takes me out of it is the brackets that say ‘insert song number here’ but other than that, it’s really something so far.”

Beca finally looks over at him and he’s staring at the stapled pages like they’re a gift. She makes fun of Jesse a lot but she can appreciate that look. It’s the look she knows she’s had on her face when she’s worked on something she’s really proud of or moved by.

“Hey, guys!” Chloe’s voice has Beca turning away to look at the face the voice belongs to.

“Liking the script, Jess?” Jess? Jesse and Jessica are close enough now that she calls him ‘Jess’?

Jesse does a paraphrased version of what he just told Beca and soon enough, he’s leaving his seat to go down to the table near the stage that has Jessica’s laptop open to work on the script with her. Chloe smiles at them as they walk away before bringing her attention back to Beca and Emily.

“So, my musical geniuses, what have you guys got so far?”

Well, first off, Beca has jack shit. Honestly, now that she sees what everyone’s been up to, she knows for a fact that she’s the only one who hasn’t really contributed to her role which makes her feel terrible.

“Em! Do you think I can hear that chunk of verse you told me you finished today? I’m pretty sure I can have Aubrey or Ashley put notes to it and stuff once we hear how it’s supposed to go.”

Emily is nodding. She looks nervous, but then she stands up, “yeah, yeah, totally. Right here. Right now. I’m gonna… I’m gonna give you a sample.”

Chloe smiles and nods, but her eyes are squinting like she’s kind of worried for Emily – which honestly, Beca too. The kid seemed high strung due to all the ‘excitement’ and ‘nerves’.

She sings the verse Beca read though. And she does it beautifully. With lots of heart. And like a really nice run at the end. Beca’s eyes widen, impressed. Chloe’s nodding, eyes wide, totally into it.

“Nice job, Em! I can’t wait to hear the rest of it.” Chloe gives Emily a congratulatory side hug and Emily kind of hops in excitement. They talk about the song a bit and how Emily’s pretty much almost done with it. Chloe tells her to join Jessica and Jesse so they can finish it up together and find a way to incorporate it into the first scene. Emily skips down the steps. Skips.

“Whoo,” Chloe lets out as she falls into the seat beside Beca. She’s so happy and accomplished-looking that Beca can’t help but have a smirk of her own on her lips. She turns her head to look at Beca before poking at her hand. “You, need to help, me.”

Beca raises her brows, challenging. “Is that so?’

“Mhm. I’ve been working on the song I showed you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

It reminds her of the café on Saturday.

* * *

Working with Chloe is easy. She doesn’t feel time go by. She listens to Chloe tell her why she was inspired to write this song. She weaves stories from her own life while they progress with it, like she’s catching Beca up on all she’s missed while they’ve been apart.

Beca gives her suggestions when she’s weighing what sounds better and how many syllables should go in this line when there’s this many syllables in that. Mostly, by the end of it, Beca’s just reminded of how Chloe’s eyes were like a window into another world, and how being friends with her was an escape into one when they were kids.

She remembers her and Chloe sneaking off to play in the woods. She recalls a rope swing. A hideout. Eating gummy bears while looking at stars. She remembers blanket forts, and cutting out eye holes on one of the blankets and pretending she’s a ghost to cheer Chloe up because her parents got into a fight that one Halloween. She remembers how her time with Chloe were the best parts of her day, and the parts without her were the worst. It’s funny, how when you only have one friend while you’re a kid that they sort of become your life – your partner in crime that you really can’t help but want to do everything with.

She sees Chloe smile and her eyes light up at how good a line sounds and Beca can’t help but wonder why they ever stopped being friends. Then she remembers, and she’s swallowing, stiffening in her seat.

Aubrey comes up to their row right then though and informs Chloe it’s been 20 minutes, eyeing Beca while she’s at it. Beca has this insane urge to stick her tongue out at her. Chloe puts her hand on Beca’s and tells her she’ll be back before heading for the stage with Aubrey. Beca is still for a good couple of seconds before she flexes the hand Chloe touched and notices that the redhead left her notebook.

She doesn’t know what comes over her, but she takes a picture of the page Chloe has filled with lyrics for the song. Maybe she’ll help her work on it on her own time or something.

* * *

The acting is almost just as bad as the singing. Unicycle gets lost in Amy’s boobs. No one can understand what Lilly is saying or if she’s saying anything at all, which leaves Cynthia Rose kind of just like… what the fuck? Chloe announces that she and Aubrey will do the scene to give them an example of what they’re expecting… and honestly, Beca is floored. And she can’t tell if it’s in a good way or a bad way.

Chloe and Aubrey reenact this scene – that she recognizes as something from ‘A Walk to Remember’ (Jesse made her watch it, don’t ask) – scarily well. Like, scarily. Like they-do-this-in-their-free-time scary. Chloe takes the role of Jamie and Aubrey plays the dude, and they’re honestly so good at this that, okay, maybe Beca is impressed. If she wasn’t weirded out by it, she thinks she might actually cry. 

“Oh baby, that’ll never happen—”

They even do the _hug_. Beca thinks Chloe is actually _crying_. What the fuck is going _on_?

She’s sitting there, mouth hung open, and from where she’s sitting she can see Emily wipe at her tears, Jessica and Ashley cling to each other. Jesse has his hand on _heart_.

What the _fuck_.

“So that’s what we expect from you guys.”

Chloe is bouncy and perky again in a snap, even if there’s wetness on her face from the tears that she just forced out on a whim. 

Acting, man. What the hell.

* * *

Their time ends shortly after that. Chloe claps and thanks everyone for their efforts as all of them file out the door. Jesse is taking animatedly with Jessica as they walk out together. Beca hangs back to wait for Emily to pack up. She and Cynthia Rose helped her fine-tune her song. Beca even tells Emily she’ll try and work on a beat when she gets home which Emily beams about.

They’re walking out when Chloe catches up with them.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself, Oscar Nominee.”

Chloe blushes and lifts her shoulders, ducking her head. “I like to act.”

“I can tell.” She chuckles. She still can’t believe she witnessed what she did earlier. “Going home?”

“Nope, I’m getting a smoothie with Bree and Stace then we’re heading to our dance class.”

Jesus, talk about feeling unfulfilled. Mondays were hard enough without adding an extra hour after school and a dance class on top of it.

“Jeez, are there _any_ days you don’t have after school activities?” Beca teases.

“Why, you lookin’ to ask me out?” Chloe teases back.

Beca’s mouth hangs open before she’s nodding her head. Touché.

“It’s impressive is all. Whatever.”

They’re walking down the steps in front of school now and Beca comes to a stop when they come off the final stair. Jesse is just pulling up. Perfect timing, Alfred. She turns to Chloe.

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yup. Tomorrow.” Chloe is looking at her, beaming.

Beca shakes her head. “Have fun at your dance thing, Beale.”

“I’m free Thursdays for that date!” She calls out while Beca is walking away.

“I can’t hear you!”

“I’m free weekends too!”

“Goodbye!”

* * *

Beca goes home to work on a track to accompany Emily’s lyrics likepromised. She even recorded Emily singing a bit on her phone so she could remember how the song supposed to go – with the girl’s permission, of course. She even gave Beca her number. “So you could call in case. For anything. Like even if it’s in 2 in the morning to sing, I’ll do it—”

She doesn’t know what’s come over her when the track she’s creating sounds dark and ominous, unlike the message this song was meant to convey. It’s a sick beat, though. Beca is bobbing her head to it. It almost makes her feel badass enough to want to play sports. It’s definitely the kind of thing you hear on the speakers before football players run out on the field and do that thing where they rip through the banner the cheer team is holding up.

Her foot is tapping to it. The beat gets heavier. But she doesn’t know how Emily’s verse can fit into it. But it’s a good intro. A solid intro. She likes it so much she even sends it to Jesse to listen to.

His words? Shocked face emoji, shocked face emoji, shocked face emoji.

Beca smirks.

He sends a string of gifs of people freaking out and dying after it.

 **Beca:** thanks buddy

Just for kicks, she creates a copy of the track where it builds and gets faster after the intro. The beat gets so intense she feels like her heart is about to pop out of her chest but she puts a drop before it gets too untamable and it’s the most satisfying thing she’s ever heard.

It’s 11PM when she decides to turn in. She still can’t fit Emily’s verse into it, but she thinks: if she just alters the way it’s sung or something. And she doesn’t know why, but she feels like she needs a choir on this.

* * *

Their groove last all of a week and a half. It’s like every day they make a bit of progress and everyone feels good about it, but it’s inevitable that someone was going to hit writer’s block – be it Emily or Jessica. And Emily doesn’t do any better when Beca lets her hear the first draft of the intro and, “it’s really cool, but it also scares me.” Chloe is barely holding it together about how much the lack of progress freaks her out by the end of the second week.

On top of it all, they all of kind realize how hard this is to do alongside school, especially the seniors. It was chill for a while for them, but the teachers are apparently introducing final essays, quizzes, and projects. The show they’re putting on literally counts for next to nothing. Some teachers who formerly supervised the discontinued clubs agreed to give them bonus points on quizzes or something according to Chloe, but it does nothing for their overall grade.

Also, Chloe’s still hasn’t found her P.T. Barnum. She had the boys that were part of the performing team sing the verse Emily is positive on (her ‘almost finished’ became ‘not finish at all’ and she basically just has a lot of good parts and not a whole song). The Luke guy who is cast as Phillip nails it, and Chloe almost has a breakdown over how she wants him to play both P.T. and Phillip. 

(“He’s the perfect Phillip, but he’s also a great P.T. What am I going to do?!”)

Their savior comes in the form a band tee and button-down wearing dork named Jesse. It’s the Tuesday of the third week, and everyone has kind of forgot what they’re supposed to be doing. They can’t really choreograph anything if they don’t have music. They also can’t sing anything if they don’t have a song. They all try to lie to themselves by practicing scales and rehearsing the spoken parts of the play that are actually written. They’ve got like 6 scenes now, Beca thinks. Chloe makes them do acting exercises. At least it’s something.

Beca has also hit a road block. Her laptop sits on her stomach, her feet are kicked up and resting on the back of the seat in front of her – it’s not the most comfortable but it works. She’s playing around on the piano program on her laptop, playing the same note over and over until her finger slips off of the touch pad. She’s made a track that can go with Emily’s verse that she’s sure of but she doesn’t feel great about it. Not like she did with the ‘scary intro’ as Emily has dubbed.

The double doors of the auditorium open with a loud croak. Jesse walks through them with a guitar and a wild smile on his face. Beca actually scowls that he has the audacity to look happy when she’s been miserable with her road block. And everyone’s fucking road block. Not to mention denial.

“You all need to gather up and listen ‘round, my dudes.” Gather round and listen up? No?

“Don’t call us your dudes, we’re not your dudes.” Beca could kiss Donald sometimes. He looks just as unhappy as she feels. She’d fist bump him but she’s still sort of awkwardly positioned in her seat and he’s all the way down there. She moves her laptop off and sits up. She catches Cynthia Rose return from the bathroom just then and they both walk down together.

Jesse sits himself on the back of one of the seats. Aubrey makes a look of distaste at how he places his shoes on the cushion of the seat. Couldn’t he have just sat down on the seat itself? Like, who are we here? This is isn’t a fucking move. Why did Jesse have to be so fucking extra?

They’ve all gathered up front to watch Jesse do whatever the fuck he’s about to do. He’s positioned, poised to play his guitar.

The slow and dramatic way he starts reminds her of the intro she made. Emily must think this is scary too. She has to give it to Jesse though: he knows how to hold a crowd with how utterly dramatic he’s being. His voice, his face, his body language.

He sings, just barely strumming the guitar at first. His voice matcheshow ominous the lyrics he sings sounds. The strumming builds as he gets further and further into the song. When he gets to what she assumes is the chorus ofthe song, he looks up at all of them like he’s lifting them all up from their idle slumber.

**_Come alive, come alive_**  
**_Go and ride your light_**  
**_Let it burn so bright_**  
**_Reaching up_**  
**_To the sky_**  
**_And it's open wide_**  
**_You're electrified_**

He jumps off the seat.

**_When the world becomes a fantasy_**  
**_And you're more than you could ever be_**  
**_'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open_**

He’s singing to all of them, walking and playing, like he’s some sort of a character in a production and there is where they’re all supposed to “come alive” like it’s High School fucking Musical or something.

**_And you know you can't go back again_**  
**_To the world that you were living in_**  
**_'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open_**  
**_So, come alive!_**

He runs and jumps up onto the stage, taking his theatrics on there, where it actually belongs. There’s a guitar solo before he’s like walking around and pointing while he sings.

 ** _I see it in your eyes_**  
**_You believe that lie_**  
**_That you need to hide your face_**

Wait, is he pointing… at _her_?

 ** _Afraid to step outside_**  
**_So you lock the door_**  
**_But don't you stay that way_**

And like a _fucking musical,_ she swears to God: random people in the crowd start singing. 

**_No more living in those shadows_**  
**_You and me we know how that goes_**

Cynthia Rose _apparently_ knows the words to this song? 

**_'Cause once you see it, oh you'll never, never beeee the same!_**

And where did Benji come from?

**_We'll be the light that's shining_**  
**_Bottle up and keep on trying_**

And now they’re singing _together_?

_Jesse, CR, Benji: **You can prove there's more to you**_

_Jesse: **You cannot be afraid!**_

They’re all walking up the side of the stage and meeting Jesse. There’s clapping to accompany Jesse’s strumming as they sing together. Jesus Christ, it’s a fucking _tear fest_ from people in the closest to the stage. Emily, Chloe, hell, even Aubrey.

 ** _Come alive, come alive_**  
**_Go and ride your light_**  
**_Let it burn so bright_**  
**_Reaching up_**  
**_To the sky_**  
**_And it's open wide_**  
**_You're electrified_**

She’s not going to lie: they all sound _really good_ together. People from the crowd are clapping. It’s the happiest she’s seen any of them since the week’s started.

 ** _When the world becomes a fantasy_  
** **_And you're more than you could ever be_**  
**_'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open_**  
**_And we know we can't be go back again_**  
**_To the world that we were living in_**  
**_'Cause we're dreaming with our eyes wide open_**  
**_So, come alive!_**

****

“Hoooooly shiiiiit!” Stacie.

“That was incredible!” Chloe.

“ _OH_ MY STARS!” Emily.

“Okay, that wasn’t bad, that _wasn’t_ bad…” Donald.

Being honest: she’s a little moved by it too. It was really feel good in a way that made her want to grimace but it also… felt _good_.

“I know you guys were having trouble moving on with the play and I figured it’s because you guys are too caught up on trying to make so many elements work.” He’s breathless. “I mean, I _love_ the story. I’m _really_ into it. And the vibe. But sometimes, you can’t have a cookie sandwich. Sometimes... it’s just the cookie. Then you get an ice cream cone later.”

She really can’t believe she let herself think Jesse was _actually_ going to say something that made sense.

A couple of things happen: Jesse finishes his uplifting speech that gets everyone’s head back in the game, Chloe asks him to be her P.T. Barnum (“But I’m not a senior?” “But you’re perfect!” “Are you sure?” “Yes!”), and Aubrey asks if he has sheet music for this song. She makes quick work of asking Ashley to make copies of it. 

For all the work they didn’t do before, they do now. They have Jesse, CR, and Benji sing the song again and record it on Chloe’s phone. Aubrey and Stacie are already snapping their fingers, the beginnings of a dance routine surely brewing in their heads. Chloe says it’s the perfect song to sing for when P.T. is realizing the error of his entrepreneurial ways and begins his pursuit in the celebration of humanity.

It’s a nice way so saying P.T. realized he wasn’t going to make money from a museum and he needed to hire some live acts.

They decide a couple of things that day: they won’t be so hung on trying to make it a musical. If it has one number, that’s okay too. The one thing they _know_ they can do is write the script. Jessica, Jesse, and Ashley are making great progress on it but the only reason they’ve been deterred is because they keep trying to fit music they don’t have into the play. Now that they’ve agreed to just keep it separate and focus on finishing the script, they can all work much faster.

Chloe apologizes, which has everyone doing a double take, and Beca wants to hug for Jesse for saying that it’s not on her at all and that she’s doing the best she can, sometimes we just want a lot at the start but what we really need is to start slow and see where that takes us. It’s ruined when he references a Drake song. “You start from the bottom, Chlo…” He moves his hand above his head. “Then you here.”

Everyone kind of collectively groans and rolls their eyes, and whatever miracle Jesse pulled has lost its appeal because people are going off their separate ways to do work again. And Beca actually itching to work on something now.

* * *

From then on, things go great. Sure, big things don’t happen every week and they still only have one song, but the script progresses from cards on Jessica’s storyboard to dialogue and direction in a play. It’s kind of like Bingo to her. When she manages to include a line she really wants to be part of the work, her fists go in the air and she does a little dance. It’s kind of cute almost if it’s not totally unexpected and spooks people out of their skin. 

It makes Stacie drop her iced coffee one time. It’s coincidentally the same day she wears a white shirt and all of the boys (and Cynthia Rose… and kind of everyone else) can focus on nothing else until Aubrey insists she change into dry clothes and ushers her out of the auditorium. 

It doesn’t help that she comes back in with a cheerleading top on. Lord.

Chloe and Aubrey help the acting along. With Jesse as P.T. Barnum, things really move forward. They put the music part on the back burner for now, but she, Emily, and Chloe are still writing. Though, Chloe is more focused on the play and its acting. Emily just becomes determined to finish the opening number, and when that doesn’t work, she starts trying to tackle the song that ‘Swedish songbird Jenny Lind’ is supposed to sing. Beca’s kind of worried for her, but she seems really unwavering about it.

Beca isn’t really creating much but rather helping translate Jesse’s compositions for scenes. Sometimes since he’s really busy rehearsing, he just throws out random adjectives for what he thinks a scene should have and she comes up with something on her own.

“Look at you, _composer_.”

“Shut _up_ , this isn’t even my thing.”

“But you’re _good_ at it.”

“Well, I’m good at everything I do, so—” She sticks her tongue out at him.

Jesse just laughs and shakes his head. She thinks he mumbles something like “you don’t even know” before he moves away to go back to stage but she can’t be sure.

When she looks up from her laptop, she sees Chloe staring at her from up front. Beca doesn’t know what to do so she offers a small smile. And the smile Chloe gives her back is something she didn’t know she needed to finish the music for the scene she was tackling.

* * *

After a month and a half of meeting every day after school, Chloe makes all of them gather and sit instead of spreading out to do their work like they usually do. She looks kind of exhausted. Her hair falls in more natural curls than the more polished waves she normally sports.

She tells them that instead of meeting every day, she thinks meeting twice a week will be just fine until the script is complete. Some of them look like they want to protest, but none of them could say they weren’t tired. (She’s caught Emily asleep in one of the seats more than once.) Chloe offers all of them a smile before telling them they’ll just meet on Tuesdays and Fridays after school instead.

“It’ll give us time to recoup,” she tells them positively. “More time to think about ideas so we can give it our all when we do meet up.”

She understands the decision. Especially since this was mostly about the seniors, and more and more is added to their plate as the school year goes on. Not to mention, Chloe and a handful of the girls were part of several other clubs and groups. She honestly has no idea how they all managed to juggle it for this long.

Also, midterms. It’s like a month or something away, but she already hears Aubrey talking about it.

It’s what’s best for all of them. Even if some people seem really sad about it.

(Jesse calls her that night and she pretends she doesn’t hear him drop the spoon into the pint of Rocky Road he surely ate on his own.)

* * *

Adjusting to the new routine is easy… kind of. She only makes the mistake of walking into the auditorium once after school on a day they’re not meeting and sees Donald there just as confused.

“We’re not practicing?” He asks from where he stands near the stage.

“Apparently not,” Beca answers from on top of the steps.

She watches Donald nod his head. “Aight.”

He turns and begins to walk away towards the lower entrance.

* * *

She’s outside waiting for her dad to come around front working on a mix when she feels a tap on her shoulder and someone is sitting beside her.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you.”

Chloe perks up. 

“Whatcha waiting for?”

“My dad.” Beca wants to roll her eyes when she says it. 

Jesse didn’t come to school today because he got his wisdom teeth out, so she has to wait for him. She spent an hour and a half in the library mixing before sitting out here to wait for the car to finally pull up once her dad texted her that he was done for the day.

Chloe nods her head and waits for a beat before going, “Are you doing anything on Wednesday?”

Beca thinks. “Um, no.”

“Do you want join a dance class?”

“ _Hell_ no,” Beca is saying before Chloe can really finish her sentence.

“Oh, c’mon! It’ll be _fun_.” She winks.

Okay… It takes Beca a second to come back from that but she carries on.

“Just because I’m not doing anything for an hour every day after school now doesn’t mean I’m looking for things to fill that hour in.”

“It’s not even _that_ big a commitment. It’s just like a trial dance class. The studio is holding an open house, it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, thanks, but no thanks, Chlo.” Beca is getting up and slinging her bag over her shoulder because her dad’s car coming up. Chloe rises with her.

“At least think about it?” Chloe asks. “I even got Donald and Emily to come. Jesse said he might make it too if his teeth aren’t still killing him.”

Beca rolls her eyes. Somewhere inside of her kind of hurts but she doesn’t know why. “Yeah, using Jesse as bait to try to get me to come is the wrong move, dude.” She smirks at Chloe.

Chloe squints at her. “I’m not giving up on you, Mitchell,” she says, moving to poke at her side. Beca hops up a step to dodge it but Chloe is moving closer and soon enough, she has her hands on Beca’s wrists and she _tugs_. Beca presses her lips together and moves her head back because it would just have been _way_ too close to Chloe’s face had she not.

“I think you’ll be good at it.” 

The warmth in Chloe’s voice has Beca relaxing a little. 

“You also think Jesse is a good dancer, so.”

Their faces draw closer without her notice. 

“You know, you make fun of him a lot but I know you care about him.”

“Eh.”

“You’re impossible.”

“I am pretty amazing.”

Chloe chuckles quietly, her eyes falling between them before lifting up to look at Beca’s eyes. “You are.”

Beca gulps. “What?”

“That’s why you should come to the dance class!”

Oh _god_. Beca rolls her eyes. Chloe is tugging on her hands again. And then she hears a car honk and she signals for her dad to wait a second so she can wrap up this dumb conversation with Chloe.

“Come! You’ll be amazing!” Chloe walks down the last step. “I’ll teach you to bring the boys to the yard!”

Then she does this little move and taps her own ass before winking and shooting a finger gun at her. “I’ll see ya later!”

“Make good choices!” She calls out as Chloe walks away.

She shakes her head as she makes her way to her dad’s car and gets into the passenger’s side.

“You and Chloe friends again?”

“What? No. I mean, it’s just because of the play thing,” she reasons. She and Chloe have never even spent time together outside of it. The one time was _just_ for the play so it doesn’t really count.

“I think it’s nice.”

“You also think tweed jackets are nice, Dad.”

“Hey, tweed jackets are _very_ cool.”

Beca just laughs and her dad shakes his head with a smile before driving off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesse swanson: a hero and a dork. hope you guys out there are enjoying this so far! :)


	4. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca and her dad have a nice time for like 5 minutes.

_Knock knock._

Beca hits pause on her phone to stop the music and looks towards the door. Her dad’s head pops out from the open space.

“Hey, Bec, you wanna go out for some ice cream?”

“Now?” She asks. She doesn’t know why she sounds so surprised, it’s only 6:30.

“Yeah. We’ll go to that place that does the Sea Salt Caramel one you like so much.”

An unexpected warmth floods her chest and she nods at her dad. “I’ll be down in a bit.”

“Great. I’ll get ready too.”

* * *

For once, it’s just the two of them. Sheila left for dinner with her girlfriends. She and her dad are strolling down the sidewalk of their town with their respective cones. She got Sea Salt Caramel like she always does and he got Coffee Fudge Swirl.

“Are those new shoes?” Beca asks.

Her dad looks down at his sneakers. “Yeah. Do you like them?”

“Yeah, they’re okay.”

“They’re Under Armour,” her dad says, like that’s supposed to be impressive to her.

“Okay..?”

“I read it’s what everyone’s wearing lately.”

Her lips widen into a grin before she can do anything about it. “Sure.”

Beca’s dad is smiling at her. She knows if he could, this is where he would squeeze her to his side and kiss her on the head. But it’s different now. They’re different now. Things have happened. He doesn’t know her like he used to. If she’s being honest, she doesn’t know him as well anymore either.

“I’m glad we’re doing this, Bec.”

It’s his way of saying he misses this, misses her – their old dynamic.

“Yeah, me too, Dad.”

That’s her way of saying it back.

* * *

They walk around town till they finish their cones. Beca’s dad sees a watch shop and is reminded of his Casio that needs repair in the glove compartment of the car, which isn’t far off. Beca tells him he can go get it and have it repaired and she’ll just hang around this comic store till he’s done.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Dad. Just go. I’ll be here.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he promises, his body leaning towards the direction he’s about to go to.

“Yeah, take your time. I’ve gotta look for a birthday gift for Benji anyway.” She gestures to the comic book store that looks pretty depressing.

Her dad frowns like he’s not sure he wants his daughter in there.

“Go, Dad. I’ll be fine.” She ushers him away. “Go. Shoo.”

“Alright, alright. Back in 10!” He says before jogging off.

Beca stalks off to the comic book store. 

It’s pretty lame when she steps in. Some imperial space type music is playing inside. The walls are adorned with shelves that are chuck full of comics. She doesn’t really know what Benji likes when it comes to these things but she figures Star Wars is her best bet.

(She was Facetiming Jesse once while he was over at Benji’s and got the full tour. She has to say: Benji is dedicated. And thorough.)

She goes up to the counter, feeling a little uncomfortable and out of place, and asks if they have any Star Wars stuff. She’s pointed to a specific corner of the store and she nods her head and mutters ‘thanks’ before going there.

There’s so much stuff, she doesn’t know what to get. But she sure as shit isn’t getting Benji this fucking comic book that costs 120 dollars. 

There are other things in the store besides comics, though. Beca leans towards those. She ends up getting Benji a mug that says ‘Yoda Best’ and a keychain of the millennial bird thing that he and Jesse are always talking about it. While she’s waiting for her receipt, she gets a text from her dad saying he’s at the watch repairs already but it’ll take 20 minutes. She contemplates joining him but she doesn’t feel like waiting in a dusty-looking watch repair shop, so she tells him she’ll wait for him outside of the comic book store. When she gets her receipt and change, she thanks the dude and leaves without much else – a decision she regrets almost immediately when she feels how cold it is outside.

“Beca?”

She turns to see who the voice belongs to.

“Chloe?”

“You came!”

“What?”

Before she can register, the redhead bounds for her and wraps her in a hug that she stiffens in. If Chloe notices, she pays no mind, apparently too happy to see Beca anyway. She still doesn’t understand what the redhead means by ‘you came’. Then she looks at the establishment Chloe was standing outside of. It’s a goddamn dance studio. With fucking windows for walls so she wonders how the fuck she missed that. When she takes a closer look inside, she sees Stacie, Aubrey, Emily, Donald, and a few other faces. It’s like a mini reunion of all the people she actually finds tolerable from the play. Hell, even Fat Amy is there and she claims to hate cardio.

“I knew you’d come! You’re not exactly in ideal dance wear though…” Chloe looks over her with her thick jacket and jeans.

“I—I didn’t.” She laughs a little uncomfortably. “I’m not actually here for the dance thing, Chlo.”

Chloe pouts and tilts her head to the side. And Beca hopes to God she isn’t puddle of mush on the ground right now.

“I’m here with my dad, actually,” Beca tells her, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She looks down because she can’t handle looking at Chloe and her face right now.

“Aw, that’s great. Where is he?” She doesn’t have to look up to know Chloe’s looking around.

“He’s at this watch repair place getting something fixed, but—”

“Oh great! So you can come inside for a sec—”

“What—”

Chloe’s taking her free hand and dragging her into the studio before she can protest. She must say though, the one good thing about being in the dance studio is the warmth that greets her. Jesus, it’s nice in here. No wonder Chloe stepped out. It’s day and night temperature-wise.

“Beca!!!”

People are bounding for her. She’s covered with people before she knows it and she can no longer feel Chloe’s hand. She spots Chloe to the side watching her get smooshed.

‘Help’ she mouths. Chloe just shakes her head and smiles.

“Beca, I didn’t know you were coming!” Emily looks like she could combust with how happy she is.

“Yeah, B. Come to shake that sexy ass and show us how it’s done?” Stacie.

She lets out a strangled yelp when the tall brunette taps her on the ass before walking back to the railing where she was once stretching. She hears the choked laugh that Chloe releases somewhere near her before feeling Chloe’s fingers slip between the spaces of hers, and they’re walking again towards a couched area against the wall.

“Put your stuff down. Get comfy. You can watch us rehearse the routine till your dad’s done,” she tells Beca with a wink before walking off to get in position with the rest of them.

She all of the sudden feels like it’s a very, very bad decision that she’s here. Regardless, she sets the bag with Benji’s gift down beside her and shrugs out of her jacket, placing it on the arm of the couch she sits on. 

When she hears the opening beats of the song they’re about to perform to, Beca knows she should have run out ages ago. But because she wants to prove to herself she’s not some wimp, she steels herself through the rest of Drop It Low’s intro knowing full well just exactly what this dance is about to be.

Dear Lord.

* * *

First of all, she’s not dead, so that’s good. Secondly, she needs to have a talk with Emily about conforming to these dance moves. Third? She doesn’t think she’s breathed since the routine began, which should either worry her or impress her because it means her breath was held for at least 3 minutes. She also thinks she bit herself when Chloe ‘dropped it low’ and threw a wink over her shoulder at Beca before standing up. But that’s beside the point. She needs to breathe. 

“What did you think?”

It sounds distant and distorted when she registers it the first time but once she blinks and her sight focuses, she sees Emily’s ever-so-enthusiastic face waiting for her response.

“It was—it was great, Em. Kind of feel like I may need to call your parents but it was... nice. Yeah.”

What else can she say?

“Nice?” Stacie repeats, like she’s offended that that’s all Beca could come up with.

“That was a routine performed with paramount excellence and perfect timing, _Beca_.” Aubrey breaks her name down in two syllables like she always does when she’s trying to patronize her.

“Didn’t think we had it in us, Mitchell?”

It’s Luke. With his shirt off and his sweats hanging so low she can see the strip with Calvin Klein written all around it. Wait, he was here?

“Ayyy, we broke Becaaaa!”

She wants to _fight_ Donald. The room erupts in hoots and hollers and Beca’s squeezing her eyes shut and covering her head when they all come closer to her and tease her.

“Ah. Guys. Cut it ouuut,” she protests despite the smile she’s trying to fight on her face.

They all back away around the time she feels her phone buzz in her jeans. She reaches in to fish it out. It’s probably her dad telling her he’s done. But no, it’s a text from Jesse.

**Jesse:** jjj ur  
**Beca:** what???  
**Jesse:** ???  
**Beca:** your text  
**Jesse:** What?  
**Jesse:** Oh!  
**Jesse:** Butt text  
**Jesse:** Sorry :P  
**Beca:** oh my god 

When she looks up, she sees Chloe approaching her now that everyone’s dispersed. She’s drinking from a water bottle that has these teal accents on it. It reminds her of Chloe’s notebook.

“Did you like it?”

Something about the way she’s looking at her has Beca nervous about this answering this question, which is stupid because it’s just a question. 

“7/10 could use improvement?” She jokes.

Chloe drops her jaw before giggling and jumping into the free space besides Beca. She curls her feet under her legs and faces to the side, elbow resting against the back of the couch with her head against her hand.

Beca feels weird that her body’s facing forward but her head’s turned. It’s kind of straining, so she shifts a little so she’s facing Chloe better.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Chloe answers, taking another sip from the built-in straw of her bottle.

Beca narrows her eyes at her. “Y’sure?”

“Mhm.” Chloe closes the cap over her straw. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

Beca is smiling, and before she knows it, “yeah, me too,” leaves her lips.

It makes Chloe grin so she doesn’t think too much about it.

* * *

She’s trying to take a picture of them all formed as the shakiest pyramid known to man when her phone starts to ring.

“Shit--!”

“Take it, take it!”

“Ahh!”

“Fuck!”

Her friends all collapse but thankfully no one seems to be smothered and a lot of them are just laughing their ass off. Chloe in particular seems to have just given up on life and is rolling on her back, howling.

Beca throws her thumb up to signal she got the picture when she checks her gallery before answering her phone.

“Hello?” She walks a little further away from the group of laughing bodies.

“Bec? Where are you?”

“I’m in the dance studio next door.”

“What? Why are you in there?”

She hears “where is she?” from somewhere behind her father and swallows when she recognizes it as Sheila’s voice. Really? They can’t go _one night_ without her?

“My friends are here.”

“Oh well—”

“Beca! Beca!” She turns to show Chloe she’s on the phone before Chloe makes an ‘oops’ face and turns back around.

“—friend wants to see me, and figured they all could meet you too.”

“I don’t want to meet Sheila’s sorority sisters.” Beca’s not even hiding how soured her mood is.

“Beca, c’mon. It’ll be five minutes—”

“Look, I’m really busy with my friends so you go ahead and I’ll see you when I get home.”

“How will you get home? Beca, c’mon, don’t be like this.”

“I have a ride, don’t worry about it. Bye.”

She hangs up before her dad can get a word in.

She breathes in deep and exhales slowly, hoping the breath takes all the bad shit out with it even if she knows it doesn’t work like that. She keeps her eyes squeezed shut for a moment to gain her bearings. She doesn’t want to bring her shitty mood into the group.

“Beca?”

She turns around on instinct and sees Emily looking at her with these damn puppy eyes.

“You okay?”

She forces a smile. “Yeah, Em. I’m great.” She nods, putting on a show like she believes it.

“Do you wanna go to the diner with us? We’re all super hungry.”

The way Emily's shoulders slump makes Beca smile. “Yeah. Yeah, sure. That sounds great.”

Emily waits for her to come closer and they walk together to the group of sweaty dancers by the mirrors talking about how ‘Donald has to pay for all of our food because he fucking farted when the pyramid broke down’. (“It wasn’t me!” “Dude, it smelled like flaming hot Cheetos and you know that shit’s always you.”) How Luke knows Donald’s farts well enough to commit it to memory is a story Beca doesn’t want to hear.

* * *

She sits between Emily and Fat Amy in the backseat of Chloe’s car on the way to the diner. She spends it mostly quiet, which earns her a couple of glances from Chloe through the rearview mirror. She knows Chloe wants to ask, but she’s not giving her the chance by engaging in conversation with Emily every time she thinks Chloe is about to open her mouth. Beca thinks she gets it when she eventually stops trying and entertains Aubrey’s conversation about how she thinks Chia Seeds will be really in again this year.

At the diner, they are so many of them that there’s no way a single booth could possibly accommodate them all. They decide to occupy two booths that are across from each other. She finds herself in the booth by the window sitting with Jessica, Ashley, Emily, Lilly, and Chloe.

Much to her dismay, Chloe is sitting right across from her. Beca thought going in first and pulling in Lilly beside her would save her from this situation, but like an idiot, she completely forgot the seat across was free reign and Chloe slipped in, determined. Emily sits beside her, then Jessica, and Ashley across from Jessica in Beca’s side of the booth. Luckily for Beca, Emily is talking to Chloe about something so Beca takes the opportunity to scroll on her phone. She’s going through Twitter when Jessica asks everyone what they want, and since Beca’s not incredibly hungry, she just settles for a milkshake to satisfy everyone before returning to her phone.

She hears conversation go on without her, and she’s surprised when she all of the sudden hears Fat Amy’s voice from beside her.

“What the f—, oh, god.”

“Hey now, calm down.”

Of course everyone is moving around and switching seats. They’re all over on the other table watching a video Donald is showing on his phone. Chloe and Emily are still across from her talking about something.

“Couldn’t help but notice you didn’t have strong opinions about what I said earlier.”

“About what?”

“See, I knew you weren’t paying attention.”

“Paying attention to _what?_ ” Fat Amy was on her phone the _entire_ time.

“Ah, Beca.” The way Fat Amy says her name sounds so different, she has a hard time believing it’s hers. Beck-er.

She’s so confused right now. But before she knows it, Fat Amy is gone and Lilly and Ashley are slipping back into their rightful places. Lilly is apparently trying to tell Ashley something, but like always, no one can fucking hear.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Chloe.

Beca swallows before turning her head to meet her gaze.

“Yeah, why’d you ask?” She’s cool. She’s calm. She’s not suspicious.

“You’ve been really quiet since we left the dance studio.” Her hand inches forward on the table but doesn’t touch Beca’s. “I’m worried about you.”

Beca’s lips are in a tight line and she strains a smile and goes, “You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m fine.”

It’s her don’t-worry-about-it-but-there’s-something-to-worry-about voice as Jesse’s once told her. Screw him for making her realize she had a specific voice when she felt a certain way.

Chloe clearly knows this about her too because she gives her a look that’s like ‘c’mon’.

Beca looks around. Emily’s gone to the other table to talk to Stacie and Aubrey. Lilly and Ashley seemed to have gone too. She has a feeling Lilly was asking to go to the bathroom again. She drops her head and lets out a sigh before figuring she may as just get this over with because she doesn’t want to attract attention and she also doesn’t want Chloe to keeping asking her questions.

“It’s just this thing with my dad,” she admits. That’s as far as she goes on it.

Anyone would expect more – clarification, anything. But Chloe knows better. She just nods and her hand that’s on the table stretches out further till the tips of her fingers are touching Beca’s.

Beca just looks at it. Her hand flexes under Chloe’s barely there touch but she doesn’t make an effort to move. When she looks up, Chloe gives her this soft look that’s meant to make her feel better. Kind of like the looks she used to give Beca when they were in her room as kids and the sounds of her parents arguing could still be heard through the door despite the loud volume of the Disney movie that was playing. Beca just curves her lips momentarily at Chloe in thanks. The food arrives at the same time and they move apart and everyone who wasn’t in their place soon return to dig in.

* * *

Everyone has finished saying their goodbyes and leave for their respective cars. Beca is just being released from a hug from Emily that she tries her best not to tense in before the girl hops away to hitch a ride in Stacie’s car. They’re apparently neighbors.

She has her phone out, about to request for a ride from Lyft when she hears Chloe’s voice.

“Hey, you’ve got a ride?”

“Um, yeah. I’m just about to get a Lyft, so—”

“What?” She makes a swatting motion with her hand. “Put that away. I’ll drive you,” Chloe tells her gladly, holding out her hand for Beca to take.

Beca looks at it for a moment before deciding to hell with it and takes Chloe’s hand. Chloe pulls her to her cream white Mini Cooper with the biggest smile on her face. Beca can’t fight the smile that makes its way on her face too.

* * *

‘Say So’ by Terror Jr is playing as Chloe cruises down the road. She bobs her head to it, sometimes mouthing the words, sometimes not. If Beca’s staring at her, she doesn’t notice till Chloe asks her, “what?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

Chloe narrows her eyes at Beca. Beca challenges her by narrow her eyes right back. Chloe breaks first with a laugh before redirecting her attention back to the road. Beca relaxes into her seat and takes the moment to look around Chloe’s car.

It’s kind of… perfectly her. They never imagined the kind of cars they would be driving when they got older back when they were kids. Beca would have probably been offered a car once she turned 16 if she wasn’t giving her dad such a hard time for remarrying, so instead of having a car, she has ‘permission to drive her dad’s when he’s not using it’. She rolls her eyes at the thought.

She’s looking at the cup holder between the two front seats and furrows her brows when she sees a pair of… glow sticks? Beca looks up at Chloe then. Chloe rolls her eyes like she’s embarrassed. The smile on her face is adorable.

“Don’t ask,” she says, followed by chuckle.

Beca just smiles at Chloe before noticing other things. She sees what she thinks is a photo strip of Chloe and her parents sitting beside it, partially hidden behind a Starbucks card.

“How are your dads?” She asks before she’s really thinking about it.

Chloe glances at her for a second before her eyes return to the road. There’s a smile on her face like she’s excited about something but she’s trying to hide it.

“They’re great. Amazing, even. We just went to a carnival last weekend.” She takes the beat to look at Beca and glance at where she’s looking. One of her hands leave the wheel to get the picture and hand it to Beca. “Daddy’s got salt and pepper hair now,” she says with a chortle before her hand returns to the wheel.

Beca’s looking at the pictures and smiles at how happy they look. Her dads are on either side of her, their beautiful daughter being silly between them. They make silly faces in the first picture, the second one is serious, the third one is Chloe pretending to choke her dad while her other feigns shock. The final one she thinks is the cutest: Chloe is laughing but she isn’t looking into the camera, her dads are kissing her cheeks.

“You guys are adorable,” Beca says, returning the photo strip where it belongs in the cup holder.

“Thanks.” Chloe sounds a little sheepish. It’s cute.

It’s a sore subject for Beca: her family. Her relationship with her dad is tense most of the time, and civil other times. Tonight was a rarity. One that was quickly cut short with Sheila’s emergence. She’s referred to the woman as her ‘step monster’ more than once, so that can tell you how Beca feels about her current situation.

“They’re really excited for the play,” Chloe tells her. “Daddy says he thinks it’ll be the best ever. Dad says he has to say that but thinks it’ll also be the greatest ever.” She shakes her head with a chuckle. “They’re nuts.” She sighs. “It’s a miracle we’ve gotten as far as we have. I just hope we can keep going and make something out of this. Prove them all wrong, make something worth remembering. I don’t want it to be all for nothing. You know?” She glances at Beca when she says that. 

“And I know. I know it’s a lot to ask for. Wanting to have musical numbers and make it a musical… But… I really believe we can. I know it’s not looking like it now since we’re focusing on the script and the acting, but… I really think after Winter Break, we’ll start working on the music and have numbers to perform and everyone will be tired, but it’ll be so, so worth it.” Chloe’s lips purse. “And if we don’t then…”

“Hey.” Beca’s own voice surprises her. “It’ll happen.” Her hand is on Chloe’s leg without much thought.

“You can do this.” She wets her lips. “If anyone can, it’s you.” It’s uncharacteristically hopeful of her.

Something about Chloe makes her brave she supposes.

She becomes painfully aware of her hand on Chloe, so she retracts it and settles into her seat again, looking ahead. Her lips press into a tight line when a sort of silence befalls them at her unexpected words. They surprised even her if she’s being honest. She doesn’t know where that came from. But she knows she meant them. She opens her mouth to unravel herself from this situation and back track, but Chloe beats her to the punch.

“Thank you.” 

Her voice is a little shaky. When she turns to face her, Beca knows why: Chloe’s eyes are a little teary.

“That… that really means more to me than you’ll ever realize.”

Beca feels a heat crawl up her neck. She wants to curl into herself. She sighs, fighting a smile.

“Well, you deserve it, so stop being a sap and focus on the road.”

The sound of Chloe’s bubbling laughter is more than enough. Beca has her arms crossed over her chest but a smile on her face. Chloe turns up the volume to appease Beca, and it’s nice – that Chloe knows to do that after suffering the blush that came with her complimenting Chloe.

If they both kind of end up jamming to Troye Sivan the rest of the car ride home, Beca will never admit it.

* * *

She listens to Troye Sivan’s new song every day for the rest of the week. It’s incredible to her that she doesn’t get sick of it. She listens to it on the way to school, sings it under her breath on the way to class, and taps a beat to it while she’s doing her homework. It’s inevitable that she tries to mash it with another song.

(She ends up mixing it with two. ‘Never Be The Same’ by Camila Cabello and ‘IDGAF’ by Dua Lipa. If she imagines Chloe’s smile and cheery face while she makes it… Well, she tries not to think about it.)

* * *

Midterms come and go, and every day they’re closer to a complete script. For Midterms week and the week before it, they don’t meet up. While it’s not a surprise, it’s still a little surprising when it happens.

“So, this is the last time we’ll meet for this week, so everyone can focus on midterms till the end of the month.”

(Jesse spends an aggravating amount of time at her house for that week. He claims it’s to ‘study together’ but she knows it’s just because he misses everyone and the thrill of rehearsal.)

Still, they all manage to keep in contact.

Chloe took the liberty of creating a group chat with all of them around the time Stacie commented that she accidentally sent a text to the guy she was sexting about the whole sale price for the paint they needed for the props. Needless to say, it led to a story about how it ‘worked out anyway and he thought we were roleplaying’. Beca’s still impressed at how Stacie manages to make things like that work.

**Jesse:** [we survived but we’re dead meme]  
**Chloe:** Happy Midterms Are Over, guys!!! :D :D :D  
**Luke:** thank Christ  
**Chloe:** Let’s all go eat at the diner to celebrate!!  
**Donald:** YES PLEASE  
**CR:** yES  
**Stacie:** Chloe, I left my gym bag in your car  
**Stacie:** Also ayyyyy ;)  
**Stacie:** [animated gif of The Office cast celebrating]  
**Ashley:** CONGRATS EVERYONE!!!  
**Emily:** Phew! SO glad that’s over. I miss you guys!! 

Since the creation of the group chat, her phone has buzzed more times than it has since she got it when she was 14. Sometimes it buzzes at 12:30 at night and she wants to chuck it at the wall because how in the world do all of these people have so much to say at this hour? She can’t deny how whole she feels when she’s reading over all the texts, though. Sometimes, it’s about a stupid meme. Sometimes it’s a video of Luke actually trying Tide Pod challenge with Donald laughing in the background. Sometimes it’s a screenshot of whatever raunchy conversation Stacie’s having with someone.

(Sometimes she sends them a screenshots of lines people try on her and they all vote on whether she should give them a chance or pass. And as much as she hates it, they use the terms ‘smash’ or ‘pass’ because it’s more convenient to type.)

“Hey, B! Need a ride?”

Stacie pulls up in front of her in this powder pink car that she swears she’s shit-talked at one point in her high school career. Fat Amy sits beside her in the passenger side, her pinky and index raised as Bon Jovi pours out from the speakers.

God, she’s missed these people. (She’ll never admit that out loud, though.)

She jogs over without a second thought and hops into the backseat.

“Hey. Thanks.”

“No probo, cutie.” Stacie winks at her through the rearview before kicking into gear again.

Fat Amy greets her and offers her a bite of the massive ‘midterms celebratory burrito’ in her hands.

“Aren’t we about to go eat?”

“So? This is an appetizer, Beca.”

“Um, I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Suit yourself, B.M.”

Beca is just settled and about to slip her headphones over her ears when Stacie’s car comes to a pause again, and Chloe and Lilly are piling in.

“Hey, guys!!!”

She thinks Lilly says something but like always, no one understands what the fuck it is. She waves a little to compensate though and everyone in the car just unfreezes from their confused state and nods before waving back.

As she’s sliding in, Beca takes notice of the shirt Chloe is wearing – this white shirt that says ‘girls support each other’ on it that Beca actually likes (and if this was another world where Beca was the type of person to ask people where they buy their clothes, she would, but this isn’t that world.)

“Nice shirt,” she says though.

“Thanks!” Chloe grins. “H&M.”

Ah. So that’s where it’s from.

Stacie’s car isn’t necessarily the biggest, so Chloe’s a little closer to her than she’s used to. Or maybe Chloe’s just close on purpose. She doesn’t know. (Maybe she’s just weirdly aware of Chloe now and she doesn’t want to think about it.)

“Stace, your gym bag’s at my place by the way. Found it before I took my car in.”

“Perf.”

“Your car’s getting fixed?” Beca asks.

“Yup. Kind of accidentally bumped into something a couple of days ago.”

Stacie snickers from where she’s sitting. Chloe looks nowhere but her lap for a second before she turns to Beca and smiles. Beca feels like there’s an inside thing there somewhere but she ignores it.

“So how was midterms?” Chloe asks, recovering.

“No big. Probably tanked Math, but that’s nothing new.”

“Oh, I crushed Calc,” Amy comments then.

“Dude, you left before I even got through the first page.” And that’s saying something because Stacie’s definitely on track to being the graduating class’s Valedictorian.

“Yeah, I know. So crushed it.” Amy makes a face like it’s obvious.

Beca and Chloe look at each other before breaking into a small laugh and shaking their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're wondering: yes, it did hurt for me to write that beca refers to the millennium falcon as the 'millennial bird thing'.


	5. The Script

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally finish the script. Also Bechloe things.

Jessica has her first draft of the complete script done once they’re two weeks back from Midterms. She bursts into the auditorium with bedhead and wild eyes. It’s a surprise to everyone because she wasn’t at school all day.

“I did it! It’s done! It’s finished!”

She was definitely up all night trying to finish this.

They all drop what they’re doing and rush to her. Jesse trips while he’s running up the steps and Beca laughs a bit before assisting Emily in helping him up.

Stacie’s the first to Jessica much to all of their surprise. Beca thinks it’s the legs.

“Ooh! Yes! Been dying to find out what happens.”

“I’ve told you what happens,” Chloe tells her, like she’s kind of offended Stacie forgot.

But then she’s moving beside the tall brunette to get a read in on the additions to the script.

* * *

She’s probably been out to more group outings than she ever has in her life. If it’s not to celebrate the end of midterms, it’s Donald’s birthday. If it’s not Donald’s birthday, then it’s someone else’s birthday she’s sure. One way or another, someone finds something to celebrate.

It goes without saying that they organize a celebration for the completion of the script. Even if it is the first draft. (Some of it didn’t actually make sense and was filled with typos and grammatical errors, and Beca thinks this is what Jessica meant when she says “don’t make coffee using Red Bull”.)

Aubrey decides that it’s best that they switch it up instead of going to the diner (“A special occasion calls for a special location.”), and it’s a long discussion before they all decide that having a picnic and making s’mores on the beach sounds nice. Their town isn’t the sunniest, and their beach is definitely not the most appealing, but they get pretty nice sunsets and a cool breeze so it’s great if you like being at the beach and not burning up.

It’s not an immediate celebration like Midterms is though. They plan to hold it on Saturday. Aubrey assigns everyone to make something and if not: “Then get take-out, _Luke_ , I don’t _care_. We just can’t have 5 different tuna casseroles and 6 salads.” Amy asks what’s wrong with 5 different tuna casseroles but it’s beside the point.

Also, this celebration is different because Benji’s crew from the computer room and Dudebros from the work shop will finally be joining them. Donald makes a comment about how he thinks it’s stupid their group has to bring the food when ‘the computer geeks’ and ‘jocks’ are part of the group too. (Beca thinks he’s kind of right but she doesn’t voice it in fear of being on the receiving end of Aubrey’s gaze.)

“Fine… We’ll have Benji’s underlings contribute something, and I think it won’t be too much of an inconvenience to ask the boys from the work shop to figure out something to whip up.”

(Spoiler alert: they whip up alcohol. Lots of it. It’s not food, but it makes the party better.)

* * *

Jesse is a nervous wreck the days leading up the beach party.

“Dude, what the hell? Stop pacing.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just—What do you think I should wear? This shirt or this one?”

He’s making her choose between two different checkered button ups that are essentially the same except one’s a dark blue and the other is a lighter blue.

“Are you serious?”

Jesse motions like he’s about to collapse, and Beca’s sitting up to take this more seriously.

“Jesus, okay, fine. Um… the darker one?”

“This one?” He lifts it up against his body.

“I… yeah. It’s looks… nice.”

She really doesn’t know what he wants her to say.

“Nice? C’mon, Bec. I need a little more than that. I can’t just look nice.”

“Jesus, Jess, I don’t know what you want from me, it’s a shirt.”

He grunts and turns to the full length mirror to judge how he looks in it. Beca stands up and walks over to him.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It’s just the group.”

He chews on his lower lip before looking at her and giving her a look like ‘you know’. And truthfully, Beca does. Jesse has developed a sort of… crush. On Aubrey. Of all people.

(“Aubrey? Really?”

“You say that like she’s horrible.”

“Have you _met_ her?”

“Beca, she’s not _mean_.”

“Yeah, she’s just a drill sergeant who plans everything down to the _second_.”

“So? I like that she’s organized.”

Beca gives him a look that says ‘you’re not gonna like that when she’s ordering you around during sex.’)

Anyway, he already knows how Beca feels about all of it. After that talk, they did get into a more reasonable one where Beca was actually soft and in not so many words implied that Jesse should be careful. They both know Aubrey’s a little too high maintenance for him, and maybe out of his league, but Jesse promised to be careful and not let it go anywhere. (“It’ll fade. Can’t I just enjoy it though?”)

(That was three weeks ago.)

“So what are you wearing?”

Beca frowns before looking up at him. “What? What do you mean?”

“To the beach. To watch the sunset. What are you gonna wear?”

She fumbles a bit because she didn’t really think it was something she had to dress for?

“I— I don’t know. Something like this I guess?”

Beca is wearing flannel over a tank top and some jeans like she usually does. Jesse gives her a look like she just told him something is blood orange when it’s actually red.

“Uh uh, dude. You need to step it up.”

“What? What’s wrong with something like this? I’ll just switch out the jeans for some shorts and it’ll be fine.”

“First of all, it’s fall. You’ll be cold.”

Okay, he gets her there.

“And don’t you want to look your best? Put your best foot forward and all that?”

“Jesse, these people have seen us in sweats, I don’t think it’s that big a deal.”

It’s honestly stupid that it’s even a conversation. Beca makes her way back to Jesse’s bean bag and tries not to knock over the game of Monopoly he and Benji still have in pause on the little coffee table.

“Well, whatever. I’m still gonna try and look my best.”

“Good for you,” Beca mutters, returning to her game of Piano Tap.

Jesse throws a shirt from his dirty laundry pile at her.

* * *

They end up getting Jesse a new top at the mall the very next day, and Beca can honestly say it looks really nice on him. It’s still a checkered button-down like almost every other one he owns, but instead of putting it over a shirt, Jesse decides to wear this on its own. It’s blue as well, but unlike any other blue he owns. It’s almost a teal kind of blue, and it reminds Beca of the dress Chloe was wearing when she spoke to her for the very first time at the start of Junior year.

(She doesn’t tell Jesse that but calls him a ‘dork’ and pushes him to ‘take it off and pay for it’ already.)

* * *

“Hey!”

“Jesus!”

Chloe presses her lips together like she’s sorry and Beca clutches her chest before she closes her locker all of the way. She takes a deep breath before speaking.

“What’s up, Beale?”

Chloe smiles at the nickname. “You excited for tomorrow?”

“I mean, I guess so. Jesse and I are gonna tackle cooking whatever we’re gonna bring tomorrow tonight.”

“Ooh.”

“Yeah. If any of you guys get food poisoning, don’t say we didn’t tell you so.”

With her locker now closed and her heart rate back to normal, she starts heading towards the direction auditorium and Chloe falls in to step beside her until…

“Crap. Wait.” Beca stops in her tracks.

Chloe is smiling like she’s trying not to before breaking into giggles beside Beca.

“I cannot believe you! You know we don’t have practice today!”

She swats at Chloe’s arm. Chloe’s hand comes to touch Beca’s over her arm, her other over her stomach, and she’s laughing. Beca feels her cheeks warm and her heart swell at the sight before her.

“You… you are something else, Beale.” 

She shakes her head, willing her body to quit it with how her cheeks tingle.

“It’s nice to know how dedicated you are.”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Chloe laughs a little more before she manages to link their arms together, still walking towards the direction of the auditorium.

“Wait, where are we going?”

Chloe looks at her with this little smile on her face that Beca really… she can’t get into how cute it looks.

“You ask a lot of questions don’t you?”

“Well, you could very well be leading me to my death, I think I deserve some answers before you slaughter me.”

Chloe’s chest bubbles with laughter. “Because a high school is the ideal place to murder someone?”

“I mean, no one’s around anymore, the teacher’s don’t give a shit after their last class ends—.”

“If I was a serial killer, I’d definitely think of a more creative place to carry out my crime.”

“Wow, I went ‘murder’ as in like, one time, and here you are talking ‘serial killer’ like it’s a hobby.”

“Didn’t you know?”

She keeps a barely serious straight face for like a second before her face splits into a grin. Before Beca can say anything else about it though, Chloe is slipping her arm away from Beca’s and taking her hand instead. She pushes open the door to the auditorium and begins leading Beca down the steps.

(She tries not to think so much about how Chloe’s hand feels in hers. Honestly, it’s stupid. She just isn’t used to affection. That’s all it probably is.)

They make their way down to the piano and Chloe is slipping herself onto the bench and letting her fingers roam over the keys.

“You still play?” Beca asks.

She knows Chloe used to take classes before when they were kids but then stopped when her family hit a little financial bump. She remembers asking her dad to get a ‘Piano for Dummies’ book the next time she was out with her family. She gave it to Chloe the very same day. (“So you could keep learning. There’s a CD inside with someone talking and everything, so you don’t have to read all the dumb words.”)

She wonders if Chloe still has it. Probably not.

“Sometimes. More now that I’m trying to write music for the play. Which…” She plays some keys. “Now that Jessica’s done with the script, we can totally focus on now!”

Beca smirks. “You know the last half of what she wrote is like unreadable, right?”

Chloe bites her lips and makes a face. “Yeah, but she’s fixing it, and I’ll actually have the readable version by tonight,” she gladly tells her.

Mhm. Beca decides to play devil’s advocate a little longer.

“And then there’s the topic of revising the whole thing because of the flow and things not working out—”

“Oh hush, party pooper, come sit.”

Chloe moves down the bench a little to make space for Beca and begins to play something that sounds like a memory. She doesn’t know how that’s even a _thing_ , but it reminds her of being in Chloe’s bed when they were kids and watching her lamp project a team of galloping horses on her ceiling.

“ _Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake… I think of what the world could be… A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take…_

There’s a soft smile on Beca’s face before she says, “you came up with music for it.”

“Mhm.” Chloe looks proudly at the keys. “After Jessica finished the script… I don’t know, I was just so happy. I went home and… I don’t know, sat at the piano for the first time in what feels like a while, and just… came up with it.”

“That’s great, Chlo.”

“Thanks…” Chloe is biting her lips and playing with her hands on her lap now. “Beca…”

“Yeah?”

“I…”

The door to the auditorium opens and it’s Bumper and Fat Amy vigorously making out.

“Oh my god—” Beca’s hand goes over her mouth as soon as she says it.

The face-suckers break apart.

“Oh… I thought… Hmm…”

Chloe is nodding her head beside Beca like ‘yup, we thought it’d be empty too’.

“Ah. Well, I guess we’ll just…” Amy reaches to pull the door open. It makes a horrible croaking sound before she and Bumper see themselves out.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Beca lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

She feels Chloe’s hand come up behind her and rub. “Traumatized?”

“ _Yeah_. Aren’t _you_?”

“I caught them under the bleachers while I was walking to practice a couple of weeks ago.”

“ _God._ ”

“Yeah… I’m pretty happy for them though. Bumper’s in a much better mood now that he has… well, you know, other activities to think about.”

“He’s still not happy about being cast as Dog Boy, huh?”

“Well, he’s come to terms with it now I guess.”

They fall into a gaze that Beca knows she needs to break before she starts thinking about how the skin of Chloe’s arm feels next to hers, or how her hair smells really good. Is it apple? It’s apple, isn’t it?

“So—” “I—”

“Oh—” “Oh—”

“You first,” Chloe offers before Beca has the chance to.

“I… um, should get going.” She tries not to notice how Chloe’s face drops right when she says that. “Don’t you have, um, practice? Though?”

“It’s cancelled today. Coach Catherine has the flu.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah… I was going to head home, but then I saw you, and I don’t know. I guess I thought we could spend time together?”

Beca’s heart rate speeds up exponentially.

“I mean, if you didn’t have anything to do that is,” Chloe amends herself. “I mean, we were walking, and I brought you here, and I thought that meant you didn’t have anywhere to go but if you do then I’m sor—”

“Chloe.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t have anywhere to be.”

“Oh. Oh, well… I mean if you wanna go home and rest too that’s fine, I can always just see you tomorrow. It was silly of me to think that you weren’t probably tired or something, which you probably are—”

“Chloe.”

“Mm?”

“We can work on your music together if you want.” 

Beca’s lips are pressed together in a small smile. Chloe seems to relax when she sees it and her face softens. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

They slowly but surely get to working on Chloe’s song. The girl tells Beca about why she started writing it. She says after reading the first two chapters of Jessica’s story, she was reminded of how she felt when she was a kid and her family was going through financial trouble. Jessica’s words reminded her of how hopeful she felt, how badly she just wished she could do something about what her dads were going through.

She remembers this time in Chloe’s life. Her dads were arguing more instead of playing Scrabble together or cooking up something delicious in the kitchen. Slowly, more and more, she’d notice things around Chloe’s house. Like the limited edition record player her dad had was no longer in its place in the corner of sitting room one day, how Chloe’s piano teacher stopped coming over, how more and more of the meals at Chloe’s house seemed to be repeating…

“And also… as I kept writing it… I kind of thought… about you.”

That has Beca looking away from the keys and at Chloe, which is a total mistake because Chloe’s right there waiting for their eyes to meet.

“I don’t know, it was just… such a hard time in my life, but… you made it better. I know you probably don’t remember or even think so, but sometimes… all the time… you being around was the only time I felt happy.”

Beca swallows.

“Everyone puts you down as this sort of… grump.” Chloe smiles at her a little then. “But you were _my_ grump. And you kept doing all of these things to try and make me happy. You even baked once because you know how much I love cookies, and they were burnt but I still ate them.”

“Oh God.” 

Beca looks up and tries to push that memory out of her head. Chloe could have _died_. Those cookies weren't _edible_. The redhead chuckles beside her and places her hand on Beca’s leg.

“What’s most important was that you were trying,” Chloe tells her. “Even if it probably wasn’t the most You thing, and you were just a kid like I was, but… you did it. For me. And I just… I don’t know, it made me miss you so much. Miss all of it, actually…”

( She thinks this is the night Chloe texted her randomly – not in the group chat – at like 1 in the morning.

**Chloe:** Hey… Are you up?  
**Chloe:** You probably aren’t and want to kill your phone right now for buzzing  
**Chloe:** I’m sorry if you are!  
**Chloe:** Sleep well, Beca.  <3 

Beca wasn’t asleep. But she was about to. She didn’t answer but thought about it until she fell asleep. The next day when Beca asked her about it, Chloe told her it was nothing, just a music question. )

Beca wets her lips. Chloe has fallen quiet. Her hand is still on Beca’s leg. When Beca looks over at her, Chloe’s eyes are cast downwards at her lap.

“You were the most important person in my life once, Beca…”

Beca feels her hands flex where it rests at her sides on the bench.

“It means more to me than you’ll ever know that you’re back in my life again.”

Chloe finally looks up at her.

Beca doesn’t know what to do. To say. Anything. She’s just staring at Chloe, and Chloe’s staring back, and she’s not sure if she imagines it but she thinks Chloe’s face is moving closer to hers and if she wasn’t in such a state of catatonic shock right now, she’d probably urge herself to move.

Then she feels it.

Chloe’s lips are on her cheek and it _burns_ like Beca’s never felt before.

“Thank you.” 

The words are soft against Beca’s skin before Chloe moves away to look at her face, probably to gauge her reaction to the action.

She has to speak. She knows she has to. She’s screaming at her brain to speak because she knows if she does nothing for too long, Chloe will think she did something wrong and feel hurt.

“Yup,” she manages to get out. If it sounds a little squeaky, she knows Chloe will ignore it. “No problem.”

Jesus, if Jesse were here right now, he’d be dogging Beca on how “she gave you all of _that_ and you gave her ‘yup, no _problem_ ’”?

Chloe doesn’t seem to have a problem with it though because she’s smiling at Beca before the hand on Beca’s lap moves to rest on top Beca’s hand on the bench. Chloe’s hand curls around it and gives it a little squeeze.

* * *

When Beca gets home, the first thing she does is collapse on her bed and stare at the ceiling.

She thinks about this palpable energy she feels between her and Chloe that lingers since the girl kissed her on the cheek. She doesn’t know what it means – doesn’t want to find out. She just hates how her cheek still feels like it burns even if it’s been hours.

Beca brings her hand to it and rubs.

( “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Mhm. Yeah.”

“Okay. Have a good night, Becs— _Beca_. Sorry.”

“I… it’s fine, Chlo.”

The look Chloe gives her has so much in it thatif Beca was sitting in the car instead of talking to Chloe through the window, she’s sure she’d get another press of Chloe’s lips to her cheek.

“Oh. Um, okay. Cool.”

“Yup.”

“Goodnight?”

“Goodnight, Chloe.”

“Sleep tight!” Chloe yells out of her window as she drives away.

It’s 6:40PM but sure, she’ll do that. )

Before Beca can spend any more time agonizing over what it all means, her phone buzzes and she pulls it out of her pocket to read the text.

 **Jesse:** Still coming over to cook?

Shit. Right. Yeah, they were going to do that.

**Beca:** yeah  
**Jesse:** Cool  
**Jesse:** I’ll be over in 10 to pick you up  


* * *

They try to make brownies and a pound cake but it fails tremendously. It’s actually incredible how badly they managed to mess up. Jesse’s mom – who is a baker and owns a catering business – somehow managed to detect that one of them forgot to put eggs in the cake batter (probably Beca), and that there’s too much salt in the brownies (Jesse).

( “You know how people put a pinch of salt in orange juice to make it taste better? People do that with chocolate too!”

“No, they don’t!”

“Do too!”

Sprinkle. Sprinkle. Accidental mountain of salt.

“I told you.”

They tried to scoop out what they could but it’s hard to get salt out of batter. )

“You know what’s really funny? I was supposed to make the pound cake and Beca wanted to make the brownies.”

“How is that funny, honey?”

“Well, I don’t know, I just think it’s pretty cool how we did a switch somewhere in the middle.”

“Probably how it all got messed up,” Beca mutters.

So, it’s 8 in the evening in they’re at the supermarket. It’s probably not that weird – there are some people here – but Beca feels out of place. She pushes the cart and Jesse tries not to buy the store out of Gushers.

“Dude, you don’t need that many.”

“Do you know how LITTLE they give you in a pack like this?”

They end up in the frozen food aisle. They’ve decided that they couldn’t go wrong with chicken nuggets and tater tots. Jesse with the nuggets, and Beca with the tater tots. They’ll throw it all in the oven before they leave for the beach and put it one of those large container things with the foil on top that Jesse’s mom has.

“Guess you two gave up on cooking?”

It’s Luke. Wearing a tacky red vest with the place’s logo on it.

“Dude, you work here?” Jesse asks.

“I’m covering for someone,” he replies in a manner that’s akin to telling someone to ‘chill’.

They both stare at him until he gives in and admits, “my brother,” so that they’d leave him alone.

They didn’t know that.

“Is his name Matthew?” Jesse starts.

“Mark?” Beca chimes in.

It’s hilarious. To everyone but Luke.

(He was tagged in a photo by his mother a week ago of him in his Alter Boy days. It was the best thing that happened to any of them all week. His hair was parted in the middle. “Like the kid from Casper,” Jesse yelled when they all looked at it on Chloe’s iPad.)

“Ha ha, you guys are hilarious.” He rolls his eyes. “His name is Timothy, so get your head of your asses.”

They both snort. “Still a Bible name,” Jesse says in a cough.

Luke just lets them have it. Beca’s come to learn that he’s a lot like her, especially once they got to know each other. He’d act all cool but is actually really friendly. He also does that thing Beca’s a pro at which is pretend to hate things until people break you down and make you admit you love them. He also loves music, even volunteered to work at a local radio station the summer before his Senior year. He also doesn’t see the hype over movies, which is probably one of the most important things about him.

Beca decides to give Luke some back up. 

“Isn’t your middle name Joseph?” She reminds her best friend.

“Isn’t your middle name Jane?” Jesse challenges her back.

Beca’s eyes widen at him, and Jesse noticeably shrinks away. They both know not to go into middle name territory.

“Your middle name is Jane?” Luke asks with a smile, clearly entertained.

“Shut up, no, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is,” Jesse insists, correcting her. “Rebeca Jane Mitch—”

Beca is pushing him and Luke is laughing.

After he rings them up and is bagging their things, he leans over the counter to tell Beca something in a hushed tone: “My middle name is Zephaniah.”

Beca’s brows lift in shock.

He winks at her before pressing his pointer finger to his lips and going, “shh.”

* * *

“I’m heading out!”

“Oh, Beca, wait--!”

Shoot. Right before she made it out of the door. She was ready, in an outfit she doesn’t think she’s ever worn in this combination before to appease Jesse, and almost made it without having to talk to her dad.

“Where are you going?”

“The beach.”

“For?”

“A party..?” She feels weird saying it, but ‘celebration picnic on the beach’ felt weird. “It’s just this thing with a couple of friends for the play.”

“Will Jesse be with you?”

“Yeeeees,” Beca answers, drawing the single syllable out.

She really wishes her dad would just hurry up with the interrogation because the bag of tater tots were cold and she would prefer to be at Jesse’s before they melted or something. She doubts they’ll taste the same if they’re baked after getting all damp.

“What time will you be home?”

“Ohmygod, _Dad_.” Beca gives him a ‘will you just please let me go’ look. “Soon. 8. 9. Definitely before midnight. Jesse will drive me home, I promise.”

Her dad gives her a once over before nodding his head slowly. “Alright. Fine. Text if you need anything.”

Beca rolls her eyes. “Alright. Jeez.”

“Be careful, Beca! Put on sunscreen!”

“It’s fall!”

“You can never be too safe!”

* * *

Jesse is driving down the road, feeling great, tapping on his steering wheel while ‘Feel It Still’ by Portugal. The Man plays.

Beca’s own foot taps to the beat from where she sits in the passenger’s side.

They managed to ‘cook’ the food without a hitch. ‘Perfect golden brown’ in Jesse’s words when they pulled it out of the oven after the desired time. They even did a taste test, and it took everything in the both of them to not keep eating.

They pass by McDonald’s to buy some dipping sauce. Jesse orders some fries for ‘in case if we get hungry’. The beach is honestly not that far, but she isn’t going to turn down fries from McDonald’s. They’re on the road again once they get their fries and sauce, and they cruise down the road and listen to music and it’s good.

“ _Thundah! Thundah! Lightning and the thundah!_ ”

Beca rolls her eyes and fights the smile that wants to be on her face. Jesse has a habit of being the biggest goof when this song comes on. He does this whole car dance with his shoulders and banging out a beat on the wheel.

“C’mon, Becs. Thundah! Feel the thundah!”

Beca shakes her head, lips pressed together in a pout of disapproval. “I’m not doing it.”

“Thundah! Thundah!”

“Nope.”

“Feel the thundah! Lightning and the thundah!”

The song changes to ‘Something Just Like This’ by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay, and Jesse sings along to it and Beca doesn’t mind. He does have a nice voice when he isn’t trying to pull crazy impressions while he’s singing. 

Beca joins in on the ‘doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo’ part, which she regrets immediately when Jesse breaks into this a really intense head bob when the chorus hits.

“Oh, God—” She’s hiding her face in her hands.

Jesse’s smiling at her like he’s proud of himself.

* * *

When they get to the beach, it isn’t a surprise that parking is kind of a bitch. It’s hard enough when the usual group goes somewhere and parks. It’s triple the trouble with the Dudebros and Benji’s visual arts team here too. They eventually find a space though.

( “Right under a tree too! C’mon, we were meant to find this.”

“Right under a tree and like the _farthest_ away.”

“You need to lighten up.” )

It’s breezy while they’re walking down to where everyone is set up. There’s a long plastic table arranged with all of the food. The thing that’s surprising though is the large tub with a keg and moat of ice around it.

“I’m guessing Dudebros found something to contribute,” Jesse says.

“Guess they did…”

They’re greeted by Cynthia Rose and Flo. Aubrey and Ashley are soon over to tell Jesse where he can place the food. Beca has to give Jesse a little nudge when he short-circuits upon seeing Aubrey, who looks more casual than Beca’s ever seen her before in a red dress with some flowers on it and a thin denim jacket tied around her waist. She almost wants to say ‘dress without a collar, wow’ but she bites her tongue and decides to be good today.

She looks around to take in the expanse of the beach that they reside in. Luke, Benji, and some Dudebros are playing soccer. The one she knows as Tom tries to make a pass and ends up slipping and hitting the water. She catches her laugh in her throat. Donald and Lilly are starting the fire. Beca’s eyes narrow at that because Lilly and fire seems… dangerous. She scans further until she sees it: Jessica and Chloe have propped up a sort of make-shift net and are playing volleyball. A few people she recognizes as Benji’s visual arts team is playing with them. And Donald.

“Do I look okay? Am I sweating?”

Jesse is beside her, noticeably nervous. He’s rerolling his sleeves again.

“Dude, quit it.” She swats at his hand. She finishes rolling up the sleeve he was fixing for him before letting her hands fall to her sides. “You look fine. Stop freaking out, you’ll sweat through your shirt.”

Jesse’s eyes widen when he realizes he has nothing but one layer. “Oh, God. I should’ve worn a shirt under this, I should’ve—”

“Jesse, calm down, okay? You’re gonna shit yourself. You look great. Just go join everyone and have a good time. You’ve spent months around Aubrey without acting like a nervous idiot, don’t let this stop you now just because she looks kind of hot today.”

“She does, doesn’t she? She’s beautiful, I can’t believe—”

“Ohmygod, just _go_.” 

She pushes him towards the boys playing soccer.

She decides to go over to Donald and Lilly to make sure the fire doesn’t get too out of hand. She knows nothing about building fires or controlling them, but she feels like sitting near them will somehow enforce her authority and keep whatever it is they’re both trying to build at bay.

It’s relatively chill until Stacie makes her late entrance with a new hair color.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Donald says.

Lilly’s mouth moves but nothing comes out.

Beca frowns before looking over her shoulder to figure out what’s so amazing. Stacie has dyed her hair to a sort of… gold-ish looking shade. Or like a really light brown or something. Beca can’t really describe what the color is but it’s nice. Then again, this is Stacie and anything would look nice on her. Nothing would look nice on her too. Beca shakes her head at that thought. Okay, weird. Let’s not get accidentally sexually here.

With the fire pretty settled, they go over to her and compliment her on the new ‘do. Everyone’s sort of rushing to her honestly, like a Greek fucking goddess just graced them with her presence and they couldn’t wait to bow down to her, which is probably not that far off to begin with anyway.

“Oh my god, Stace, looking good.”

It’s the first time Beca has heard Chloe’s voice. They see each other from across the little circle that has formed around Stacie and smile.

“So hot, babes,” Jessica or Ashley comment.

The compliments sort of go over each other at the rate they’re coming out. It’s all one giant blob of compliments about how hard everyone is for Stacie’s new hair. Stacie’s loving it.

“Aww, thanks, guys.”

Aubrey announces they can all eat now, and the circle disperses almost as quickly as it was made. Chloe sort of lingers though and Beca has a feeling she knows why.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you,” Chloe greets.

She waits for Beca to reach her before they go to the table together.

“Nice outfit,” Beca offhandedly comments.

Chloe looks down at herself and smiles before looking at Beca.

“Thanks. I’ve haven’t worn it since like, Sophomore year. Figured it was time for it to see the sun again.”

It’s sort of this like sea foam green camisole that Beca first thinks is grey and like a knitted thing over it that Beca can’t really explain in this deep dark green-blue.

“Sun?” Beca teases her. 

It’s not sunny at this beach, farthest thing from it. Then again, it’s also a little later in the afternoon.

“You know what I mean.” Chloe nudges her.

* * *

They sit beside each other near the fire to eat. Chloe asks her what she brought today and Beca points her plastic fork at the tater tots on Chloe’s plate. Chloe almost snorts. 

“Really wanted to whip out your complex cooking skills, huh?”

“You know me, here to impress.”

Chloe giggles beside her and they continue to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, chloe is wearing that outfit brittany wears in john tucker must die when they're all at the beach bc that was a Lewk. also chloe and beca going "yeah?" "yeah" is going to be my legacy. they do it way more times in future chapters.


	6. The Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca likes to run.

They eat, they share stories, and they laugh. It’s the kind of thing you see in movies (thanks, _Jesse_ ). Speaking of Jesse, he manages to sit by Aubrey and they’re actually talking to each other, and he makes her _laugh_ , which is an incredible feat in Beca’s mind – she had no idea Posen was capable of such a thing (she kids). Beside them, Emily teaches Benji the thumb-separated-from-my-hand trick, and it’s kind of the cutest thing – Benji looks so amazed. For someone who does magic tricks regularly, you’d think he’d have known how to do that. (Or if he’s just pretending he doesn’t know, then Beca has to give him mad props for having such game.)

“And you give _me_ so much smack for staring,” Chloe says, returning from the bathroom (which is a pretty decent trek) with Flo.

Beca smirks at her. 

“It’s Emily and Benji,” she shares.

Chloe settles beside her and looks. She sees how cute they are too and smiles back at Beca before taking her drink from the cup holder of the foldable seat she’s sitting in.

“I’ll bet you 5 bucks they get together before the year’s over.”

Beca looks at Chloe, who has the red solo cup by her lips as she gazes on.

“Hmm, I’ll take it. If it’s sooner than later, I win.”

“So from now until the play gets put on. That’s the timeline.”

“Deal.”

Beca takes her own cup and they clink on it.

It’s pretty mild for a bit until someone brings out the makings for s’mores. Chloe’s eyes light up in a way only a child’s can when the marshmallow bags are being tossed to everyone and one lands right in her lap.

It’s fucking ridiculous how happy she looks.

Beca’s not the biggest fan of s’mores. They’re delicious – don’t get her wrong – but they’re also such a hassle to make (who ever readily has a fire?) and so messy to eat. There’s also no attractive way to eat it. Unless you’re Stacie, in which case everything you do is attractive.

“Oh gosh—” Chloe is reaching over with her plate to catch the marshmallow that falls out of Beca’s s’more when she bites into it. “Tsk tsk, Mitchell. Where are you manners?”

Beca shoots her back a reply but it’s muffled with the s’more in her mouth so she just gives up and chews before washing it down with the water she switched to after finishing her beer.

“You’re the worst,” is the first thing she says when her mouth is empty.

Chloe just grins beside her like she knows and she’s proud of it.

* * *

Beca gets a call from her dad a little later and has to excuse herself, straying away from the fire and the music that Cynthia Rose has playing on the wireless JBL speaker she brought. She hates her dad for having terrible timing because she really wanted to get a video of Chloe rapping to Coolio’s ‘Gangster’s Paradise’. It doesn’t help that it takes a bit for her dad to finally hear what she’s saying. She _hates_ when that happens.

“Beca? Are you okay? How’s it going?”

“Fine, Dad, jeez. Is something wrong? Why are you calling?”

“Sheila cut herself making dinner tonight so we’re at the ER.”

Oh, shit.

“Is she okay?”

“I… She’ll be fine. Won’t have the use of her dominant hand for a while though. Sliced right across her palm.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

She knows why her dad is calling: he’s scared. The last time he was at the ER was when…

Beca shuts her eyes. 

“Hey, Dad, I’m gonna go now okay? I’ll text you when I’m on my way back. Bye—”

“Bec—” 

She sucks in a deep breath when the line cuts, letting the sound of the waves hitting the beach drown out the thoughts she’s so desperately trying to keep at bay. Her jaw squares, and she doesn’t even know she’s squeezing her phone so hard until someone points it out.

“What the phone ever do to you?”

She turns around to find Luke. He has a red solo cup in his hand, no doubt filled with beer.

“Just… nothing. Shitty call. It’s nothing.” 

She turns back around to focus on the waves.

She feels Luke come up beside her. As much as she normally doesn’t mind his company, she _really_ wants to be alone right now. But surprisingly, she doesn’t hear anything else. She turns to look at him and he’s just standing there, looking at the waves and drinking from his cup. Beca guesses she won’t mind if he doesn’t talk. But she’d still prefer to be alone though.

They stand beside each other for a while, letting the waves fill in for the talking they don’t do.

When Beca feels like she’s ready to walk back to the group and the fire, that’s when Luke speaks.

“Wanna listen to something?”

He’s moving to sit down on the sand. Beca swallows. She doesn’t know. But she does know she doesn’t want to sour everyone’s mood with how shitty she feels right now so she sits down beside him.

Luke takes out his earphones from the pocket of his shorts and plugs it into his phone. He hands one side to Beca before he puts the other in his ear and pulls up the song he wants her to listen to.

It starts with a couple of chords being played on piano. Not exactly what she expects someone like Luke to play, but she tries not to make any more assumptions and just listens.

 _I wash away_  
_In your river of gold_  
_I'm losing this_  
_On these dead-end roads_

_And I'm lost in the waters_  
_Your light is my shore_  
_I'm searching for answers_  
_Because all I know is I'm losing hope_

_I'm bathing in sunshine, lost in space_  
_Waiting for your sign to set me straight_  
_Where do I go from here?_  
_When will this road seem clear?_

It’s a gorgeous song. She likes how it doesn’t seem to get any louder than how it starts out. Beca doesn’t think she can handle anything loud or crazy something right now. It’s steady. Just what she needs at the moment. She wants to thank Luke, or something. Because he seemed to get it and in his own weird way try to make her feel better, she thinks. But she doesn’t know how. So instead, she just sits and listens, and they watch the waves until the song finishes.

* * *

She asks Luke what the song is called when it finishes. She makes note of the title and keeps it in mind for later when she gets home. She knows she’ll want to listen to it more later.

When they get back to the bonfire, Beca’s eyes widen and she stops in her tracks at the sight of Chloe kissing DudeBro Tom. She swallows. Everyone around them is hooting or whistling. Benji notices them standing not far off and gestures them to come back all the way.

“What are you guys doing? Come join us. We’re playing Truth or Dare.”

Oh God, Truth or Dare. What are they? Children?

Beca just kind shakes her head in a ‘hard pass’ fashion but Benji is adamant, waving them over some more before turning back to enjoy the game. Chloe and Tom break apart but it doesn’t slip past Beca that Tom is in what was once her seat and has his arm around Chloe now. Chloe is wiping her lips and there’s a smile on her face and this coy look in her eyes.

Beca’s hand flexes at her sides.

“Wanna go somewhere?”

Beca’s is brought out of her reverie. “Hm?”

Luke is looking on at the scene but has this sort of unimpressed pout on his lips.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asks again.

Beca doesn’t know what comes over her but she says ‘yes’, and her and Luke are slipping away.

* * *

In Luke’s car, Beca texts Jesse that she’s not feeling too good but ‘don’t worry, Luke is giving me a ride home’. Luke is not in fact driving her home. She doesn’t know where Luke is fucking taking her, but she doesn’t really care.

When Luke turns on the car, and Beca hears “ _oh, my, my, my_ ” come out of it, her hand is on the button and changing the station faster than Luke can blink.

“Not a fan?”

“I just… Don’t want to listen to it right now.”

Luke nods like he gets it before putting the car into gear and pulling out of the space.

* * *

She doesn’t care where they’re going. She doesn’t mind. To her knowledge, they’re honestly just driving. It feels like they’ve passed this same store three times already. When she finally breaks the quiet and asks Luke where they’re going, he just shrugs. It makes her laugh a little.

“Where do you want to go?” He asks, eyes not leaving the road.

Beca’s forehead creases at that. Like, _what_? If she says ‘to the fucking moon’, will he somehow end up taking her there?

“I… I don’t know.” But then she’s thinking of the moon, and then she’s thinking ‘stars’. She makes a snap decision as she settles back into her seat. “Anywhere we can get a good look at stars.”

Luke nods, and it’s not long before he’s taking a turn somewhere she thinks he hasn’t been roaming mindlessly around before.

* * *

They’re driving up towards the trail Beca realizes when they drive past Theo’s, which she looks away from once she sees. Luke parks his car as high up the trail as they allow for vehicles. He pulls into this space that’s closest to the ridge that’s lined with protective railing. They’re getting out, and he’s climbing up the hood of his car and lying down, hands going behind his hand.

Beca looks at him then looks around.

“Don’t be weird, nerd. Come on.” He removes his hand from behind his head momentarily to pat the place next to him on his car.

Beca doesn’t thinks she’s ever heard Luke refer to her as ‘nerd’ before as she’s climbing up and lying on the hood beside him, a foot or so in space between them. She tries to keep to ‘her side’ as much as possible. Luke doesn’t seem to care and is just looking up. She sees why when she looks up herself.

The stars look fucking great from up here. Obviously you’ll get a better view from higher up in the trail, but it’s still a pretty sight to look at.

Neither of them make a move to talk, and they just gaze. She doesn’t know why Luke’s acting like he is, but she doesn’t question it. She thinks of all people she’s encountered today, she appreciates him the most – for not asking, for not talking, for just driving (even if it was in circles around town).

Luke takes out his phone sometime later and is doing something on Spotify. Beca watches as he picks out a playlist entitled ‘deep af’ and presses the first track.

‘True Love Waits’ by Radiohead soon filters out of the phone. Luke places it between them and lies back like he did before.

“You have good taste in music,” Beca finds herself saying after a bit.

“Glad you noticed.”

She smirks. “Gee, Beca, thanks,” she tries, teasing.

“Gee, Beca, thanks,” Luke replies back, deadpan. But she notices a smile soon form on his lips.

He turns his head to look at Beca finally. She looks at him. She doesn’t know what it is. If it’s what he’s been for her this evening, if it’s the stars, if it’s this fucking song that’s really fucking great and makes her feel like all of the feelings she’s trying to suppress are swirling around inside of her… But she kisses Luke. And he kisses her back. And god, she doesn’t normally think this but: it’s fucking _good_.

And she thinks it’s so stupid, making out with Luke on top of his car while they’re under the stars and Radiohead is playing, but it’s also _nice_. Luke is the first person she’s kissed that’s actually _good_ at kissing. The first guy she ever kissed was probably trying to give her DIY lip augmentation with how often he pulled at her lips with his own. Then there was Craig, who turned out to be just as douchey as his name suggested down the line. Beca ended dumping a box of juice on him.

The song transitions to ‘To Build A Home’ by The Cinematic Orchestra, and Beca doesn’t know what it is, maybe how impressed she is with Luke’s music taste, but she kisses him harder, _hungrier_. And he returns the sentiment. It feels like they’re both trying to build as the song does, and honestly, she doesn’t fucking care how cheesy and scripted it feels. Her hands roam down his body and she almost groans when she fingers brush past the infamous abs that are often the star of his Instagram photos. And yes, she’s making out with a guy who takes shirtless pictures of himself to amass likes on Instagram. She knows it’s hypocritical of who she is. But his abs also feel _great_ , so she really doesn’t fucking care.

* * *

They stop making out when Luke’s playlist runs out. It’s awkward at first. They pull away, and Beca tries not to look at how Luke’s very clearly sporting a hard-on. Beach trunks aren’t your friend at times like this. A laugh slips past her lips that she tries to hush. Luke just smiles, shakes his head, and tells her to “shut up” in this fond little voice she’s never heard until now before helping her down the hood of this car. When she hops down and she’s trapped between his car and him, Beca looks at him with a raise of her brow.

“I feel like you meant for this to happen.”

He chuckles. “If I did, you’ll never now,” he jokes back.

He kisses her again. It’s soft, and she gives him brownie points for how he’s trying to keep the lower half of his body away from her while he does it. But his hands touch her face, and her hair, and she can tell he’s trying to make this mean something different.

He drives her home. Beca laughs every time he adjusts the material around his crotch on the way back. He tells her to “stop, Jesus” through a laugh. Beca pulls the “I’m not Jesus, I’m Beca” joke at him and he takes a hand off of the while to reach over and tickle her until she says yelps that she gives up. He shakes his head and tells her to play something.

Beca plays ‘Sally’ by Thundamentals and Mataya (her go-to ‘impress people’ song). Luke tells her “that’s fucking nice”, and they groove and dance to it in their seats.

Luke looks good when he’s dancing in his seat. It’s not like how Jesse does it. Luke has… god, she hates that this is the only term she can think of but ‘swag’. He’s confident and comfortable, and his arms look fucking great.

The next song Beca plays is ‘To Be Free’ by L D R U.

Luke groans like he’s attracted to the song, which he practically is with how he praises it.

“Holy fuck, Mitchell. Choice songs. Seriously.”

They both groove to it, and Beca feels happy for the first time since the call.

When they’re at a stoplight, Luke says it’s his turn to show her _his_ awesome taste in music because Beca’s been putting him to shame with all of the songs she’s been playing. She closes her eyes and shakes her head when she recognizes the opening beats of the song.

“No. No no no. No, Luke. No.”

“ _Now this is a story all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down, and I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air_ —”

If you told Beca that before the night was over she’d be listening to Luke Stanbraugh rap to the theme song of Fresh Prince after having made out with him on the hood of his car 30 minutes prior, she’d never believe you. But her night was full of surprises.

She ends the drive with ‘Settle’ by Vera Blue, which Luke compliments again.

(He also kisses her again before she goes.)

* * *

She checks her phone for the first time since she texted Jesse. She’s welcomed with a bombardment of notifications she isn’t sure she’ll ever get to. She scrolls past the string of notifications that are essentially just Jesse asking her where she is with an unnecessary amount of question marks before she gets to the notification that’s a reply to hers. 

**Jesse:** Luke? (eyebrow raise emoji, eyebrow raise emoji, eyebrow raise emoji)  
**Jesse:** Okay, text me once you’re home  
**Jesse:** Feel better, Becs [blue heart, hug emoji, swirling hearts emoji]

The next name she sees on her phone is Chloe’s.

 **Chloe:** Hey, where’d you go off to?  
**Chloe:** Beca?  
**Chloe:** Jesse just told me you weren’t feeling well and went home  
**Chloe:** Hope you’re feeling better  <3  
**Chloe:** Miss you…  <3

Beca pushes away the pang she feels in her chest then and keeps scrolling.

 **Stacie:** B, the fucUK Aare you??

There’s an image attached in Stacie’s next text, and from the way the girl typed her previous message, it’s an image Beca knows she has to see. She taps open the chat and risks all of the ‘seen’s.

It’s an image of Stacie sticking her tongue out near the bonfire, holding a bottle of vodka. Cynthia Rose and Lilly photobomb the picture by doing peace signs behind her.

Beca smiles a little and types out a reply.

 **Beca:** home  
**Beca:** didn’t feel good  
**Beca:** have fun [thumbs up emoji]

For someone who looks that drunk in the photo, Stacie replies back with surprising speed, just moments after Beca’s last text.

 **Stacie:** misssS Uyyo!

Then there’s too many heart and kiss lips emojis to count. Beca leaves her on read and moves on to look at the rest of her notifications without actually clicking on the chats. There’s a few from Emily, one from Benji saying he hopes she feels better and to try Tums if it’s a stomach thing. Amy sends her a text calling her the ‘winner of French exits’ and there’s a bowing gif in her next message.

As she’s scrolling through her chats, her phone buzzes again. She thinks it’s Luke. But the bar on top of her screen reads ‘Chloe’ with ‘image attached’. Against her better judgment, Beca opens it.

Chloe sent her a picture of the moon.

 **Chloe:** Wish you were here…  <3

Beca doesn’t know what to feel. She knows Chloe can see that she’s seen the message already though. Hopefully, she’s drunk enough like Stacie for it not to matter whether Beca replies or not.

* * *

_Beca? Bec?_

She stirs awake to the sound of her dad’s voice. The sunlight leaking through her window _attacks_ her because she forgot to draw the blinds last night, and she hates herself for it.

“Mmm?” She squints open an eye and uses her hand to shield the light. “What?”

“There’s someone here for you.”

Beca gives him an incredulous look because it’s— _11:40_ in the fucking morning on a _Sunday_. Who the hell?

He pushes the door wider to reveal Chloe beside him. Beca wants to roll off of her bed and hide, but it’s too late for that now because Chloe has met her eyes and flashes her this little smile that if Beca wasn’t so concerned about how she looked like a little monster in the morning, she’d actually return.

Her dad lets Chloe through.

“There’s a plate of breakfast for you downstairs if you want it, Bec. Chloe, do you need anything?”

“I’m okay, Mr. Mitchell. Thanks, though.”

“Okay.” 

He flashes Chloe this kind smile that Beca wonders she’ll ever be on the receiving end of before closing the door behind him. One thing she has to credit her dad for? He always closes the door and doesn’t leave it open like some _monster_.

Beca sits up even if it feels like a chore. She probably looks like a mess and she honestly feels like one, but it’s not like she can do anything about that now. Chloe is lingering on the side of her bed like she’s waiting for Beca to wake up a little more before speaking.

“So…” Beca huffs. “This is a surprise.”

Her blanket has bunched below her waist and her hands are on her lap. She doesn’t really look at Chloe, mostly staring ahead at the trash storm her desk is.

Chloe edges into her line of sight and asks if she can sit. Beca gestures ‘go ahead’. She wants to say “well, since you’re already _here_ ” but she keeps that to herself. She doesn’t know why she feels so annoyed at Chloe (other than the dropping-by-her-house-unexpectedly-on-a-Sunday thing). Maybe it’s also because Chloe looks fucking great and Beca probably looks like a troll. But she argues in her head that it’s because she just woke up and Chloe’s probably been awake since 4.

“I was really worried about you last night,” Chloe starts a little hopefully. “You didn’t answer my texts but you read them, and I don’t know, I guess I just couldn’t go through with the rest of my day wondering about you so I came over.”

It’s so fucking sweet and endearing and _Chloe_ , and she hates that she feels the way she does towards her right now. She’s done nothing wrong but every fiber of her being just screams ‘irritated’ when she looks at the girl.

Beca doesn’t say anything, so Chloe fills the silence in for the both of them after a beat.

“No one got sick from your tater tots,” she says with a smile. “That’s good, right?”

She’s really trying here. She probably has no idea why Beca is acting the way she is and if Beca was in Chloe’s shoes, she’s be terrified. Why can’t she make this any easier for Chloe?

“How’d you get home last night?” She wonders out loud. “You didn’t get a Lyft did you?” She suggests, her tone concerned. “You could have told me you weren’t feeling well and I could have driven you.”

She knows. She knows Chloe would have. Without a doubt.

“Luke drove me home,” is what Beca says.

“Oh.”

Yeah. 

She hates how the look on Chloe’s face makes her feel like… well, she doesn’t know what it feels like. It’s not a good feeling though. She hates it. She wants to get rid of it as soon as possible. She hates that she made Chloe feel that way.

“What time did you get home?” She finds herself saying, her voice a little lighter than before.

Chloe seems to respond to Beca’s new tone, her expression lightening a little.

“Around 11, I think? Almost midnight maybe. I had to take care of Stacie… Aubrey drove us home. We went back to the beach earlier today to pick up our cars.”

Beca nods. She can imagine that drive. She smiles at the thought of Chloe holding Stacie’s hair back while Aubrey yells about making sure Stacie doesn’t throw up in her car.

“There’s never been so much yelling my whole _life_. And Dad accidentally spoiled Breaking Bad for Daddy once,” Chloe remarks, chuckling a little. “Did I mention Fat Amy was in the passenger’s seat? Because _yeah_.”

She laughs lightly. Beca smiles to herself. She hates how Chloe doesn’t look anywhere but the hands on her lap for the most part though. God, Beca feels like a _dick_.

“Hey.” She reaches out, poking Chloe on the arm.

Chloe turns her head to finally look at Beca.

“Thanks for coming to see me,” she says, a genuine look of appreciation on her face. “I know I kind of ghosted, and probably worried a lot of you, and that wasn’t cool.”

Chloe doesn’t say anything but she nods like she understands.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts…” Beca finds herself saying. “I… I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know what to say,” she admits, looking at her hands.

She thinks it’s going to be quiet forever until Chloe pierces the silence with a question she doesn’t expect.

“…Did I do something _wrong_?”

That right there _breaks_ Beca. Her head snaps up and she feels herself crumble when she looks at the girl in front of her and finds there are tears in her eyes.

“What? No. God, no, Chlo. I just— I don’t know what happened to me. I got a phone call from my dad, and I just didn’t—” She reaches out and touches Chloe’s leg. “I’m sorry.”

Chloe is nodding repeatedly, shaking her head and wiping at her eyes, muttering something about being sorry for crying and that it’s stupid. Beca just wants to go over to her and tell her to not cry, and that _she’s_ sorry for making _her_ cry, and—

She’s on her knees with her hand on Chloe’s shoulder before she realizes what she’s doing. Chloe seems surprised for a beat but soon enough, Beca is breathing in her perfume and Chloe’s arms are around her, head buried into the side of Beca’s neck.

She doesn’t know what to do. Other than wanting to not be kneeling on her bed right now, her next instinct is to just let her arms relax around Chloe, so she does that and lets the girl sniffle against her shoulder.

“I’m sorry…” Beca is whispering again, her words soft against the curls of Chloe’s hair.

She feels Chloe sniffle against her, clearly trying to get her tears to stop. They stay that way for a bit: Chloe, unmoving, hugging Beca, and Beca, knees ever suffering (she thinks this is punishment for being a dick so she accepts it with grain of salt), rubbing up and down Chloe’s back in hopes to sooth her.

Chloe moves away first but only to say, “God, your knees must be killing you right now.”

“Yes, they are, oh Christ—” Beca falls back against her pillows and stretches her legs, but they’re feeling a little crampy.

Chloe is holding back a laugh in front of her, but also reaches out to squeeze at Beca’s calves a bit. She’s not sure if it does anything, but it’s still pretty relaxing.

“God,” Beca huffs.

Chloe giggles. 

“Chloe,” she corrects jokingly.

“Oh, shut _up_.” 

She pushes at Chloe with her foot. Chloe laughs and swats at said foot lightly. They both settle from the laughter and are breathing steadily.

Chloe is smiling at her. The sun from her open window does this ridiculous thing to Chloe’s hair that makes her looking 20 times more gorgeous than she already does.

“You look like a painting,” Beca says. And is shocked when she realizes it’s _out loud_. But she stands by it.

Chloe just grins at her.

“You look like one too. ‘Girl with bedhead’. It’s a 2017 addition.”

Beca’s lips widen into a grin and she’s stretching her leg to push at Chloe’s thigh again but the girl dodges, scooting further down her bed where she can’t reach.

“No fair. I’m vertically challenged.”

“Wouldn’t you be horizontally challenged right now?”

“Whatever.”

Beca moves to sit up and huffs when some hair falls on her face. She watches Chloe scoot back to where she once was, flattening her shirt down.

“You were really worried about me?” Beca then asks after a moment of looking at her.

“Of course,” Chloe answers like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

There’s a beat of them looking at each other before Beca breaks the stare and makes a move to get up.

“I should get cleaned up a bit. Can’t be a walking _painting_ all day,” she teases.

Chloe giggles. Beca is painfully aware of how she’s watching her once she’s up and walking around, tying her hair into a messy bun.

“Um, you can just like, I don’t know—wait here for a sec.” She goes over to her desk and clicks her computer awake. “I have this really funny video of Jesse trying to do one of those one man Disney cover acapella things here if you want to see it.”

She double clicks on the video for Chloe and maximizes the screen.

“He spent all of a long weekend trying to do that,” Beca informs her before going into her bathroom, closing the door behind herself.

Then she lets out a deep exhale before looking at herself in the mirror.

If she smiles when she sees herself, no one will know for sure but her.

* * *

Beca looks and feels a lot better when she steps out of her bathroom. She throws a hoodie on over her pajamas. Chloe tells her Jesse’s video is actually really good and her eyes are wide like she’s impressed. Okay, maybe the video is _actually_ good, but it’s _Jesse_ , so she refuses to give him credit for it.

They end up going downstairs to have lunch instead of late breakfast together. There’s still a plate of breakfast kept warm for Beca that her dad sets at the table, but she doesn’t touch it. Chloe takes a waffle though and says ‘ooh brunch’ or something about brunch and how she really enjoys it. Her dad is drinking coffee, leaning on the kitchen counter and watching them eat. Sheila is upstairs taking a nap and Beca is thankful for that, even if she does wonder about the woman’s hand a little bit. She notices the dark circles under her dad’s eyes despite him smiling. She wonders how he feels about spending time in the ER last night.

“Bec, are you doing anything today?”

Beca swallows before answering, “Just get visited randomly by some weirdo unnecessarily early but other than that, nothing.”

Chloe scrunches her nose at her and reaches over to poke at Beca’s side. Beca leans away to dodge it, chuckling lightly into her coffee. Beca had teased her earlier by saying she shouldn’t be knocking on anyone’s door that early on a Sunday morning, and Chloe defended herself by saying ‘it was almost noon anyway’ and that ‘most people would have been awake’. Her dad made some comment about how they were ‘so cute’ and Chloe had blushed.

“Wanna work on some music today? At my place?”

Beca chews thoughtfully. She hasn’t been at Chloe’s since… well, since forever. She isn’t even sure if she still lives in the same place. 

“Are you still living in the same place?”

“Mhm.” Chloe nods. “There’s been a lot of additions though. There’s like this whole other room on top of the garage, and they’ve added this cute little balcony on the second floor. And there’s a patio out back now where Daddy grills, and this cute lil garden. You’ll love it.”

Beca gives her a face like ‘I’ll love a ‘cute lil _garden’_?’. Chloe just sticks her tongue at her and continues on.

“And the whole thing has been repainted. Still the same shade though since they love it and it felt like a staple. We also have a really cute dog house outside now that Daddy built himself for Beans.”

“Beans?”

“My dog!”

Beca smiles. “You have dog now?”

“Yeah! He’s this black lab rescue. We got him like, two years ago. I can’t remember life without him though.”

“Well, the dog did it: I’m sold.”

“Yay!”

(Honestly, she was sold the second Chloe asked her.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk about you guys but i don't _hate_ beca and luke, like... i was kind of into it when i was writing them. also how gay is beca being like "you look like a painting" to chloe. fuckin neRD.


	7. Beale Residence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca adores Chloe's home. Beca adores Chloe Beale, period.

The first thing Beca notices when she gets out of Chloe’s car is the dog house she was talking about earlier, which Beca feels should be better described as a dog _mansion_. Or a mini home that a dog just happens to reside in.  


It’s elevated off of the grass (“in case it floods or really, it’s just better to protect the structure of his home”), it has a porch, some potted plants (because Beans _needs_ a splash of green in there), and even a little window.

‘123 Woof Lane’ is written outside of it beside the—there’s a fucking _mailbox_?

“Beans, come here, baby!” Chloe calls out, patting her thighs as she goes closer to it. And just like that, a shiny black lab comes bounding out with a chew toy in its mouth. It’s immediately dropped in exchange for slobbering all over Chloe’s face.

It’s cute, but Beca can’t help but wonder how Beans’ breath smells.

“Beans, this is Beca!”

Cue Beans bounding for her. Beca lets out a little ‘whoa’ when Beans jumps on her, clearly stoked for her arrival that he knew nothing about. He’s really adorable though, so Beca pets him tentatively before bending over and giving him better pats along his back.

“I’m guessing he’s the world’s greatest guard dog?” Beca teases when Beans jumps on, paws on her shoulders, trying to lick at Beca’s face. She just gives in and kneels on the ground, letting Beans get at her.

Chloe is watching them with a smile on her face and her arms crossed over her chest.

“It’s a work in progress. I think he’s just into it because he knows you’re with me.”

“Intuitive, hm?” She says. Or at least tries to say. Beans is getting really good coverage on her and her words come out more like ‘in-mm-mmhm, mm?’.

It’s right then that one of Chloe’s dads come out, probably having taken notice of what’s going on out front.

“Chlo, honey? It’s that— _Beca Mitchell_? It’s that _you_?”

Beca tries to lean away from Beans and stand then to tell Chloe’s father that it is in fact her, but mid-rise, Beans gets a good grip on her and knocks her over, climbing over on her on the ground to keep licking at her face.

“Ah. Beans. Gross—!”

She hears Chloe chuckling before Beans moves off of her. He now sits at Chloe’s side with his tail wagging vehemently. Oh, so _now_ he’s good? Chloe lets go of his collar and pats him on the head before reaching out a hand to help pull Beca up.

“Thanks,” she mutters, dusting off her pants.

Chloe’s dad reaches them then. It’s Eric. The younger of the two, clad in a sweater with a pattern that normally would be ugly on anyone else, but he manages to rock it.

“Mr. Beale. Hey,” Beca greets, giving a small wave. It’s a little awkward but Beca really doesn’t know what else to do. She hasn’t been here in ages.

But Eric is smiling at her, extending his arms before he wraps Beca in a hug.

She sees Chloe smiling at the exchange over her dad’s shoulder.

“Gosh, I haven’t seen you since forever! What, you were this tall when we last saw you? Like 11? 12?”

“No, she’s exactly the same height as she was back then too, Dad,” Chloe says, coming up beside him.

Beca narrows her eyes at Chloe and she laughs. Mr. Beale laughs too, his arm coming to rest around Chloe in a side hug.

“Gosh, it seems like it was just yesterday, huh?”

He’s looking at her like he still remembers when she and Chloe used to run around the front yard. It was much crowded back then though, with more shrubs around the sides that they’ve now cleared out in exchange for some clean-cut grass and white fence.

“I guess so,” is all Beca can really think to say to that, offering a small shrug and a smile. “You’re looking great, Mr. Beale.”

“Ah, Mr. B,” he corrects kindly. “You know I’m the cool one.” He winks at her.

Beca grins. That’s where Chloe learned her wink alright.

“I’d normally hate anyone in that sweater,” she admits, eyes widening when she realizes she shouldn’t have said that, but she relaxes upon hearing Mr. Beale’s laughter.

“Thanks, B. You know I keep it tight.” He pops the non-existent collar of his shirt.

Other Mr. Beale comes out then. “Eric? What’s going on? I— Beca?!”

Beca lifts her lips to show her teeth upon her second recognition of the day as Other Mr. Beale walks over.

“Oh my Lord, I’ve _missed_ you.” She’s enveloped in another hug. 

Yeah, Chloe’s family were huggers alright.

He moves away but his hands are still on Beca’s shoulders, taking her in.

“God, you grew didn’t you? I especially love these.” He lifts one hand off to point at her ear piercings.

Beca blushes. “Um, thanks. My dad calls them ‘monstrosities’ so that’s really nice.”

He chuckles. “Oh, John Mitchell. I’ll tell you, he’s still just as straight-laced as he was back in college even if he thinks he was ‘edgy’.” Other Mr. Beale makes finger quotes.

And oh yeah, Other Mr. Beale and her dad used to go to the same college. Her dad was a dork who told people he listened to rock to be cool, and Chloe’s dad was like a computer nerd but totally embracing it and actually well-loved. That’s sort of how they – Beca and Chloe – met. Chloe’s dad saw her dad in the court yard during pick-up, and they got to talking and introduced their children.

“Told you he’s rocking the salt and pepper hair, right?” Chloe comments, clicking her tongue.

Beca actually pays attention to Other Mr. Beale’s hair then. He looks good with salt and pepper hair. Like, he actually _knows_ what to do to his hair and style it rather than what her dad does and just sort of cuts it short and lets it grow and cuts it short and lets it grow.

“Better than anyone I’ve ever seen with it,” Beca says.

Chloe’s dad blushes and hushes her, touching his locks. 

“Well, I had to do something to make it decent without dyeing it, so now I own so much hair product, this one blames me for taking up all the cabinet space.”

Mr. B laughs then. “I have one thing. You have twenty.”

“I only have 6 different hair things.”

“And 14 other hair sprays, babe.”

Mr. Beale rolls his eyes because he can’t argue, and then he’s urging everyone to come in the house because he has to show Beca what they’ve done to the place, and it honestly feels like Beca hasn’t been gone for as long as she has. Chloe waits to her and takes her hand before they step inside.

Beca lets her.

* * *

There are a lot of changes to Chloe’s home. The front yard is obvious. It’s more clean and organized than it was before. Before, it was more ‘rustic’ if a front yard could be described that way, all hedges and untamed shrubs that Chloe’s parents could only trim to alleviate. In addition to the outside having been repainted to look polished and fresh, the entire inside has been repainted too. And redone. There are less walls than she remembers. It’s more open. The fireplace has been switched out to something more inviting than scary. She also thinks they got new windows. And the window seat has definitely been redone. Everything looks gorgeous and put together with purpose.

The kitchen is _awesome_. It’s more contemporary but still has this cozy, rustic feel to it, much like the rest of Chloe’s house. Almost everything has been switched out and redone. But Beca still recognizes the rooster clock. They didn’t get rid of that. Beca smiles at the photos of Chloe and her family on the fridge. There are also a lot of signs in the kitchen used as décor.

There are block letters that say ‘eat’ near the cupboards, three signs in a column on the wall that are clearly a set that say ‘thankful’, ‘grateful’, and ‘blessed’. There’s one that says ‘sip happens’ near their wine rack. Beca thinks her favorite is the one that says ‘I’ll be your glass of wine if you’ll be my shot of whiskey’.

Chloe notices her reading all of them and leans over to whisper, “those ones are my favorite”, and gestures to a set of 6 old cutting boards that have been repurposed and engraved with puns that she’s sure someone should get shot for. 

‘ _Whip it. Whip it real good._ ’ with a drawing of a whip.

‘ _Chop it like it’s hot’_ with a drawing of a knife.

‘ _What the FORK is for dinner?_ ’ with, you guessed it, a fork drawing.

‘ _Bakers gonna bake bake bake bake bake’_ with a cupcake.

‘ _Just beat it’_ with an egg beater.

And finally, what has Beca closing her eyes and shaking her head: ‘ ** _They see me rollin’_** (drawing of a rolling pin) **_they hatin’_**.’

“You paid for that?” Beca says, disbelieving.

Chloe giggles, and says, “it’s art” before moving forward, dragging Beca along by the hand.

Her dads talk while they tour, and honestly, the house is incredible. Beca’s glad they finally have it how they’ve always wanted after all of this time. She knows they had a rough go at it in the start. Or at least she knows _now_ that they had a rough go at it in the start.

“It’s really great, you guys,” she tells them truthfully. 

It’s cozy, and fresh, and nicely decorated in a way Beca’s house could never be. Beca’s house is just boring with white walls and some photos, and furniture that looks like it was there when they bought the place.

Mr. B and Mr. Beale are holding each other when they blush and thank Beca for her kind words. Mr. Beale also tells her they’re in the middle of baking before _someone_ – he looks at Mr. B then – decided to change the record and ‘never come back’. Mr. B makes a ‘you got me’ face. They tell the girls they’ll be in the kitchen finishing their honey almond fingers and bread rolls (“which should be done rising by now”), and that Chloe should show Beca the rest of house (“feel at home, look around, take selfies with the paintings we made”). She sees Chloe roll her eyes fondly beside her.

“They’re really proud of it,” Chloe tells her when they’re walking up the stairs. “The paintings.”

“When did they get into it?”

“Like a couple of months ago? I took a class with Stacie for fun. They liked what I brought back so much, they decided to take a class of their own. They’ve been going every other week since.”

Beca finds herself smiling at that. It’s sweet. She doesn’t even care what her dad and Sheila do, or know if they ever go on date nights or any classes together at all. They probably do, maybe, but Beca tunes that out or doesn’t really care.

On the second floor, the walls of the hall are adorned with photos of Chloe and her family. There’s one of a younger Chloe on her dad’s back, Mr. Beale with his arm around his husband and Chloe kissing his head. There’s a little set of three pictures where it’s all three of them in their kindergarten graduation gown. It’s freakin’ adorable. Chloe is behind Beca when she looks at it and she rests her chin on Beca’s shoulder as the shorter girl takes in the details.

“I can’t believe my dad and I both had a missing tooth then. So many years apart but still.”

“I’m convinced your dad can rock anything. Missing tooth, sweater with questionable design. He can do it all. He can probably wear a fedora and not come off douchey.”

“Oh, definitely,” Chloe agrees.

They move on down the hall. Beca takes in more pictures as she passes them. There’s this set of hanging photos once they pass a built-in book shelf that has Beca stopping in her tracks to stare a little closer.

It’s them. Chloe’s running around the front yard with water balloons in her hands. Beca is there, laughing after being surprised by the sprinklers. ‘Happy 7th Birthday’ hangs above them in letters.

“I love that picture,” she hears Chloe say.

When Beca turns her head, Chloe’s face is closer than she would have expected. Their eyes meet after a moment of Beca staring at her, and it’s this quiet but heavy silence between them before they’re interrupted by the sound of heavy pattering.

She’s never been so relieved to see that slob monster in her life.

* * *

They make it to Chloe’s room eventually, only stopping once more to look at a particular family portrait.

(She can tell it’s recent. She actually recognizes the shirt Chloe is wearing: blue with black stripes. She’s on Mr. B’s back, laughing. Mr. Beale is beside his husband and daughter, hand on Chloe’s back as he holds the collar of a smiling Beans. And yes, she didn’t know that dogs could smile but that’s definitely a dog-grin if she’s ever seen one, even if it really is just Beans with his mouth open and tongue out.)

Chloe’s room is different than she expected. She actually… didn’t know what to expect at all, really. In her mind, Chloe’s room still has pale cream walls and a cotton candy carpet. But that’s not what it is now. Her walls are the same color of the walls of the hall, if not a shade lighter. Her floors are hardwood but there’s rug and a line of carpet. Chloe’s room is the kind of room where it’s a hall before it spreads out into a room. There’s now a window seat with tall windows on the right side of Chloe’s room. The place feels bigger now somehow, and she thinks Chloe can tell what she’s thinking because soon she’s telling Beca, “it’s a different room. My old room is daddy’s office now.”

So that’s why. She knew the right side of Chloe’s wall didn’t have a window.

Chloe thankfully grew out of her ‘pink’ and ‘fluffy things’ phase. Her room is more mature and composed now, yet filled with warmth and creativity. She has a keyboard against one wall, a basket with blankets beside it (“you can never have enough blankets,” Chloe says when Beca gives her a look for it), 3 photos with black frames are on the wall above it. The photos are black and white, and it looks like places around their town.

“That’s my ‘I think I’m a photographer’ phase.”

“It’s nice,” Beca tells her, admiring the detail and angle of the photo. 

Chloe managed to make their town look like it was actually worth giving a second look.

All around the room, there’s art. If it’s not serious photography like the 3 monochrome photos, it’s photos of Chloe and her friends – mostly polaroids or photo strips. There’s a photo of her and Aubrey, holding each other and laughing. There’s one of Chloe, smiling but looking away from the camera. She sees the ‘18’ candle on the cake in front of her in the picture and deduces it must have been from her birthday.

“Yeah, I, um—” Is Chloe actually blushing? “I kept that because Stacie took it and wrote something really funny on the back. It’s silly.” She shakes her head before stepping into the bathroom, telling her she’ll ‘be right back!’.

Beca doesn’t know if Chloe meant the photo or what Stacie wrote but she looks great in it. Beautiful, even.

Chloe’s bed is pushed into the corner of the wall. Twinkle lights garnish the wall and the bookshelf at the foot of it. There’s also an ottoman in front of the bed that Chloe has used to stack books on top of. Beca sees the Calc book at the very top of the stack and wants to gag. (It also reminds her she hasn’t done her homework.)

She finds herself sitting on Chloe’s bed while she waits for the girl to step out of the bathroom. She wonders how many people have sat in this very spot, who comes here, who spends time with Chloe and shares her world. It used to be Beca. But now she’s sure Chloe has a bunch more people in her life that are far more interesting.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Chloe flicks off the lights of the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. She sits next to Beca.

“What d’ya think of the place?”

“It’s pretty,” Beca tells her honestly, looking around the room. “Very you.”

Chloe makes a face in the midst of her smile. “Very me? What does _that_ mean?”

“I don’t know, very… warm, and filled with good things and stuff.”

“You think I’m warm and filled with good things… and stuff.” 

Chloe laughs lightly at her own joke. Beca pushes at her shoulder playfully. 

“Shut up, you know what I mean. It’s a nice room, Beale. A lot nicer than mine,” Beca admits.

Chloe’s room has character. Beca’s room… is a _mess_.

Beca has no photos on her wall. Or any photos at all actually. Well, that’s a lie, she does have _one_. But it’s not even hers. It’s Jesse’s photo of the both of them that was taken at the park when it was holding an all-day screening of classic 80s movies. The only reason he managed to drag her along was because they got into a fight that week that was definitely Beca’s fault, and she felt bad. He took the picture to commemorate the memory and the event. He had printed it using Beca’s printer but forgot it the very same day. Beca has never remembered to give it back to him, so it just sits there on her desk, propped up by being wedged between the hands of this robot pencil sharpener that she doesn’t even remember buying.

“What are you talking about? I love your room. I may have only been there for an hour, but all those records you have? CDs? It’s _awesome_.”

Beca doesn’t spend on much, but when she does, it’s on mixing gear and music.

“I like the picture you have of you and Jesse on your desk.”

“Oh my god, that’s not even mine.”

“Why is it on your desk?”

“Jesse forgot it and never took it back!”

“Oh gosh. You two…” Chloe shakes her head.

Beca is shaking her head and gulps a little when she feels Chloe’s head on her shoulder.

“It’s nice having you back here. Or well, it’s not the _same_ room, but you know what I mean. My house. You. It’s a good combination.”

“Yeah, I mean, I’d spend time with this house any day. I could take or leave you being there.”

Chloe laughs, pushing at Beca’s arm before resting her head back on the girl’s shoulder.

“I want you here all the time,” Chloe says simply, sighing.

Beca doesn’t know what to say to that. She feels her cheeks begin to tingle so she bites the inside of her cheek to ignore it. Chloe’s hand has come up to rest on her knee, her thumb moves back and forth simply against the material of her jeans.

Beca is just about to say something when she phone buzzes. She doesn’t know if she is thankful or not for the distraction because she isn’t sure if what she was just about to say was stupid or not. Instead of deliberating over it, she swipes her thumb across the screen to unlock her phone and blinks when she sees it’s a text from Luke.

 **Luke:** “i can’t stop thinking about all the songs you played last night” is what this text says so i don’t have to be honest and write “been wondering when would be a good time to send you a text”

Beca hates that she’s smiling before she realizes. Chloe is clearing her throat and moving away from her, walking towards the keyboard across from them. Beca watches her before she locks her phone without a second thought and stands up.

“So… music, right?”

“Mhm,” Chloe says, finally looking over her shoulder from where she was fiddling with the keys of the keyboard.

* * *

It feels tense for the beginning of it and Beca is unsure as to why. Chloe is talking to her, but she seems… distracted, or something else Beca can’t really place. She feels like it gets a bit better after she leaves the room momentarily to get her laptop and mixing gear from the backseat of Chloe’s car (where she had forgotten it like a champ.) Beans and his doghouse were really distracting, okay?

She’s not sure if the uneasy energy goes away, or she just finds it easier to ignore once she’s in her element – headphones around her neck and portable mixing gear at her disposable. Chloe watches intently from in front of her when they sit across from each other, or from behind her when Chloe moves on to the bed, or even from her window seat when she mentions something about needing a breather.

But Beca keeps pushing forward. From the corner of her eye, she can see Chloe looking out of her window. She checks her phone sometimes but mostly looks out her window. Beca wonders what she is looking at but doesn’t voice it out loud. The weird energy affects her too, oddly enough.

“So how did Luke end up giving you a ride yesterday?” Chloe asks, breaking Beca’s focus on the music.

Her forehead creases a little at the unexpected question, but she stops what she’s doing to answer it anyway, back resting against Chloe’s bed.

“I don’t know,” Beca admits honestly. “I was there, then he was, then we walked back, and—” Beca decides to skip this part, for her sake and maybe Chloe’s too. “He asked me if I wanted to go, and I felt like saying ‘yes’.”

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Want to go?”

“Right then?” Beca asks even if she knows that’s clearly what Chloe meant. “Yeah.”

Chloe just seems to nod a little, eyes focusing on the hands on her lap. Beca doesn’t like how it feels between them but she doesn’t know what to say to fix it. Silence befalls them before Chloe eases them out of it with her words.

“I… I actually went to go check on you.”

Beca tilts her head but doesn’t do much else to react.

“I wanted to see if you were okay because you got up so quickly. You also seemed pretty upset during the call. I was about to go up to you but Luke sort of beat me to it.”

Chloe’s head turns to the side to look out the window again.

“Why didn’t you just come up anyway?” Beca finds herself asking.

Chloe looks at her. “I felt like you didn’t need it? Like it’d be too much? I know you don’t like people around you when you’re upset,” she tells Beca. “Luke filled your one person maximum quota before I could. I was scared you’d feel worse if more people came along…”

“I wouldn’t have,” Beca is quick to say, unable to believe her words and that they’re actually leaving her mouth.

“I didn’t know,” Chloe just admits with a small shrug.

Beca presses her lips together in thought. She removes her headphones from around of her neck and walks the distance to the window seat. She sits across from Chloe, mirroring her by hugging her own knees to her chest. She thinks she has a better sense of how Chloe is feeling when she does it.

“I always want you there,” Beca finds herself saying after some time.

The way Chloe’s eyes look when her head lifts to face Beca is something she doesn’t ever think she’ll forget.

Beca just offers her a little smile. It seems to work. Because soon, Chloe’s lips are upturning just a little at the corners too, and Beca feels like they’ll be okay.

* * *

Things are better when they get back to work after that. Chloe sits beside her at the start to see what she has been doing on her laptop before moving to the piano to write and compose a little more. She comes up with what she says is the start of the song, and Beca actually feels her chest _swell_ when she watches her perform it for the first time.

 _I close my eyes and I can see_  
_The world that's waiting up for me_  
_That I call my own_  
_Through the dark, through the door_  
_Through where no one's been before_  
_But it feels like home_

 _They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy_  
_They can say, they can say I've lost my mind_  
_I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy_  
_We can live in a world that we design_

When Chloe goes into the chorus, Beca feels her breath hitch.

“It’s beautiful, Chlo,” she tells her when she finishes. “ _Seriously._ ”

Chloe smiles at her like that means everything, and then she’s patting the bench for Beca to sit beside her. Beca obviously complies. She watches Chloe’s fingers move across the keys, listens to the way she hums and sings under her breath… Beca doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything that beautiful before.

(God, she hates how she's thinking about Chloe this way now. Beca just puts it down to the fact that Chloe is just naturally radiant and shit and has a smile like sunshine and eyes that are stupid expressive.)

They’re called down for dinner not long after, and it’s the best dinner Beca has had in a while. She sits close to people she cares about, and laughs, and smiles, and _talks_. She also finds out what ‘honey almond fingers’ are, which is really just a nice name Chloe’s dads gave to these glazed breadsticks that have honey-coated almonds on them. It’s delicious, and Beca feels she eats way too many.

* * *

When Beca gets home later that evening, she finds herself writing the next verse to Chloe’s song. Chloe had given her the sheet music and even recorded a clip of her performing what she had done so far, so it doesn’t take long for Beca to learn the song and play it by herself.

 _There's a house we can build_ _Every room inside is filled_  
_With things from far away_  
_The special things I compile_  
_Each one there to make you smile_  
_On a rainy day_

She takes a cue from Chloe when she writes it and thinks about how she felt when Chloe was going through her hard time. All she could remember wanting was giving Chloe a secret hideout she could go to to get away from her problems. And Beca wanted that hideout to have everything Chloe wanted but couldn’t have back then.

She plays the notes and sings her addition of lyrics to the song and it fits – it fits _perfectly_. And she normally would doubt that, especially about a collaboration, but she just knows Chloe would love it.

She sends Chloe a clip of her addition to the song, and she’s receives a response with so many heart-eye emojis she thinks the text bubble will burst and a ‘Becs, that’s so flippin’ great! It’s perfect!’

She receives another voice clip a few hours later when she’s about to crawl into bed of another verse Chloe has for the song, along with an accompanying text of ‘ _you inspired me_ ’.

 _However big, however small_  
_Let me be part of it all_  
_Share your dreams with me_  
_You may be right, you may be wrong_  
_But say that you're bring me along_  
_To the world you see_  
_To the world I close my eyes to see_  
_I close my eyes to see_

Beca plays it. She plays it and she knows she won’t be going to bed any time soon. Her blankets are pushed aside and she is making a beeline for her desk to put it all together.

She is so thankful her dad and Sheila are heavy sleepers as she sits in her bathroom recording the vocals for the song until 2 in the morning. She doesn’t sleep until the sun is up and she knows she has to be up in two hours. But it’s all worth it to her when she knows there’s a file on her phone that’s going to make Chloe’s face light up in a way that Beca never wants to see leave her face. She’d pull endless nights like this if it meant Chloe was always bursting at the seams with happiness. It would just be foreign otherwise.

Chloe Beale deserved nothing but all of the greatest things in the world.

And Beca couldn’t wait to one day tell her that.

If only she wasn’t Beca Mitchell: a person who didn’t say those kind of things. It feels so uncomfortable for her to even _think_ , let alone say, so she crams it all in a little ‘forget this’ box in her head and lives with the embarrassment of the fact that it’s a thought that’s been in her mind at all.

(And as nice as it all feels before she goes to bed, that feeling of accomplishment and being fulfilled?

Beca wants to kill her alarm for even having the _audacity_ to go off when it does.

And when her dad comes in a little later to wake her, it’s the most life-threatening attempt of his yet.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um i lOVE chloe's dads. i love mcmotherfuckin bEANS. and can you beLIEVE beca is this whipped for chloe already staying awake till 5 in the fucking morning making a song for her??? whipped nerds only even if they don't know it yet.


	8. Your Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca lets Chloe hear her song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning: beca and jesse talk about black mirror in this ep so brief mentions of things like self-mutilation and bestiality which i know gross but you can just skip their chunk of text conversation towards the end if you don't want to read it; it mostly just ends with jesse telling her to start stranger things

She falls asleep in almost every class. She’s miraculously awake for all of third period, which is odd to her because she doesn’t particularly feel any attachment to Mr. Lee’s class. When lunch time comes around, the first thing she does is lay her bag on the table and rest her head on it.  


“Not eating?” Jesse asks.

She mumbles something that Jesse doesn’t hear and it’s annoying because he can clearly see she wants to sleep but he still asks ‘what?’, and it makes Beca want to hurl him across the lawn.

“ _Tired_ ,” Beca says again, sounding a little aggravated.

“Ah.”

He lets her sleep then. Beca only wakes up when she hears the sound of giggles and, if she’s not mistaken, the sound of whirring. 

She opens her eyes to find Stacie sitting facing her, legs on either side of the bench, taking pictures of herself using an Instax. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

Beca’s head snaps to the left and sees Chloe sitting beside her, the tray in front of her an indication that she must have joined her and Jesse outside today.

Weird… Despite all of the rehearsals and everything, the seniors and juniors (and Emily) manage to keep separate for the most part. Though, sometimes Lilly finds her way to their table. The first time it happened Jesse was too freaked to properly eat. But Benji managed to make the whole thing better by genuinely trying to communicate with Lilly, straining to hear what she was saying the entire time. When Beca asked him later how the conversation with Lilly went (because even if she was sitting right beside him, there was no way she heard any of what Lilly was saying), Benji said it was one of the most interesting conversations has ever had.

Aubrey sits across from Chloe and that’s why Jesse is all of the sudden so quiet and well-mannered. He and she are actually talking, and he’s listening intently. Cynthia Rose sits on the other side of Jesse talking to Fat Amy about something, but Beca finds herself not paying too much attention because her sleepiness is already kicking back in. She bows her head, unable to find it in herself to care about all of the people around her. She feels a hand on her back a second later and doesn’t have to look to know its Chloe’s. Beca lets it happen. It feels nice.

“Hey, Mitchell,” Stacie says, probably finished with her selfie session now.

Beca just grumbles in response. She hears Stacie snicker and feels the other girl’s body near hers.

“I have something for you,” she announces.

“Is it a bed?” Beca asks through a mumble.

“Nope.”

Beca knows Stacie isn’t going to stop talking unless Beca finally gives her attention and receives her ‘something’. She lifts her head, despite the effort, and turns it to the side to look at Stacie. How she manages to wear shorts like that and have her legs open so comfortably, Beca will never understand. She’s come to grasp that Stacie is Stacie, and really, everyone should just embrace it if she does.

Stacie extends her arm and is holding something on to her.

Beca takes it. It’s a polaroid but it’s face down so she doesn’t know what the picture is. There’s a date on it though that she recognizes as the date they were all at the beach and there’s a heart drawn below the date. Beca frowns and actually sits up properly before she reveals it. If it’s her sleeping, which she highly doubts it is but still, she swears to God–

When she flips it over and sees it’s a picture of her and Chloe by the fire, looking at each other and smiling. Beca finds herself filled with the most comforting warmth.

“Aww, you’re smiling!”

“What?” 

No, she’s not smiling. What? What is this chick talking about? No.

Chloe decides now is the best time to pay attention to what the two of them are doing. She leans over and looks at what’s in Beca’s hands.

The longest awwww in the world leaves Chloe Beale’s lips.

Beca rolls her eyes and soon enough, the picture’s not even in her hands anymore because Chloe is taking it, and Stacie gets up to stand behind her and Chloe, clearly to receive the wafts of Beca’s embarrassment from an ideal location.

“Stacie, this is _so_ awesome! Beca and I look _so_ cute!”

“Right?”

Beca tunes out what they both are saying in exchange for resting her head back on her bag to sleep. She feels Stacie’s hands come on her shoulders and Chloe’s hand is excitedly tapping at her thigh.

“Guuuys,” she groans. 

She’s _so_ sleepy, she really doesn’t care. She just wants to sleep.

“Beca.”

But it’s Chloe. So Beca lifts her head to look at her, and she has her phone out and the polaroid poised like she’s trying to get a photo of the polaroid while Beca is just some hazy background.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to get a picture, duh,” Chloe says really gladly.

“Why do I have to be awake for it?”

“You’re in the back. But like in an artsy kind of way.”

“Do I have to do anything or..?”

“Well, it wouldn’t kill you to smile,” Chloe teases.

Beca just rolls her eyes up and offers the smallest of smirks, and she knows Chloe as a great picture of her looking really annoyed.

“Perfect,” she says despite this.

Chloe looks really happy, so it’s not a waste. But now that that’s done…

“B! Don’t go back to sleep!”

“Stacie, I’m _so tired_ —”

“Lunch ends in like 5 minutes, you have to get ready to go.”

“Whaaat?” She whines before nuzzling her face into her bag anyway. “It’s 5 more minutes of sleep.”

She hears Stacie scoff but feels the girl’s hand play with her hair anyway.

* * *

It’s when she’s seated in her afternoon Physics class that it hits her.

“Shit!”

“ _Language_ , Miss Mitchell,” Mr. Higgins drawls but makes no effort to turn around from where he’s writing something on the board.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse asks from where he’s flipping open his textbook beside her.

She realizes she could have let Chloe listen to her work during lunch but she was so zoned out that she forgot.

“Um, nothing. It’s nothing,” Beca says, brushing it off.

Jesse doesn’t seem to mind. He simply shrugs and returns to his book. Beca’s come to decide she likes when Jesse gets time with Aubrey. He’s less annoying.

* * *

Beca is relatively normal when last period comes around. She’s gotten to that point where she’s still tired enough to want to sleep but her body seems annoyed and won’t let her do it, so she gives up on the idea of trying to hide behind Jesse and sleep in class and actually pays attention to the dumb informational video the teacher is sharing to add more ‘variety of learning material’.

She stays awake for all of last period. It’s the worst and she regrets it immediately. She doesn’t waste too much time regretting though because now that class is over, it means she’s free to go to the auditorium to let Chloe hear what she stayed up all night (and part of the morning) doing.

She senses that Jesse can tell that she’s excited but she knows he’s probably too excited to see Aubrey so he isn’t saying anything—

“Bec, where are you going?”

“To the auditorium, right? C’mon—”

“Dude, it’s _Monday_. We don’t have rehearsals today.”

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Shit…”

“Yeah,” Jesse agrees. She knows he just wants to be on stage with Aubrey. “Hey, I’ll go get the car. Meet you out front.”

Jesse leaves and Beca decides on the spot that she’s worked too hard and waited a little too long for Chloe not to hear this today. She gets out her phone to send a text to the girl. It’s Monday, right? So she has dance class today? God, Beca hopes she’s still here.

 **Beca:** hey where are you?

Chloe, always on top of it, replies almost immediately.

**Chloe:** School?  
**Beca:** still?  
**Chloe:** Yeah?  
**Chloe:** Why?  
**Beca:** i need to see you  
**Chloe:** Can’t get enough of me can you? ( _blushing smiley emoji_ )  
**Beca:** dork  
**Beca:** no i need to show you something  
**Beca:** or let you hear something  
**Beca:** whatever it’s a surprise  
**Chloe:** Ooh! I love surprises :D

Beca thinks she’s been spending too much time thinking about Chloe because she can actually _hear_ her say that like she’s right there beside her.

“So what’s the surprise?”

“Wha!”

Jesus _Christ_. Beca’s hand is on her chest, having jumped around when she felt Chloe come up behind her shoulder.

“Fuck! _Dude_ …” 

She’s letting out a deep breath. Chloe puts her hand over her mouth to hide her smile, but Beca can tell it’s there.

“I’m sorry.”

“Second time today, Chlo.” 

Beca is still working on her breathing. And making sure her heart hasn’t like, burst through her sternum or something. Instead of saying anything else, Chloe steps closer and her hand comes to rest on Beca’s arm.

“Good?”

“Um.” Chloe seems really close. Maybe it’s just because she’s in a panicked state from earlier. “Yeah. Probably.” She breathes out another lungful of air.

Chloe watches her settle before speaking again. 

“So… what’d you wanna show me? Or listen or whatever.” She smiles.

Beca thinks she looks really cute but that’s probably because her heart almost shot up to her brain.

“I finished it.”

“Finished what?”

“The song. Your song. I did it. Last night.”

She watches as Chloe slowly realizes what she’s saying, eyes growing wide and mouth parting in an awed sort of smile. She blinks.

“Wait, what? _Really?_ ”

“Yeah,” Beca tells her with a smile. The first real one she’s probably had on her face all day.

* * *

They go to the auditorium so Chloe can hear it for the first time with no distractions. On the way there, she starts drafting a text to Jesse saying that he can go ahead and that Chloe’s good to give her a ride.

“Hey, do you think I can get a ride home after this?” She asks the girl as they walk beside each other.

“Sure,” Chloe tells her with a smile.

“Great. Thanks.”

She hits send and hopes Jesse hasn’t waited out front too long. It’s Monday, so he’s probably still making his way out of the parking area.

In the auditorium, they take the first two seats closest to the doors. Beca takes out her headphones and hands them to Chloe once she has plugged it into her phone. She normally wouldn’t let just anyone _have it_ without so much as a second thought, but this is Chloe. She opens her music gallery and scrolls to find the song. When she does, she looks up at Chloe – who looks adorable, might she add, with Beca’s headphones over her ears.

“You ready?” She asks.

“Mhm,” Chloe says with a nod.

Beca presses play.

It starts with piano. Beca is obviously not as great as Chloe is at it, but she paid a freakish amount of attention when the girl taught it to her on the keyboard yesterday back when they were in Chloe’s room.

 _I close my eyes and I can see_  
_The world that’s waiting up for me_

She knows her voice is a surprise to hear instead of Chloe’s, but Chloe just looks at her and smiles before listening some more, giving it her undivided attention. Beca watches Chloe’s face when she knows the beats start to get introduced. 

_They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy_

She’s so thankful for music programs because there’s no way she could recreate the sound of the drum with anything in her home without waking up her dad. She wants it to have _more_ instruments. Maybe guitar. Some strings. But she makes do with the piano and the beats. She compensates by layering her voice at some parts to make it sound more powerful.

The music is loud enough that she can hear it despite Chloe’s hands over the headphones. Beca feels so nervous as more seconds tick on, but she also feels more excited as each second passes. Watching Chloe’s face as she experiences each part of the song is probably one of the most fascinating things Beca’s ever lived through. Chloe probably has one of the most expressive faces out of everyone’s she’s ever known. Beca’s feelings follow as Chloe reacts.

 _There's a house we can build_  
_Every room inside is filled_  
_With things from far away_  
_The special things I compile_  
_Each one there to make you smile_

Chloe starts to cry. Beca gulps. She doesn’t know what to do. But she finds herself putting her hand on Chloe’s knee as the girl listens on.

When Chloe hears her own voice, Beca knows. 

_However big, however small_  
_Let me be part of it all_  
_Share your dreams with me_

When Chloe sent her voice clip last night, it was just her singing with no piano. So Beca managed to use it without having to go through the trouble of doing that thing where she tries to separate the singing from the music, which usually doesn’t turn out so well anyway so she’s glad it all worked out.

It was something else, singing along with Chloe that night, without Chloe actually being there. But she discovered that their voices actually sound really good together. The first time she heard her track with Chloe’s at the same time, she was kind of moved to be honest.

_For the world we’re gonna make…_

She listens as the song goes quiet. Chloe doesn’t make a move to do anything. Beca is almost worried until Chloe finally looks up from where she was staring at the space between the two seats.

Her mouth opens to say something but it’s quickly shut. Then she’s looking at Beca like she’s trying to figure out what to say but she can’t. When Chloe bites her lip to think, Beca has to look away.

“That… I can’t even… Beca, you’re _incredible_.”

Beca looks back then, almost nervous to discuss this with Chloe despite her excitement earlier. She doesn’t want Chloe to say things just to say things. But Chloe’s looking at her like she hung the fucking stars or something right now, and it’s seriously freaks Beca out in a way she’s never felt before.

“So you like it?” 

It comes out sounding so unsure that Beca is not even certain it’s her own voice.

“Beca…” 

Chloe just looks at her and shakes her head like she thinks it’s silly that she just asked that.

“I’m in _love_ with it.”

“ _Oh_ ,” is all Beca can think to reply.

Her voice cracks when she says it. She hates it. She hates all of this. She hates how hot her face feels, how close Chloe seems again. Has she always been this close? God.

“Beca, I can’t believe you did all of this. Last night too? I sent you that text at like 11PM. Were you up all night doing this?”

Beca frowns. “Do you normally think I’m that grumpy at lunch?”

“I think you’re grumpy _all_ the time.”

Her mouth drops. Chloe bursts into a laugh. Beca is thankful for it because it feels normal now. Like she can breathe again and just enjoy this. She pushes at Chloe’s shoulder, and she gets caught off guard when Chloe catches her hand and holds it, bringing it down from its place to her lap. Her other hand comes to hold it as well, overlapping over the other one.

When Beca looks up at Chloe again, she finds herself noticing new details. Like how her headphones are no longer over Chloe’s ears but around her neck, over her hair. It looks… well, kind of stupid adorable, and Beca doesn’t like how Chloe probably looks better than she ever will with headphones around her neck. She doesn’t like it, but she also doesn’t mind. She’s come to the realization that Chloe just looks better than everyone in anything. She could make a _garbage bag_ look good.

“What time’s your dance class?” Beca asks when the weight of Chloe’s gaze becomes a little too much for her.

“Not till later.”

“Okay.”

“Mhm.”

“Um…”

“Yeah?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re being weird.”

“ _You’re_ being weird.”

Beca _hates_ herself for thinking it but she thinks Chloe’s giggle is her favorite sound. Fuck this. Fuck all of this. _Why_ is she thinking these things?

“I’m gonna need my hand back, Beale,” Beca decides to say to get back _some_ semblance of control in her life.

“Hmmm, I kinda wanna keep it.”

“Um, rude. I need it.”

“For what?”

Beca blinks. Answering that could go terribly wrong.

“T—to punch Jesse in the face. Now give it.”

The grip Chloe has on her hand is literally nothing. It couldn’t really even be called a grip because she’s just holding it. Beca could easily take her own hand back. It’s weird how she’s acting like she can’t. But Chloe seems to let her have it easy this time and begins to move it towards Beca. But not before she brings it up to her lips to press a kiss against her knuckles first.

“Thank you,” she whispers against the skin.

Beca thinks her breath hitches and that Chloe’s eyes fucking sparkle. She’s gonna _faint_.

“Can thanks come in the form of me getting my hand back?” She manages to squeak out.

She _feels_ Chloe’s smile against her skin before she sees it.

She lets go, though. She lets go and Beca feels like she can breathe again. She also feels her hand tingle all over where Chloe’s skin came in contact and she thinks it’s the dumbest thing.

This whole thing is dumb. Why is she reacting so weird? God.

* * *

They’re in Chloe’s car and the redhead has a playlist on Spotify playing. Beca thinks it’s weird that she likes every song that’s come on so far. She doesn’t know why, but she expected Chloe to have a lot more mainstream Pop on her phone. Not that there’s anything wrong with mainstream Pop, but a lot of the music she’s been hearing from this playlist seems a little bit more… obscure. Less heard of anyway.

“This playlist is really nice.”

Chloe looks away from the road briefly to smile at Beca. “Yeah? I’m glad you like it.”

She likes how she and Chloe have gotten to this point where they don’t _always_ need to talk to fill in the silence. It’s comfortable without all of the filler too. Beca doesn’t think she’s ever had that with anyone. Jesse literally talks the entire time. Or tries to. But on days when Beca has her headphones over her ears and her head on the window, she knows he settles for singing quietly to himself. She sits, staring at the road ahead, as a new song comes on.

 _I got my head on your heart_  
_Scattered back seat of your car_  
_Only one dream that we got_

“ _Just something about you… Holding on your love, never get enough. Just something about you, jumping on the car, dancing in the dark…_ ”

She doesn’t know if it’s weird or anything, but Beca really likes Chloe’s singing voice. She likes how Chloe sounds even when she’s not singing properly, like right now where she’s just sort of singing under her breath, and it’s quiet but it’s perfect. She thinks she might just be really into it because she’s been accustomed to Jesse for most of her life, and he doesn’t _believe_ in singing under his breath. (“Cars are for singing like you’re rocking out in Madison Square Garden and dance parties. Everyone knows this.” “Cars are for _driving_ , you _dork._ ”)

When the song transitions to another, Beca blinks hard. She recognizes this. These opening chords, that twinkle noise…

 _I wash away_  
_In your river of gold_

She gulps. She remembers Luke and how she had opened his text but never replied. She shifts a little in her seat before taking out her phone. He hasn’t written her since but it definitely shows that Beca has ‘seen’ his message. She contemplates writing him something back – she feels like she should, like she needs to – but she doesn’t know what to say. She watches the cursor disappear and reappear, mocking her.

“ _I’m bathing in sunshine, lost in space…_ ”

Then Beca hears _that_ , and she finds herself forgetting that she’s drafting a message all together. She looks at Chloe, how she’s bobbing her head just slightly and how the sun shines against her in a way that just seems stupid and like she paid the universe to set her up and make it all look that good.

“ _Where do you I go from here? When will this road seem clear? I’m bathing in sunshine…_ ”

Chloe must feel Beca staring at her because she tentatively looks over and then smiles.

“What?”

“What?” Beca echoes, teasing her.

Chloe smiles at her in like she’s trying hard not to and Beca smiles back. She hates how Chloe seems to have this effect on her, making her playful and a little bold. She also thinks Chloe blushes when she shakes her head and returns her gaze to the road. The song that’s playing now is thankfully more upbeat. ‘Low Tide’ by XY&O. Beca lets her foot tap to it before locking her phone and making the decision to reply to Luke later.

“ _Stay forever, forever the right side. Don’t let go, I’ll be the way that you ride…_ ”

“ _I’ll swim with you in the low tide,_ ” Beca joins in.

“ _Be the highlight—_ ”

And then they’re singing together, and Beca likes how good they sound together and how Chloe dances a little in her seat. When this song finishes and they hear the familiar opening of Troye Sivan’s My My My, they both break into a fit of laughter. Then Chloe starts after a couple of lines.

“ _Now let’s stop running from us, running from us--_ ”

“ _Let’s start…”_

“ _My **baby** …”_

They sing together: “Oh, my my my!”

And then it’s just laughter, dancing in seats, and a very in and out singing of Troye Sivan’s new hit song. Beca can’t think of wanting to do anything else except sing to this song with Chloe forever.

* * *

She’s smiling when she steps into her home and her dad notices.

“Good day?”

“Hmm?”

He’s wearing this touristy shirt that says ‘Virignia is for lovers’ and Beca just knows it’s from her Aunt Pam. Ever since her husband died some years ago, she’s been travelling all around the globe, coming home with the weirdest things from the most random places. She once brought Beca back a chinchilla figurine from Chile. It’s still somewhere in her room.

“You’re smiling.”

“Can’t I smile?” She retorts, narrowing her eyes a little but all in good fun.

Her dad chuckles. “I guess so. I like it,” he says. “Much better than you coming home slamming the door. You barely got out of bed today, I was so sure you’d be taking it out on the house before asleep.”

Beca laughs so gently it comes out as a sort of a light huff. “Well, don’t worry, I won’t have you paying for repairs. But now that you mention it, I am going to sleep though.” She clicks her tongue and salutes, heading up the steps.

“I’ll keep a plate for you in the microwave,” her dad calls out.

She gives her dad a hard time but she really appreciates the little things like that. Like how her dad knows to save her plate on days like this because she’s definitely going to nap past dinner. Or knows to close the door behind himself when he leaves her room or that her favorite ice cream flavor from that one specific shop is Sea Salt Caramel. Even after everything, he’s still her dad, she thinks. He still notices, right? He still cares. Even if for a time it felt like he didn't...

Beca sighs as she thinks that maybe, just maybe… she should stop punishing him.

* * *

She fails at getting back to Luke. She had planned to write back once she got up to her room, but the second she saw her bed, she threw herself on it and passed out.

When she wakes up, her room is pitch black with the exception of the light that peeks out from under her door because of the hallway’s lights. She blinks a couple of times to shake the grogginess she feels before she is reaching her hand out to feel for her phone on the side table.

Beca hisses when the light from her screen greets her. She lowers the brightness right away before rubbing at her eyes and going at her phone again. She has several notifications. She smiles at the Snapchat notification from Chloe. She taps that one open first.

It’s a short video of her at the dance studio mouthing the words to ‘Sit Still, Look Pretty’ as it blares in the background. She notices a blurry Aubrey stretching behind Chloe before Emily pops up from the side of the screen and waves.

She types, ‘another open dance class?’

Chloe sent this snap a little while ago so Beca knows for sure she isn’t going to see this for some time. She goes to check her messages: a few texts from Jesse asking if she got home alright, one from Jenny (her partner for this project she has for Lit), and yes, of course, the group chat.

It’s gone by many names. It started simply with ‘Senior Project Squad’ then transitioned to ‘jashley 4ever’ then ‘u know we had to do it to em’ then ‘Greatest Show’ then it was ‘stop fucking texting at 3am’ which surprisingly wasn’t her doing. Now, it’s just a fire emoji because Luke claimed ‘the chat was always lit’. And speaking of Luke…

She opens their chat. Considering how slowly she got to certain texts at times, the fact that she was only just barely 2 days late to reply if she did right now was a miracle. She starts and erases several times before coming up with:

 **Beca:** damn stanbraugh, i can’t believe you of all people don’t “wait 3 days”

She’s surprised when it shows Luke has seen the message before she has time to close the window. She swallows and waits to see what the three dots blinking dots turn into.

 **Luke:** i like to keep people on their feet  
**Luke:** i see YOU took a page from the book and waited at least over 24 hours to get back to me  
**Luke:** smooth

She thinks it’s salt, but it’s like barely there salt. She lets Luke have it. Even _she_ knew from the nature of the text that it wasn’t the kind that you let sit, especially with the night they had before. She had wanted to reply to it when she saw it before she got distracted… She types up a reply right away to make up for it.

 **Beca:** what can i say? “i like to keep people on their feet”  
**Luke:** :P

She smirks. She thinks it’s safe to put her phone down now but Luke has other plans.

 **Luke:** what are you doing?

She scrunches up her face a little, looking around to see nothing but darkness in her room.

 **Beca:** dinner?  
**Luke:** you not sure???  
**Beca:** i just woke up from a nap (eye roll emoji)  
**Luke:** ah yeah  
**Luke:** you looked pretty dead from the picture

Beca almost shoots up but instead her eyes widen. ‘What picture????’ she’s typing rapidly before hitting send.

 **Luke:** group chat

She exits her chain with Luke as soon as she reads it to go the group chat. There were like 27 notifications for it before she clicked on it. She scrolls up past all of the messages till she sees it: a photo of her sleeping her on her bag sent by none other than Stacie with a comment of ‘baby girl is so tiyaaaad’.

When she scrolls down and reads all of the messages below it, she realizes they’re all comments on ‘how cute’ Beca is and several ‘awww’s. Even Aubrey writes something about how she ‘prefers Beca this way’. She holds down the message till the emojis come up and rates it with an angry face before she’s really aware of what she’s doing.

She looks back at her photo to see it has collected several emoji reactions itself. She hates that she feels her annoyance over the unsolicited photo dissipate when she notices Chloe has rated it with a ‘love’ heart emoji.

 **Luke:** see it?

She clicks on her chat with Luke to reply.

**Beca:** yup  
**Beca:** i’m gonna kill Stacie  
**Beca:** climb right up her smoking hot body and murder her  
**Luke:** i’d cheer you on but also pay to see that (flushed face emoji)  
**Beca:** (middle finger emoji) (emoji with its tongue sticking out)  


There’s a beat of blinking dots from Luke’s side appearing and disappearing before a definite bubble shoots up with a message.

**Luke:** wanna come to the fair with me?  
**Beca:** the harvest fair?  
**Luke:** yeah  
**Luke:** thought we could go to the haunted house and find out what you’re really made of  
**Beca:** psh  
**Beca:** i’m no wimp, stanbraugh  
**Luke:** prove it, Mitchell  
**Beca:** fine

The next string of texts are mostly them making plans. And it was less a harvest fair and more of a carnival for people of Beca’s age. Adults paid more attention to the produce and artisanal whatever-the-fucks and the teens got hopped up on the carnival food, hay rides, and the haunted house. Every year, it’s a different theme. This year she hears it’s going to be something about nightmares. The actors from the local theater that host it do a really good job inciting thrill in people no matter what though.

She ends her text with Luke with a message about her finally getting something to eat. He lets her go with an ‘enjoy’ and something about sleeping at a reasonable hour this time. Beca rolls her eyes and sends a ‘we’ll see’ before climbing out of her bed and making her way out of the room.

It’s a little past 8PM according to her phone. Her dad is usually in the living room watching TV or in his office grading papers. When she gets downstairs and roams towards the kitchen, she’s a little surprised she doesn’t see him there. When she peeks into his study and finds the room empty with the lights off, she wonders where he could be. She doesn’t dwell on it too long though because her stomach grumbles loudly and she makes a beeline for the microwave knowing there will be food there for her.

She finishes that plate, raids the pantry for snacks, and takes a pint of ice cream from the freezer. She normally doesn’t snack this hard but once she actually _tasted_ food, she realized she hadn’t eaten all day. She barely got out of the door in time so breakfast was out of the question, and she slept through lunch, so… This was basically her first meal of the day.

She sits in the living room, cuddled to the corner of the sectional with her snacks surrounding her. On the giant flatscreen her dad got himself for his birthday this year, some show on Netflix plays. At least she thinks it’s a show. She wouldn’t willingly put herself through a movie. She knows for sure it’s Jesse’s doing if a movie is on her list. But it’s also Jesse who puts shows he knows she’ll like on her list, so she lets it happen. He recommended ‘Girl Boss’ and ‘You Me Her’ to her, which she enjoyed, so he hasn’t lost his list-adding privileges yet.

Beca checks what this show (she hopes it’s a show) she is watching is called out of curiosity and nods when she finds it is in fact a show, called ‘Black Mirror’, and that this is episode 6 of season 4. She has no idea what this show is about but she knows she can’t bring herself to go all the way back to Season 1 to find out, so she just lets the thing play on to keep her entertained and fill the silence. She feels a little grossed out at certain points because some of the shit that is brought up is pretty dark. The whole episode was shaping to be about a museum of creepy stuff, and honestly, when she’s seemingly alone in her house like this, she doesn’t know how to feel about that.

When she almost gags watching a doctor mutilate himself for pleasure, she is reaching for her phone and texting Jesse. She sends him a shot of her TV, capturing the deranged doctor in all of his masochistic glory.

 **Beca:** dude what the fuck is this???  
**Jesse:** Ay, you’re starting Black Mirror!  
**Jesse:** I knew you’d love it :D  
**Beca:** love it? this guy is NUTS  
**Beca:** he gets turned on from cutting off pieces of his body!  
**Jesse:** Ah, that episode, huh? It gets really good at the end  
**Beca:** i can’t believe there’s 4 seasons of this  
**Beca:** i’m too lazy to go back to season 1 and learn how this chick makes it to museum a la creep  
**Jesse:** Each episode is actually its own thing so there’s actually nothing to catch up on  
**Jesse:** I figured you’d like it because it makes you think  
**Beca:** about what?! self mutilation???  
**Jesse:** Psh no, not all episodes are like this  
**Jesse:** Hang The DJ is actually really tame and nice  
**Jesse:** It’s about finding your perfect match (heart eyes emoji)  
**Beca:** kill me  
**Beca:** this guy’s a freak, he’s about to cum on a homeless guy  
**Beca:** WHILE MURDERING HIM  
**Jesse:** Yeah, this episode is pretty intense  
**Jesse:** The very first episode of season 1 is not too bad though, a good starter  
**Beca:** let me guess: it’s about a guy addicted to eating human nails  
**Jesse:** No but that’s an interesting concept for an episode  
**Jesse:** A government official fucks a pig on live television  
**Beca:** what THE FUKC?!!?!  
**Jesse:** It’s really not that bad  
**Jesse:** There’s an episode in S2 called White Bear that REALLY messed me up  
**Beca:** i don’t even want to know what it’s about, i’m not sure i can commit to this right now  
**Beca:** i thought this would be one of your feel good shows  
**Jesse:** I’m picking things I think YOU would like  
**Jesse:** Besides you picked up where I left off when I was at your place, I thought you’d at least notice it was on Season 4 and go back to the start  
**Beca:** i just wanted something to mindlessly watch  
**Beca:** scarring myself wasn’t on the agenda  
**Jesse:** Start Stranger Things then  
**Jesse:** I really want to talk about it with you  
**Beca:** ugh i don’t want to commit to anything i have to pay attention to right now  
**Jesse:** Chloe watches it  
**Jesse:** And so does the rest of the human population but I think you care about that less  
**Beca:** what does that mean??  
**Jesse:** Nothing  
**Jesse:** START STRANGER THINGS

Beca rolls her eyes. She exits this Black Mirror business with a shudder and despite herself ends up selecting Stranger Things and making sure she’s on the first episode of season 1. If someone mutilates themself in this thing, she swears to God she’ll kill Jesse herself. Feeling acutely aware of the quiet of her home, Beca snatches the throw from where it rests on the back of the couch and wraps herself in it.

She is about halfway through the first episode when she checks her phone again. Her energy spikes just a little when she notices she has three Snapchat replies from Chloe. It’s basically her informing Beca that it’s not in fact an open house but Emily has actually joined the studio now, officially part of the biweekly classes. She also tells her that Emily is a natural and that’s why she’s ‘with us instead of a beginner class’. Beca types back a reply about how she thinks that’s pretty neat, and just to have something else to offer she sends Chloe a snap of her TV to show the kids that she’s come to understand are the main characters of this show on their bikes.

What she doesn’t expect is her phone ringing and the name Chloe to appear on her lit-up screen not two seconds later.

“Hello?”

“You’ve started!” Chloe screams. It’s loud and literally right into her ear.

Beca adjusts the way she positions the phone against her before speaking.

“Sheesh, Chlo. Yeah, I’ve started. Made the mistake of continuing an episode of Black Mirror that Jesse was on and scarred myself. This seems a lot more tame though. I mean, there’s kids in it, so nothing too bad can happen, right?”

“Well, yes and no. You’ll end up getting really attached to them and even the smallest bad thing that happens to any one of them will have you yelling before you know it.”

“Jeez… well, I guess there’s that to look forward to. Maybe this will be my new Game of Thrones.”

She’s still bitter it’ll take another two years for the next season to come out.

“I never pegged you for a Game of Thrones gal. Color me surprised.”

“Honestly? Me neither. But Jesse got me hooked and it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

She hears Chloe chuckle on the other end and finds herself smiling softly.

“What are you doing?” She asks for the sake of it. She imagines Chloe is home by now.

“Just wrapping up an essay at home. How was your nap?”

“Pretty legit,” Beca tells her honestly. “Felt like I didn’t know who I was when I woke though.”

Chloe giggles. “Happens to the best of us.”

She hears Chloe shuffling on the other end before the girl’s voice comes through.

“So it’s gonna be a Netflix and Chill kind of night for you?”

“I don’t really… I mean, can you Netflix and Chill by yourself… I—don’t answer that.” Beca shakes her head and regrets the words ever leaving her mouth. Now her face is hot, and Chloe giggling on the other end isn’t making it any better.

“There’s nothing wrong with ‘chilling’ by yourself, Becs.”

“Oh God, please stop. I can’t—”

Chloe is full on cackling now and Beca feels like her palm will be permanently fixed to her face.

“Please let’s talk about something else,” Beca is soon saying in hopes of moving on.

Chloe thankfully allows this and they transition on to another topic with surprising ease. It’s not long before the show is long forgotten and Beca isn’t even sitting facing the TV anymore but instead lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling as she and Chloe speak. They talk about nothing and everything, and Beca can’t believe they talk for as long as they do when they finally hang up.

_03:19:54_

How the hell?

Beca doesn’t think she’s ever spoken to anyone for that long without a specific topic or purpose in mind. To speak to someone for that length randomly this late at night and not have any awareness of the amount of time going by? That’s _rare_. Beca didn’t even think she was capable of it. But she guessed Chloe Beale had a habit of proving her wrong.

Her phone buzzes not long after she turns off the TV and is about to head up the stairs. Beca smiles when she reads it.

 **Chloe:** Goodnight  <3 Don’t stay up till 5 again. (kissy face with heart emoji)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: writing this and has complete control over when beca finally figures out she's in love with chloe  
> but also me: GOD BECA HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER???


	9. Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca and Luke go to the Harvest Fair as planned. Things... occur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i accidentally posted this early while trying to 'save without posting' so tada congratulations, you guys get two chapters today xD will decide if i post another chapter tomorrow or just wait it out to post the day after so i have time to finishing writing the chapter i'm writing right now (12? i think) but ah we'll see.

It dawns Beca as she approaches the grounds of the fair that tonight with Luke is probably a date. It’s just the two of them, they made an agreement to get dinner while they were there, and then do a little activity (haunted house) after. So, kind of a date, right? She tries not to think too much of it once she sees him. He stands outside of the entrance with his hands in his pockets, smiling when he sees Beca before offering a wave. Beca returns it briefly before making her way up to him.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you with this many layers before, Stanbraugh.”

“Oh, ha ha.” 

The last three or so photos Luke posted on his Instagram have been shirtless. It’d be shameful if she didn’t give him shit for it.

They walk onto the grounds side by side with the purpose of getting some food first. “To eat some artisanal whatever-the-fucks as you refer to them,” Luke says. They sit at one of the tables outside of a food truck that apparently is all the rage with their fall menu. They both get the ‘caramel apple pork chops with pumpkin puree and potato wedges’ because it sounds like a mouthful, but it’s actually delicious and a great meal to complement their conversation.

They talk about music, the shenanigans that occur in rehearsal, Luke’s weekend getaway with his brother and dad last week, and the haunted house.

This year they’ve innovated and it’s now a haunted hay ride.

Luke and Beca get on one. They’re joined by a family of four, parents with two kids who in Beca’s opinion looks way too young to be partaking in this ride. Luke seems to take her mind off of it when his hand comes behind her back and rubs up and down gently as the tractor comes to life and begins moving them forward.

It’s a nice ride. Luke gets scared twice and Beca mostly just gets really creeped out and shrinks away when the actors start reaching out to brush their gross monster hands on the riders. It’s not as thrilling as being able to walk through a structure like last year, but Beca enjoys it nonetheless.

“I can’t believe you—“

“It jumped at me!”

“They came at all of us, you’re the only who yelped like your ass was on fire—“

Luke surges forward to grab at Beca and tickle her before she’s being lifted and spun around.

“Ah. Okay, okay!”

Luke puts her down with a laugh and Beca can’t help but notice how he’s definitely so much closer than before. Their faces are nearing each other when they hear it.

“Becaw!”

Oh no.

When they turn around, they’re not only met with Jesse but a handful of the gang. It’s Jesse, Amy, Aubrey, Emily, Lilly, and Flo. Beca raises her brow at the sight of Aubrey with no Stacie, Chloe, or Jessica and Ashley. She gives Jesse a look that she knows he’s dodging on purpose.

“Hey guys! What’s up?”

Luke looks a little annoyed – rightfully so, he was about to get some – but answers Jesse, telling him ‘nothing much’ and that it’s ‘all good’. Beca hides her smile by wetting her lips and gets into a conversation with Emily, but not before picking a piece of cotton candy out of the girl’s hair and flicking it to the ground. She thinks they still have a chance to lose them until she hears another shriek of excitement.

Stacie, Chloe, Jessica and Ashley, Lilly, Donald, Bumper… and Tom.

Weird.

Beca swallows. She turns her head to look at Chloe, who is wearing a shirt that says ‘witch better have my candy’. Her eyes roll fondly. They have just gotten out from the fun house apparently, which is why they were separated from this half of the crew.

“Looks like you two made it to the fair after all,” Stacie remarks a little cheekily.

When she sent out a message asking the group: ‘fair y/n?’, Luke and Beca were the only ones who didn’t reply.

“Yeah, well. Tradition, right?” Luke says just as smartly.

Beca bows her head to chuckle but tenses a little when she notices Luke’s hand brush against hers. She didn’t even realize they were standing so close. Her eyes quickly scan the expressions of the group. She notes that Chloe seems to be really interested by the hay on the ground right now.

“So you guys are joining us, right?” Stacie carries on. “Ferris wheel?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh.”

“Well…”

Before Luke and Beca can really say anything, the group is dragging them along to the large wheel claiming they had to wait 25 minutes for and everyone had to come. In the midst of it all, she and Luke get separated in the crowd in line. Beca ends up in a car with Lilly, and Luke is with Cynthia Rose. When it starts moving, she soon can’t see him. She lets it go with a shrug despite being a little upset and enjoys the ‘ride’, which isn’t really a ride – it’s just sitting except higher and higher very slowly.

When they’re suspended at the top for a time, Lilly lifts up the disposable camera she has around her neck and begins to take pictures. Beca crosses her arms and waits for their time to pass. When she gets a little exasperated by how much time it seems they have up there, she leans forward to see who’s in the car in front of them. As fate would have it, it’s Chloe and Stacie. And as if she knew Beca was looking at her, Chloe looks behind her then, meeting Beca’s eyes. She beams up at Beca softly and Beca smiles back. Stacie notices how Chloe isn’t paying attention anymore and looks over her shoulder to see what’s got the redhead so interested.

“Oh, get a room!” Stacie hollers.

Beca frowns. Chloe pouts, confused. She thinks Lilly is chuckling beside her. Like, she looks like it, but like always, no sound leaves her lips, which has Beca throwing her head back and falling against the seat in an unexpected frustration. It makes the car swing which makes Beca's heart feel like it's at her throat. Lilly puts a calming hand on her leg.

But finally, the ride seems to be moving again which Beca is glad for.

* * *

“So…” Luke starts. “This has been fun but I should probably get Beca home. I mean, I’m kind of her ride and her dad’s expecting her soon so…” He makes this ‘aw shucks’ face like he’s bummed they have to cut their time short.

Beca thinks he’s stupid but also really adorable.

“Oh hey, can you give me a ride?” They soon hear from Donald before anything else can happen.

“Oh yeah, me too, I want a ride,” from Bumper.

Luke looks like a deer caught in headlights and Beca almost wants to laugh at how this plan of his to get them both away seemed to backfire on him. His mouth hangs open as he can’t really find anything to say, and Donald is patting him on the shoulders telling him ‘thanks’. Bumper is already yelling ‘shotgun’ and running towards the exit of the grounds. Donald begins to run after him claiming that ‘you can’t yell shotgun if the car’s not in line of sight, it has to be in your line of sight’. Beca just pats Luke twice on the back of the shoulder while he stands there, still flabbergasted at the way his ‘clever plan’ turned out.

“Yeah, you’re right. This place is a bust now that we’ve eaten it out of the caramel apple pops,” Amy is soon agreeing. “Might as well call it quits and cut our losses.”

A few pouts appear from the group. And then:

“We can go to my place?” Tom offers, making himself known by sliding past Cynthia Rose and Jesse. “They redid the barn out back and it’s like really cool looking with my dad’s old collection of records and everything.” His arm comes to ‘casually’ sling over Chloe’s shoulders. People from _space_ could see right through it. “I’m good for some beers.”

Hums of agreement are heard among the group, even from Jesse – who Beca frowns at. Since when does he ‘ _drink_ ’?

Beca is looking at Luke, who looks at her and offers nothing (clearly still in shock), so she decides for them both. “Luke and I are probably heading back. Like he said, good ol’ dad is expecting me.”

Chloe’s face contorts to look exactly like that emoji with a colon and back slash.

“He has Leon Bridges’ new album?” Beca hears her offer, the redhead’s shoulder lifting in a way that makes Beca wants to sink for even considering not attending this impromptu get-together at Tom’s refurbished barn.

But then Beca is also wondering how she knows Tom – Mr. _Listens to Derogatory Rap Music While Hitting the Weights at the Gym_ – has Leon Bridges new album and why Tom felt the need to share that with Chloe. This is the same guy who mouthed to ‘Or Nah’ in a really terrible musically-type fashion on Snapchat with his shirt off and his basketball shorts hung unnecessarily low.

“I’ve heard it,” Beca says with a curt nod, her lips pressed together in a smile that’s all too forced. “We’ll just see you guys tomorrow.” 

She moves to rest her hand on Luke’s back. “C’mon, Stanbraugh. Let’s see if they haven’t pissed on your car yet to see who gets dibs on front.”

If Chloe’s face falls, Beca pretends not to see it and instead waves to everyone before she and Luke turn around and begin to head for the exit.

* * *

The car ride home is uneventful. Beca ends up sitting up front much to Donald and Bumper’s dismay. They get caught in traffic some 10 minutes out of the fairgrounds because of this large truck that’s transporting some farm animals. While waiting for it to clear (it feels like they’re there for at least 20 minutes), Donald holds his phone out front to show Luke and Beca a Snapchat of a bunch of the group singing ‘Dancing Queen’ in Aubrey’s car. Beca can’t help but notice that Chloe is sitting beside Tom in the back seat, even if Cynthia Rose is also to her left.

She ends up texting Jesse on the ride home when they’re moving again. She ignores how Bumper and Donald are butchering ‘Die For You’ by The Weeknd in the back while she does it too. She can tell Luke regrets turning on the music. She also can’t tell what’s worse: Bumper telling a weirdly in detail story of this hot blonde he bagged last night (which Beca knows this is Amy he’s talking about) or Bumper trying to overpower Donald’s voice (which is actually _fitting_ for the song) to win Luke’s attention.

God, this was a weird car ride. And Beca’s ridden home with Jesse once when he offered Benji and his LARP friends a ride home.

 **Beca:** beers at tom’s? really?  
**Jesse:** What’s wrong with Tom?  
**Beca:** nothing  
**Jesse:** (skeptical emoji)  
**Beca:** be careful  
**Jesse:** I will, don’t worry – no Alison DiLaurentis’ will be pulled tonight.  
**Beca:** what???  
**Jesse:** Pretty Little Liars?  
**Jesse:** She disappears from a barn after a night of drinks with her friends  
**Beca:** ???  
**Jesse:** It’s a SHOW  
**Jesse:** It has like 7 seasons, dude. C’mon.  
**Jesse:** Nevermind, it’s not important  
**Beca:** just be careful, okay?  
**Jesse:** You got it, Becs (kissy face emoji)  
**Beca:** ew  
**Jesse:** You love it  
**Jesse:** Have fun with Luke :P  
**Beca:** Have fun with AUBREY  
**Jesse:** I WILL :D  
**Beca:** gross

* * *

“That was eventful,” Luke says once he’s hopped out of his car.

They’re finally at Beca’s after dropping Donald and Bumper at their respective homes.

“It was definitely something,” Beca remarks in agreement.

There are at least 3 songs from The Weeknd’s Starboy album that she will _never_ hear the same again. Beca is just thankful Luke decided silence was better after the 3rd ruined song because she loves that album, and Bumper was _talented_ at sounding like an over-pretentious douche.

They meet in front of Luke’s car, leaning against the hood. Luke sinks his hands into his pockets and Beca’s arms are lightly crossed over her chest. The lights are on in her home, and she thinks her dad is probably watching the news in the living room.

“Buuuut, despite it all, I actually had a really nice time tonight,” Luke says, steering their conversation away from thoughts of Bumper and Donald.

Beca’s lips curve into a smirk and she feels herself relax now that she become conscious of the fact that it’s just her and Luke at present – no distractions, no horribly intense singing of The Weeknd.

“Yeah, it wasn’t half bad. You almost pissed yourself. So coming out on a Friday night instead of going wild on Netflix was definitely worth it.”

Luke feigns hurt, clutching at his heart before turning his body to face Beca. Beca finds herself mirroring his movement without thought. His hand finds her hip and they’re close to each other again.

“Next time, I’ll pick a place where there’s no risk of us being bombarded by the group.”

“Oh, next time? There’s a next time?”

Luke smiles at Beca’s teasing. “Oh, definitely. Didn’t you hear? I’m like, regularly gonna be asking you out now that I know you aren’t horrible company. Grump.”

He touches Beca’s nose and she scrunches her face at him to keep herself from thinking about the fact that Luke just confirmed this was a date.

“I like you, Beca.”

She tries not to think about how attractive she thinks it is when Luke pauses briefly before saying her name. Jesus, this guy had his shit together when it came to girls. She rolls her eyes because she doesn’t want to be that girl that gushes.

“Yeah, well, you aren’t terrible either, Stanbraugh.”

Luke smiles. He’s leaning closer and she’s pushing up on her toes to meet his lips in a kiss… that is very quickly interrupted by the sound of her phone going off.

“Jesus Christ—” Beca is going to kill her phone. She pulls it out from her back pocket to roughly silence it.

Luke just chuckles because _of course_ he’s cool with this. He’s smooth, he’s suave, he’s apparently the utmost charming and chill guy there is who knows exactly what to do all of the time. Beca thinks she’s starting to resent it because she feels flustered while he seems fine. This is _so_ uncool.

But when they kiss again and Luke can’t seem to have her close enough, Beca feels triumphant in ways she can’t explain. They bid each other goodnight after some 20 minutes of making out in front of her house, and when Beca is about to go to sleep that night, she gets a text from Luke that says ‘thinking bout you’ accompanied by a wink face emoji and a kissy face with a heart emoji. She tries to discern whether that’s just a move in this game or if he’s secretly one of those guys who actually wears their heart on their sleeve.

She texts him the emoji that has its tongue sticking out before shutting off her bedside lamp and ignoring the fact that she has about a billion and one Snapchat notifications, no doubt from the ‘awesome time’ the group is having at Tom’s newly converted barn.

* * *

The next time the group plans to hang out outside of the auditorium is a party at Stacie’s house. Beca is only slightly upset that Luke’s not going to be there because he’s going to Alaska with his dad and brother for 4 days to fish. It’s apparently something they do a lot. He sends photos with every fish he’s caught though, while making some profoundly surprised face that Beca thinks is so stupid but also kind of adorable. She hates how she relates that word to Luke now.

After the night of the fair, she and Luke had fallen into this rhythm of going out every couple of days and texting almost every day. They haven’t labelled it, but the goodnight texts Luke sends her at around 11PM every night only seem to get more and more sincere and intimate. She’s good with it not being labelled, but at the same time, she also doesn’t want to end up looking stupid. So she allows herself to make out with Luke and do all of these ‘date’ things but she keeps Luke at a distance when he starts getting remotely romantic. She does this by never sending him a smiley face emoji and only sending him blue hearts if she ever does need to send him one. It’s so fucking stupid, but she thinks she holds power over him like that. Especially when he’s ending most messages with red hearts now.

“Hey!”

“Oh, hey.” Beca locks her phone, watching her phone dim and her chat with Luke be covered by black.

Like Beca, Chloe has also been busy. She thinks. Well, she actually hasn’t been talking to Chloe as much lately, so she doesn’t actually know. She still likes to have her alone time, so when she’s not out with Luke, she tends to stay in and rest rather than go out. Chloe has invited her over a couple of times for dinner or just a random movie night, but Beca seems to have an excuse for every occasion.

She doesn’t know why she doesn’t just go over to Chloe’s. She loves that place, enjoys it more than her own home even if she’s only been once. But she just… she feels a little weird around Chloe now. She knows she’ll ask about Luke, at some point or another, and Beca just feels like she doesn’t want that to be a topic of conversation with Chloe. So she doesn’t give her any chance to bring it up at all… by avoiding Chloe all together. It’s stupid.

“What’s up, stranger?” Chloe smiles at her despite all of Beca’s obvious distance, and she appreciates it. She’s forgotten how bright Chloe’s smile can be and how blue her eyes are.

“Oh, you know, just here and there. Very busy. Doing stuff. Things. Activities.”

Chloe giggles. Beca can’t believe how much she’s missed that sound. “You must be very overwhelmed. What with all of your stuff and things. Activities.”

“Right.” Beca punctuates it with a wink.

She thinks Chloe bites her lip before she speaks. “So, do you have a ride to Stacie’s tonight?”

“Uhh, I think Jesse’s good to give me one? He’s usually my ride, so—”

Like Chloe, Beca’s also been talking to Jesse less, but not because she’s dodging him. Jesse has just been busier for some reason. And Beca knows that reason is Aubrey but he just doesn’t want to say it outright. Beca also doesn’t want to grill him for details regarding his busyness because she knows she’ll be receiving information on Aubrey of all people, so she and Jesse just end up talking about things they need to do for class or the play instead – very regular mundane stuff that don’t make for long conversation.

“Oh. Well, can I pick you up instead anyway?”

Beca is never not impressed with how Chloe always manages to surprise her. It hasn’t happened in a while, but the girl seems to quickly be making up for lost time.

“Oh, um… I mean, if you want to,” she replies, sounding a little unsure.

“Well, of course, I _want_ to – that’s why I’m asking, Miss Stuff and Things.” Chloe giggles. “I’ll be by around 8? I’ll text you when I’m out front?”

The way Chloe looks at her with those bright blue eyes and her head tilted to the side dazes Beca just a little. She hasn’t been this close to Chloe’s face – Chloe in general – in a while. She hasn’t had Chloe scaring the shit out of her, Chloe coming to sit with her while she mixes, or simply, Chloe talking to her while she waits for Jesse’s car outside in what feels like ages. Until today. And she knows it’s entirely her fault. She’s always with Luke – hiding behind him.

“Sounds good,” Beca manages to get out.

Chloe flashes another of her bright smiles. Beca catches the way her hand seems to twitch at her side, like she’s itching to do something but Beca doesn’t know what.

“Awes.”

“Awes,” Beca agrees, only using that word somewhat ironically.

She and Chloe stare at each other for a moment before she feels the redhead’s hand on her arm and the girl’s lips on her cheek. But Chloe is gone just as quickly, leaving Beca only the scent of her perfume to react to. She’s away and walking (“see ya later!”) before Beca could blink.

(Beca ends up trying to place the smell of Chloe’s perfume the entire ride home. She thanks whatever deity exists that Jesse is too distracted with his conversation with Benji to shine attention to the fact that she doesn’t talk the entire duration of the drive.)

* * *

Against her better judgment, Beca opens up Instagram on her phone and checks Chloe’s profile when she gets home. She doesn’t actively check her social media when she has stuff going on (like Luke), so most of her notifications get swiped to the side to be forgotten. The only thing she regularly checks is the group chat and her text conversation with Luke or Jesse. 

Chloe has several new photos posted since the last time Beca was on her profile. She recalls the last picture she saw being mostly blue sky and a corner of a building on the side of it. There are more photos now that aren’t artsy architecture shots. There’s one of her and Stacie. Another group one with Aubrey, Amy, Jessica, Ashley, and Emily at dance. A selfie of Chloe showing off a shirt that says ‘boo Felicia’ that’s clearly from Halloween. She also has a picture of what looks like a poem. Yes, Chloe is one of those people. She sometimes even posts calligraphy, but calligraphy is legit, so who cares if it’s just the word ‘brave’ in gold ink?

The poem is by someone who just goes by the initials ‘u’ and ‘l’.

 _ **i wonder what**_  
_**the words**_  
_**‘i love you’**_  
_**sound like**_  
_**when they**_  
_**come out of**_  
_**your mouth**_  
_**although**_  
_**of course**_  
_**i would never**_  
_**get the**_  
_**chance to**_  
_**know**_

Beca thinks poets really need to chill with the space bar.

The next photo is of Chloe with her hair down in loose waves, parted in the middle, wearing this sort of mesh black top with what Beca thinks is falling leaves on it as design. She is clearly put-together for the photo like it’s for something important, Beca just doesn’t know what. She doesn’t click the picture to see what the caption might be because her eyes catch sight of Chloe’s latest photo which is a shot of her and Tom, holding each other while laughing on the beach.

Hm.

So, she guesses _that’s_ why Chloe knew Tom had Leon Bridges’ new album.

Again, even if it’s probably not a good idea to do so, her curiosity gets the better of her and she taps the photo from the grid to be led to the actual post. The caption reads ‘ _shell we dance?_ ’. She guesses the photo of her and Tom holding each other like that actually makes more sense now, like they were dancing on the beach or something. She notices the latest comment as Tom’s from the handle (tomcavanaugh23): _sea you soon_.

‘Sea’ you soon? Christ.

* * *

She lets Jesse know that Chloe is giving her a ride to the party after she stress-cleans her room. Well, it’s not actually stress cleaning since she’s not stressed, but she feels on edge or like something Is bothering her, so she feels like cleaning her room of clutter and mess would make her feel better. Jesse is surprised by the sudden information but is overall cool with it. But he does do that thing where he sends her ‘…’ and makes her ask him ‘what’ and then he says ‘nothing’ like it’s not going to drive her crazy. Either way, she lets it drop with a ‘wtv’ (and yes, she’s not even giving him the privilege of a full word typed out because she’s being petty).

Ever since she checked Chloe’s Instagram to see what the girl’s been up to while Beca has been checked out with Luke, she has been in a weird mood – like period irritated or on a short fuse. She doesn’t talk at the table when she sits for dinner with her dad and Sheila, and it’s one of those nights where they know not to ask. Beca is there and gone soon enough anyway, claiming there’s probably going to be snacks at the party so she should save some space for it. Her dad nods, and instead of asking her when she’ll be home like she expects he would, he instead asks her if she has a ride home.

For once, her dad is making her smile instead of scowl. Her lips twitches upwards for the quickest moment in a flash of a smile. “Yeah, I do.”

She doesn’t know. But it’ll probably be Jesse. And if not, she’ll figure it out.

Chloe picks her up at 8 as promised. Beca tries to be in better spirits by the time Chloe rolls around, not wanting to pick any unnecessary fights because she genuinely doesn’t understand why she’s feeling this way herself so she just pushes it aside and gives Chloe a quick smile and a ‘hey’ before busying herself with locking the seatbelt.

Chloe doesn’t seem to mind that Beca is more concerned with safety than being congenial, so the car moves while Beca is still pretending that seatbelts are more complicated than they actually are so she doesn’t have to make proper eye contact with Chloe.

“You look great,” Chloe comments, clearly trying to start conversation.

The lock clicks even if she was trying hard to make it do the opposite, and Beca is forced to look up at Chloe and respond. And it’s no surprise that when Beca really looks at Chloe for the first time that she finds Chloe looks gorgeous in that really casual kind of way that everyone wishes they could be. Her hair is down and in waves. She dons these black denim shorts, a white v-neck, and has an unbuttoned denim shirt over it that brings out the blue of her eyes. It’s effortless, and Beca can’t believe there are people who even try when Chloe Beale could probably reach blindly into her closet and still rock whatever pieces she ends up with.

“Bec?” Chloe asks when Beca doesn’t speak, taking her eyes off of the road momentarily to glance at her.

“Oh um, yeah. Yeah, thanks. You too. Totally. I like your… shirt.” She likes everything Chloe has on but each piece is so plain that it feels out of place to compliment one.

“The v-neck..?”

“Um, just all of it, really?” Beca winces at herself. God, could she be more embarrassing?

But Chloe giggles and smiles, and Beca feels her bad mood dissipate the second she does.

“Well, the shirt’s from Target if you’re interested,” she tells Beca through a chuckle. “And I’m not sure where this denim thing’s from but you can totes borrow it if you want.” 

When she smiles at Beca, her eyes sort of… twinkle? How the hell? Chloe Beale was _not_ a real person.

“You’re so pretty, it’s dumb.” The words leave her lips before she registers it and Beca’s eyes are widening because she can’t believe she just said that out loud.

But Chloe laughs, like she thinks that’s _so_ sweet, and Beca thinks she’s blushing.

“Aw Bec, that’s so sweet.” She giggles. “I love your look too by the way. You’re _so_ pretty.”

She’s literally wearing some dark ripped jeans and a distressed gray shirt with holes in it that Jesse got her for her birthday because he thought it was ‘edgy’ and ‘on brand’ for Beca. There were homeless people out there that looked more put together than she was.

“Chloe, this shirt has like, holes in it. For _design_.”

“So? It’s all the rage isn’t it? Pretty sure zombie apocalypse chic is very in right now.”

Beca hates that she’s smiling. She shakes her head because Chloe is _ridiculous_ and also the _nicest_ person in the world. She huffs, falling against the passenger’s seat.

“You can’t be hot and nice, sheesh. Pick one why don’t you.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do that. My body won’t allow it.”

“How terrible for you.”

“It truly is the worst. I suffer every day.”

Beca snorts before laughing soundlessly in her seat, and chuckles spill from Chloe’s lips until she breaks into a small cackle at their silliness. She has spent 5 minutes with the redhead and she’s in a good mood already. 

Was there anything Chloe Beale couldn’t do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "zombie apocalypse chic" fashion trend of 2018 amirite? also literally my favorite thing that happens in this chapter is that tiny moment where beca kind of moms emily and picks out a piece of cotton candy from her hair. bemily 4ever.


	10. Stacie's Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a party. Shit gets wild.

When they get to Stacie’s house, the party is in full swing. Stacie has good enough control over her party that the crowd doesn’t spill out into the front lawn though, so the front of the house is pretty dead, but you can’t miss the dancing teenagers you see from the windows and the faint music you hear from the open front door even if you’re standing as far as Beca is.

She gulps.

“You okay?” Chloe asks, shutting her car door and locking it with a click of her car remote.

“Uh yeah,” Beca answers absently, feeling oddly too intimidated for her liking as she stares.

Chloe comes up beside her, tries to look at what she looks at, before twisting her head to frown at Beca a little quizzically.

“The rose bushes around Stacie’s house look really intimidating.”

“The rose bushes?”

She feels Chloe’s fingers brush against hers. Beca flexes her fingers so they remain against Chloe’s. Chloe seems to notice this and instead moves her hand around to lace their fingers together. Beca allows it, trying not to give too much attention to the feeling of Chloe’s hand in hers as she keeps her eyes on Stacie’s house.

“Are you… nervous or something?”

Beca scoffs. “Me? Nervous? What? Psh.” But she’s still hasn’t broken her stare on Stacie’s house.

Chloe gives her hand a little squeeze. “C’mon, it’s not that bad.” She starts walking. Beca moves, letting Chloe lead her. “This isn’t even that big a party.”

She noticeably halts for a bit at that, giving Chloe a look like ‘Are you _serious_? We had trouble finding _parking_ because there’s so many people here’.

“I know, but like I promise it’s not that bad. There’s like less than a 100 people here, it’ll be fine.”

Beca’s eyes widen but she doesn’t stop this time because Chloe is confidently leading them forward.

They stroll up to Stacie’s hand in hand, greeted by a couple of people out front just drinking and talking. Chloe greets them as they walk past, and of course they all know Chloe and make way for her. They even give a nod to Beca to acknowledge her presence.

If she thought the music was noticeable from where Chloe parked, you wouldn’t be able to miss it if you were _deaf_ once you walked through the front door. Like, she’s used to loud music, but holy shit. It’s definitely the added effect of seeing a shit ton of people that has her tensing a little too. Chloe seems to sense it, so she gives Beca’s hand another little squeeze which Beca is grateful for. If her grip tightens on Chloe’s hand as they walk further into the house, Chloe pays no mind and rubs her thumb back and forth along Beca’s skin. Beca tries to focus on that feeling so she doesn’t get freaked out by the guy dangling on the railing of the stairs.

“First party?” Chloe asks a little loudly, her head leaning towards Beca because that’s the only way they’ll hear each other.

“Well, you know me and Jesse, we’re _super_ popular so we get invited to _everything_ ,” Beca yells back, hoping her sarcasm was carried despite the loud noise.

Chloe snorts beside her and just squeezes her hand again. Chloe seems to be leading them to the kitchen. The crowd thins on their way there but they get trapped underneath the doorway of these wide double doors that lead to that room because of a bunch of guys carrying out some chick on a surfboard while chanting something completely unintelligible and wholly intimidating. Wait, is that Stacie?

It’s like a small army of men, so Beca and Chloe are forced to one side of the door frame, Chloe tugging her out of the way. It’s when Beca finally turns her head away from the ongoing scene that she realizes how close she and Chloe are together to make way for the group of guys. Chloe, back to the wall, has her hands on Beca’s hips. Beca thinks at most she and Chloe have an inch or two’s space between their faces. She gulps underneath the intensity of Chloe’s gaze. Beca moves her eyes downwards to not have to stare into the redhead’s baby blues but she’s met with the soft pink of Chloe’s lips instead and realizes that was a new mistake all together, so she just looks up again. She thinks something is about to happen when—

“Ladies!”

Bumper finds them just as the little army finishes walking through, putting his arms over their shoulders and coming in between their bodies. She is thankful but at the same time not because Bumper smells like a liquor store. And cheese fries.

When they’re finally in the less crowded kitchen zone that serves as the drinks area, Beca understands why: Amy is by the corner of the kitchen, surrounded by a couple of guys from the wrestling team. They all smile at her, clearly wooed by her charms… or story about how she once wrestled a dingo and an alligator simultaneously.

“So, _you guys_ look _hot,_ I look _amazing_ , I say tonight’s the night for a threesome, don’t yo--?”

“Bumper, dude, there you are. Come here!”

Donald is snatching Bumper from between the both of them and shoving past Beca and Chloe just as quickly as he showed up. Chloe and Beca look at each other weirdly because what even was that entire moment before laughing a little. It takes about a second before Beca feels Chloe’s arm brush hers again, the girl already having taken a step closer now that there was nobody between them.

It’s a lot quieter in here compared to the front part of the house, which Beca enjoys. She feels like she can breathe…. and _think_. Also, Stacie’s kitchen is huge and nice and white, all marble-looking, so it doesn’t hurt to hang around in it.

“So what do you drink?” Chloe asks, her body facing the expansive collection of alcohol available for choosing on the kitchen island.

“Uh, beer?”

Chloe scans the options but can’t seem to find it, so she stops some guy walking by them and asks where the keg is, who in turn tells her it’s on the back porch before moving on. Chloe is already taking a red solo cup from the stack and telling Beca she’ll ‘be right back’ until Beca stops her, both of her hands coming to grab Chloe’s vacant one before she can really register what she’s doing.

“Um…” 

Crap, what is she doing? She doesn’t know what it is but she just doesn’t want to be separated from Chloe while here, even for a second. Maybe it’s just party jitters or something.

“What?” Chloe asks, looking more concerned than fazed by Beca’s sudden motion.

“I just… it’s okay, stay here. You don’t have to go and do that.”

“It’s just back that way, Becs. I’ll be a minute.”

“Please--“

The way that word sounded coming out of her mouth _scares_ Beca. It sounded like she _needed_ Chloe. And she’s never needed anyone. It fucking _terrifies_ her.

But then Chloe is squeezing the hands that hold hers and telling her ‘okay’ with this sort of promising finality that washes all of Beca’s nerves away. They both turn back to face the kitchen island and Beca drops Chloe’s hand because weird. She’s mentally chiding herself for even doing that in the first place. With _both_ hands. Like some anxiety ridden _child_. 

Though, Chloe doesn’t give her too long to berate herself in her head because she’s rubbing at the place at back of Beca’s hip a little and asking her what she likes, clearly referring to the selection of alcohol before them.

Beca is staring at all of the bottles, unsure. “Um, I don’t know. This is going to sound like a shocker to you but I don’t find myself in situations where I drink a lot.”

Chloe smiles at that. “Well, I’ll fix you something and you tell me how you feel about it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Beca watches as Chloe grabs this bottle and that juice box, and this and that, and this and that. Most people would equate Chloe to a professional bartender but all Beca can think about is how good Chloe must be in Chemistry class.

“Okay, try this.” She holds out the cup for Beca, taking a sip from her own once Beca has it in her hands. “It’s not too strong, you’ll like it. Fruity,” she comments.

Beca sniffs the contents of the cup – it literally just smells like different fruit juices – before tilting it back and taking a swallow. It’s… nice. Sort of. But at the same time, Beca also thinks it’s weak.

“It tastes like there’s no alcohol in this,” she tells Chloe.

Chloe moves her cup away from her lips to tell her, “that’s the point! But there is though.” She winks at the bottle of vodka she had used.

“What do you call this? Does it even have a name?” Beca is sipping again, taking bigger gulps because it actually tastes really good. A little addicting, actually.

“Jiggle Juice!” Chloe tells her with a loud giggle. “Well, sort of. Mine is _actually_ Jiggle Juice. Yours is like, the beginner version of it.”

Beca’s mouth drops, feigning offended, to which Chloe grins at.

“Let me taste yours.”

Chloe is looking at her for a second like she’s considering if she’s ready for it before holding out her cup for Beca to try. She tries it, and also regrets it _immediately_.

Beca is handing back the cup, coughing and maybe gagging a little. Chloe has a hand on her arm as if she’s afraid Beca will topple over.

“What’s _in_ that?” Beca asks, looking at the cup like it’s an abomination.

Chloe laughs, and if Beca wasn’t _dying_ , she would think Chloe looks really cute.

“Jiggle Juice!” She tells her, waiting a beat before revealing: “Like a little bit of everything, honestly. And like a splash more of absinthe, it’s really not a beginner’s drink.” She’s rubbing Beca’s back. Beca has her hands on the counter, trying to breathe.

“Why do you call it that?” Beca asks in between labored breaths. God, she can still feel that shit in her throat.

“Because it makes you jiggle!” Chloe shimmies a little.

“You should call it Death Juice because it’ll make you _die_ ,” Beca exaggerates, shaking her head before snatching her cup off of the counter and taking a long sip. 

Give her all of the weak fruity flavors, she’ll take it over that gasoline-tasting poison any day.

After Beca settles and finishes downing her drink, she asks Chloe to make her another drink that’s not Beginner’s Jiggle Juice to see if she’ll like it. Chloe obliges and gets to mixing happily. Beca smiles as she watches Chloe work. It’s really stupidly cute. 

God, why does she keep having these thoughts about Chloe? You could think your friends are like stupidly adorable, right? Right?

“Hey Chloe, who’s your friend?”

And that right there is the beginning to what feels like the next 30 minutes of their night. Beca has come to learn that when you don’t normally go to parties and you finally do, people tend to regard you like that shiny new toy in a kindergarten class. You’re new, you’re bright, and people have never played with you before and _really_ want to. The analogy Beca has for it in her head disgusts her a little but that’s exactly what it’s like.

Thankfully though, Chloe does her a solid every single time. She’ll entertain a bit of dialogue back and forth before bringing up someone’s name and how ‘they’re looking for you’ and it has the stranger rushing off. Chloe seems to know just the right name to say each time to get the person leaving.

Beca smiles at her every time she manages to get someone to wander off and Chloe smiles right back before clinking her cup against Beca’s.

* * *

Beca has come to find that she drinks a _lot_ to get through her nerves. She has a terrible pacing problem. She feels so out of place at a party that she just drinks to seem like she’s doing something that’s not talking to Chloe. Because people come up to talk to Chloe _a_ _lot_. She’s popular, so obviously. But Beca is less known, so she tries mixing drinks of her own when Chloe is engaged in conversation with someone she doesn’t know. And as much as Chloe tries to include her in the conversation, Beca just ends up fading out of it because she has nothing to say and nothing in common with most of them. She also has a feeling they won’t appreciate Beca’s sardonic comments as much as Chloe. 

And more and more as time ticks by, she can’t seem to find anything to say, which is weird because she normally can. Beca assumes it’s the alcohol working on her because her head feels really light and it makes her feel super out of it. Out of it enough to need Stacie to actually touch and shake her for her to stop staring at the tile pattern of the kitchen floor.

“Beca? Jesus, are you okay?” She snickers before taking a sip of her drink.

Beca snaps out of it, blinking. She notices Chloe is no longer talking to that girl with bright blue hair and is now staring at her with some concern. She feels Chloe’s hand on her back a second after that, rubbing in small circles. She thinks she hears Chloe say ‘Bec?’ but she can’t be sure.

“I’m…”

She can’t seem to formulate any words. She thinks it’s stupid but it feels like that scene in this wizard movie Jesse made her watch where this boy is trying to grab at letters that are flooding his uncle’s home and he is jumping and grabbing but he can’t seem to grab any and it’s so unrealistic, but Beca will tell you now that it’s not unrealistic at _all_ because she can’t seem to formulate words for _shit_.

That seems to do it for Chloe and she’s putting her drink down. “Okay, we’re dancing it off. C’mon.”

Stacie cheers at this, clapping quickly before sauntering ahead to the next room where the music is the loudest and the crowd is the… crowdiest. Crowdiest? Is that a word?

* * *

_My name calling all night_  
_I could pull the wool while I'm being polite_  
_Like darling calling all night_  
_I can be a bull while I'm being polite_  
_Like oh me, oh me oh my_  
_I know many women want to be in my life_  
_Like oh me, oh me oh my_  
_Why can't every woman end up being my wife?_

Beca notes that she really likes the song that is playing when they get into what is the ‘dance room’ of this party. There is some dude at the front of the room with headphones around his neck and a set-up that has Beca identifying he’s the DJ for tonight. Chloe squeezes her hand, urging her to keep walking further into this ever-moving crowd of grinding bodies.

They’re sort of in the middle of this room that Beca now notices is poorly lit. Actually, that’s the wrong way to describe it: there are _no_ lights on in this room. It is just dark with the exception of these… well, it reminds her of those Christmas light projectors people use. Wait, she sees Santa Claus. These lights are definitely from those things. 

Her attention is taken off of deciding whether or not it’s just a gag that one of the lights are reflecting Santa Claus when she feels Chloe’s arms come to rest around her neck casually. She turns away from where she’s looking at the projected Santa Claus. When her head is finally facing forward, she sees Chloe moving her hips in a way that’s… well, that’s not child appropriate, that’s for sure.

Chloe looks like she’s having a good time though. Beca thinks the smile on her face is beautiful.

“C’mon, B. Get into it,” Stacie says from behind her, which whoa, she didn’t even know that was Stacie dancing behind her.

Beca makes an effort to move then. She’s drunk enough for it. Soon enough, Stacie is goading her on with cheers and woots. Chloe throws her head back in a laugh but is soon back into it with a happy grin as they all move their body to a new song, which Beca can recognize as Flex from Richie Home Quan.

“Ayy, you guys made it!” Cynthia Rose comes up to them and starts joining their groove.

Soon, more people she recognizes are joining them. Or they have been there the whole time and Beca was just too out of it to recognize. Jesse is here, having the best time and pulling out all of his ‘moves’ that she can’t find it in herself to call ‘dorky’ when he’s moving so comfortably. 

She also never thought she’d ever see Aubrey dance to a song like this like _that_ , and if she finds it really attractive, she just puts it to the fact that she’s drunk. She is feeling better though, actually happy rather than just loopy now that she’s ‘danced it out’ as Chloe put it earlier.

Speaking of Chloe, Beca finds it hard not to stare at her. She keeps trying to convince herself it’s because Chloe is a dancer and she’s impressed by people who can move so effortlessly, but Aubrey and Stacie are also dancers who move just as good but Beca is not staring at them. She thinks maybe, just maybe, it’s because of Chloe’s face, the expressions she makes while she’s dancing. It’s cute. It’s so fucking cute. When she laughs, at something Aubrey says or a silly move Jesse does, it’s the cutest thing in the world.

“ _Why you always all on my back?”_ Jesse sings along to the song as they all move to it. This Action Bronson song is the most chill song that has come up since they’ve started, and it’s nice that they all can still dance but it’s sort of a breather.

When the song transitions to ‘Congratulations’ by Post Malone, Chloe starts pulling out moves that Beca is sure is part of a routine they probably do in dance class because Aubrey and Stacie seem to know it too. But God, she can’t stop looking at the way Chloe moves. She is thankful that Jesse seems to come up to her to start mouthing the words of it, initiating a dance that’s more of the two of them.

“ _Now they always say congratulations!”_ They sing together, dancing and laughing.

‘Congratulations’ is the last song that is played that is mostly chill because the DJ seems to switch it up from that to fucking remixed songs and EDM, and if they hadn’t ‘danced it out’ before, they’re definitely dancing it out now. 

Beca is _sure_ she is sober when she hears Zara Larsson yell she wants to be part of someone’s symphony while persistent beats build up with her voice. The song comes to this really good breakdown that Beca would probably moan over any other time but now she’s mostly focusing on the way she and Chloe dance with each other.

_I just want to be part of your symphony!_

As they hold each other, Beca is pretty sure they are less dancing than they are jumping, having lost any care of actually participating normally. Chloe pulls her into a hug when the song slows and Beca is holding on to her to keep her balance, laughing against her hair. They are practically completely against each other but Beca doesn’t have time to overanalyze it because the next thing she knows they are being led out by Stacie as ‘Hey’ by Afrojack plays.

* * *

“Jesus _Christ_. Whoo!”

Stacie digs both hands into the large bucket on the kitchen island and pulls out two handfuls of ice that she presses to the exposed skin of her neck and chest. Beca gulps as she watches the water slide down her skin before looking away because it was _so_ wrong of her to look at Stacie like that, Jesus Christ. What’s wrong with her? Why is she checking out _Stacie_?

Maybe she is just trying to think of anything else to not pay attention to the fact that Chloe is pressed against her back and has her arms around Beca’s midsection, chin laying on her shoulder as she giggles mindlessly at the sight of Stacie practically being pleasured by the ice cubes on her skin.

“Do you want some privacy or something?” Beca asks to break the tension, or to just have anything else to do but think about how Chloe’s body feels draped against her own.

“Oh fuck a room, I’ll give you guys a show if it means I don’t have to move.” Stacie slides the ice cube around her neck, over her collarbone, and when she loses one cube in her shirt, she just mutters ‘fuck it’ and rubs the rest of the ice where she needs it.

Chloe laughs _so_ loud at that, and Beca can’t even care that she does it right by her ear because she sounds _so_ cute and hugs Beca a little harder when she does it.

Jesse is soon in her line of vision handing her a cold bottle of water that she moves out of Chloe’s arms for. Because she really needed to be out of there before she has any more thoughts about how it feels to have Chloe so close to her. She twists the cap and practically guzzles three-quarters of it before moving the bottle away from her lips.

“What a workout,” Aubrey sighs, resting her elbow on Chloe’s shoulder. Chloe is smiling into her own bottle of water. “I love it.”

Beca is nodding, thinking she likes Aubrey the most now more than ever.

Stacie is out of her little ‘moment’ with the ice cubes when she notices the time.

“Okay, I need to get people out of here. You guys stay though. All play people stay. I’m just gonna kick the rest of these fuckers out so we can chill by ourselves to end the night.”

How Stacie is going to begin to do that, Beca has no idea. But she does though. She does with surprisingly no violence and in quick time, and soon enough, it’s just about ten or twelve people in Stacie’s home compared to the bursting 100 or so it seemed to be before.

* * *

They’re all in this expansive sitting room that leads to the back porch, and instead of sitting on the large sectionals on either side of the room, they all sit in a circle on the floor. With the help of Donald and Cynthia Rose, Stacie has allocated a lot of the liquor into the middle of the circle where it sits on a coffee table that Tom helped drag there – and yes, Tom is here. But he also looks super fucked and is mostly leaning on another Dudebro she doesn’t know the name of for support.

Chloe sits next to Stacie who is across from Beca. To Beca’s left, there is Flo and Lilly, and on her other side, it’s Cynthia Rose and Jesse, then random Dudebro, Tom, Ashley, Jessica, Bumper, Donald, Aubrey, and it’s Stacie and Chloe again. 

It’s so quiet without all of the people here. Music plays at a low volume from the portable speaker Stacie has set on the coffee table beside the liquor. All of them have red solo cups, each filled with their own concoction. Beca has settled for some Jameson and Ginger Ale drink that Jesse fixed for her that she actually really likes. (“I call it the JJ Abrams.”) She likes the name of it a lot less.

“Did you guys see John and Bethany in the living room?”

They talk about random shenanigans they’ve witnessed in the party. To Jessica’s question, Stacie answers that John better not have nutted on her father’s bonsai tree which, okay, it’s a lot to take in. Beca mostly just drinks and listens to what stories everyone has to share.

Her phone rings in the midst of Donald sharing a story about Bumper pissing out of a window trying to hit one of the wrestlers that were talking to Amy, to which Bumper says that he ‘wouldn’t have missed if you had just let me piss’, to which Chloe comments ‘rapper in da houseee’ jokingly. It makes Beca shake her head before she gets up and excuses herself to take the call, closing the glass door behind her once she steps onto the back porch for some privacy.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Luke’s voice comes through the phone.

She didn’t check caller ID, so she’s a little surprised to hear his voice. But she’s glad though. She totally didn’t forget that Luke promised to call her tonight.

“Oh hey, Luke. What’s up?”

“How are you? How was the party?”

“Oh, it was good. Yeah, I’m still here actually. It’s just us though. Stacie made everyone else leave.”

“Just us?”

“Like the play people? Donald, Bumper, Aubrey, some other people. Chloe.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty wild.”

They talk for about fifteen minutes, catching each other up on what happened throughout the day. Beca actually has nag herself to focus her attention on the conversation because she keeps looking into the sitting room to see what everyone’s doing.

“I’ll see you soon,” Beca says.

“Yeah. See you soon. I miss you, Bec.”

“Um… yeah, I—Me too,” she forces herself to say without any hesitation.

It’s not that she’s not sure if she misses Luke or not, but she just doesn’t say those kinds of things to people. It’s weird.

Luke doesn’t comment on how stiff Beca must have sounded, bids her goodnight and a ‘get home safe’ after, and they hang up.

When Beca steps inside again, she narrows her eyes at the way Stacie is ogling her.

“Just in time, B. Come sit.”

Beca walks over a little warily, unable to discern what the devious look on Stacie’s face means.

“What’s going on?” She asks as she lowers herself to sit.

“We’re playing Never Have I Ever. You’re just in time.”

Oh, God. Never Have I Ever? Really?

“Are we seventh graders? Why?” Of course, Beca is the only one in this circle that seems to complain.

“ _Because_ ,” Stacie begins, “we’re all drunk enough for it and I want to learn some secrets.” She punctuates her words with a saucy wink.

Beca rolls her eyes but obliges.

* * *

Before they start the game, Bumper asks if he can get some popcorn first because it was about to ‘go down’. Chloe agrees that she wants some food too and asks Stacie to ‘teach me how to use that cotton candy thing’. (Because yes, Stacie has a cotton candy machine in her kitchen.)

So there’s a quick break for people to get food, pee, whatever they need to do because apparently Never Have I Ever is _so_ important that people aren’t allowed to leave the circle _ever_ once it has started. Beca takes the time to refill her drink, asking Jesse to recreate his concoction in the exact measurements because it was just right enough to the point where she only got a hint of whiskey when she drank it.

“So… How’s your night?” Jesse asks while he’s pouring in the right amount of whiskey.

“It’s alright. What do you mean?”

He pours in the ginger ale now. “I don’t know, you just… seem to be having a really good time.”

Beca knows he means something else with the way he says it.

“I am…” She answers a little cautiously. “Jesse—”

“Alright, bitches. Back in the circle. We’re back,” Stacie announces.

Jesse looks at Beca like he wants her to finish what she was going to say but she just shakes her head and says it’s nothing, takes the drink from Jesse with a ‘thanks’, and they return to their designated spots on the floor.

The first thing Beca notices is how Chloe is holding this sort of… cotton candy burrito. It has what she thinks is ice cream and Lucky Charms in it. Chloe catches what falls out from her cotton candy with the bowl she’s holding with her other hand. She notices Beca looking at her and smiles a little sheepishly.

‘You okay?’ Beca mouths.

Chloe nods back brightly with a smile. She holds out the bowl, offering Beca some of the concoction.

Beca just shakes her head but gives Chloe a thumbs-up as if to say ‘all you, enjoy that’. She bets Chloe is going to go crazy within the next 5 minutes because what she’s eating has _so_ much sugar. And she doesn’t know what sugar mixed with Jiggle Juice does, but she guesses they’re all about to find out as the game goes on.

* * *

The game starts off innocently enough:

“Never have I ever pretended to know a stranger,” from Aubrey.

Chloe rolls her eyes, mouth full from a bite of her cotton candy burrito. She swallows. 

“I do that _all_ the time,” she says like the confession was directed at her even if almost all of them except Beca, Aubrey, and Ashley drink. Chloe knocks back her drink a little excessively, and Beca worries for what the sugar is beginning to do to her. Even Stacie’s eyes widen a little as she tops up Chloe’s drink. It looks like Chloe has moved on from Jiggle Juice because Stacie puts vodka and Diet Coke in Chloe’s cup.

“Never have I ever had sex in the back of a pick-up truck,” from Donald.

Stacie, Tom, Cynthia Rose, Chloe, and Ashley drink.

“Never have I ever missed a high five,” from Bumper.

Most people drink except Jesse, Bumper, Lilly, Chloe, and Donald.

It goes on, and as it does, the questions get progressively dirtier and more invasive. People are definitely trying to figure out shit. Stacie in particular comes up with some pretty good ones that has Aubrey admitting she has in fact pleasured herself on top of a washing machine. Beca’s mouth falls open. Jesse looks… well, he’s red in the face. Chloe throws her head back and laughs, and Stacie has to steady her. Stacie gives Chloe ‘girl, are you okay?’ eyes because Chloe laughs a little too loud at a lot of things and is bouncing in her place as they go down the circle.

Beca keeps hers relatively tame as the rounds go on but goes a little more risqué with ‘never have I ever had phone sex’ this time just for kicks.

Flo, Chloe, Stacie, Donald, Bumper, Jessica and Ashley, Tom, Unnamed Dudebro, and Cynthia Rose drink.

Flo gets people admitting more than they need to with ‘never have I ever lost my virginity in a place other than the bedroom’.

“Roof top,” Chloe announces, shooting her fingers up in the air like guns.

“Arcade bathroom,” Tom slurs.

“Backseat,” Stacie.

“Beach,” Jessica and Ashley answer at the same time which has everyone looking at them for a beat until Donald says:

“Stacie’s hallway closet.”

“What?!”

“Not _now_!” Donald interjects. “Obviously… But like a while ago.”

“Dude!”

“Like you knew! You wouldn’t have known if I didn’t just admit it.”

When Lilly goes, everyone falls quiet because they don’t… well, they don’t _hear_ it. Lilly still seems satisfied though and takes a sip from her own cup. God, what did she just _say_? Was it _murder_?

Everyone has better hopes for Chloe’s, who goes, “never have I ever called someone the wrong name while doing it.”

Donald sneakily brings up his drink to his lips and sips. Chloe drinks too, which has everyone looking at her.

“You know you’re not supposed to call _yourself_ out, right?” Stacie tells her.

“I know,” she chirps with a shrug. She bounces in place. “Let’s keep going!”

Stacie shakes her head like she just knows she’s going to have to take care of Chloe before the night is over. Thankfully, Chloe seems to have finished her little cotton candy concoction and the bowl resides empty in front of her with the exception of some melted ice cream and stray cereal pieces.

Stacie contemplates her ‘never have I ever’ while staring at somewhere in front of her, trapping her lower lip beneath her teeth. Then she smirks, and they all know she’s got something good.

“Never have I ever…” She builds up the suspense. “…kissed someone of the same _sex_.”

Chloe rolls her eyes. Mostly everyone begins to lift their drinks except Jesse, Unnamed Dudebro, and Lilly.

Stacie seems to take notice that Beca brings her cup up to her lips and grins this wicked little grin, staring at her with a raised brow from across the room. Chloe gives her this look that she can’t discern. And then Jesse…

“Wait.” He leans forward so he can see Beca better. “ _Wait…_ Was it _Clara_?”

Beca’s eyes widen and she gets her sip over with.

“Beca!?”

“What?” She whines.

“Dude, that’s my baby cousin!”

“Dude, she’s like 2 months younger than the both of us, you have to stop calling her that.”

“Was it when I went to the store to get more popcorn?!”

“Ohmygod, Jesse, you really need to let this go—“

“That’s why she doesn’t talk about her _boyfriend_ anymore when she comes over! She used to love talking about Aaron!”

Jesse’s cousin comes to stay with him sometimes for like a week or two when she’s on break. Jesse also has a hard-on for Clara’s boyfriend (probably ex-boyfriend now) because he acts in films and has worked on a project with some director dude Jesse likes.

“Beca, my _cousin_?!”

“Dude, what do you want me to do? It _happened_. Do you want me to _apologize_?” It’s a little ridiculous that Jesse is freaking out _this much_ over nothing.

“Um, _yes_!”

“Fine, I’m sorry your cousin _jumped me_ the second you left to get popcorn—”

“Aarghgh!” Jesse cuts her off, throwing himself on the floor, covering his ears with his hands.

Everyone watches on in amazement. Stacie looks like she just discovered the next big thing for reality TV.

“I’m never introducing you to any of my cousins ever again. I can’t. I can’t.”

Beca thinks he’s being ridiculous so she just rolls her eyes, leaving him to his over-reaction. Everyone’s kind of losing their shit. Stacie in particular is having a _grand_ time. Aubrey brings them all back to Earth.

“Okay, okay, let’s all get back here. Someone help Jesse up—”

“Damn, Bec, I had no idea you were a little gay,” Donald says with an impressed smile.

“I’m not gay.” “She’s not gay.” She and Jesse say at the same time.

Donald frowns. Jesse sits up now. 

“So you’re… experimenting? Or what’s it called, duo—bi—”

“Bisexual,” Bumper corrects from where he’s sitting, surprising all of them, as he drinks from his cup for fun at this point rather than consequence because the round hasn’t moved. “It’s when you feel attraction to both the same and opposite sex,” he educates them all with a nod. “I was at San Francisco Pride, I know these things.”

“Wait, you guys were at SF Pride?” Chloe breaks her silence then. “We were too!”

“What?”

“Yeah, me and all the girls went!”

“Some of us just as supporters,” Aubrey clarifies before taking a sip from her cup.

Stacie chokes on her drink then until Aubrey shoots her this look. At this, Beca frowns, not really knowing any of this information before.

“Wait, so who’s gay?” Unnamed Dudebro asks.

Cynthia Rose raises her hand, confused at who the question is directed at, while Jessica and Ashley go: “You know we’re _dating_ , right?”

They give Unnamed Dudebro a look like they can’t believe he doesn’t know because they’re literally always with each other and holding each other. And honestly, Beca hadn’t known either at this point, so this was a lot of new information. Did everyone but her and this Dudebro not know?

“Jesus, Chicago, keep up,” Stacie says, knocking back her drink.

“Wait, are you gay too? Because I’m pretty sure we hooked up last summer.”

“Ohmygodddd.” Stacie rolls her eyes, aggravated by dudebro-now-named-Chicago’s confusion. She’s in in the midst of pouring herself a drink when she accidentally knocks her empty cup over. She gives up on life then and just scraps the idea of trying to be proper, instead snatching the bottle of rum from right off of the coffee table and taking a swig directly from the lip. “I do whatever I want. Chloe’s a pancake, Aubrey’s whatever. We all just fuck who we want now don’t we?” Stacie is _so_ drunk.

“Amen,” Donald says to that. 

Bumper hums in agreement from behind his cup with a pointer finger raised, then says ‘just chicks but Amen Amen’ before drinking some more.

“Pancake?” Chicago asks, looking even more confused than before.

“I’m Pansexual. She’s drunk,” Chloe clarifies.

“That I am,” Stacie admits, lifting the bottle up into the air before falling backwards, hugging Captain Morgan to her chest.

Aubrey groans then, muttering something about ‘come on, Stacie, really?’ before moving to sit Stacie up. Chloe also helps. They both try to stand Stacie up but Chloe looks pretty sleepy, and she stumbles. Beca moves forward on instinct, but Chloe steadies herself by holding on to Stacie’s arm.

“I’m gonna get some fresh air.” She’s walking around Flo and Lilly. “Bec, come with me.” She holds her hand out, moving her fingers as she waits for Beca to grab her hand. Beca obliges and they both make their way out to the back porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you BELIEVE chloe called _herself_ out during nhie? legends only. also hats off to chloe beale for being That Bitch who lost her v-card in public. a wild ho we can all appreciate i love her.


	11. You Quit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn about an important part of Beca's past and what happened to her and Chloe's friendship all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one gets a wee bit heavy man idk what to tell you.

They sit on a cushioned bench on Stacie’s back porch. Beca guides Chloe there because the redhead’s sugar crash is looking so real. She sits first, Chloe practically collapsing on her entire left side. The girl’s head finds its place of rest on Beca’s shoulder and she hugs Beca’s left arm, holding it against her body like a child holds a stuffed teddy to sleep.

She lets Chloe just close her eyes for a bit so she can think because honestly, that was a lot to process what happened in there. She had no idea about most of whatever was just revealed. Like, Jessica and Ashley? No clue. Stacie sleeping with people other than dudes? Didn’t realize. Aubrey..? Well, she thinks she’s still confused on what Aubrey was doing with them at Pride because Stacie mentioned Aubrey was ‘whatever’ yet Aubrey claimed some of them were just there as ‘supporters’.

And Chloe…

Beca turns her head to look at Chloe.

She had no idea Chloe was anything other than straight. It makes Beca nervous for some reason and she doesn’t know why. Before Beca can get too in her head about it, Chloe speaks.

“I’m sorry if you felt uncomfortable in there,” she mumbles, eyes still closed.

“What?”

“With them assuming your sexuality like that.”

Beca swallows. “I… it’s…”

“You don’t have to say anything about it.” Chloe’s voice is soft, comforting. “I noticed you didn’t really even answer. Everyone sort of just started speaking over you, and things went on, and—” She makes a little motion with her hand. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Beca gulps again. Everything feels weirdly fragile at the moment, like anything is bound to happen. But Chloe remains silent and rests against Beca, and Beca just breathes. She breathes in and out for a really long time until words that she doesn’t plan are leaving her lips.

“It’s just, it’s complicated,” Beca admits with an uncomfortable exhale.

If she’s being real with herself, she probably is bisexual but she just doesn’t want to think about it. Labels were… Not everyone needs to _know_ what you prefer. It just feels like another complication she doesn’t need in her life.

“Okay,” Chloe says, fully accepting Beca’s stance on it with no qualms.

She likes that about Chloe. The girl just… _knows_ what to do. It’s quiet breathing again for a while. Beca ruminates on what just happened and mostly what happened in _there_. She still can’t believe Chloe is something other than straight.

“But you’re…” Beca starts, wanting to bite her tongue the second it slips past her lips without thought.

“Pan? Yeah.” Chloe shrugs, nuzzling into Beca’s shoulder a little. “I thought I was bi at first, but I was further educated when we attended this LGBT event with Cynthia Rose and Pansexual just seemed to fit me better, ya know?”

Beca doesn’t know but she just nods.

“I’m happy with it,” Chloe sighs, hugging Beca’s arm a little closer.

“I’m happy you’re happy.”

Chloe smiles against her arm and she feels it. It makes her smile too.

“I’m happy I’m with you again,” the redhead says, pressing further into Beca until she opens her mouth to release a yawn. “You just… you disappear on me.” She nuzzles into the material of Beca’s shirt. “I always think I did something wrong or I don’t know. I’m scared of losing you.”

She feels Chloe’s hand slip into hers, her fingers squeezing.

“I don’t ever want us to not be talking again.” Chloe lets out this deep exhale that makes her whole body slump against Beca’s. “Now that I know what it’s like to have you back, I don’t think I can handle not being friends ever again...”

Beca squares her jaw and finds herself stroking her thumb back and forth alongside the skin of Chloe’s hand. She had no idea that Chloe felt that way about Beca… dodging; she never even considered it. Then again, Beca never made herself a constant presence in anyone’s life (bar Jesse, but she never _willingly_ did that: Jesse just had a habit of making himself at home and she had to deal).

She thinks back on these past ten or so days. She thinks about all of the excuses she came up with to avoid spending time with Chloe. She thinks about how Chloe must have felt when it had been hours and Beca _still_ hadn’t responded to any of her texts. She thinks about all of these shitty things she did because she felt weird about _potentially_ being vulnerable with Chloe about something that she’s not even sure is serious. She thinks about how she was probably the worst friend to Chloe these past ten or so days, and _still_ , Chloe had it in herself to approach Beca, offer to drive her to Stacie’s party, and be nothing but absolutely everything Beca needed this entire night with no hesitation.

God, she feels like shit.

She turns her head to get a glimpse of Chloe, who is now breathing softly against Beca’s shoulder, clearly asleep.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, so quiet that she herself can barely hear it. “You’ll never have to worry about that again,” she says, a little louder this time even if she’s pretty sure Chloe is too passed out to hear.

She stirs a little against Beca though.

It’s that moment that she makes the conscious decision to try and not hide from Chloe anymore. Because Chloe deserves better than someone who flakes on her. Chloe deserves the _world_. She’s _so_ good and Beca’s just… got _issues_. Everyone has them, so she doesn’t understand why she uses it as an excuse for her shitty behavior. It’s gotten her this far in life without any major repercussions though… until now. Now, there’s something – some _one_ – she would _hate_ to hurt in _any_ way. 

Beca’s head snaps up from where she is watching Chloe sleep when she hears the glass door push open.

“Hey, we should be heading back, it’s seriously late,” Jesse says, worry evident in his voice.

Beca straightens a little and pulls out her phone to check the time.

Christ, it’s one-something in the morning.

“Fuck,” she utters. She moves to sit up but the motion is so quick that she just sort of jerks forward and her shoulder is slipping from under Chloe’s cheek.

“Mmm?” Chloe noises, a frown on her face as she stirs awake.

“Shit, Chloe. Sorry. It’s late. We have to go. We so have to go.” Beca is moving to stand up.

She’s still holding Chloe’s hand so she holds out her other to help Chloe up. It’s the least she could do with accidentally waking her and all. Chloe blinks a bit before nodding and allowing Beca to pull her up. Beca makes sure Chloe stands properly before leading them inside, close behind Jesse.

They announce they are leaving as soon as they’re inside. Beca makes sure to sit Chloe beside someone she can trust, like Stacie who is nursing a bottle of water on the sectional. Chloe’s head finds rest on the tall girl’s shoulder quickly. Beca looks to Aubrey, who was watching Stacie, and flashes her this sort of look that she still can’t understand but it makes Aubrey gives her this small nod like she’s telling Beca that she has this, that Chloe will be fine.

“I’ll see you on Monday, Chlo. Get some sleep, okay?”

Then she’s taking Jesse’s arm because he’s waiting for her, half leaning out of the room already, and they’re both jogging out of Stacie’s house in hopes they can make it home without their parents noticing their overtly late return.

* * *

She thanks Jesse quickly for the ride and he wishes her ‘good luck’ before driving off. The lights of her home are all off, so she assumes her dad and Sheila are already checked out for the evening.

She slips inside as quietly as she is able but finds herself biting down on her lip when the lights suddenly flip on.

 ** _Fuck_**.

“Do you have _any_ idea what time it is?”

“Dad, I just lost track of time, okay. I didn’t meant to—“

“Beca, it’s half past one in the morning!”

“I’m sorry, okay! Christ, I didn’t think it would be a big _deal._ ” She already feels herself getting defensive. She _knows_ it’s a big deal. Why is she playing it like it isn’t?

“I was worried about you. God, Beca, I let you get away with _so much_. I don’t ask for a lot. I just expect you to be home before midnight, it’s not a crazy thing to ask with all of the freedom I give you.”

She doesn’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the fact that she hasn’t been chewed out like this since… god, she can’t even remember.

“The freedom you _give_ me? I have it because you don’t _care_ ,” she fights back. “Christ, act like a parent now why don’t you? Just when it’s convenient for you and it’s about chewing me out, you’re unbelievable–” Beca is shoving past him, making her way towards the stairs.

“ _Beca…_ ” Her dad’s voice is warning her. That tone is a _clear_ warning, but all it does is make Beca even more upset so she spins around and challenges him even further.

“What? Like what I just said _isn’t_ true? You don’t _care_. You haven’t cared for a _really_ long time, and you’ve been playing it up like the loving parent only when it’s convenient for you.”

Her father’s brows lift in offense, like he really can’t believe Beca just said that. It makes her so mad, she continues.

“And it’s convenient for you because I’ve _stopped_ making it hard. Where were you when this _mattered_? Where were you when Mom _died_ and I needed someone and you just checked out because you couldn’t _handle it_?”

That admittance has her pressing her lips together. Her father notices how she tenses. Because Beca can’t remember that last time she said ‘Mom’ out loud. She blinks and her whole body jolts awake when she feels wetness on her cheeks. God, she can’t believe she’s _crying_ right now. It’s so _pathetic_. The irritation she feels at herself channels into anger for her dad. She argues a little louder now.

“And you know what? That’s giving you too much _credit_. You were checked out long before Mom died. You were already half way out the door before it happened. I heard you both! I heard you!”

“Beca, I am _warning_ you,” her dad cautions with his finger up, his voice holding an authority she’s never heard before. 

It makes her _mad_. It makes her _so_ mad because she thinks it’s _so_ conceited of him to act like a parent now when he hasn’t properly been one for most of her teen life.

“You know what’s worse than your parents getting a divorce?” She tests this ‘newfound patience’ he seems to have. “Your Mom _dying_ before it could even happen.” Her dad’s face falls. 

“So _lucky you_ : you look less like a villain, and you get to tell people you’re a _widow_ instead of _divorced_ –”

“BECA—“

The shout _does it_ and Beca _snaps_.

“No! No! I’m _sick_ of keeping this all in! You want me to ‘open up’? Well, here it is, dad. _Here it is_. I’m _talking_ to you about it. I’m talking to you about it and you have _nothing_ to say. You have _nothing_ to say because it’s _true_ \--!”

She sniffles, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand quickly.

“You weren’t there.” She laughs bitterly, incredulous of how they got from here to there in a manner of seconds. “So stop _acting_ like you were. Stop _pretending_.” 

She thinks her dad’s chin trembles. __

 _“_ You just quit! You were already quitting out of your marriage, then you quit out of being my _dad_!”

She scoffs when she thinks about it, finding herself stupid for even thinking there was a point where she thought she should stop punishing her dad for the shit he pulled.

All of the memories rush back to her and she _hates_ it.

“You know who helped put me to sleep all of those nights I was crying too hard to even _breathe_ properly? Aunt Pam!” Beca laughs humorlessly because it’s ridiculous. “I don’t even _like_ her and she _stayed_! She stayed in this stupid house even if her own husband died like a year ago because her brother couldn’t stick around and help his own kid. Where _were you_?!”

Her body shakes.

“You were just gone for like _two weeks_! You didn’t say _anything_! Then you come back and you can barely _look_ at me.”

“I was _ashamed_!” Her father’s booming voice surprises her, but not enough to deter her from saying what she wants to say.

“Yeah? Most people would _apologize_. But no you _didn’t_. You just walked around it and we both became _ghosts_ in this house until one day you decided you were happy again and wanted to get married.”

Her father drops his head, his body shudders roughly with the breath he pushes out.

“I may have just been a kid but I would’ve understood an apology,” she tells him seriously. “I would have forgiven you. You could have been gone for… _however_ long, and if you came back and just apologized to me, told me you were sorry, I would have forgiven you because I _needed my dad_. I needed—” She chokes a little on her tears. “I _needed you_.”

Her father doesn’t make a move to look up but his hand is on his face and she knows he’s crying.

“And now look at me.” Her hands dropping to her sides makes an audible sound. 

“I can’t need _anyone_. I’m literally _so_ scared of **ever** needing to. I can’t—” Beca is cut off by her own need for air, sucking in a gulp of breath.

Watching her father get over it the way he did ruined her. He retreated, closed himself off, and tried to get by on the bare minimum. And despite herself feeling resentment for her father’s actions, she took after him. Beca retreated. Beca closed herself off. Beca lived her life giving people nothing but the bare minimum. Sometimes less…

 _I lost Chloe_ , she almost wants to say.

She recalls Chloe trying – young as they were – to see Beca, to talk to her. She remembers seeing her at the funeral. She remembers how her dads seemed to tell her to give Beca space when she wanted to walk up to Beca on the cemetery grounds. She remembers Chloe coming up to her house after some time to visit her. Beca remembers feeding Aunt Pam excuses to give Chloe – to say Beca was tired, or sleeping, or whatever – every single time. Enough times that Chloe stopped coming.

Beca lets her head fall too, the heaviness of the conversation weighing on her. She thinks she and her dad stand there, wiping their tears and collecting their composure for what seems like the longest time until he finally speaks.

“You’re _grounded_.”

“I _figured_ ,” is all Beca says before she turns around and walks up the steps and to her room.

* * *

She wakes up late in the afternoon. She doesn’t give herself time to ruminate on last night’s events once she is up. She cleans up, changes, gathers her laptop and mixing gear into her backpack, and heads downstairs and out of the door.

She goes to Jesse’s and spends all of the day there. His parents gladly feed her. She manages to pretend to be fine enough in front Elliot and Hannah Swanson, but Jesse can tell once they are alone in his room that she’s not fine. But he also knows not to ask.

It’s probably the quietest day they have ever had together, and Beca can’t thank Jesse enough for it in her head. She actually gives him a hug when she leaves after dinner.

When she walks into her home, she sees her dad sitting in the living room. The TV is on but he’s not watching it. Rather, he’s staring blankly at somewhere off to the side.

She studies at him from under the doorway and he looks _so_ tired.

When he speaks, it surprises her but she doesn’t show it. 

“Beca, I was serious about the grounding.” 

(He sounds tired too.)

“I know,” she answers.

He just nods. “School and back starting tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Despite the unwelcome turn of events that occurred when she got home last night, Beca keeps to the promise she made about leaving Chloe without fear of her disappearance. She manages to text Chloe throughout the day even if she doesn’t keep their conversations up for long.

[Sent at 2:41PM] **Beca:** Did you get home okay? 

She sends this to Chloe after she had packed her backpack.

 

[Sent at 3:22PM] **Beca:** Yeah, I’m grounded though  
[Sent at 3:23PM] **Beca:** It’s fine, it was my fault  
[Sent at 3:24PM] **Beca:** Please don’t feel bad over this 

She and Chloe talk briefly once she had settled into the trusty space of Jesse’s bedroom couch.

 

[Sent at 6:09PM] **Beca:** that’s a really cute pictureof beans  
[Sent at 6:10PM] **Beca:** I’m not mad  
[Sent at 6:10PM] **Beca:** I’m just tired from the party and getting grounded does feel shitty

Chloe promises to make Beca forget all about being grounded when she’s finally not grounded anymore. ‘We’ll do something fun,’ is what Chloe says. Beca’s lips twitch just lightly in the quickest hint of a smile.

When she asks Beca when her grounding is over and Beca answers ‘I honestly don’t know’, Chloe apologizes again. And Beca tells her again to not to apologize because it’s not her fault.

 

Later that night when she’s about to go to bed, she texts Chloe one more time.

 **Beca:** goodnight, chlo  
**Chloe:** Goodnight, Becs  <3  
**Chloe:** I miss you  <3

Chloe sends her a photo of her and Beans, cuddled together on Chloe’s bed.

Beca _actually_ smiles for the first time that day.

* * *

She feels better when Monday rolls around. When she gets into Jesse’s car that morning, she can tell he is still trying to gauge how she’s feeling – if she would welcome whatever antics they usually do or just not be in the mood for it. But thankfully, like Jesse always does, he starts to talk. It starts simply enough and the next thing Beca knows is that she’s smiling while Jesse tells her a story about how he and Benji broke into this abandoned house last night (“okay, we only _think_ it’s haunted but it probably really is”) and he learned his full vocal range when a dead opossum fell through the rickety floor above, making them both scream before running out. 

It’s cathartic to feel so light after the emotional hurricane she put herself through on Friday. She and Jesse get out of his car – they surprisingly claim a good spot that’s actually near the entrance for once – and she finds herself laughing at this little anecdote he shares about the time he and his dad tried to fix their kitchen sink together and the remnants of the tomato soup his mother had poured down the drain fell all over his face. (“It smelled so gross, dude. Like it wasn’t just the soup too, it was like cornbread, and veggies, and ugh. The worst part was that I couldn’t get the smell off for like two whole days.”)

For a day that has barely started, Beca thinks Monday won’t be so miserable. She finds her presumption might just ring true when she and Jesse near the steps in front of their school and see Chloe leaning against the railing like she’s clearly waiting for someone. When the redhead spots them approaching, she straightens and beams. It makes the tiredness Beca feels at her center weigh less.

“Hey, guys!”

“Hey, Chloe.”

“Hey, Chlo. What’re you doing here?” Beca asks after greeting her.

“Waiting for you, of course,” Chloe tells her brightly.

Jesse smiles, looking at the both of them, and Beca thinks she does too after she processes that.

“Um, okay..?” She chuckles a little.

Chloe giggles too, hooks her arm around Beca’s, and all three of them walk into school together.

* * *

Beca thinks it’s weird. She thinks that her day has gone… _good_ so far. She gets through her classes without rolling her eyes or doodling in her margins. She pays attention – much to her amazement – and whatever they are learning isn’t boring her. It’s not overtly interesting, but she manages to get by. Lunch isn’t horrible. It’s not good, but it’s edible, and while the weather isn’t great enough to sit outside for, she and Jesse sit inside and Chloe and most of their friends join them.

Beca never thought she would have this: a whole table of people she enjoyed and sort of cared about. She sees Cynthia Rose on the other end of the table trying to balance a spoon on her nose and it makes her smile. She watches Benji and Jessica talk about red pandas and it makes her heart melt. She grins at Jesse and Emily playing Patty Cake, getting faster and faster with their movements until Jesse can’t handle it and falls off beat.

She feels Chloe’s hand come over hers on the table as soon the redhead’s laugh reaches her ears. Her head turns and she witnesses Chloe throw her head back at something Aubrey says to her. Beca thinks she likes how the areas around Aubrey’s eyes crinkle when she smiles like this. She thinks that to keep herself from thinking too much about how the sound and sight of Chloe’s laughter makes her heart swell. Chloe is clutching at her hand now to keep herself steady, her body racked with giggles.

“Oh my god, Bree!” Chloe’s other hand comes to her chest like she can’t breathe because it’s so funny.

* * *

She’s not completely sure how it starts. One second she was just playing around with this plastic cup in front of her, and now all of them are poised and at the ready to do a cover ‘Send My Love’ by Adele accompanied by the sounds of most of them playing Patty Cake and a few of them doing the Cups.

Donald films them as they do it, and it’s the most alive she has felt in a long while. Hearing their voices and feeling the rhythm of them all working together to create something removes Beca from this sadness she feels has covered her since she and her dad got into a fight that night.

The tables surrounding them erupt in applause when they’re finished and Beca revels in the way it makes her feel. In the midst of it, she and Chloe look at each other and smile. 

It makes the moment all the better.

* * *

While they don’t have to meet that day after classes because it’s Monday, she still feels lighter than she has since the fight. She and Chloe walk out of school together, smiles on their faces as they climb down the steps. Chloe has agreed to give her a ride home because Jesse informed her that he and Aubrey were going to get smoothies before she goes to her dance class, to which Beca gives him this little smirk. Jesse blushes, asking her to ‘please just’ before jogging away with a smile on his face.

What she doesn’t expect is to see Luke waiting in front of his Jeep when they reach the bottom of the steps.

“Luke?”

“Hey, Mitchell,” he greets, this ever-charming smile on his face. He pushes off of his car and begins to walk towards them.

She feels Chloe stiffen beside her, clearly caught off guard like Beca, before untangling their arms. Beca frowns a little before she walks forward.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were getting back tomorrow.”

“We made the trip earlier. Had enough of fish for a lifetime.” He flashes her a smile, and she thinks it’s ridiculous that people are allowed to have genes this good and know how to use it to their advantage.

“Um, that’s—that’s great? I guess.”

Luke chuckles, finally in front of her, before wrapping her in a hug. To which Beca returns only after a moment’s hesitation. They pull away from each other and Beca still has this somewhat stunned look on her face because she has no idea what to do now. She’s not saying she forgot Luke, but she just hasn’t thought of him much the past couple of days because of all that’s been happening. She exhales a little nervously before turning her lips upwards in a smile that feels a little too forced to appear natural.

“Hey, Beale.”

Beca remembers Chloe behind them, looking over her shoulder. Chloe is standing a little awkwardly until Luke mentions her, then she straightens and smiles a bit, though it looks a little uncomfortable. It makes Beca grimace.

“Mind if I steal Beca from you for a bit? I’ll give her a ride home after, I promise.” He asks so charmingly that she wonders if it’s even possible to deny a request like that.

Beca looks between Luke and Chloe for a bit, unsure of what’s about to happen, but Chloe – gracious as always – is soon agreeing, flashing a more convincing smile now, all teeth and bright eyes.

“Of course. Just make sure she gets home safe, Stanbraugh.” Chloe winks to punctuate, lightening the unnecessary tension Beca feels. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Becs? Have fun, okay?” 

Chloe is touching her arm quickly before walking away just as fast. Beca doesn’t know why but she feels like Chloe isn’t as okay with this as she let on; however, she can’t do much about it but watch her walk away while Luke waits for her, reminding her he’s there after a moments passing before helping her into the passenger’s side.

* * *

Mine by Bazzi plays as Luke drives down the road.

Beca is uncharacteristically quiet in her seat as he cruises, and it’s not that she feels like she needs to talk for them to get through this drive, but she feels like she should say something – anything at all – because Luke just got back and they haven’t spoken to each other in a couple of days with the exception of Luke sending her goodnight texts that she hasn’t even opened.

“You okay?” He asks, clearly picking up on her awkwardness.

“Yeah,” she answers, her voice sounding bizarrely high-pitched.

Luke picks up on this too and gives her a concerned look while smiling a little because they both know that sounded fake as fuck. He releases a laugh a second later.

“God, sorry. I don’t know why I said it like that.” Beca shakes her head, eyes closed.

Luke just chuckles again before saying, “I mean, work those vocals, girl, but you know, if there is something wrong you can tell me. You know that, right?”

Luke glances at the road again to make sure the path ahead is clear before looking at Beca again.

“I’m sorry, I’m just—I don’t know. It’s weird I guess. I didn’t think you’d be back till tomorrow.”

“Understandable. Your programming wasn’t prepared to deal with my annoying self ‘til 24 hours from now,” he jokes lightly.

“Ha _ha_.” She rolls her eyes fondly. “I just… yeah, I guess I wasn’t ready for you ‘til tomorrow. It’s fine though, really. I’m glad you’re back.”

This is what she likes about Luke: he understands her. Just like she thinks she understands him sometimes. He gets that Beca doesn’t like spending an overt amount of time with people, and that even when she does, she can only handle it in small increments and with a lengthy amount of time to prepare for it beforehand.

“That sounded very convincing,” he makes known, teasing her. “But I completely understand, Bec. Look, we don’t have to hang out. I’m honestly happy to just drive you home and enjoy whatever time we have in the car.”

Luke is too good to her.

“And listen to my awesome taste in music?”

“You mean, _my_ awesome taste in music.” His hand is reaching forward to select a song on his Spotify and Beca slams her eyes shut when she hears the opening beats.

 _We're no strangers to love_  
_You know the rules and so do I_

“ _Ohmygod._ ”

Luke practically howls in laughter. Beca is shaking her head but neither of them make a move to change the music. They drive down the road with Rick Astley’s unmistakable vocals filtering out of Luke’s car.

* * *

Despite the awkwardness at the start, the music helps settle Beca, and she and Luke actually laugh and talk for a bit before he drops her off. He doesn’t make a move to kiss her before she goes but instead just smiles and looks at her like he’s missed her so much. For this, Beca pecks him on the lips before she tells him ‘thanks’ and hops out of his Jeep.

As she walks up to her door, she wonders what exactly it is that she is doing with Luke. Because they’re not a relationship. They don’t even talk about what they are. But they go out on what are probably dates with each other, kiss, and do all sorts of shit that could definitely be qualified as flirting or more intimate behavior. But at the same time, it’s so casual that it feels weird to label it ‘dating’ or a ‘relationship’. 

Just thinking of this makes Beca shudder so she drops it before she inserts her keys into the front door and pushes.

* * *

She spends the time before dinner doing her homework (she has to read like _one_ thing) and making a mix. When she finishes a good chunk of the mash-up (Attention by Charlie Puth and Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato), she checks her phone specifically to see if Chloe has posted anything on Snapchat. Like always, her story is updated with new content.

The first is a snippet of Chloe and Emily side by side doing a bit from the routine they are learning.

 _You like the light coming through the windows_  
_I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed_

It starts off simply, just the both of them warming up, sort of swaying and snapping. Then the song hits the chorus and they break into these dance moves that Beca has impressed. 

The next short video is of Stacie on Chloe’s phone, filming herself mouthing to the song that Chloe and Emily were just dancing to with a filter over her face.

 _Tell me how we're not alike_  
_But we work so well and we don't even know why_

The next is a photo of Chloe, making a face with a snapback on her head and the caption ‘finished!’, indicating the end of another day at dance class.

Beca sighs, holding her thumb over the photo so it stays instead of disappearing like posts on Snapchat usually do once the timer runs out. Then she groans before letting her phone fall on her desk because she doesn’t understand why she’s like, weirdly into looking at Chloe.

* * *

She is lying on her bed and listening to music, staring at nothing in particular on her ceiling.

She is thinking about Luke again and what all of this with him means. She likes Luke. He’s not annoying, and they have a good time together. They have a lot in common. It goes without saying that he’s not tough on the eyes either. But she thinks her problem comes with the fact that she has to _actively_ think of Luke to think of Luke, whereas for example, someone like Chloe is usually on her mind even if Beca doesn’t want her to be.

Thoughts of Chloe come to her naturally, without her consent or desire, and that frightens her. She thinks about Chloe as she is going through her day – her mind picking out things that remind her of Chloe, or things she can talk about with Chloe. If something ridiculous happens to her and Jesse on the way to school, her first thought is how she can’t wait to tell Chloe about it.

With Chloe, there is never a beat of her wondering what happens next or what she should do next. When she’s with Chloe, Beca is always present, with no thoughts on how to transition to the next thing or what she can say so she can make her exit and go home. She _likes_ being around Chloe, even if it feels a little intense sometimes (though, Beca puts that down to the fact that Chloe is a very touchy-feely type person who has a penchant for maintaining eye contact and Beca isn’t).

She doesn’t know what it means and it frightens her. 

Beca mostly thinks it’s just because she misses Chloe. She has missed Chloe for such a large part of her life that now that they are together, her body craves being around the girl. They used to spend almost every day with each other as kids. And naturally, considering their long gap of not talking or knowing each other, it just makes sense that she would miss Chloe, right? To desire to spend time with her and be with her? At least Beca thinks that makes sense.

She really tries not to think about it too much, or think about Chloe too much, because Beca finds herself fantasizing when she does. She imagines long car rides with Chloe where they do nothing but tease each other and sing. She imagines what it would have been like if she was on the haunted hay ride with Chloe instead of Luke, and what her reactions would have been. She imagines her and Chloe doing so many things together and having a great time, and it bothers her that she can’t seem to do that with Luke. At least not in the depth that she can do it with Chloe in mind.

She tries to put that down to the fact that she hasn’t known Luke as long as she has known Chloe. It’s easier for her brain to imagine what Chloe would do or how Chloe would look. Beca thinks she actually forgot Luke’s _eye color_ once. 

And see? That’s _totally_ normal. Because she _hasn’t_ known him for that long. She knows the bright blue of Chloe’s eyes because she’s been looking into them since she was 6 years old. She knows the soft brown of Jesse’s because she has known them since she was 14. It’s just because Luke hasn’t been in her life long enough. That’s all it is. 

Maybe Beca is just over-thinking it…

She sighs, turning over in her bed and groaning into her pillow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this house, we love and respect luke stanbraugh and the fact that he unironically has never gonna give you up in his music library <3 also if you want a reference of chloe and emily dancing to sabrina carpenter's why, check out kyle hanagami's why choreography on yt bc it's dat.


	12. She & I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being with Chloe is easy. And dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for all the angst in chapter 11, here have chapter 12. very fun and light.

Life goes on. The strain between Beca and her dad eventually fade because like always, they both ignore it until it gets swept under the rug. They are by no means okay, seeing as neither of them have talked about it and probably have no plans to. Whatever. She’s over it.

He asks her how school is going one night over dinner and she answers honestly instead of sassing him because she’s tired. She thinks she has just about accepted that she and her dad will never properly get over what happened all of those years ago, and that blissful ignorance of past mistakes is all that was allowed if they were both to survive under the same roof.

The play is going really well. After much revising and having many variations of the script, Jessica and Chloe have settled on the absolute final version of it, and that’s what they rehearse and compose music for. Tuesdays and Thursdays are productive for the most part even if they only ever have an hour. Her dad thankfully allows this – especially since she was assigned to it by the school anyway so it’s more of an obligation than an after-school activity – but she’s not allowed to loiter after and has to be home as soon as possible.

Chloe remains their ever-positive leader and director. When she’s not directing or consulting with the team in the auditorium, she is flitting about school checking in on the other parts of the team like Benji and his ‘visual arts underlings’ in the computer room or the Dudebros in the work shop before returning to catch up on the progress of the play.

Surprisingly, none of the Dudebros in the work shop have irreversibly injured themselves. They have more to do and build now that there is a finalized script and Chloe can tell them exactly what she needs for a scene. Sometimes Tom passes by the auditorium to ask for Chloe’s opinion on things, seemingly taking up the role of contact person and leader for the bros making their sets. Sometimes he lingers, hanging around Chloe and making her laugh. Beca learns to ignore it and instead helps Luke and Jesse compose a song for this scene where P.T. encourages Phillip to join his business.

Luke surprisingly knows a lot about Broadway and musicals (his mom is from New York). He also is no stranger to playing guitar and composing music. He comes up with lyrics with a certainty and creativity that Beca finds attractive. She finds it difficult to not stare at him when he sings a newly composed line for the first time. Or maybe she just focuses all of her attention on him to ignore the fact that she can see Tom whispering in Chloe’s ear in her periphery.

On one particular day where Tom takes too long to return to his Dudebros and instead makes getting Chloe to giggle his job, Beca takes Luke and they make out outside of the auditorium. Luke doesn’t know what comes over her, neither does Beca honestly, but he doesn’t question it and neither does she.

She and Chloe seem to have this unspoken agreement to not bring up the fact that Luke is a bigger part of her life now, and in return, Beca doesn’t say anything about Tom. She isn’t sure if he and Chloe are dating, but he’s definitely trying to get more and more of Chloe’s attention. (There was a new photo on Chloe’s Instagram of a girl on a guy’s back, arms over his shoulders and legs hung around his waist. The faces are cut off, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that if you tap on the photo, ‘tomcavanaugh23’ is tagged over the flannel shirt the guy wears. It’s a cute photo. Beca tries to ignore the way the guy’s hands hooks under the thighs of the girl draped behind him, knowing full well those are Chloe’s legs.)

* * *

After almost three weeks of school and back, her dad informs her that her grounding will be over soon during dinner one night. He reveals it to her so casually that if she wasn’t keenly aware of every time he spoke, she is sure she would have missed it.

“By the way, your grounding is over after Friday,” he mentions nonchalantly, shoveling some pasta into his mouth.

Beca blinks and stops in her mindless moving around of the food on her plate.

“Oh.”

* * *

She tells Chloe her sentence comes to an end on Friday and the girl rejoices by sending Beca a shit ton of confetti emojis. Beca laughs and writes her ‘dork’. Chloe is soon telling her she has big plans for her and Beca on Saturday then. Beca asks her what these ‘plans’ are but Chloe is determined on keeping it a secret. All she tells Beca is that she’ll pick her up at 9AM on Saturday and that she should bring a cap. Beca doesn’t think she even _owns_ a cap. Nonetheless, she lets Chloe have this and agrees. She ends up borrowing one of Jesse’s caps and spends the rest of the days leading up to Saturday wondering what Chloe has planned.

* * *

“I can’t believe I’m awake at 9AM on a _Saturday_ ,” is the first thing Beca says once she’s in Chloe’s car.

“Good morning to you too, Grumpybutt.”

Beca frowns but the crease in her forehead is soon smoothened out when Chloe hands her a coffee and something in a brown paper bag that she assumes would be something to go with the coffee.

“My dads baked something for you. I told them you became a free woman yesterday.”

“Ohmygod,” is what Beca says when she opens the paper bag. _Honey almond fingers._ Beca is _so_ happy.

“Do your dads want to adopt me? I love them,” Beca says, completely serious as she takes a stick and bites into it. She is normally not one for overtly sugary foods but these things were the exception.

Chloe just giggles before putting the car in drive and cruising them down the street.

* * *

“A zoo?” Beca says, staring at the entrance with sagged shoulders.

“Yes, a _zoo_. We’ll have so much fun, c’mon. I’m making it a whole thing—”

Chloe proceeds to walk and talk, dragging Beca along as they near the entrance. She tells Beca all of the big plans she has for them today and all Beca can think about is how that sounds like a _lot_ of walking.

“Is there any chance zoos have invested in Segways?”

“Oh hush you.”

Chloe pays for both of their tickets, to which Beca protests at first but Chloe tells her ‘uh uh, this day is about you’ and is adamant that she pay for Beca’s ticket. Beca gives in eventually but tells Chloe she’ll get her something ‘ridiculously overpriced’ at the gift shop in exchange for the gesture. Chloe says it’s not necessary but she wouldn’t mind a novelty cap.

* * *

If Beca thought she would hate walking around a zoo so early on a Saturday morning, Chloe Beale proved her wrong. Chloe leads her around and talks with such excitement and wonder that Beca actually feels motivated to walk this entire fucking zoo. And they do. Beca honestly thinks they walk the entire thing and see just about everything the zoo can offer.

They see the monkeys, the birds, the hooved animals, the weird amphibians, the creepy reptiles, all of the fucking big cats, and whatever fucking else animal there is to see. Chloe also never fails to make puns about each animal they encounter.

“Hey Beca, this is totally _bananas_ ,” she says when they see the monkeys.

“Beca, I’m so _fawn_ ’d of you,” when they look at the deer – or fawn, whatever. Some Bambi looking animal.

“ _Iguana_ tap it but I have a _reptile_ dysfunction.”

“Oh, the hu- _manatee_!”

“Do you ever feel really irr- _elephant_?”

“Are you _kitten_ me right now?”

She guesses that works for lions too.

“What is love? Baby, don’t _herd_ me, no more—” That one actually has Beca leaning over in laughter because it’s ridiculous but also makes goats _so_ much more entertaining.

She actually joins in once: “Hey Chloe, look at all the fox I give.” She gestures at the fox enclosure.

She flashes Chloe a shit-eating grin and Chloe throws a peanut at her before laughing.

The aviary is actually a really fun stop for them. Beca is – unbeknownst to her – actually really good with birds. She was sure she’d get shit on by one of them, but soon she has one of these cute delicate-looking ones land on her shoulders and while she is freaked out at the start, she offers up her hand to give it some feed that she and Chloe had purchased and the tiny thing actually eats it – pecks right from her palm. It’s fucking _cute_. She thinks Chloe must have a dozen of pictures of her smiling at this little bird.

* * *

They’re exhausted by the time they walk out but before they do, as tired as Beca is, she pulls Chloe towards the gift shop.

“Pick,” she says, breathing in the cool air.

Okay, she may have had ulterior motives about going into this very _cold_ , _air-conditioned_ structure.

“Bec, I don’t need anything.”

“But I wanna get you something. Get like one of those novelty caps you were talking about. Like this—“

Beca picks up something that looks like the head of the wolf as a hat but the sides of it are so long, Beca wonders if it also doubles as a scarf. “Okay, how the hell does this thing work?”

“Gimme, I’ll show you.” Chloe takes it from her and puts it on. “It’s a scarf glove!”

“A scarf _glove_? But it’s barely around your neck. You’ll either freeze to death or lose your hands to frostbite. This was really not thought out.”

“It’s supposed to be cute, not practical,” Chloe tells her, sticking her tongue out.

Beca rolls her eyes but thinks Chloe looks really cute in the scarf-cap-glove whatever thing.

“You wanna get it?”

“I don’t know, it feels like the kind of thing you only wear ironically…”

They look around some more and Chloe ends up getting a keychain that she attaches to her car keys once they’re out of the store. She says she’s not one for extravagant things but she can appreciate a good reminder of a great memory.

(“So I’ll always think of you!”

“But don’t you already always do?” Beca teases, obviously joking.

What she doesn’t expect is for Chloe to actually get flustered before she’s swatting Beca on the arm with a ‘shut uppp’.)

* * *

The ride home is relatively chill because they’re both really tired but they do find energy to sing quietly to certain songs that come on shuffle as Chloe drives on. When a Cam’ron song that Beca really likes comes on from Chloe’s library, she finds herself sitting up and raising the volume. Chloe looks at her and smiles.

_Hey Ma (What’s up?)_  
_Let’s slide (Alright)_

 _“And we gon get it on tonight,”_ she sings along.

“ _You smoke_ ,” she continues.

“ _I smoke_ ,” Chloe counters, surprising her.

“ _I drink_ ,” Beca sings right back.

“ _Me too_ ,” Chloe responds with a wink

“ _Well good_ —“ 

“ _And we gon get high tonight_ ,” they both sing together. It has Beca bouncing in her seat a little too happily because she freaking loves this song and no one she knows seems to like it as much as her.

She and Chloe groove to the song, singing and laughing as they make their way home.

* * *

“Pretty legit day, Beale, I don’t know what to tell you,” Beca starts once they have pulled up in front of her house.

“What did I tell you? Can I organize an outing or can I organize an outing?”

They’re smiling at each other so hard that they laugh.

“It hurts me to say this but you’ve proven me wrong: the zoo is cool.”

“The zoo is _very_ cool,” Chloe corrects with a smirk that Beca doesn’t think she’s ever seen on Chloe’s face before. She likes it. It’s sassy.

She undoes her seatbelt. “I’ll see you Monday?”

“See you Monday,” Chloe agrees.

“You’ll be fine?” Beca asks, obviously joking.

Chloe breaks into a grin. “I’ll survive,” she says after a beat.

“You sure?”

“No,” Chloe plays along, shaking her head.

“Whatever will you do?”

“I guess I’ll just have to wait,” Chloe answers with a shrug, smiling at Beca.

Beca beams at her then. There’s this long beat of them just looking at each other that has Beca taking in a breath before she moves to open the car door, stepping out. Before she shuts it, she peeks in to look at Chloe one more time.

“Goodnight, Chlo. Today was really fun.”

“Night, Becs. I’m glad you had a good time.”

“I should get grounded more often.”

“Please no.”

They both laugh again.

“Alright, well, drive safe or whatever.”

“Sure, I’ll just… whatever all the way home.”

Beca rolls her eyes. “Night, Beale.”

“Night, Becs.”

Beca shuts the door, patting the car after. Chloe waves at her one more time before driving off. She watches the car until she can no longer see it before making her way inside.

* * *

It feels like the days go by faster the closer they get to the end of the year. It’s when Mrs. Byers visits them one afternoon in the auditorium to talk with Chloe privately that has the ginger freaking out after she leaves.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god—” Chloe is fanning herself once the doubles doors shut.

Beca moves her headphones fully off of her ears and sits up. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong, Chloe?” Emily asks from beside Beca.

Though the both of them were like 4 feet away from where Chloe and Mrs. Byers were talking, they were too invested in their music to eavesdrop.

“Mrs. Byers just told me they want a performance from us for the Winter Special. Like a song, a number, something!”

“Dude, it’ll be fine. We’ll just play them one of the song numbers. Like Jesse’s song or something,” she tries, hoping to calm Chloe.

“Becs, the Winter Special has to be classy!”

Beca makes a face. She can’t find it in herself to reply to that because this was _high school_. Nothing anyone did was ‘ _classy_ ’. Emily notices this.

“Then we’ll do an acoustic arrangement of it,” the younger girl suggests, which Beca wants to give her a pat on the back for.

“No, it’s not special enough,” Chloe dismisses, walking in a circle with her hands on her hips.

Okay, she’s visibly stressed. Beca straightens in her seat.

“Okay, we’ll do something else then. What about your song?” Beca suggests, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I can let them all listen to it and we can ask the band people to help us, it’ll be fine.”

“No! It’s like the first big number, I don’t want to spoil people.”

Beca’s eyes widen at Chloe’s fussiness. She was really freaking out.

“Okay then, what about—”

“I may have something,” Emily butts in, her eyes shifting from spot to spot when Beca and Chloe look at her.

Chloe looks at Emily as if to say ‘well?’, and Beca rolls her eyes chidingly at Chloe before going, “what’s this something you got, Em?”

“I may have finished the song for Jenny Lind.”

Beca blinks, intrigued. “Okay, well, can we hear it?”

Chloe is stepping closer to them, interested now.

“I…”

“Emily, if it’s classy and incredible, you _need_ to let us hear it.”

Beca puts her hand on Chloe’s arm, to calm her somewhat but mostly as a way of telling her to ‘chill’.

“Chloe, chill out. Emily, what’s this song?”

* * *

They pick Emily’s song. They pick her song because it’s so good that everyone is stunned after they hear it. Considering the amount of trouble Emily went through trying to write the first song she attempted to tackle (which is still unfinished by the way but no one brings it up around Emily lest they want the girl to freak out), this song requires no changes. It’s absolutely perfect the way it is.

Chloe enlists the help of the band to add to the pizzazz of the situation. It was core-shaking enough with just the piano accompanying her, but Chloe ensures all of them that the band will add that extra fire power that will have everyone tearing.

Beca is only _slightly_ concerned about Chloe’s intense desire for this to blow people away. But at the same time, she also understands: Chloe _needs_ for this to work. It’s the group’s first impression. If this doesn’t go well, people won’t be excited about the play the seniors will put on before Graduation, and since Chloe took charge of the whole project, its failure will fall on her shoulders.

* * *

It feels like they are going to get through Finals by the skin of their teeth. Chloe enforces another two week break of no meet-ups like she did Midterms where the week before Finals they don’t meet nor do they meet for the week _of_ Finals, obviously – because they all have to go home and cram.

Beca and Jesse actually enlist the help of note cards this time around. They are so much more into their personal lives and the play now that they’ve both kind of neglected their education, and it’s so hard to comprehend concepts you were only 40% paying attention to in class.

They all end up at Chloe’s one Wednesday afternoon – the whole auditorium team – in a big coincidence. At first, it was just the Seniors, who agreed to study for Physics together. Then Chloe is agreeing to help Jesse and Beca with their Math because they’re both losers who suck at numbers, so they go over, and it’s like an impromptu mini-reunion even though they were all with each other just a few days ago.

There are about four more cars outside of Chloe’s house than she is used to when she and Jesse arrive. Chloe had texted them earlier to just ‘walk on in’, so when they enter Chloe’s home, they have no idea what to expect.

“ _How is the answer 43 when I just multiplied it by this huge ass number_?” Donald.

“Because you also _divide it_ by a huge ass number _after_ ,” Stacie argues, clearly having been going over this with him for a while.

Most of the Seniors are scattered all over Chloe’s living room. Aubrey and Cynthia Rose sit on the floor doing work on the coffee table. Lilly is sitting in the corner on a lone stool with her eyes closed and some papers on her lap, either trying to memorize something or she’s just disconnected her soul from her body and is taking a break. Who knows with that chick. Flo and Jessica are sitting on the window seat, testing each other with books on their lap. Amy isn’t even studying but instead is making what she thinks are snow angels on the floor in front of Chloe’s fireplace. Stacie and Donald are sitting on ottomans closest to the doorway arguing about something to do with Physics.

“Hey guys!” Chloe emerges from the hall wearing these pale olive cargo pants that remind Beca of Kim Possible and a shirt that says ‘GRL PWR’.

“Hey, Chloe,” Jesse greets, relieved to finally see someone sane and unstressed.

“Hey, Chlo.”

Her hair is tied half-up half-down and it’s super casual but really adorable, and here goes Beca again thinking Chloe Beale is too cute for her own good. If Chloe would just stop being cute, it would save Beca a lot of brain power.

“Come join us in the dining room, Ashley and I are taking a break so I can help you guys out for a bit.” She smiles.

Beca is suspicious of how calm Chloe seems when almost every conversation they have at night over text is about how she’s freaking out over Emily’s approaching solo performance for the Winter Special.

She and Jesse follow regardless. They pass by her dads who are laughing over something in kitchen on their way to the dining room.

“Hey, Mr. Beales,” Beca greets.

“Beca!!” They both exclaim happily.

Beca finds herself walking all the way over to be hugged by the both of them without even thinking. She loves these guys. She notices all of the uniform veggie sticks they have on the cutting board in front of them when she pulls away.

“You guys seem busy,” she remarks.

“Oh, they’re _loving_ this,” Chloe tells her from where she’s drinking a bottle of water by the fridge.

Mr. Beale swats his hand in Chloe’s direction before telling Beca they’re having a really good time. They _love_ cooking for people.

“We thought a vegetable plate would be good since the crunch of it all will really alleviate the stress.”

“We’re also doing taco cups. Extra crunch but extra fun too,” Mr. B informs with a wink.

They‘re both mostly just really happy they get to try out all of these appetizer and party food ideas that they have.

“That’s pretty cool.” Beca takes a carrot stick from the cutting board and bites, chewing.

She notices Chloe staring at her from where she stands by the fridge and frowns at her a little. ‘What?’ she mouths while Mr. Beale is going on about Beca trying the carrot sticks with this dip they whipped up from scratch. Chloe is smiling so widely behind her bottle, but she shakes her head and mouths ‘nothing’ back, turning around to shut the fridge door.

Beca swipes the carrot stick into the dip Mr. Beales came up with and it’s good – of course it is, these dudes make enough money now that they barely have to work and have all the time in the world to practice something they both enjoy. The last time she was here Mr. B was telling her that he basically has his own company now where they primarily do web design but also a lot of graphics and illustrations, and even advertisements on occasion. Mr. Beale moved on from being the OG Computer Guy in the family a couple of years back and now has his own interior design business – that is booming by the way (she’s seen all of the dazzling comments his clients have left for him on his website). He focuses on doing minimalist and contemporary designs, which is a total 180 from the rustic-feel and coziness of his own home.

Beca, Jesse, and Chloe move on from the kitchen and to the dining room after Mr. B hands them a little basket with bread rolls in it (“in case you all get hungry”). They greet Ashley who is writing intently in her notebook when they walk in. Beca notices all of the bags and backpacks hung on the backs of all of the chairs and assumes this is where all of the Seniors started before they scattered out.

Chloe returns to sit at her place at the head of the table, Ashley is sitting to her left, so Beca takes the empty seat on Chloe’s right, and Jesse moves to sit beside her. There’s a small portable speaker in front of Chloe that is playing some music that Beca recognizes is from SZA’s Ctrl album.

Chloe gets to explaining Calculus to Jesse and Beca soon after they sit down. Beca isn’t sure what it is but she understands a lot better when Chloe is the one teaching them. Maybe it’s because Chloe doesn’t speak in a monotone or wears ill-fitting button-downs with sweat stains like Mr. Patterson does. Soon enough, she and Jesse are good to do their own thing and tackle a couple of exercises while Chloe returns to studying a specific chapter with Ashley. It becomes this little pattern they follow: Chloe teaching them a chapter, and then reviewing with Ashley when Jesse and Beca do exercises from said chapter Chloe taught them.

* * *

The music that plays only loud enough for all four of them to hear helps Beca focus, enjoying the selections that come up even if some of them are as old as something from 2009. A good pop classic was hard to deny. There’s a good mix of things though, shifting between current and past, as the songs go on.

 _You're the light, you're the night_  
_You're the color of my blood_  
_You're the cure, you're the pain_  
_You're the only thing I wanna touch_

“ _Never knew that it could mean so much_ ,” Chloe sings quietly.

Beca smiles. She forgets this song is kind of a bop though, and that it really builds once it hits the second chorus. It sort of collects an energy from its audience before it bursts. It’s then when it becomes distracting because Beca’s feet tapping has grown into head bobbing, and Jesse mirrors her. Soon, all of them are kind of singing:

“ _Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do. Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do…_ ”

They all laugh and continue to sing the rest of the song, disregarding their work. It becomes a _performance_ when Jesse decides to take the verse before the final chorus:

“ _I'll let you set the pace… ‘cause I'm not thinking straight…. My head spinning around I can't see clear no more. What are you waiting fooooooor?”_

The girls join in for the chorus. And it’s hilarious and incredible and takes Beca’s mind off of the fact that she’s been studying and do Math exercises for the past two hours.

They settle for the next couple of songs, thankfully. Beca and Jesse feel so much more confident about Calculus now that Chloe has gotten them through the first 3 chapters without any crying.

“ _And if you really need me, you’ve gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to **love me** harder, gotta love me harder…”_ Chloe sings.

“ _Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,_ ” Beca finds herself joining.

“ _Love me, love me, love me,_ ” Chloe jams.

“ _Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,_ ” Beca continues.

_“Harder, harder, harder.”_

The song continues to play and Jesse is soon asking:

“Hey, Chloe, are these all songs with the words ‘love me’ in them?”

“It is! Great catch, Jesse,” Chloe beams at him.

Beca makes a face, leaning over to look at the playlist on Chloe’s phone. There’s no way—Okay, wait, no, these are definitely all songs with the words ‘love me’ in them at one point or another. And shocker, guess what the title of the playlist is? You guessed it: ‘love me’.

“Have a lot of time on your hands do you?” Beca asks, teasing Chloe a little.

Chloe smirks at her, leaning to nudge Beca with her arm before swaying back in place.

* * *

They go without singing for a while and just enjoy the music. Chloe steps out for a bit when her dads call her for something but Jesse and Beca seem to get most of what they really need to know for the exam, so they aren’t too worried.  One of Chloe’s playlists run out while she’s away and Ashley takes the liberty of selecting a random one from the list before returning to her intense scribbling.

It starts off simply enough with Beyonce’s Dance For You.

Then it transitions into Skin by Rihanna.

Then some cover of Shape of You that’s sung by a girl.

Now, Beca doesn’t mind, but she can’t help but notice how the songs seem a little… _very_ sexually charged.

The next song is Tonight by John Legend, which again: Beca doesn’t mind. These are good songs. But she can’t help but notice there seems to be this underlying theme with all of them…

The next song is this really great cover of Pony by Ginuwine that has Beca itching to know who the artist is right when Chloe returns because _damn_. Even Jesse kind of grooves to it in his seat while he peruses over his answers from the latest chapter they tackled.

It’s not until the opening bars of Titanium filter out of the speaker that has Chloe noticeably stiffening in her seat.

“Um, Ashley, what playlist is this?”

Ashley looks up from her notebook, distracted. “Um, I don’t know—” She presses Chloe’s phone that is beside her for the screen to light up. “Something called ‘lady jams’? I figured it was a playlist about female empowerment or something,” she says before shrugging and returning to her notes.

Chloe’s mouth falls into a small ‘o’ before she’s taking the phone and changing the playlist, saying something about how ‘this isn’t really that great anyway’ and ‘I’ll find something else’.

It’s suspicious.

Beca’s eyes stare into side of Chloe’s face until the redhead finally turns and looks at her.

“What?”

Beca can tell she’s trying so hard to not be blushing right now. Chloe’s thumb slips on her screen and the sound of DJ Khaled going ‘another one’ interrupts Sia from singing about how she’s titanium.

 _I don't know if you could take it_  
_Know you wanna see me nakey, nakey, naked_

Beca feels like Chloe didn’t mean for this to happen. They stare at each other as Rihanna keeps singing.

 _White girl wasted on that brown liquor_  
_When I get like this I can't be around you_

She feels like they stare at each other for a long time as Beca pieces together what she thinks this playlist actually is. Chloe bites down _hard_ on her lower lip, and Beca thinks they shouldn’t be maintaining eye contact like this while Chloe does _that_ but neither of them make a move to look away from each other.

 _I hope you know I'm for the takin'_  
_You know this cookie's for the baking_

“Why are you guys looking at each other like that?” Jesse’s voice breaks their gaze.

“What?” “Nothing!”

They’re quickly looking away and doing anything else to make it look like they weren’t just staring at each other.

* * *

They depart from Chloe’s shortly after because they really have covered everything they could and if Jesse and Beca couldn’t pass their Final then there really was something wrong with the both of them. The Seniors still stick around after they leave though because it’s shaping to be a long night for all of them when they are reminded that they have Lit right after Physics.

(“Donald, you finished reading the book, right?”

“Define ‘finished reading’.”

“Oh my god,” Stacie exasperates.)

* * *

This heavy energy lingers between Beca and Chloe since DJ Khaled and Rihanna made it weird for them. Beca can feel it while they text each other that night making plans. They are talking about something _completely_ normal – going to the mall tomorrow with Emily to supervise this dress fitting for her that Chloe has organized – yet there’s something about the way they text each other. There’s long pauses. Beca feels like she reads too much into how many times the 3 dots from Chloe’s side blinks before a reply finally shoots up.

* * *

She doesn’t know how it happens. The last thing she really remembers is listening to music on her bed with her eyes closed and her songs on shuffle, note cards with concepts she needs to know held to her stomach as she reiterates them in her head.

She doesn’t know how she gets from darkness and The Quotient Rule to these hazy images of Chloe’s lips, Chloe’s hair, Chloe’s body…. It’s _Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe_ and lips that move slowly against each other before she’s jolting awake, sat up before she’s really aware of it.

She breathes a little heavily, trying to process what just happened. She looks at her surroundings and it’s just her room. Her room, her bed, her notes and books all over it. The only light in the room is from the lamp she left turned on at her desk. She looks at her window and is met with the sight of the moon.

When did she fall asleep?

She straightens, pushing the note cards on her stomach to the side. Beca shakes her head to clear it, hoping the remnants of her dream leave with the disorientation she feels. Christ, what the hell is wrong with her? She has her hand to her forehead before she’s reaching for her phone.

She doesn’t know why she opens her chat with Chloe but she’s even more surprised to find that the 3 dots from Chloe’s side are already blinking.

It’s like 2 in the morning, how is Chloe still awake?

 **Beca:** chlo?  
**Chloe:** Oh  
**Chloe:** You’re awake  
**Beca:** i just woke up  
**Chloe:** Can’t sleep?  
**Beca:** um  
**Beca:** weird dream  
**Chloe:** Me too  


That has Beca’s eyes widening. It wasn’t the same dream Beca just had, right? Like logically, she _knows_ it can’t be the same dream because that’s just unheard of, but… not the same context, right? 

**Chloe:** Anyway you should go back to bed  
**Beca:** why were you texting me?

Beca frowns at herself for typing and sending that so carelessly.

There’s a brief pause from Chloe’s side before Chloe is sending her replies in consecutive bursts.

 **Chloe:** I just wanted to text you goodnight is all  
**Chloe:** Didn’t want to break the chain ;)  
**Chloe:** Goodnight  <3

Beca tries not to read into it and responds.

 **Beca:** goodnight chlo :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brittany snow’s love for puns fuels me and that’s pretty much why they went to the zoo bc animal puns are both the cutest and cringiest. and in case anyone is wondering the female cover of shape of you that beca hears is by eza, and the pony cover is by william singe. good shit good shit.


	13. The Winter Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winter Special, otherwise known as the chapter where Beca over-analyzes texts way too much and she hates it.

“Are you guys okay..?” Emily asks from where she’s sitting in the backseat.

Both Beca and Chloe are uncharacteristically quiet, and while that’s normal for Beca, it isn’t really for Chloe. Beca wants to put it down to the fact that Chloe has been studying a lot, or is really stressed about Emily’s performance, or anything but the fact that they were both texting each other at 2AM last night after…

“What? We’re fine,” Beca speaks then, brushing it off, willing her mind to think of anything else except what she doesn’t want to remember.

Weren’t you supposed to forget dreams as soon as you had them? Like what’s the point if they just exist in your head like a really intensely vivid memory that’s not a memory at all? Beca doesn’t _need_ to have it there. Push it away, subconscious! Or conscious. Whatever.

“We’re fine, Em. I’m just tired is all. Up studying late,” Chloe lets her know with a small wink to the rearview mirror.

Emily smiles, accepting that, and is nodding slowly before she settles back against the seat.

Beca breathes out slowly and tries to look anywhere else but at Chloe.

When Chloe’s hand seems to move off of the wheel and towards Beca, she tenses. But Chloe’s hand falls to her cup holder where she lifts her drink and takes a sip from the smoothie she had brought along with her.

Thank god.

She doesn’t even know why she was so worried. It’s not like Chloe would randomly like, touch her out of nowhere for no reason. God, she really needed to chill out. She must look like a lunatic right now with how unsuspicious she’s trying to come off.

“Hey Bec, have you heard this song yet?”

Emily is nodding towards the radio. Beca blinks. Chloe raises the volume so Beca can hear it better.

_So baby, tell me where your love lies_  
_Waste the day and spend the night_  
_Underneath the sunrise_  
_Show me where your love lies_

She catches Chloe’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

 _I've been so into your mystery_  
_Is it because of **our history**?_  
_Are you **into me**?_  
_When it feels so good, but it's **bad for you**_  
_Can't say I don't want it 'cause **I know I do**_  
_Come on over, I need your company_  
_Cravin' that synergy_

She gulps and looks away.

“Um, no.”

* * *

“I look like a cupcake.”

“An elegant cupcake,” Chloe encourages.

“Why does she have to wear a _gown_ , can’t she just wear a dress? No one expects that much from us.”

Beca's face is contorted into this displeased look as she studies Emily’s reflection in the mirror. “It’s so unnecessary, Chlo.”

Chloe shoots her a look like she’s offended before moving behind Emily to fix her hair just right. “You look beautiful, Emily. Don’t listen to Beca.”

“Can we, um, afford this?” Emily is soon asking.

Because they’re sort of in this fancy store that doesn’t look like it’s in the budget for some kids who are only going to be putting on a one-time performance.

“I’m renting it.”

“Renting? Doesn’t that still cost something?

“Yeah, but that’s not important.”

“Chloe, you don’t need to rent this dress— _gown_. Emily doesn’t need it. Just let her wear whatever she wants.”

“She can’t just _wear_ **whatever** she wants,” Chloe points out like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. The Winter Special was… “special,” Chloe decides.

Beca shakes her head. “I feel like we should put it to the vote. Raise your hand if you think this dress— _gown_ is unnecessary and that Emily should wear whatever she wants.”

Beca raises her hand. Emily’s slowly inches upwards.

Chloe looks appalled. “Guys.”

“Majority wins, Chlo.”

“I’m sorry, Chloe,” Emily is saying, but she’s already trying to take off the ridiculous monstrosity that looks like a gown for a ball in the olden days.

* * *

They end up in Emily’s room to go over the outfits she has in her closet. Because while Chloe may have given in, she wasn’t going out without making sure Emily looked and felt her _best_ during her performance. It’s mostly Chloe going through (read: raiding) Emily’s closet while Emily watches from behind her, fiddling with her fingers. Beca sits on Emily’s bed playing Piano Tap.

“Ooh, I like _this_ ,” Chloe voices, pulling out a simple white dress with no straps. Emily is quickly telling her that it’s actually her cousin’s and she left it here when she was visiting last month.

Beca looks up then, pausing her game.

“That looks good,” she remarks. It looks like a simple enough dress, no ruffles or frills. Very minimalist. She likes it even if she normally doesn’t have strong opinions about dresses, or clothes in general.

Chloe holds it up to Emily’s body. “Yes, this is it. This is what you’ll wear.” She moves behind Emily and holds the dress against the girl’s body, shifting Emily so she’s facing the full length mirror in her room.

“You’re gonna look bomb,” Chloe says. Beca rolls her eyes. Bomb? Really?

Emily laughs a little nervously. “You think so?”

“Of course,” Chloe says like there’s no other answer in the world. It makes Emily smile a little more confidently as she looks at herself in the mirror.

“I’ll do your hair, Stacie will do your nails, and Aubrey will do your posture.”

“Posture?” Emily is asking like that’s unheard of. Beca is frowning too because it _is_.

“Oh, good posture goes a long way for a performance,” Chloe is assuring them as she adjusts the fit of the dress on Emily’s body. “She’ll give you tips on how to stand and carry yourself when you walk to center stage.”

Emily’s eyes are widening then because she realizes Chloe has this very specific vision for her performance.

“You’re scaring her,” Beca makes known with an amused smirk on her lips.

“I’m just saying,” Chloe says with a slight roll of her eyes. “You’re not scared right, Em?”

“Oh, I’m terrified,” she admits.

Beca laughs so hard she falls backwards on Emily’s bed.

* * *

Beca doesn’t see much of Luke for those two weeks the group doesn’t meet in lieu of studying for Finals. His parents are actually pretty strict when it comes to his studies, so he never joins in on the group studies and is always at home, reviewing by himself. He does talk to Beca about it though that last Thursday they meet in the auditorium, letting her know he probably won’t on his phone much for the next two weeks because his parents are really strict about him staying on Honor Roll and doing his best in preparation for college.

(And yeah, Luke has abs, is super nice, plays sports like a god, and is on fucking _Honor Roll_. It’s ridiculous.)

Beca tells him she genuinely doesn’t mind and ‘do you’ because education is super important and all that. And honestly, she doesn’t really care about how often they text? It also sounds like less work for her on the interaction-front so it works for her. She also thinks she may be overcompensating with how in detail she gets with it because she had no idea she and Luke were at this stage where regular communication was superbly important. She’s never had that before. She once didn’t text Jesse for 5 days and he came to her house the very next day and asked her if she was _mad_ at him. It was so stupid.

The only person she texts regularly now is Chloe ever since Stacie’s party, and it was never like they made a formal agreement about it. They just text each other that frequently because they want to.

* * *

They get through Finals without much stress. Unless you’re Chloe. In which case you’re stressing out more and more as the Winter Special gets closer. It’s on the Saturday after Finals. When Chloe walks out of her last exam on Friday, Beca and Emily are outside waiting for her because Chloe wants Emily to do a run-through of the performance since tomorrow is the big day.

“Hey Chloe, how was the—”

“Great, itwasawesome, let’s go!” Chloe answers quickly, grabbing Emily’s hand.

Smirk on her face, Beca just rolls her eyes before she kicks off of the wall because she can’t believe Chloe was more stressed about this than the fact that she just finished an exam that was going to help raise her GPA or something for college.

They go into the auditorium and Beca heads to the sound table to set up the backing track for Emily’s song. On the actual day, they are going to have the band there playing live, but since Chloe wanted a backing track Emily could rehearse to Beca had to come up with something.

It was literally just the piano accompaniment of the song with a few beats here and there, but it makes Chloe happy which makes Emily less nervous and therefore happy too.

“Good to go,” Beca tells them from where she sits.

Emily sings and she does incredible. Perfect, even, for someone who hasn’t rehearsed in a couple of days because she was busy doing her exams.

No matter how many times they hear the song, it feels just as powerful as the first time.

Emily did fucking _great_ with the composition.

Beca always has to suck in a deep breath to steady herself as the song progresses. Chloe _always_ cries, no matter how stressed or panicked she seems to be moments prior. She holds her hands to her chest, her mouth hangs open just slightly like she’s amazed, and her eyes reflect all of the emotion the song makes her feel.

“Beautiful,” Chloe says when Emily finishes.

Beca agrees, staring right at Chloe.

* * *

“Crap, I hope Stacie can recreate that when it’s time for the play,” Chloe comments as they are on their way to her car. Stacie is their Jenny Lind. It made the most sense because Jessica depicts her as this sort of striking beauty in her script, and when anyone in the group thinks ‘obviously hot’, they all think of Stacie.

“Let’s relax, hm?” Beca advises with a pat to Chloe’s shoulder, because she can’t have Chloe worrying about something that’s _five_ months away. “We have an entire other semester to worry about the music,” Beca reminds her. “Let’s just… get through the Winter Special and the holidays,” she suggests while nodding. She doesn’t have it in her to pretend to be too cool for Chloe’s apparent apprehension.

Chloe sighs and nods in agreement. Beca touches her back once more for good measure before walking around the car to get into the passenger’s side

* * *

**Luke:** I LIVE!!!  
**Beca:** congrats :P

Like Luke let her know, she and him barely text at all the past two weeks. However, he always seems to manage to send her a goodnight text before he sleeps, even if it is just a kissy face emoji or a thumbs-up emoji and moon emoji side by side.

 **Luke:** i honest to cheez-its can’t wait to see you tomorrow  
**Luke:** or any human being that isn’t part of my family  
**Beca:** cheez-its?  
**Beca:** WOW i feel special  
**Luke:** :P  
**Luke:** not what I meant  
**Luke:** also cheez-its are fucking GREAT, they have been my life’s BLOOD the past week  


Beca rolls her eyes after imagining Luke eating nothing but Cheez-its for the past 7 days.

 **Luke:** i’ll see you tomorrow, right? what time do you think you’ll head to school?  
**Beca:** 6-ish maybe? depends  
**Luke:** aight

Luke tells her he’ll probably head over a little earlier because he has to drive his younger brother to rehearse at Barden before the big performance. (Timothy is part of Band. They’re doing a big instrumental thing. And Beca also thinks he’ll be part of the ‘orchestra’ that’s in charge of music for the whole program.) He says he’ll try to find her after though. He just has to fulfill his duties as the family’s camera man because his dad doesn’t trust himself after failing to record one of Timothy’s more important soccer games.

**Luke:** i’ll see you then :) 

Beca feels like she should put a smiley face or something at the end of the reply she’s writing him to make it come off friendlier but that goes against the rules she put on herself so instead she just types:

 **Beca:** see ya

Instead of ‘see you’, because just ‘see you’ seems a little… uncaring.

 **Beca:** (thumbs up emoji)

It takes Beca a bit before she had settled on that emoji and she hates herself for over-thinking how she’s texting right now. She can’t believe she’s _this_ person. But she also feels like she needs to give Luke _something_ – they’ve barely spoken these past two weeks.

Luke sends her a reply of the cool emoji with the shades on its face. And a kissy face emoji.

* * *

Much to her dismay, she rides to Barden High with her dad and Sheila instead of Jesse on the day of the Winter Special. Jesse had gone to school early that afternoon to help Benji with his set-up duties because he’s a good friend, so Beca was forced to spend 15 minutes in a car with her dad and his step-wife while they talked about their plans to go out to Sheila’s brother’s cabin now that Beca was done with her exams and the holidays have officially begun for the family.

She rolls her eyes when Sheila says ‘the family’. 

No, thanks.

She gets out of the car and exhales deeply. The parking lot is full, but with more minivans and SUVs than Mini Coopers or Jeeps. She watches as families walk out of their cars and towards the school, drawn to the wide blue banner that reads ‘Winter Special 2017’ above the school’s side entrance. She trails behind her dad and Sheila as they follow the crowd. Beca whips her phone out and pretends to be busy so that she doesn’t have to be included in her father and Sheila’s conversation.

When she hears ‘Becs!’, she turns her head to see Chloe and her dads. She looks to her dad and Sheila who are too immersed in their conversation to notice how far Beca has lagged behind. She thinks ‘screw it’ before walking over to Chloe and her family. She reaches her parents first because Chloe is seems to fixing the strap of her bag.

“Hey, guys,” she greets, forcing her smile to look congenial because she feels weird to be around such a loving family when her own was just… not.

Mr. B doesn’t seem to notice as he touches her shoulder in greeting.

It’s then when Beca notices that Mr. Beale is no longer sporting his faded brown speckled with white. His hair is blond, just like it used to be when Beca was a child.

“Whoa.”

“Oh, is too much?”

“What? _No_ ,” Beca is quick to correct. “You look _great_. It’s just… you look exactly like you did when I was six.”

Mr. Beale laughs lightly then, hand to his chest at Beca’s description. Chloe joins them then, standing beside Beca without thought. (Beca ignores the rush of comfort that floods through her when she feels Chloe’s hand touch her back briefly.)

With his hair back to its natural shade (can it be called natural if it was clearly dyed to return to this color?), Beca notes the blues of Mr. Beale’s eyes more evidently. It looks _exactly_ like Chloe’s, and Beca didn’t think that was possible with all of its brightness and intensity.

“We were doing mandatory bathroom cleaning and I found a box of dye under Chloe’s sink,” he tells her. “I thought: why the hell not? I could do with looking a little fresh before we go into 2018.”

Beca frowns a little at the mention of ‘dye’, looking at Chloe as if to ask ‘you were gonna dye your hair?’

Chloe shakes her head, clearly understanding. “I mean, I was thinking about it. For like a summer. But I never got around to it.”

“You know we love your red, baby girl,” Mr. B says, touching Chloe’s hair. 

“I know.” Chloe’s shoulders lift as she smiles.

“Anyway, let’s over this _moment_ ,” Mr. Beale says, referring to his hair situation. “Let’s go in and get some seats.”

“Oh, I have some reserved for you guys,” Chloe chirps then as they are walking.

“Oh sweet, baby girl. Where they at? We best be getting that front row treatment,” Mr. B jokes lightly.

“I mean it’s like third row, but it’s still good. Becs, we have a group meeting before Emily goes on.”

Beca makes a face. “Really?”

“Yes, ‘really’.” Mr. Beales laugh at their little exchange, smiling when Chloe’s arm hooks around Beca’s naturally and they near the school.

They talk as they walk. Mr. Beales catch Beca up on this dinner Mr. Beale whipped up last night that involved like, lobster, and Beca thinks she’s really been downplaying Mr. Beale’s cooking practices because anyone who cooks with lobster obviously knows how to like… _cook_.

“We’ll see you guys later!” Chloe bids her parents when they separate by the auditorium doors. She and Chloe walk further down the hall and make a turn to go into the actors’ entrance.

* * *

Beca hasn’t been keeping up with the group chat so when she and Chloe enter backstage and she sees most of the auditorium crew (bar Luke) is gathered around a wide-eyed Emily, she halts momentarily. Jesus, Chloe was making a big deal out of this. Emily looks like she’s going to _die_. Beca goes over to her to pat her on the back in this sort of ‘sorry you have to deal with this, kid’ kind of fashion.

Then Chloe is asking them all to get into a circle and hold hands. Beca rolls her eyes but she takes Emily’s hand and Jesse takes her other.

Then begins the Chloe Speech. (Not to be confused with Chloe Toasts or Chloe Explanations.)

She talks about how proud she is of how far they’ve all come. She talks about how she’s so excited that this is finally their shot to give the crowd a taste of what they’re going to bring come the end of their Senior year. She says she’s proud of Emily, proud of all of them, for everything they have done and are still yet to do. She says this group is like her family (“in fact, my dads will probably try to adopt all of you if they could”). It makes Beca smile, squeezing the hands she holds a little.

She says most importantly tonight is about them. After much consideration, Chloe has come to the realization that she shouldn’t be so crazy about this all working out. It’ll work out regardless because no matter what happens this group will cheer Emily on. That has Emily’s face contorting into a look of fear for a moment because honestly, kind of worrying to consider it won’t work out and the audience will hate it. Beca _knows_ they won’t but still.

“Anyway, I’m just really proud of us, you guys. Emily, go out there and _own_ this thing. We’ll be right there watching, supporting you.”

Emily breaks into this really appreciative smile.

As cheesy as it all is, they pile their hands over each other’s before breaking it with a ‘whoo’.

* * *

They all completely overestimate the availability of seats once they get into the auditorium. Shit, there are a lot more people than they thought. Of course, some of them have seats with their families but most of the group don’t, so in solidarity they all just kind of stand by the entrance where some audience members have too decided to stand (either due lack of seating or just for a better camera angle). The program is already starting so Chloe quietly reminds them to minimize their volume and pay attention. They all do.

Mrs. Byers is playing up the line-up they have tonight. Other than Emily, everything else sounds boring. That’s not even Beca being biased. It’s a lot of instrumental performances from select members of the band and like, two other performances that are both coincidentally covers of the Beatles.

They get through the first cover performance. The girl sings ‘Blackbird’ accompanied by some dude on the guitar. It’s nice.

The next two are instrumental performances. The first being some classical number Beca doesn’t know the name of. The next is of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida. She thinks Luke’s brother is part of this performance. It’s not special but it sounds pleasing to the ears. These kids actually know how to play violin so it’s not like, screechy and makes your ears bleed.

Then it’s Emily’s turn and everyone is shifting a little closer to each other.

The band translates the music into live sound beautifully. Good, because if they didn’t Beca would punch them. The piano is well-pronounced but delicate. They’re playing a transitory intro as Emily walks to center stage.

And it’s so crazy, but Beca thinks she actually sees the difference of the ‘posture work’ Aubrey did with her. Emily comes off all long legs and grace rather than her usual clumsy awkwardness. Okay, she’ll give that to Aubrey.

_I'm trying to hold my breath_

Beca hears Chloe’s breath catch when Emily begins to sing.

 _Let it stay this way_  
_Can't let this moment end_

Chloe finally exhales. She straightens, standing more confidently as Emily goes on. (“Just get through the first three lines and you’ll be fine. If you can get through the first three lines, you can get through the whole song.”)

 _Take my hand_  
_Will you share this with me?_  
_'Cause darling without you…_

Their breathing _waits_ before Emily goes into the chorus.

 _All the shine of a thousand spotlights_  
_All the stars we steal from the nightsky_  
_Will never be enough_  
_Never be enough_

They’re all _so proud_ of Emily and Beca _knows_ it. She smiles, watching Emily with pride.

 _Towers of gold are still too little_  
_These hands could hold the world but it'll_  
_Never be enough_  
_Never be enough_

_For me…_

The way drum hits when Emily gets to that line transcends the way they all experience the performance. It never felt like that during the practices because Emily only ever used the piano or some simulated beat Beca uses from her program. It’s fucking _beautiful_.

Beca feels Chloe’s fingers flex against hers. There’s such a sheer amount of distance between their hands really touching that it makes Beca think she can hear her heart pound. (She puts it down to the way Emily’s song makes everyone feel. It has nothing to do with actually looking down at their hands and physically witnessing how Chloe seems to itch to touch her. They never really hold hands in situations like this. In public. Unless it’s Chloe leading her somewhere or helping her up.)

Beca lifts her head, eyes glancing at Chloe, who stares forward. She thinks Chloe’s lip is trembling as she watches Emily, mouth hung open just barely.

Beca doesn’t know what comes over her but she moves her fingers against Chloe’s – slowly, tentatively – until their fingers are laced. She thinks she hears Chloe exhale and when Beca glances up, Chloe is smiling in this way Beca’s never seen before. It reminds Beca of the way the word ‘finally’ feels, like she’s elated after waiting for something for so long. 

Beca keeps their hands together and they watch as Emily proceeds to hit the prolonged note she was so worried about.

 _All the shine of a thousand spotlights_  
_All the stars we steal from the nightsky_  
_Will never be enough_

Chloe looks so happy beside her. Beca wants to think it’s because of Emily doing so well, but she has a feeling it’s something else…

It feels like nothing can take Beca away from this moment, this feeling, but then her eyes wander to the right a little because she feels like she catches a flash of something familiar and it’s Luke, with his parents, and he’s looking at her. He smiles at Beca; however, when his eyes fall downwards and he notices her and Chloe holding hands, he looks… confused, for a moment.

Beca is swallowing and untangling her hand from Chloe’s.

She forces herself to ignore the way Chloe looks dejected in her periphery. When Chloe leaves suddenly, she forces herself to keep her eyes forward and not react as Emily goes about singing the final couple of lines of the song.

_For me…_

She hears the distinct sound of the auditorium door clicking closed.

(Her heart aches.)

 _So they finally fixed the doors, huh?_

She thinks this so that she doesn’t think of what Chloe must be doing on the other side of that door right now. Beca bites down hard on her lower lip then lets her head fall, jaw squaring.

What _was_ that?

Why does she feel like she did something _wrong_?

The sound of thunderous applause soon overtakes her thoughts and she remembers where she is. She lifts her head and sniffs before beginning to clap for Emily like everyone does. _Stop thinking. Emily deserves this_ , she reminds herself, trying to keep herself together.

* * *

When the applause dies down, Stacie is tugging her as they all make their way outside. Beca tries to act like she’s not looking for Chloe when they’re on the other side of the door. There’s no sign of her though, and Stacie is telling Beca ‘c’mon’ and she walks with the group to where Emily is backstage.

When they get backstage and Beca doesn’t see Chloe there either, her face falls. 

Where is she?

The group crowds around Emily, congratulating her, ruffling her hair, saying she did ‘so fucking good’ (to which Emily tentatively corrects with ‘flippin?’) and they all laugh. Or at least most of them do. Beca doesn’t feel like she wants to laugh right now.

“Hey, guys!” They all hear. Beca snaps around so quickly because it’s Chloe.

She doesn’t miss the way the smile on Chloe’s face seems to fall when she walks past Beca. But it’s back on her face before she hugs Emily. It makes her chest hurt.

Chloe is hugging Emily, and Emily looks so happy, that really, Beca can’t make this about her right now. Right now, it’s about Emily and she doesn’t want to ruin that. She forces herself to smile convincingly when she goes over to hug the jubilant girl, feeling herself relax with the way Emily’s excited giggle sounds by her ear.

“You did real good, Em,” Beca tells her when she pulls away.

“You really think so? Gosh, thanks, Bec.”

“For sure. You’re a legend, dude. A fuckin’… _legacy_ ,” Beca decides after making a face.

“Legacy!” Donald is repeating.

Then everyone is chanting _legacy, legacy, legacy_ but Beca can’t help but notice Chloe is talking to Aubrey somewhere away from the circle before leaving room. Aubrey catches Beca looking at them, and Beca whips around quickly, hoping Aubrey isn’t about to murder her.

(Aubrey doesn’t but Beca can feel her hard glare on her until they all leave the backstage to reunite with their families.)

* * *

She’s standing outside with her dad and Sheila when she spots Chloe finally, walking towards the cars. After the whole ‘legacy’ thing and Chloe leaving without telling anyone, Beca wanted to go after her. But Aubrey was intent on watching Beca, almost daring her to make a move that she’d like, cut Beca for making probably. So she didn’t do anything then.

But now Chloe is here and Aubrey isn’t in sight. However, Beca’s dad is preoccupied talking to some parent about how ‘great of a kid Chris is’ and that he ‘understands the material so well’, and Sheila seems to be talking to Trisha, who works in the academic department and introduced her to Beca’s dad because they were sorority sisters in college (bitch), so she’s also busy. So she can’t just leave. As badly as she wants to.

Beca stares on. She’s itching to talk to Chloe – about something, anything – before she leaves for the night or walks off too far that it’ll be like, weird if Beca caught up to her. She looks back at her dad and Sheila, and they’re clearly nowhere near done with their conversations. She’s stood around for what feels like ten minutes already since these conversations started, this was getting a little excessive. In a snap decision, she decides to just go for it, saying something about ‘I have to talk to Chloe about something’ and ‘I’ll catch you guys at the car’ before walking off. Her dad doesn’t really do anything about it – or can’t, really, without creating some tension with the people around him – so he forces a smile, waves at her like ‘alright, I totally allowed you to do that, don’t be late ha ha’, before he returns to his conversation (she assumes).

She jogs a little then slows when she’s a respectable ‘I can call out your name without much effort and you’ll hear me’ distance. She doesn’t know what to do. Does she just call out Chloe’s name? Tell her to ‘wait up’ and go to her side? Or does she just run straight up to her and just start talking? Both of those options sound _terrible_ , and Beca realizes this is why she hates wanting to talk to people – it’s just difficult to go about.

Beca has slowed to a stop and Chloe keeps walking, further down the parking area where her car and parents are probably waiting. _Just call for her_ , she thinks. She thinks it but she doesn’t do it. She doesn’t do it and she doesn’t know why. Instead, she watches as Chloe’s figure walks further and further away, getting smaller, before she turns a corner and disappears behind some parked cars.

Beca lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.

Fuck.

* * *

She’s been home for two hours and she still hates herself for not calling out Chloe’s name in the parking lot. It feels so weird. She and Chloe haven’t spoken in like three hours almost and she’s so freakishly aware of it. Beca has never over-analyzed such a trivial matter before in her life, and she literally just fought with herself over calling out Chloe’s name or going straight up to her only two hours ago.

She thinks she might as well just retire to bed because while she doesn’t have anywhere to be the next day due to it being Sunday, tomorrow does mark the day of it being socially acceptable for Beca to sleep in until the late afternoon for a respectable while. She’s missed being completely lazy and unproductive. They have about three weeks of break before heading back to classes, and those are three weeks she plans to take advantage of with mixing, sleeping, and probably more mixing (she hasn’t relax-mixed in a while due to Finals and studying for them).

So she pushes out a sigh and pulls back her covers, slipping into her bed.

Forget this. It’s stupid. You and Chloe will talk tomorrow. Probably.

(She hopes. 

Prays.

And Beca doesn’t pray for anything. She’s not even _remotely_ religious.)

Her phone buzzes beside her and her heart jumps at the sound before she’s quickly leaning over to snatch it from the bedside. If she’s thinking ‘please be Chloe’ repeatedly in her head as she slides open her phone, she doesn’t admit it.

 **Chloe:** Hey…

It is Chloe. It’s Chloe. Yes!

Beca is so elated that it takes her a second to register the way Chloe had typed and then she is frowning a little, her mood adjusting to another extreme as she takes in the three periods after Chloe’s greeting that is normally an exclamation point or smiley face.

‘hi’ Beca decides to type, waiting readily right after she hits ‘send’.

She feels like she waits for at least a minute or two before a bubble emerges from Chloe’s side.

 **Chloe:** I just wanted to say goodnight

And here is a perfect example of why Chloe Beale is too good of a person to even be in Beca’s life at all. Jesus Christ, Beca is _sure_ she made Chloe feel bad and yet here she is honoring this unspoken routine the both of them have despite all of Beca’s bullshit.

Despite Beca’s thoughts, she finds herself only typing ‘okay’ in reply. It makes her want the ceiling to fall on her. Could she be more of an incompetent living being? Honestly.

 **Chloe:** Goodnight  <3

It’s stupid. It’s so, _so_ stupid. But Beca feels her heart _drop_ when she registers that the heart at the end of Chloe’s message is yellow instead of red. Why the _fuck_ is she _this_ person right now? First with Luke yesterday and now this? Jesus Christ!

For all of Beca’s frustration with herself, she finds herself typing quickly after.

_i’m sorry_

She sees it there – ready to send, waiting for her thumb to click on the icon that will make these very important two words go from a thought in Beca’s mind to a realization in Chloe’s.

But she doesn’t. Her thumb is tapping the backspace many times before she knows it and she’s constructing a new message all together.

 **Beca:** going anywhere for break?

She’s stupid. God, she’s so stupid.

But because Chloe is amazing, she replies – she could have very easily left the message at that.

 **Chloe:** Florida (sun emoji)  
**Chloe:** Going back to my dads’ hometown and spending Christmas and New Year’s there  
**Beca:** that’s cool

‘ That’s _cool_ ’? Someone please save her from herself right now. Please.

 **Chloe:** You?  
**Beca:** we’re going to Utah  
**Beca:** sheila’s brother has a cabin  
**Beca:** i think my dad wants to ski  
**Chloe:** That sounds nice :)

There’s a smiley face. But somehow, it doesn’t make Beca feel better. She’s so annoyed with herself for being unable to apologize to Chloe.

 **Beca:** pretty lame compared to florida  
**Beca:** have the best time  <3

It’s the closest thing she can get to making Chloe feel at least a little bit better. She doesn’t ever think she’s ended a text message with a red heart before. At least, in a serious context. She’s sure she’s sent Donald a million red hearts once after he sent her a photo of himself throwing a Justin Bieber album in the garbage. (“you’re the realest <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3” “bitch u know it <3”)

 **Chloe:** Thank you :)

Beca sighs. It feels like this isn’t going to go anywhere. Chloe’s too nice for her own good and Beca’s painfully stubborn.

 **Beca:** goodnight chlo  <3

Wow, she was really putting herself out there with these red hearts today. God, it’s so stupid. Fuck text culture and all of its stupid implications. Beca can’t believe she allowed herself to be bound by—Chloe replies.

 **Chloe:** Goodnight, Becs  <3

The red heart is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow can you believe chloe is a single parent now bc beca left her hangin??? the audici-tea. (i’ll see myself out). no but in all seriousness, this entire fic is literally just because i wanted to write that scene and also this one other scene at the end of the fic.
> 
> so! a few things i need to mention: 
> 
> in case anyone’s confused, chloe is biologically mr. beale’s kid (hence their same eyes). they used his sperm because mr. b’s swimmers had issues.
> 
> also, i have midterms this week so i probably won’t update until i’m done with them. or i will, who knows. this is the last chapter i have written out. i don’t have any other chapters written ahead like i usually do, so mini very short break until then! we're like a little more than halfway done based on the ideas i have for this fic, so that's super exciting!!!
> 
> see you all next week (or sooner) with an update! :)
> 
> if you wanna talk to me about the fic and stuff, you can find me @ bsnows on tumblr. i’ll be procrastinating on there even if i have to be ‘on it’ for midterms bc college has drained me of my passion and will to live


	14. Christmas Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can still get close to someone who's 2,533.8 miles away from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of music in this chapter so to prepare you guys for what Beca is listening to at certain bits:  
> New - Daya  
> If You're Hearing This - Hook N Sling  
> Feels Great - Cheat Codes  
> Nobody Compares To You - Gryffin  
> I Just Can't - R3hab

Christmas break feels _so_ long. Beca spends most of her days on this giant sofa in the living room of the cabin they’re staying at mixing. She’s a little over a week into Christmas break, and she’s already made 14 mixes. It’s excessive, and not all of them are good, but she needs something to keep herself busy so that she doesn’t think about how miserable she still feels about what happened with Chloe. Or that she actually feels like she _misses_ the girl.

(Which is totally normal: you’re allowed to miss people, especially if you’re friends or whatever, but Beca’s never been that girl. She doesn’t ‘miss’ people. Chloe seems to be an exception though. Then again, Chloe always seems to be the exception with Beca.)

She notices that when she’s not forcing herself to focus on the beats of a track or layering things over each other, she’s thinking of Chloe – what she’s doing, if she’s having fun, if she’s enjoying the weather in Miami more than she is back home. (She probably is. It always feels weirdly wet and cold back in their town, even if it’s sunny outside.)

And it’s not like they don’t talk because they do – they text. But it’s different. It feels like Chloe’s not… fully _there_. Like she’s holding herself back or something. She knows it’s stupid, especially since she’s just deducing this from a few texts they send back and forth, but it feels like Chloe is being… careful, if that’s the right word. Like she’s not about to let herself get blindsided by Beca again.

* * *

_Beca sits waiting at the airport, headphones snug over her ears to drown out the noise of literally everything else but her music. At the same time, she’s scrolling through Instagram, her thumb tapping twice when she sees a post she likes. She’s finally alone now that her dad and Sheila have gone to go get some Cinnabon._

_Her phone buzzes in her hand and she watches as the bar above lowers to reveal that Chloe has sent her an image. (Beca disregards Instagram to tap on the notification a little too fast for her liking, but whatever.)_

_**Chloe:** (image of a sunset)_  
**_Chloe:_** _We made it!_  
**_Chloe:_** _Well, we made it last night but the sun wasn’t out then yet :P_

_Beca smiles. The song she’s listening to transitions to Die Trying by Michl. Beca’s thumbs are moving, typing out a text to Chloe._

_**Beca:** pretty_

_Somewhere in her mind whispers ‘ _like you_ ’ but Beca rolls her eyes at that immediately because why the fuck is her brain playing lame shit on her like this. This probably has something to do with Jesse sending her a string of the **worst** cheesy pick-up lines yesterday while he was stuck in traffic. (He and his parents are spending Christmas break at his cousin’s place – yes, the same one she made out with.)_

_**Chloe:** Are you in Utah yet?_  
**_Beca:_** _still at the airport_  
**_Beca:_** _flight was delayed but we’ll be off soon though_  
**_Chloe:_** _Awes_  
**_Chloe:_** _Send me a picture of the snow when you get there :)_

_A warmth floods throughout Beca as she thinks of Chloe writing this text. There’s imagining how someone sounds while reading their text, and then there’s imagining what someone’s doing while they’re writing it – how they’re doing it, where they are, if they’re smiling. Beca hates how stupid she is for idealizing Chloe in her head like this. It’s so unwarranted. But she thinks it’s the guilt. The guilt of their last interaction being… not the best. She probably wouldn’t even be thinking of Chloe all happy and pretty-looking if she wasn’t still feeling bad over the Winter Special. She’s just over-compensating for how sad Chloe looked the last time she really saw her. It’s not wrong to want to picture someone happy in your head._

_**Beca:** have fun today  <3_  
**_Chloe:_** _:)_

_She wants to hurl herself into this passing plane’s turbine engine when the thought crosses her head that Chloe’s smiley face seems fake. God, it’s a fucking **emoji.** How can it be ‘fake’?_

* * *

“Hey, Bec. Want to go sledding?”

“Uh, I’m good,” she answers absently, focused on her laptop and the track she’s working on.

She can tell her dad lingers because she doesn’t hear the shuffle of his shoes or the shut of the door.

“Um, alright then. Have fun. There’s still some soup in the pot if you get hungry. You just have to heat it up.”

Beca gives a half-effort at a nod, eyes still fixed to her laptop. “Mhm.”

“Alright then… See ya soon, Bec. Stay warm.”

“Uh huh, yeah…” Beca noises, distracted.

She hears the sound of her father’s boots shuffling and the door closing.

* * *

It’s another day of avoiding the outdoors (and her father and Sheila and their new friends who live in the cabin a little ways from this one). She thinks she hates herself for being that bitch who’s wearing Uggs around the house, but it’s also _cold_ here, and this shit is good at keeping her _warm_. She shuffles away from the kitchen island, moving towards the window seat where her laptop waits for her. She’s blowing on her hot chocolate when her phone goes off. It makes her walk over a little faster, putting her mug down on the side table she pulled closer before taking her phone and swiping to answer the call.

“Hello?”

She sucks where some whipped cream caught on her thumb. She expects Jesse’s voice to come through the phone the following second because he’s the only one whoever calls her since she and Luke can’t be bothered to figure out the time difference between Salt Lake City and Dublin. (Luke and his family are in Ireland for Christmas break. He also once tried to call her at three in the fucking morning so they just text now because Beca literally almost tried to castrate Luke from the billion miles they were apart for waking her that night.)

“Becs?”

She gulps.

“Chloe?”

“Hey!”

Beca finds herself sitting.

“Uh. Hey. Um, sorry—I wasn’t expecting a call.”

“I wasn’t expecting _to_ call, to be honest.” Chloe chuckles a little. Something about it sounds a bit self-deprecating but Beca ignores that.

“What’s up?” She asks instead.

“I don’t know,” Chloe starts, sounding the most ‘I genuinely don’t know’ she’s ever sounded. “I just… I felt like calling you.”

It makes Beca smile but also makes her heart hurt a little bit. Like, Chloe never used to hesitate before calling Beca. Now she sounds like she can’t believe that she actually made the conscious choice to. Beca ignores this too.

“I guess I should be honored?”

The music from her laptop finishes one song and ‘Friends’ by Francis and the Lights begins to play. Beca taps the ‘volume down’ button of her laptop so it doesn’t distract her from her conversation with Chloe.

Chloe just makes this cute little shrug sound in response that relaxes Beca. She pulls her feet up and scoots till she’s sitting against the wall of the window seat, looking out at all of the snow the tall windows show.

“How’s Florida?”

“Warm...” She hears Chloe breath in. “How’s Utah?”

“Cold.”

They both laugh lightly at that. It’s quiet for a bit. Beca is too unsure to speak. She also just partially can’t believe she’s on the phone with Chloe right now. They have been kind of okay, but it still felt weird between the both of them so she obviously wasn’t expecting this.

“I miss you,” Chloe says, cutting through the silence and their breathing. She says it in a way that makes Beca think she wasn’t planning on saying that at all, like something that just spills out without proper consideration.

Beca’s mouth falls into a small ‘o’ before she’s inhaling quietly. Then she pulls herself together and speaks before the silence could last too long and Chloe could doubt her decision to say that – if it was her decision to at all.

“Um. Me too.”

It’s not at all what she wanted to say – ‘I miss you too’ – but it’s _something_. And it’s not like the words ‘I miss you too’ would ever come out of Beca’s lips without someone with a gun to her head. So she’s keeping it real to who she is.

There’s a long beat of silence from Chloe that has Beca holding her breath. Then the ginger speaks.

“You sure about that?” She teases.

The second she hears the tone of Chloe’s voice, all of the tension leaves her body. It feels like before.

“Well…” Beca begins, teasing back. “You haven’t sent me a picture of the beach in a hot second, I’m starting to doubt the benefit this relationship gives me.”

The word ‘relationship’ throws Beca off for a beat but she pushes past it. It seems to throw Chloe off for a moment too she thinks until her phone buzzes and Beca is moving it away from her ear to look at what the notification is.

Chloe has sent her a photo.

She opens their chat.

It’s a photo of the beach.

Beca scoffs lightly in a laugh and rolls her eyes before putting the phone back to her ear.

“Cute.”

“The sunset?”

“You,” she’s saying before she’s really thinking about it. 

She doesn’t know if she’s just thinking about Chloe too much, but Beca swears she can see her smile in her head.

“Well, I do have my winning qualities,” Chloe decides to say. “I’m glad you realize them.”

Beca bites her lower lip then.

The rest of their conversation goes mostly smoothly. There are bits – points of their conversation – where they both pause because of something the other said before smoothing past it with a cheeky comment or a joke. When they finally hang up, it’s because Chloe is being called in to eat. After they say goodbye, Beca looks at her screen and finds they have been talking for the past two hours.

* * *

So this is their routine: mostly texting each other and sometimes calling each other until they’re mostly calling each other and probably still texting just as much. 

Chloe makes Beca’s time in Utah feel like it goes by faster. And just when she now doesn’t want it to. She wants to stay in this overtly tall cabin with all of its log and exposed brick, and listen to Chloe talk about everything she and her dads are doing in Florida. She wants to hear about how they swam with dolphins, or had nachos at this new Mexican restaurant that used to be a sporting goods store where Mr. B told the wait staff it was Mr. Beale’s birthday and they got a free lava cake.

 _I’m missing you, I’m missing you_  
_What the hell did I do? (Did I do?)_

She wants to hear about Chloe and her dads dancing the night away at this beach rave. Because Chloe’s dads are definitely cool enough to keep up with a beach rave full of twenty-somethings. (She watches the shaky video Chloe sends her of her and her dads dancing, covered in neon paint, way too many times.)

 _Messing withsomeone new_  
_Thinking I wanted to_  
_Turns out I don’t want new, **I want you**_

* * *

The only person she probably talks to just as much as she talks to Chloe is Jesse. He calls her almost every other day to just catch up for a minute or two. She ends up telling him about her and Chloe’s calling one time, and it becomes Jesse’s topic of interest every time he calls her. Beca thinks it’s weird that he wants to hear about it but she can’t seem to stop talking about Chloe either, so she lets herself share this with Jesse. It’s better than Jesse giving his two-cents on this new movie he just watched.

* * *

_We all wanna believe_  
_Wanna believe in something_  
_'Cause if we believe in nothing_  
_Then what do we have? What do we have?_

“I have the cutest shirt for you when I get back.”

“You got me a shirt?”

“Yeah! It says ‘Straight Outta Florida’ and it’s—” Chloe makes a kiss sound. “—ah-mazing.”

Beca smiles. “No one’s gonna believe my ass was ever in Florida. I’m too pale.”

“You’re just a slow cooker.”

“Jesse once made me put self-tanner on while we were at the beach one time as an experiment and I let him to prove him wrong. Still pale after a whole day. Actually no, I was kind of lobster looking.”

Beca smiles when she hears Chloe’s happy giggles from the other end.

“I feel like I should bring you back something too,” she starts. “How do you feel about snow? I can’t promise it’ll look like it does in the photo by the time I get back. It’ll… go through some very scientific changes.”

Chloe laughs then.

_I've been waiting, been **waiting for you**_

* * *

“I found you a gift.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. How do you feel about beanies?”

“I love them.”

“Well, cool. Because you have one. It says Paris.”

Chloe howls with laughter.

 _Do you remember how it feels to be young?_  
_Do you remember?_  
_We could be anyone (be anyone)_  
_Now I miss the view from the floor of your room_  
_September came way too soon_  
_Do you remember how it feels to be young?_  
_It feels great, mothafucka, yeah_

* * *

Beca and Chloe transition from phone calls to video calls one night when Chloe claims she _needs_ for Beca to see this manatee toy plush she got that literally just looks like a fluffy gray tooth. 

Then she isn’t really sure how they go from this one time video call to doing it almost nightly in addition to their afternoon phone calls that last approximately 2 hours each time. But they do. And it’s not like a serious kind of sit down video call or anything. They just talk to each other offhandedly while they move about or do other things in their designated rooms, settling in for the night. Like right now, Beca is even listening to music with one cup of her headphones over her ear while Chloe talks about how this hot sauce she had that claimed to be super spicy wasn’t really spicy at all. She didn’t even cry. It just felt like her ears were hot.

 _Nobody, nobody, nobody compares to you_  
_Somebody, somebody please help me get over you_  
_'Cause it feels like I've been wasting my time_  
_In all the wrong places, on all the wrong faces_  
_**Nobody compares to you**_

Beca pushes her headphones off of her ears. From where Chloe is talking to her on the other end of the screen, she stops.

“Becs? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, my shuffle was just… freaking me out.”

“Okay..? Weirdo.”

“Shut up,” she says but she’s smiling.

When she and Chloe hang up a moment later because she has to go to bed, Beca puts her headphones back on.

 _You're once in a lifetime_  
_Better than New Year's at midnight_  
_Wanna grab on and hold tight_  
_And I won't let go_  
_I hope you can hear this_  
_'Cause it's your face that I miss_  
_Your lips I wanna kiss_

_Nobody, nobody, nobody compares to you_

Beca takes her headphones and tosses them off of her head again.

Christ.

* * *

_Do you remember how it felt when we were just so young? (So young)_  
_Yeah, we'd do anything we wanted and we'd do it for fun (for fun)_  
_Everything I wanna say, I can hear that so loud (so loud)_  
_I got a voice in my head and I'mma let it all out_

It’s the last full day Chloe has in Florida and coincidentally also Beca’s last full day in Utah. Chloe decides to ‘take’ Beca to the beach. They video call while Chloe sits on a pier and watches the sunset. Beca’s laptop plays music beside her at a low volume.

“Isn’t it pretty?” She faces the phone towards the beach. Beca looks at it and it is. Then Chloe turns the camera back around and Beca looks at her face.

 _'Cause when I see your face my own senses leave me_  
_Yeah, I could be blind but I'd still see that_  
_I just can’t_

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like… Nothing, nevermind. Dork.”

Beca grins.

* * *

“So did you tell her?”

Beca frowns. “Tell her what?” She chews on the chip she just put in her mouth.

Jesse groans. “Ugh, c’mon, Beca. I swear, I call every day to see if something changes and it’s like, your body’s moving forward but your soul is like two miles back.”

“What does that even mean? Did you accidentally eat your grandma’s weed brownies again?”

Jesse just lets out this frustrated whine. “You’re flying back tomorrow.”

“So?”

“It means you’ve used up all of Christmas break already.”

“Jesse, you need to stop talking in code and tell me what you’re actually saying already.”

“You don’t…” Jesse grumbles a little. She can tell he’s frustrated but she doesn’t know about what. “You talk to Chloe every _day_. Like more than you do me. Or Luke.”

Luke? Oh, shit. Right yeah. She should really reply to his text.

“And?”

“And like… haven’t you… how do you not… Arghughgug.”

“Jesse?”

“Forget it, it’s fine. Just talk to Chloe again today and catch me up tomorrow.”

Beca frowns. The next thing she hears is a click signifying the call’s end.

* * *

They don’t video call that night but Chloe call-calls her. It’s unexpected but not a surprise. Beca feels like she hasn’t had a night that hasn’t ended with Chloe’s voice in… well, she doesn’t really know at this point. It feels like they’ve been doing this for so long that Beca can’t remember what it was like before.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Just waiting to fall asleep, really. We have to be up super early tomorrow so probably not going to stay up again.”

“Yeah, me too. I have an alarm set and everything just in case.”

Beca hears Chloe breathe out contently. She imagines Chloe is also laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Becs?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in 3 weeks.”

“You once didn’t see me for 6 years, 3 weeks is cake.”

Chloe goes quiet on the other end. Beca thinks that might have been the wrong thing to say even if she didn’t mean it like that.

“I mean, I just—”

“I know. It's okay.”

“Sorry. That was dumb to say," she says quickly.

They go quiet again, but this time Beca is waiting. She doesn’t know what direction this conversation is going and she wants Chloe to take the lead in case she says something stupid again.

“Beca?”

She gulps at the way her name sounds coming from Chloe like that, not as a nickname but two syllables like it was always meant to be. It makes Beca feel like what Chloe has to say next is going to be really important. She realizes she’s been too quiet for some time so she speaks.

“Yeah?”

She waits. She waits, and she waits, and she waits. And she feels like Chloe is going to say something that completely changes how they’ll see each other when they’re together again, so she waits for it because she knows if she opens her mouth she’s going to say something to ruin it—

“I…” Chloe starts. Then just as quickly, she sighs this desolate sigh. Then Chloe’s phone is going off with a notification and she says ‘nothing’. Beca imagines she’s checking the message right now. Beca just swallows and nods even if Chloe can’t see.

“Stacie just got back home.”

“Where’d she go this break?”

They continue on like two seconds ago didn’t just happen.

“I think she went to Malibu or something.”

“Wow.”

“I know. I didn’t even get a Snapchat of her mouthing to the song.”

Beca laughs lightly and shakes her head. “You’re something else, Beale.”

There’s a brief silence from Chloe’s end before she’s saying, “that’s what they always tell me.”

They talk for a bit more after that before hanging up for the final time that day. Tomorrow, they’re both on planes home. Then they’ll see each other. Or at least Beca thinks so. School starts the coming Monday so obviously.

Beca sighs, placing her phone on the bedside before rolling to lay on her left side. She holds the blanket up to her lips and thinks about what she’s going to do on Monday.

Will she and Chloe just… go back to being normal? In person feels very different from phone and text. Or video. But it’ll probably be fine, Beca thinks. She’ll just give Chloe her beanie as an ice breaker and they should be back to normal within no time.

* * *

Beca is leaning against the window of the car and watches the trees go by as they drive down the road. An RKCB song fades and the next one that comes on is all soft electric guitar that has Beca recognizing it as the Bootstraps's cover of Earned It. She likes this cover. It makes you realize just how different a song can be when you change its accompaniment.

_You make it look like it's magic_  
_'Cause I see nobody, nobody but you_

He managed to make the song sound like it _wasn’t_ just meant for strip teases and lap dances. That it’s actually meaningful, and maybe even romantic.

_So I love when you call unexpected_  
_'Cause I hate when the moment's expected_  
_So I'ma care for you_

Beca finds herself shifting a little uncomfortably in her seat but she listens on.

_'Cause girl **you're perfect**_  
_You're **always worth it**_  
_And **you deserve it**_  
_The way you work it_  
_'Cause girl you eaaaarned it_  
_Girl you earned it_

She’s reminded of a conversation she had with Jesse.

* * *

_"And should this be the last thing I see, I want you to know it's enough for me. ’Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need… I'm so in love—”_

_“Ugh, this song is so cheesy.”_

_“You know how when you like a person, every song you hear is about them?”_

_“Is this song about Aubrey?”_

_“Every song is about her now, Becs!”_

_Beca rolls her eyes. She hopes Jesse falls off of his bed._

_“Don’t you feel this way about like, Luke or whatever?”_

_“Luke and I aren’t dating.”_

_Jesse gives her a face. “Yeah, but you guys are like, ‘involved’ and stuff.”_

_“I wouldn’t say that,” Beca deflects._

_Jesse rolls his eyes and falls back against his pillows. “One day you’re gonna fall in love and feel how I feel, then… then you will realize.”_

_“This Jayden Smith meme is so old.”_

_Jesse just grins. “It’s still good.”_

_“Also, does this mean you and Aubrey are actually a thing? I thought she was just pity going out on smoothie runs with you.”_

_“Oh shut up. Also, no. But we watched a movie together last night and… man, Bec. That’s what the movies talk about.”_

_“Oh God.”_

_“I’m serious! Like, the whole feeling the hairs on your body stand and your heart beat hard and looking at them and seeing everything you want to see for the rest of your life—“_

_Rest of your life? “Whoa.”_

_“I mean— Just— You know, it’s an amazing feeling.”_

_“So you put me through all of that to tell me that you and Aubrey are…?”_

_“Well, nothing yet. But I feel like it’s going somewhere.”_

_Beca rolls her eyes in the most exaggerated manner and shakes her head, returning to her game of Piano Tap. Leave it to Jesse to give all the build-up and none of the pay off._

* * *

Beca’s eyes widen.

“ _Fuck_.”

“Language, Bec,” her father says from the driver’s seat.

* * *

She’s quiet and in her head all of the way home. Beca is so compliant and accommodating as they move through the airport that her dad must be so confused. She doesn’t sleep the entire flight home, scared of what she’ll dream about with what’s been occupying her mind so heavily since she swore in their rented car. She ignores all of the texts on her phone and doesn’t even listen to music – she doesn’t need another song coming up that pushes her to a realization that freaks her out.

It’s raining when they land back home. It’s also late. Their Uber also can’t find them, so they end up having to run across the street in the rain to get into the vehicle. Beca doesn’t mind. The chaos is a good distraction. And the tiredness that’s finally settling in after using so much brain power to think and stay awake is getting all too real. Once they’re in the car, Beca exhales heavily before resting her head against the window again. She can’t wait to get home and just pass out.

* * *

What she doesn’t expect is to feel shitty as hell when she wakes up. Her throat itches, feels sore even, and her head _pounds_. She didn’t drink any Jiggle Juice last night, what the fuck is this hellish feeling? Beca sits up, groggy, and the moment she does, she feels like she’s going to be sick. She’s all achy and everything feels hot. She groans and throws herself back onto her pillows.

* * *

She’s sick. She’s sick all weekend. When she goes to sleep on Sunday night, she just hopes she’ll wake up feeling good enough to go to class because despite all of the shit in her head, she actually really wants to see Chloe and just hang out if that wasn’t weird. And you know what, she wants to see Jesse too. She misses that motherfucker. Hell, she’d even want to see Aubrey. And Stacie. And Emily. And Benji. And everyone.

Beca wants to put her needy nature down to the fact that she’s on a lot of meds right now and has barely any food in her because she prefers to sleep. Her dad and Sheila check on her every other hour to make sure she’s not dead or in a coma because she honestly sleeps that much all of that weekend.

When she wakes up to the sound of her alarm on Monday, the first thing Beca does is take her phone and try to suffocate it by ramming her finger into the home button countless of times. She can’t seem to get the ringing to stop until her dad comes into her room and does it for her, taking her phone and swiping once to end it.

“I don’t think you should go to school today, Bec,” her dad says, the back of his hand to Beca’s forehead.

“I can. I just… I need a bit to shake off the sleep. I’m fine.”

“This isn’t sleep you need to shake off, Beca. You’re sick.”

Beca whines something along the lines of ‘I want to go’, but her dad sighs and tells her to go back to sleep. Beca thinks she wants to fight him but she mostly thinks that more sleeping sounds like a good idea when she turns her side and her cheek rests against one of her pillows.

* * *

“Hey Jess, where’s Beca?”

Jesse stretches his neck and looks at the empty space across from him at the picnic table. He pouts.

“She’s sick,” he tells Chloe a little glumly before biting into his sandwich.

Chloe looks at the empty space where Beca is supposed to be sitting and sighs. She has Beca’s shirt in her hand and she _really_ wanted to see Beca today.

“Yo, Chloe!”

She looks over her shoulder and sees Tom. He waves at her. She waves back and gestures for him to give her a second. She twists back around to face Jesse.

“Hey, can you give this to Beca for me? You know, if you pass by her place to give her homework or something?”

Jesse frowns, partially because how does Chloe know they have homework today and also how does she know he was going to drive over to Beca’s to give them to her as an excuse to see her even if he could so easily pass it off to her dad?

“Um yeah, sure.”

“Thanks. You’re the best.” She hands Jesse the shirt and gives him a side hug. “I’ve missed you by the way. Hope your break was good.” Chloe clicks her tongue and winks before walking away towards Tom.

Jesse watches her walk away before he unrolls the shirt Chloe handed him to read what it says.

_‘Straight Outta Florida’_

Wow, Beca was in love with a dork. Not that she knew that yet or anything. Honestly, Jesse just wants to grab Beca by the shoulders and tell her sometimes, but that defeats the whole purpose. He rolls up the shirt and shoves it in his backpack.

Love can’t be rushed.

Or rather, you don’t rush love.

Something like that.

Not that Beca would recognize an emotion if it bit on her the face anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand we're back! man, i missed writing. i also had no idea where this chapter was going to go but i'm glad we got here. it's like the shortest one i've ever written for this fic but baby steps, right? eh. hope you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> also also! i came up with a new idea for a fic that's gonna be dumb af but it's full of memes and the pitch perfect ensemble being gay af, so i'm probably slowly gonna start writing for that. bechloe gonna fall in love on the internet y'all. yell at me about it.


	15. A Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca decides what she wants to be in Chloe's life. A lot of people admit their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't WAIT till you guys get to the end of this chapter.

She’s sick for the entire first week that school starts back up. It’s literally the worst.

Jesse visits her the very first day she doesn’t go to school but she can’t really remember what they do or talk about, or if she just imagines him there like some kind of weird fever dream. She briefly remembers him putting some papers on her desk, sitting on her bed, talking about ‘Chloe’ and ‘looking for you’ and ‘shirt’. The only evidence that he was actually there and it was not in fact a fever dream is the shirt.

When Beca gets up to pee sometime in the evening, she finally unfolds it to see the ‘Straight Outta Florida’ design Chloe told her about. She smirks tiredly before falling back to bed, leaving the shirt close by her instead of chucking it into her dresser to remind her that it’s actually there.

* * *

She barely answers the messages on her phone. She really doesn’t have the energy to. Plus, every time she looks at screen for too long, she feels sick. She just listens to music and eats very slowly when she has the energy to be awake. Beca doesn’t think she’s ever spent so much time looking outside of a window before but she’s come to the conclusion that it can actually be pretty relaxing if you’re patient enough for it.

She even ends up going through some of the books they keep under the coffee table to make it look like they’re ‘cultured’. There’s some fashion magazines from forever ago, some architectural digest, and a flower photography book that she knows is her mom’s.

Beca feels her heart hang heavily in her chest when she comes across it, but she picks it up and pulls it on to her lap to go through as she sits in the living room – blanket thrown over her shoulders and a cup of tea close by. She goes page by page, looking at all of the flowers, and is reminded of when her mother used to take her to botanic gardens on the weekends. She’s a little past half way through the book when she notices the next page is bookmarked by something. She turns the page over and it’s a picture of a pink lotus. The bookmark is a piece of paper with Beca’s mom’s handwriting on it – a really old grocery list that she had folded up to mark this page.

Beca finds herself sniffling and wiping at the tears that pour out of her eyes.

It’s then that she notices Sheila watching her from the doorway.

Beca tries to collect herself immediately.

“Do you want anything else to eat, Beca?” She asks, her voice soft and kind, clearly trying to be sensitive because she knows that book is Beca’s mom’s and that’s why it was never put away. Beca knows Sheila purposely leaves it here because she wants to honor Beca’s mom in some way, and she’s never really acknowledged Sheila for that until now.

“Um, I’m good. It’s fine.” She sniffles again, blowing out a breath. Beca shakes her head and decides to turn the attention back on Sheila. “Um, where’s my dad?”

“He’s… He’s at meeting,” Sheila finishes saying. “He should be home before dinner.”

Meeting? Okay… Apparently her dad is important enough to have meetings this late after a school day.

“Um, ‘cause he has my homework.”

“I know, sweetie. I’ll be sure it’s passed along to you if you’re asleep before he’s home.”

Beca just nods. “Thanks.”

Sheila offers her this small smile that Beca actually thinks looks really sweet before she’s nodding and leaving Beca to her business. Honestly? Sheila’s not bad. She was never bad to begin with. Beca’s always just been really hostile towards her because of her dad.

* * *

Throughout the week, she advises people via text not to visit her when they ask if they can see Beca because her thing is contagious. It’s probably the one good thing about being this kind of sick because she doesn’t have to worry about someone coming over and seeing her in her sweatpants and hair that hasn’t been washed in two days. Her dad and Sheila also have to keep their distance from her too and that’s a good thing because it means they aren’t hovering – they can’t. But they do check on Beca and makes sure she has everything she needs from time to time. It’s what she prefers.

When Saturday rolls around, she does feel better. A lot better. So much so that she decides to finally go on her laptop and see what’s been happening by going through Facebook.

Apparently, Tom is going on a weekend getaway, posting a pretty cliché picture of his hand on the wheel and the road ahead with the caption ‘Going to a Happy Place’.

Stacie is really happy cheer season is back on.

Luke posts an album of photos of his vacation to Ireland this break.

Jesse shares some video of funny Vine compilations.

Benji is attending some event about magic tricks tonight.

Emily is also attending this event.

Beca smiles.

She’s just about to scroll down further when she hears her dad call her down for dinner. She thinks it’s best not to push it on the screen front just because she feels better, so she clicks out of Facebook and heads downstairs.

* * *

She’s so excited for Monday and she can’t believe that she is. It’s stupid. This is _school_. No one wants to be there. But Beca misses being anywhere but her bedroom or living room. She wants to be in her stupid morning Lit class, she wants to sit at the picnic table outside have lunch with Jesse, she wants to sit in the auditorium and work on music while everyone around her rehearses and prepares for the musical at the end of the school year.

She wants to see Chloe. To talk to her.

Because… well, she keeps herself from thinking about it – and being sick definitely helped her with that –  but she thinks… well, just a little bit that she might sort of like, have feelings for Chloe.

Like, like-like her if that makes sense. It’s so juvenile to put it that way. Beca hates it.

She’s been trying to push it out of her head. She thinks (hopes) it’s just a combination of things and situations and it’s not actually real, but there’s no way to know for sure until she actually sees Chloe. It could just be idealizations or _something_.

Anyway, she’ll know for sure when she and Chloe are finally face to face on Monday.

* * *

She thinks it has something to do with the fact that she was in the worst state of her life the past week that she actually wakes up early and puts herself together. She curls her hair into loose waves, puts a little blush on her cheeks for color, and a lot of other self-care type shit she can’t believe she puts herself through but she looks fucking _nice_ when she makes her way to Jesse’s car that morning.

“Whoa.”

“I’m alive!”

“Yeah, and you look…”

“Like I’m not dead?”

“Well— yeah!”

She and Jesse laugh and they hug, and Beca squeezes him a little because she really has missed Jesse. She just won’t say that out loud.

“You look… like, really… It’s _awesome_ ,” Jesse finally decides. His eyes haven’t been able to leave her.

It makes Beca blush, and for once, she likes that the heat she feels in her face isn’t from a throbbing headache.

“Well, you just gonna stare or are we gonna hit the road, Jack?”

Watching the way Jesse’s lips slowly curve into grin makes Beca feel really happy.

“Sir, yes, sir. Let’s, yeah, let’s do this.”

He puts the car in drive and they’re off.

* * *

You know how, when you’re having a good day, something bad has to happen because there’s no way on Earth you’re ever allowed to have a completely good day?

Beca is having a great day until she and Jesse walk out of the canteen and towards their picnic table.

“Whoa. Wait.”

“What?”

“Who are _they_?”

Jesse finally looks at what she’s looking at. There are a group of girls that neither of them recognize at their table.

“Uhhh.”

“They know that’s like _our_ table, right?”

“Well, it’s not exactly like our names are on it…” Jesse tries to remain neutral because he knows Beca is about to get hostile.

“I—”

“Beca!”

She feels Emily crash into her back and her hands squeeze her arms a second later.

“Jesus—” She laughs. “Hey, Em.” She normally doesn’t like being hugged but she can’t bring herself to shrug Emily away.

“Oh my gosh, you’re back! I’ve missed you _so much_. I wanted to tell you all about Christmas, but you weren’t here, and then you were sick, and I felt _so_ bad, and we couldn’t even _visit you_ because you were contagious and—“

“Emily, relax. I’m here, you can catch me up on all of it now.”

Emily nods happily then. Beca nods back at her from where she’s looking at Emily over shoulder. She kind of has to crane her neck because Emily is so tall, and Beca can’t believe she let herself forget how tall Emily actually is.

“Holy shit, Beeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

Beca turns then, Emily moves aside as well, and they all see Stacie coming towards her. Aubrey and Cynthia Rose are not far behind. 

Beca’s eyes widen and she passes her tray of food to Emily before Stacie makes contact because Beca _knows_ this bitch was going to ignore that whole ass tray just to hug Beca and she really didn’t want either of them to spend lunch break cleaning food off of their clothes.

Beca is practically smothered into Stacie’s boobs when she hugs her.

“You fucking nerd, I’ve missed you so _much_!” Beca thinks Stacie actually grrrr’s and squeezes her tighter.

“That’s nice but I can’t breathe,” Beca manages to squeak out.

Stacie pulls back then.

“And bitch, you look _so cute_. The blue on your shirt really brings out your eyes.”

“Thanks..?” Beca answers, slightly confused until she sees an unmistakable flash of red from behind Stacie.

“Chloe?”

Stacie moves aside to find that is Chloe standing somewhere behind her… with Tom at her side. Holding her hand.

Chloe meets her eyes and her face lights up. “Becs!” She’s letting go of Tom’s hand and running over. Her arms go over Beca’s in a tight hug, and Beca is surprised by the way her breath hitches when she breathes in the familiar scent that is Chloe. She hugs back but she can’t stop looking at Tom who is talking to Donald with Chloe’s book bag slung over his shoulder.

Chloe pulls away and she’s smiling at Beca, but Beca can’t pay attention to it.

“You’re better. Did you get the shirt?”

Beca feels like a lagging robot trying to move her face away from Tom’s direction to look at Chloe.

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I got it. Thanks,” she says finally, forcing her lips into congenial smile.

Chloe doesn’t seem to notice how she’s a little tense and just grins back at her.

Then Tom comes over and greets Beca with a ‘hey’, and Beca has to will herself to keep her eyes on Tom and not his hand that is slipping within the spaces of Chloe’s.

“Hey, Tom.”

“Glad you’re back, Mitchell. We thought you’d died on us. Chlo was freaking out. No one was gonna do all the music.” He laughs lightly. Chloe makes this sort of displeased face but then just shakes her head and continues to gaze at Beca with bright eyes.

He called her ‘ _Chlo_ ’.

“Well, here I am: alive. Well.” She nods once.

Then Stacie is telling them they should ditch this spot because those guys clearly aren’t going to vacate Jesse and Beca’s table any time soon and that they should go inside because Jessica and Ashley probably have a table.

Beca nods, trying to keep up with how everyone is moving now. She takes her tray of food back from Emily so that she doesn’t stare at how Tom’s hand leaves Chloe’s to find residence in her back pocket.

Beca gulps and turns her head to Emily beside her.

“So tell me about Christmas break.”

Emily beams.

* * *

Beca can tell once they’re sat at the table that Chloe is trying to find a moment to talk to her but she can’t because Tom is really interested in telling her something. But Chloe is polite, and she and Tom are probably dating(?) now so obviously she’d try to pay attention to him. Their eyes meet sometimes from where they’re seated on opposite ends of the table but Beca tries not to hold the look for too long and turn away, masking it by asking Emily or Stacie something.

Beca feels like she just got the wind knocked out of her. She can even tell Jesse feels the shift in her behavior because he looks so disconnected from where he’s seated beside Aubrey but looking at Beca.

 **Jesse:** Are you okay?

She frowns when she sees the text from him, looking up to meet his gaze.

 **Beca:** yeah.  
**Beca:** why?

Jesse’s face carries a sullen expression when she looks away from her phone and to him again. He sighs and his whole body sags with it. Beca shakes her head at him, forehead creased, because she doesn’t understand.

(Or she does. She just doesn’t want to admit it.)

* * *

She’s an idiot. 

She shoves her books roughly into her locker.

She’s an idiot who didn’t continue scrolling on Facebook to see that if she had just kept going she would see that Chloe had also made a post about a weekend getaway with a photo that had the same view as Tom’s. 

Her break from social media and technology are literally now a curse to her than a blessing. She stays away from Instagram and Snapchat for a week, and she’s completely out of the loop of Chloe and Tom being official now as of yesterday.

One week she was gone. One week was all it took.

“Bec?”

“Jesus!” Beca whips around and backs herself into her locker. It’s open so she mostly just slammed herself into the corner and it _hurts_.

“I’m sorry--!”

“It’s fine…” Beca groans a little, her face in a wince as she moves away from where she collided with the edge. “Jesus, Beale… I just got back and you’re already trying to put me in the hospital,” she jokes. Beca laughs a little, letting out a huff of breath before she really lets herself look at Chloe.

It’s just Chloe. Chloe and no Tom. And her eyes still hold that brightness it did back when they first saw each other today at lunch. Chloe looks like she’s _so_ excited.

“You’re back,” Chloe says with a smile, cutting their silence.

“Yup.” Beca finds herself smiling softly even if she has a lot to not want to smile about right now.

“It’s been a hot second.” Chloe’s eyes never leave her, she’s stepping forward.

Beca gulps imperceptibly because she can’t really deal with how Chloe’s looking at her and moving closer like that. “Yup.”

Beca realizes she’s now looking at the books in Chloe’s hands instead of Chloe’s face because yeah, she forgot just how intense looking at Chloe’s eyes can be. She also thinks it may have to do with how hard her heart seems to be beating right now from just _being_ around Chloe.

“Hey.”

Chloe’s books seem a lot closer now. Beca looks up and finds Chloe’s eyes. Whoa. Chloe’s right there. Like, a respectable distance for Chloe but like, _close_ for anybody else.

“Hey back,” Beca says, the words coming out without a hitch which she’s thankful for.

Chloe’s smile widens further. God, Chloe’s so _bright_.

Beca realizes she’s squeezing quite tightly at the bottom of the shirt she wears to anchor herself to reality. And like, not be overwhelmed by how she can practically hear her heartbeat in her ears.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you _all day_ ,” Chloe reveals, amused.

“I can tell,” Beca manages to quip back cleverly despite the intensity of what’s happening in her body.

Dear god, she wishes it a month ago where she didn’t feel this way about Chloe. Stupid revelations.

“You’re a popular gal, Mitchell.”

“Tends to happen when you come back from the dead.”

Chloe actually snorts. It’s fucking _cute_.

“You doin’ anything right now?”

“Right now? Like, right now? Well, I’m kinda talking to someone so…”

Beca can’t believe she still manages to be a little shit with how wild her insides feel. Chloe shakes and drops her head. She looks back up at Beca a moment later and Beca actually gulps because she doesn’t think anyone’s ever ready for Chloe Beale looking like _that_. Or maybe it’s just her. It’s just her probably.

“Well, when you’re done talking,” Chloe starts, playing along. “Think you might wanna go get a smoothie with me? Because I do believe we have a lot to catch up on.”

Beca darts her tongue out to wet her lips. She thinks Chloe’s eyes follow the movement but she can’t be sure.

She probably really shouldn’t. Because she has to go home and yell right now about how the universe is doing her wrong. But also, it’s _Chloe_. And Beca _misses_ her. So she can’t say no. No was never even an option. Chloe wouldn’t even have to finish her sentence, and Beca would have probably already committed to agreeing to whatever she’d say in her head. Why is this a _thing_ now?

“I think I can pencil you in,” she says finally.

Chloe scrunches her nose at Beca and pushes at her arm playfully. Beca smiles and finishes gathering her things from her locker, and she and Chloe make their way out to the redhead’s car.

* * *

“So…”

Beca couldn’t commit to any smoothie so somehow Chloe convinced her to get an acai bowl which what the fuck is it even but here she is: with a fucking acai bowl in front of her. It looks like all the colors of a healthy rainbow that’s definitely going to affect her bowel movements.

“It’s not gonna bite you,” Chloe says from where she’s sitting across from Beca, lips still around the straw of her smoothie.

“You sure about that?” Beca teases, letting their laughter act as a segue to ignore the acai bowl. “So,” she repeats. “What’d you wanna talk to me about, Beale?” She places her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her hands.

Chloe smiles at her.

“I don’t know. Everything? I know we pretty much talked everyday but how was I supposed to know what you were doing on January 2nd at 2:31 o’clock?”

Beca smiles because Chloe is a _dork_. “ _Well_ ,” she starts. “I might have been talking to you, but we can’t be too sure.”

They both grin at each other like idiots and Beca has to pull herself back and remind herself that she needs to uphold her reputation as a person with a _Cool Card_ that doesn’t smile at their friends like that. Also, Chloe’s dating someone now. That felt like a moment, and it shouldn’t have been.

Speaking of Tom…

“So, you and Tom… that’s a thing now?” She doesn’t know where she finds the balls to ask but she does.

Chloe’s face falters a little but she maintains her composure. “Um. Yeah.” She shakes her head. “New. But… it’s, it’s going good,” she decides.

Beca nods.

“Like… you and Luke, right?”

Beca’s brows furrow. “Um. Well, Luke and I aren’t really dating, so…”

Chloe frowns, a little confused. They never really talk about this kind of stuff, so.

“But you guys...”

“Yeah, but like, we’re not labelling it or anything. But it’s whatever, I mean, I’m not big on labels and he doesn’t seem to mind that,” Beca settles for saying.

Chloe just nods, ruminating on that as she sips on her smoothie.

It’s a little awkward for a bit so Beca decides to try her acai bowl for the first time and promptly gags a little once it’s in her mouth.

“Ohmygod—” She swallows so it doesn’t remain in her mouth. “Jesus—” She takes a sip of her water. “Why does it _taste_ like that?”

Chloe is giggling but also handing Beca a napkin. “I don’t know, it doesn’t taste bad though, right?” She’s trying to contain her laugh.

“It tastes like fruits but has the feeling of _toothpaste_.”

Chloe throws her head back in a cackle and Beca smiles at her because she’s beautiful, and they’re fine. They’ll… they’ll be fine.

* * *

Beca decides to accompany Chloe to her dance class after they leave the smoothie place. She sits on the couch and watches as she, Stacie, Aubrey, and Emily (and some other girls she doesn’t know the names of) learn the instructor’s choreography for Kendrick Lamar and SZA’s All The Stars.

Chloe smiles at Beca every time they meet eyes, even if she’s dancing.

Chloe goes over to sit and hang with Beca every time she has a break, and everything feels so light. She loves how happy Chloe seems that she’s here. Beca likes how happy _she_ feels _being_ here. With Chloe, watching her, supporting her.

It makes the decision easy.

She doesn’t need to change a thing. Or figure things out any further. She doesn’t need to do anything but be there.

Chloe just wants Beca in her life. And Beca can give her that. She can be the person in Chloe’s life that she’s always deserved. Someone who’s always there to support her, comfort her, make her laugh when she needs it. A true friend. Beca can do that. It’s manageable. And with that, she doesn’t have to worry about the complications a romantic element might bring. Because it’s not like Chloe likes her back either. Not that she’ll ever know unless she asks – which: _hard_ pass – Chloe probably just comes off like she’s into everybody with her intense gazes, penchant for affection, and willingness to be emotional.

Plus, Chloe has Tom now. So whatever Beca may have thought after serious rewinds of the past year during her flight home last week, she was probably just reading into all the moments she had with Chloe wrong. 

It only makes her feel a _little_ deflated. But it was also naïve and _super_ conceited of her to think she’s hot shit enough that Chloe was into her like _that_ and was just like, waiting around for Beca to realize. Because it definitely wasn’t like that. Chloe probably just really missed her best friend from all those years ago, and here was Beca: dodging and making life hard, having Chloe constantly come after her and be like ‘hey, _be here_ with me’.

But she’s not going to do that anymore. She’s going to make this so easy for Chloe and give her whatever she wants. Because god, looking at Chloe right now, she genuinely feels like she’ll always be willing to be whatever the girl needs if she just asks.

Seriously, _fuck_ emotional realizations.

But every time she looks at Chloe and Chloe is already smiling at her, Beca feels like she’s fine.

Beca doesn’t need to have Chloe in her life like that. She just needs to have Chloe in her life, and Beca has a strong feeling Chloe just wants to have Beca in hers too.

* * *

Chloe finishes another run-through of the routine and woots. Beca rolls her eyes because Chloe is _such_ a dork. But then Chloe is looking at her, grinning at her, and then she’s jogging over and hopping onto the couch right near Beca like a sugar high _child_ and Beca yelps because it was _peaceful_ in her area until Chloe did that.

Chloe hugs Beca to her side with both arms and Beca laughs. She asks Beca how she did and Beca says she ‘could use some improvement’. Chloe drops her jaw in false shock and moves her hands to tickle at Beca’s sides.

“Say I did good—!” She giggles.

“No!”

“Say it!”

They’re a tangle of laughing idiots when Stacie and Emily come over to join in on the tickle-Beca-and-make-her-admit-we’re-great-dancers train.

“This is illegal! I was sick until yesterday! Someone call the cops!”

“Say we’re good dancers!”

“Bite me!”

Leave it to Chloe to actually pretend and bite Beca, enough that she feels the nip of Chloe’s lips on her shoulder through her shirt. Stacie falls off of the tiny couch in laughter. Emily is shocked but laughing and moves to help Stacie up.

“Ah, Chloe! Jesus!” She rolls away.

They’ve twisted into this position where she’s basically laying her head on Chloe’s lap with Chloe’s hand on her waist. Chloe stops her tickling and lets Beca catch her breath, looking down at Beca. Beca thinks she swallows just as a way to hydrate herself because laughing took _energy_ and she just did a lot of it. It has nothing to do with the way Chloe’s baby blues stare intently into her eyes with the softest smile on her lips.

Beca thinks Chloe makes the trying-to-breathe thing more difficult when her hand comes up to brush some hair away from Beca’s head ever so gently.

(This is the first time since she’s figured out her feelings that the thought of kissing Chloe crosses her mind. God, it’s worse when you have legitimate reasons for the way you’re thinking. No longer was she allowed to put it down to teen hormones or ‘just curiosity’.)

“Get a room!” Stacie jokes, snorting in laughter before she slips on her untied lace and falls on her ass again.

Beca and Chloe break their gaze to look at Stacie, who is now dying on the floor in laughter.

Emily gives up then and goes from being bent over to kneeling on the floor, laughing so hard against Stacie’s body.

When Aubrey walks over to them, they’re all laughing so hard that they have tears in their eyes and at least two of them are red in the face (Chloe and Stacie).

* * *

Okay, so she lied: this is hard.

This is hard because in theory, Beca _thought_ she could handle the idea of Chloe and Tom being together. But you know that? She seriously over-estimated herself. 

Beca almost makes a list of the things she can do to _not_ be looking in Chloe’s general direction when Tom is around. This is so that she doesn’t have to see them kiss, or Tom hug her, or whisper in her ear and make her giggle. They literally _just_ started dating so the honeymoon vibes are _strong_.

Beca always looks away just when something is about to happen. She looks at her phone, or her watch (she’s started wearing a watch now because it’s something to look at it), and she always tries to make sure she’s never alone with Chloe and Tom. She keeps Jesse close, Emily close, and hell, she drags Lilly into it too – to keep her company, keep her from driving herself crazy with the constant chant of ‘ _don’t look, don’t look, don’t look_ ’ in her head.

She also tries to make the most of her time with Luke. Because when Beca has Luke, Beca doesn’t have to think about what Tom might be saying in Chloe’s ear. She hates that she’s done this to her and Luke now. But ever since they left for Christmas break, it hasn’t been the same either. They hugged the day she got back to school but Beca noticed that Luke also seemed… off. Like, he was sick or something. He didn’t talk much but she can tell he was trying because Beca was around. 

Now, they’re both just kind of at a standstill. Their texts are less frequent, and when they do text, it seems… forced. It actually bothers Beca when she realizes this, and she goes over to Luke’s house one weekend to figure it out. (And yes, figuring out she has feelings for Chloe has made her a ballsy bitch that does these kinds of things. But honestly, what’s the worst that can happen? She’ll be stuck in a sort-of relationship with someone that’s falling apart while being into with her childhood friend? Been there and doing that, buddy.)

 _Knock knock_.

It’s Luke who pulls open the door and for that she’s grateful. She has no idea what she would do or say if she ran into Luke’s parents or his little brother.

“Beca.”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” Luke frowns but he pulls the door open wider.

Beca steps in. “Uh, I kinda just needed to talk to you. No big.” Big Big. But Luke doesn’t know that… yet.

“Well yeah, sure. We can go up to my room. It’s just my brother and me home but he’s got his friends over and they’re gaming in the living room, so it’s pretty loud.”

Beca just nods and lets Luke lead her upstairs.

* * *

“So, what’s up?” Luke starts, taking a seat on his computer chair.

Beca sits down on his bed and looks around his room. It’s the first time she’s been here. His walls are dark green, his sheets are checkered, and there’s a Northwestern flag above his desk. To the right of his desk is his own mixing equipment and it makes Beca’s heart _hurt_ because she wants her and Luke to work out, but it’s definitely not going to now that she’s come to some truths.

Beca frowns and drops her head, looking at her hands. When she doesn’t say anything after a minute or two, she hears Luke roll over.

“Hey…” She sees his hand come over hers. “What is it?”

Beca feels her eyes burn and she tilts her head backwards to keep the tears from spilling out. She collects some air in her cheeks before blowing out, trying to steady the anxiety she feels at her center.

“Beca. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Luke reassures.

God, he’s so nice, Beca feels like a _dick_.

“This isn’t working out, right?” She says, pulling it off like a Band-Aid. She finally looks at Luke and he has his lips pursed. But he nods. He nods because they both know this isn’t working out anymore.

“Yeah…” He’s rubbing his thumb back and forth along the skin of Beca’s hand though, comforting her – still, even if she’s pretty sure she’s a horrible person for realizing she’s into Chloe when she’s been with Luke this whole time.

“God, you hate me don’t you?”

He laughs lightly. “I don’t hate you, Beca.”

“Well, you _should_. I _suck_.” She uses her thumb to wipe under her eye carefully. She feels Luke’s own thumb come up to wipe at the stray tear that falls down her other cheek. 

“God, fuck you for being so nice,” she says, chuckling humorlessly afterwards.

Luke smiles but there’s a sadness to it before he’s taking his hand away from Beca’s face and sighing.

“What?” She asks. 

“I have something to tell you…” He admits after a beat. “I haven’t been… _honest_.”

This has Beca alert. She blinks her eyes and tilts her head down, looking at Luke properly. Now _he_ looks like he has something difficult he needs to say. Also, oh god—

“Wait…”

Luke looks up at her then.

“You’re not gonna tell me you’ve been seeing someone else are you? Because that’s pretty much the only thing someone can follow ‘haven’t been honest’ with. Oh my god, _have you_? Because I’m pretty sure while we never talked about it, it was implied the only people we were fucking around with were each other—”

Luke just stares at her.

“Holy shit—” Beca stands.

“Wait, it’s not like that—” Luke is quick to rise up after her.

Beca lets him stop her, sitting back down when he pleads with her through his eyes. Luke sits too once Beca is seated.

“I haven’t been seeing someone else,” he promises. “But… I haven’t been completely honest about… you know, what I’ve been doing with you either.”

“What do you mean?” Beca is confused.

Luke is hunched over, elbows on his knees and his hands to his mouth. He’s clearly having a hard time trying to admit this. Beca decides to be patient with him like he was with her. Her hand finds his knee. She rubs her thumb back and forth soothingly until he’s breathing out a shaky breath. In the time she waits for him to speak, Luke’s eyes fill with tears and when he blinks, they fall down his cheeks.

He breaks down then, shuddering as they spill out of his eyes at a quicker pace. Beca has no idea what to do, stunned by how quickly things changed.

“Luke, hey. What is it? Don’t—” She stands.

Her hands are on Luke’s cheeks, her thumbs wiping them away as they come.

It takes a good minute or two till Luke calms down enough. He doesn’t completely lose it, but his tears spill freely and his body shakes. Beca can’t express how relieved she feels when Luke’s tears die down and he sniffles, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand. He cups the back of his neck with his hands. And in a rush, he admits:

“I like Tom.”

Her eyes widen.

“ _What_?”

“I’ve kind of had this thing going on with Tom, and I kind of used you to get over him, or make him jealous, I don’t know, and now I’m fucked up because he’s dating _Chloe_.”

Beca blinks. “Wait… _what_?”

Luke groans and grabs at his hair, frustrated.

Beca’s hand comes up to her temple and she’s sitting back down on Luke’s bed, processing this. She’s trying to make sense of it. She really is.

Then she thinks back to the start:

When Luke asked her if she wanted to leave at the beach party, Chloe was making out with _Tom_.

When Luke so willingly left the auditorium with her that day to make out, it was because _Tom_ was hanging around Chloe.

When Stacie asked who’s kissed someone of the same sex during Never Have I Ever, Beca remembers finding it strange that _Tom_ – straightest dudebro ever – drank when Chicago (only other known dudebro) didn’t.

 _Tom_ was also drunk out of his mind at Stacie’s party and paid no attention to Chloe at all that evening. And that was around the same time Luke had gone to Alaska with his dad and brother.

When Beca came back to school and everyone saw Chloe and _Tom_ officially as a couple, Luke looked sick.

“Holy fuck, you like Tom.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Holy shit.”

She’s just never noticed because she was always paying attention to the other person. 

Holy fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> betcha guys didn't see THAT coming did you? honestly if i could, i'd go in detail about all of the little things happening in this fic outside of bechloe. like there's so many little things that i wonder if you guys can see it. also it's hard bc beca doesn't always pay attention and this is told mostly from her perspective. ahhh. anyway if you're interested in knowing _literally anything_ about any of the characters (like luke, or tom, or chloe's flippin' dads), please don't hesitate to comment or like send me an ask on tumblr (@bsnows) bc i am LIVING to share y'all the deets.


	16. Going Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke has a new place in Beca's life.

“So… have you just been like… using me?” 

Luke is quick to squash that assumption. “No, _no_. I _wasn’t_ using you.” He wants to make that _clear_. “I was just—” He lets out a huff of breath. “The night at the beach, I was really just trying to help you out. Then we got back to the bonfire and Tom was… Anyway, I wanted to get out of there, and it’s not like you were having a great time, so I thought why not we both leave, right?”

Luke tells her it was never part of the plan for them to make out on his car. He never had an ulterior motive. He says he genuinely liked – _likes_ – Beca, but as hard as he tried, he could never fully find himself committed. And Beca thinks that makes sense. Because if he was as into this as he could be, he’d probably have an issue with Beca not wanting to label it or just dodging every time ‘so, what are we?’ territory comes up.

“Beca, I want it so badly to be you.” The way he says it makes her believe that. Luke looks so defeated by his own feelings. “But I… I can’t. I don’t… It’s not like with him. Even if he doesn’t deserve it.”

Beca understands. Because she wants it to be Luke too. It would make everything so much easier.

She sighs, breathing out slowly. “So…” She doesn’t know what to do now but she doesn’t want to just leave either. She probably wants to be around Luke _more_ now, and it’s so weird. “Why Tom? Or like, _how_ Tom? He’s like the straightest straight guy at Barden.”

Luke nods his head but rolls his eyes. “I _know_ , right?”

Beca finds herself smirking at his tone. She reaches out to wipe a stray tear on his cheek. Luke leans into her palm before moving to sit beside her on the bed. He scoots till he’s right beside her, their arms touching.

“I thought so too,” he continues.

Then he tells her how it all began. How they were honestly just friends. Him, Tom, and Donald. Then he and Tom got closer. And Luke thought it was weird how well they vibed. (Beca has an inkling this was the beginning to Luke’s questioning of his sexuality. God, for the douchiest straight guy too. At least Chloe’s _actually_ gay. Pan. Whatever. And like, a _nice_ person.) They’d train for football late. Always be the last in the locker rooms. Luke thought it was weird that Tom hung around and kept him company. Then fun banter in the quiet of the locker room turned into Tom kissing Luke, and Luke getting addicted. They danced around it. Ignoring it, acting like it never happened, until Tom would corner him when they were alone. Then when Luke started initiating things, Tom freaked out – like it was only _him_ who was allowed to toy with Luke and corner him for kisses. 

It was a whirlwind of toxic behavior from what Beca can make of it. Just when Luke became more confident about how he felt and what he was doing with Tom, Tom ran the opposite direction. Luke tells her Tom barely looks at him now and is starting to draw Donald away from him too (who was Luke’s friend first might he add – they were music bros, whereas Tom was just a Top 40 and classic rock slut. “Not that there’s anything wrong with classic rock, but he acts like he knows Leon Bridges and all of this cool music when he doesn’t. _I_ introduced him to Leon Bridges.”).

“So… Tom’s not gay?”

“I don’t think so. I think he was just… trying, and the consequences of it freaked him out. Or maybe he is gay. Who knows? If he is that far in the closet then he’s having tea with Mr. Tumnus.”

Beca frowns, not understanding that reference. It’s probably a reference to something, right?

“Narnia,” Luke tells her even if he knows Beca won’t really care. “Anyway, yeah. And sometimes, he would just… breeze in out of nowhere. Like after our date at the fair? He called me that night, drunk out of his mind, asking me what I was doing with you. Then he’d purposely fuck up our practices, screwing up defense to get me pummeled. Then right before I left for Alaska, for that entire week we were going out and you were _definitely_ hiding from Chloe—“

Beca blinks. Wow, she wanted an explanation not a _roasting_.

“—Tom came over to my place at like 2 in the fucking morning and kissed me. I obviously didn’t do anything because you know, we were basically together and Tom’s been a piece of shit for a long while.”

Beca smiles a little at Luke’s loyalty to her despite his conflicting feelings. She continues on with their conversation. “That’s why he was fucked up at the party.”

“What?”

“At Stacie’s party. He was drunk out of his mind. He didn’t even look at Chloe. He was like, dead. Leaning on that Ohio guy.”

“Chicago.”

“Whatever.”

Luke just shrugs anyway, clearly still pissed at Tom and trying to stick to his guns. “Well, yeah. Anyway, fuck him. I mean, he hasn’t done anything in a long while. Not since before I left for Alaska. He did corner me after the Winter Special though. Like, he didn’t even do anything, he just sort of looked at me. He was definitely fucking drunk.” Luke tsks and shakes his head.

“That why you couldn’t find me after it was over?” Beca decides to tease.

It makes Luke smile. She likes that. “It was the only time I lied to you, okay? I just… I felt weird. I didn’t want Tom’s fucked up energy messing with us.”

Beca smiles softly at Luke. God, he’s so good. And so fucking loyal. She wants to fucking knee Tom in the fucking balls for pulling all of this shit on Luke.

“So… are you..?”

Luke looks at her then. His face twists into an expression she can’t quite place, but soon enough he’s answering. “I don’t know. I might be? But I mean, I know I like you. I do. Like, _fuck_ Beca. I really fucking like you. Like you _do_ it for me.”

Beca snorts. Luke laughs too.

“But like, fuck, sometimes it’s more than that, you know? I care about you a lot. _A lot_. I might fucking love you but…” He gulps. “I know it’s not anywhere close to what I feel, _felt_ about… _him_.”

Beca nods. She understands that. Then she picks up on something Luke says. “You love me?”

“I mean, I don’t know. I might. I know I’d fucking do anything for you. I mean, goddamn Beca, we’ve been dating for a while now and anyone would want a solid answer but I just let you do you because I know you’re worth it.”

Beca actually feels touched at that. “I’m sorry,” she says. She feels like shit that Luke had to go through this weird ‘undefined’ thing with Beca while at the same time deal with his shit with Tom.

“Don’t apologize,” Luke tells her sincerely. “It’s on me too. I never asked. Maybe it’s because part of me didn’t want to make it worse. Like it’d feel… dishonest or something because I know I was into Tom.”

Beca sighs. She _really_ understands that. She thinks maybe… she might understand that a little _too_ well because she did it too. Unknowingly.

“I like Chloe,” she reveals randomly, figuring she might as well if they were in the territory of being honest.

When she turns her head to look at Luke, he’s nodding with a smile on his face.

Beca frowns. “What?”

“So you finally figured it out, huh?” Luke actually laughs and Beca feels even more confused than before. “God, Bec. I swear.”

“Like, does everyone know or something?”

“I mean, we have _eyes_.”

Beca feels _so_ obtuse. 

“I mean, probably not everyone,” Luke then says to make her feel better. “But we all know Chloe was into you. Like she was _so_ into you.”

Beca blinks at this. “Wait, _what_?” Her thought is voiced out loud. “Chloe? Was into _me_? We’re talking about me being into _Chloe_ here.”

Luke just rolls his eyes fondly. “I mean, it’s not hard to tell. She stares at you like you’re fucking everything. I mean, I felt guilty at times because I can tell she liked you that much. But you always seem to dodge her or whatever. Or find an excuse to not cross the line. I mean, I can understand why she eventually just stopped.”

Wait, _what?_

“I…”

“Bec, she was trying so hard. And you just… you keep running away. After some time, I thought it was because you really weren’t into it. Like you just wanted to be friends and that’s why you kept dodging. I guess Chloe eventually got that too because she’s dating Tom now.” Luke’s jaw squares after he mentions Tom’s name, like saying it triggers that deep of a negative reaction in him.

Beca blinks rapidly, staring at nothing as she goes through it in her head.

“After some time, Bec, people are eventually gonna get the message you send out. It took Chloe like half a year, but she eventually got it. It hurts, you know? To keep trying, hoping, and just… I don’t know, get squashed?”

Beca gulps.

“You took too long, Bec. And you didn’t make it any easier on her by being with me.”

* * *

She can’t believe it takes _Luke_ telling her for her to realize that Chloe liked her too. Beca literally just managed to convince herself weeks ago that Chloe couldn’t possibly like Beca that way, and that Beca was just riding on a ‘I think I’m hot shit’ high. She’s trying to think back to all of it, earlier on. But Beca can’t seem to pinpoint where it might have started because Chloe is Chloe. Chloe is like that with _literally_ everyone. She thinks she’s going to give herself an aneurysm just trying.

“Relax. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Luke says from the driver’s seat, taking his eyes off of the road momentarily because he can clearly tell Beca is trying to figure it all out.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know. I mean, are you _sure_? Like, Chloe’s probably the most affectionate person in the entire _world_. She literally stares into people’s _souls_ when she’s talking to them. You probably just misread it.”

“I mean, maybe. But can me and like, 12 other people misread the same thing? I saw you guys. The Winter Special. You dropped her hand and she _left_.”

Beca feels her throat tighten. She doesn’t like being reminded of that.

“I was just trying to—”

“What? Remember I exist?”

Beca shuts her eyes. “God, don’t make me feel like an even bigger dick.”

Luke chuckles. “It’s fine,” he then says.

“It’s really not.”

“I was just happy to take whatever you’d give me. And I think Chloe was too until she realized that’s not enough.”

Beca swallows.

“You know, I _am_ sorry, B. But there’s really no point feeling bad about it now. They’ve moved on.”

Beca notices the way Luke’s hand tightens on the wheel. She puts her hand on his leg to relax him and he gives her this little smile in thanks. 

Beca huffs. God, she’s a fucking idiot.

“You’re not a fucking idiot.”

“Did I just say that out loud?”

“Yeah.”

Beca rolls her eyes. She just needed to go home and yell into her pillow for a couple of hours. “Fuck feelings.”

“You can say that again.” He eases the car to the left, making a turn.

They’re quiet for the rest of the ride home. When Luke comes to a stop in front of her house, Beca is frowning at nothing in particular in front of her.

“What?” He asks.

“What are we gonna do now?” Beca says. Like, seriously: what _are_ they gonna do now? Because they definitely can’t go back to ‘dating’.

“What do you wanna do?”

She looks at Luke incredulously. “You’re leaving that to _me_?”

He shrugs. “I always follow your lead,” he tells her with a smile.

Beca hates that she knows that’s true. She sighs. “I—god, I don’t fucking know. We can’t keep dating though, right? That’d be fucking weird. I’d feel bad for like forcing you and forcing _me_ too, like that’s not—”

Luke’s hand comes to rest on Beca’s leg now, and she stops her rambling immediately, willing herself to relax.

“Think about it and let me know.”

God, how is Luke always so fucking suave? Like, he just _knows_ what to do? So unfair.

“I hate you.”

“You don’t.” Luke grins.

Beca is just happy to see him smiling. She leans over to kiss him on the cheek because it’s the least she can do. Luke deserves everything. And if she could, she’d definitely try and be the one that gives that to him. But they’re both unfortunately not in the position to do that.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Luke calls out from the car.

Beca waves her hand in acknowledgement before he drives off and she heads inside.

* * *

That night, after some contemplation, Beca texts Luke what her plan is:

**Beca:** wing it?  
**Luke:** seriously?  
**Beca:** do you have a better idea?  
**Luke:** …  
**Luke:** fine  
**Luke:** but like, how?  
**Beca:** i don’t know, we don’t have to tell people we aren’t dating  
**Beca:** it’s not like we ever told them when we were though  
**Luke:** and wonder why that is ;)  
**Beca:** shut it :P  
**Luke:** also  <3 <3 <3 you just admitted we were dating <3 <3 <3  
**Beca:** oh fuck oFF  
**Beca:** :P  
**Luke:** :)  
**Luke:** i can live with winging it  
**Luke:** if that’s what’s easier for you  
**Beca:** thanks  
**Beca:** you’re really fucking nice you know that?  
**Luke:** eh  
**Luke:** sweet dreams, Mitchell  
**Beca:** goodnight luke  


Luke still sends her 3 kissy face emojis before he turns in for the evening. God, what did Beca do to deserve having such good people in her life?

* * *

Knowing that Chloe once liked Beca fucks her up like you would not _believe_. She finds herself staring at Chloe – no, more like, observing her when they’re around each other. She thinks Chloe actually notices once because she asks Beca flat out.

“What are you looking at, weirdo?” She queries with a smile.

“What?”

“You’re like, super focused on something.”

“Um.”

Chloe just chuckles and shakes her head before returning to her conversation with Flo.

* * *

You know what sucks about it being February now? Valentine’s Day. The whole hype around it and the expectations – not to mention, the fucking cheesiness of it all. Beca hates it. She thinks Luke does too even if he’s looking at a heart-shaped box of candy right now.

“You’re not seriously going to get that are you?”

There’s a table in front of the cafeteria showcasing all of the things you can get your ‘Valetine’ when the time comes. People come and go, buying roses or heart-shaped candies to be delivered to their person of interest on the 14th.

“I don’t know, it’s kinda cute in a tacky sort of way.” Luke smirks. “I’m getting it and giving it to you.”

“Oh dear god, please, dude.”

Luke just waggles his eyebrows at her before he’s paying for the box and writing his information on the paper.

“To Beca,” he recites the note to be attached to it. “Life is like a box of chocolates.”

“Don’t, oh my god—“

“—it’ll kill your dog.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“No.”

Beca breaks into a laugh and shakes her head as she watches Luke sign the card and hand the pen back to the person behind the table.

“You’re a piece of shit,” she tells him.

“You love it.” His arm comes around her.

She and Luke are somehow closer now ‘broken up’ than when they ever were ‘dating’. She also finds it easier to be around Luke because everything’s out in the open between the both of them. Jesse walks into the cafeteria then and his brows furrow at the sight of them.

* * *

_“Jesse, are you in here?” Beca walks into Jesse’s room._

_She finds him on his bed, headphones over his ears mid-air drum. Jesse pushes his headphones back when he sees Beca… with Luke right behind her. Luke lifts a hand and waves._

_“What’s going on?” Jesse asks with bewildered eyes._

* * *

So, Jesse knows. Jesse knows about Beca liking Chloe. Jesse knows about Luke and Tom.

(“I… _don’t_ like violence, but I would _fight_ him for you, Luke.”

“You’ll get beat up.” Luke says, not even as a diss but more so a fact.

“I know, but like, it’s the thought that counts.”

Beca actually snorts.)

Jesse also knows about Beca and Luke now. That they’re no longer dating. Yet, still sort of acting like they are. They don’t mean to. They’re just closer now. And it feels nice to hang around Luke and just be with someone who knows everything. And yeah, Jesse is her person too, but Jesse isn’t into someone he can’t have so he can’t relate like Beca and Luke do.

“You guys are weirdly good at putting up this act,” Jesse says, slipping his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

They’re not purposefully doing it. It just happens. Also, it can’t be helped that they sort of use this thing – their friendship, connection – as protection from Chloe and Tom. Like, it’s just easier to ignore them when Beca and Luke can just share music or joke around with each other instead.

“We’re talented individuals,” Luke deadpans with a shrug.

Beca rolls her eyes before saying, “let’s just go.”

They all make their way to the long table the auditorium group – plus Tom – sit at now. Beca sits beside Luke at the end of the bench, and Jesse drags a chair over to sit at the head.

Beca catches Chloe looking at her once she settles in. She tries not to be smiling at Luke pretending his chicken nuggets are drowning when he pours ketchup all over it. Fucking _dork_.

“Hey, Becs. You doing anything later today?”

Beca looks up and finds herself smiling when she meets Chloe’s eyes. Chloe smiles back at her.

“Um, not that I know of. Why?”

“I wanna write. Can you meet me at the tree near the field around 4-ish?”

“Sure.”

She feels Jesse and Luke’s demeanor shift, and she hates that she now has not one but _two_ people making sure she’s being careful around Chloe.

It’s not like she’s in love with Chloe, okay? She’s just into her. Crushes pass. Or more-than-crushes also pass. She’s not sure what level of ‘like’ she is for Chloe. But it’ll pass. It _will_.

* * *

Beca can’t believe she chose this semester to figure out she’s into Chloe. Because they cheer outside now. And Chloe looks kind of ridiculously adorable with the sun in her hair, doing the routine in that stupid uniform. Beca is _not_ going to fetishize Chloe in her cheerleading uniform. She’s just not.

“Hey!” Chloe greets, sitting across from Beca with a huff.

“You guys done for the day?”

“Kinda. I mean, some of them are still going through the routine but I’ve got it down so. Coach Cat is really good about letting me off if it’s something for the musical. They’re all worried about it.”

Beca finds herself touching Chloe’s leg in a gesture of comfort without as much as a second thought. Her hand quickly returns to her side though. She just knows Chloe is really stressed about the whole thing. They’re almost halfway and they’re missing numbers for 3 really important scenes.

“So… We need a song for Phillip and Anne. So Luke… and Gemma can finally rehearse something.”

Beca nods, writing in her notebook. She frowns a little when she notices Chloe kind of falter at the mention of Luke’s name. She ignores it.

“I was working on something,” Chloe tells her, pulling her bag open and taking her own notebook out. “And I was wondering if you could do the Anne verse of it.” She flips to the correct page and holds her notebook out for Beca.

Beca quirks her brow at the open page Chloe’s notebook is on. She takes the notebook nonetheless and reads what Chloe came up with.

 _You know I want you_  
_It's not a secret I try to hide_  
_I know you want me_  
_So don't keep saying our hands are tied_

Beca actually has to clear her throat before she reads on.

 _You claim it's not in the cards_ __  
_But fate is pulling you miles away_  
_And out of reach from me_  
_But you're here in my heart_  
_So who can stop me if I decide_  
_That you're my destiny_

__

_‘Okay…,’_ Beca thinks. She carries on though.

 _What if we rewrite the stars?_  
_Say you were made to be mine_  
_Nothing could keep us apart_  
_You'd be the one I was meant to find_  
_It's up to you, and it's up to me_  
_No one can say what we get to be_  
_So why don't we rewrite the stars?_  
_Maybe the world could be ours_  
_Tonight_

“Well, it seems like you got a lot done, Chlo. I don’t really know what you want me to do here.”

“Well, Anne’s verse is next. And she’s kind of a pessimist compared to Phillip, so I thought: why not let my favorite grump do it?”

Beca lifts her eyes off of the notebook to glare at Chloe. Chloe grins. It makes Beca smile a little before she looks back down at Chloe’s notebook.

“I mean, I’ll see what I can do but you know I don’t write, right?” Beca thinks it’s weird that Chloe came to her at all for this.

“Um, yeah. But still, you know, it’s worth a shot. I think you have a very _unique_ perspective,” Chloe teases, winking at her.

Beca rolls her eyes and tries not to let her heart melt.

“I’ll see what I can do,” she decides. She snaps pictures of the pages Chloe had written the lyrics on before laying back against the tree.

Chloe does _not_ have to be this pretty. Honestly, it’s just obnoxious how gorgeous she is, especially without trying. Beca takes in the way the loose waves of her hair fall on her shoulders, how the side of her face looks as she goes through the pages of her notebook.

“Beca?”

“Hmm?”

“You zoned on me for a second there.” Chloe is smiling but she also looks a little curious.

“M’just tired.”

“Do you have a ride home?”

Beca hums, thinking about it now. Jesse left to help his mom with something, and she knows Luke doesn’t have practice today.

“I’ll drive you home,” is all Chloe says when Beca has been thinking for a little too long. She stands, dusting herself off before holding her hands out for Beca.

Beca takes them, allowing herself to be pulled up. But Beca underestimates how strong Chloe is and Chloe overestimates how much it would take to pull Beca up, and it has them colliding a little and losing balance.

“Whoa!”

“Gotcha!”

 _Gotcha_ also means that Chloe has her arms around Beca’s waist now to keep her from falling. And they’re close. Like, so incredibly close that it’s not okay. Beca thinks Chloe’s eyes are _insane_.

“Nice mascara,” she comments, just to have something to say.

“I’m not wearing any.”

“They’re just that long?”

Chloe nods.

“Whoa,” Beca is saying. Then they both realize they have no reason to be pressed against each other like this, so Chloe untangles her arms from around Beca and they both take a step back.

“So, um—”

“Car—”

“Yeah, let’s—”

“Yeah—”

* * *

“Can someone please help me write this verse?” Beca groans, having been at it for over half an hour now.

She, Jesse, and Luke are strewn about Jesse’s room. Jesse at his desk, working. Luke on Jesse’s couch, reading a gaming magazine. Beca is on the floor at the side of Jesse’s bed, hunched over where she’s been trying to write this stupid chunk of lyrics despite knowing that she’s not a songwriter.

Jesus, where was Emily when you needed her?

“Why did you agree to write it anyway when you know you don’t write?” Jesse asks.

Luke lowers the magazine then and gives Jesse a look they all understand. Beca rolls her eyes, annoyed that these two boys have something on her now.

“We do crazy things for the people we love, hm?” Luke is saying, tossing the magazine aside and joining her on the floor.

“I don’t _love_ Chloe. I mean, not like _that_.”

“Sure,” Luke says, smiling when he feels Beca push at his arm. Then he makes a face when he sees Chloe’s lyrics.

“What?”

Luke squints, like he’s focusing on the words more. “Um… nothing,” he answers, distracted.

“Is this the first time you’ve seen this?”

“Yeah,” Luke answers absently, more focused on reading the lyrics. “Kind of exciting to see what I’ll be singing though.”

Beca nods.

“But I feel like it’ll be kind of counterproductive if I write this verse for you.”

Beca groans. “Why?”

“Because I don’t know, I’m Phillip. I’d feel weird writing Anne’s verse of it. Just write the opposite of Chloe’s verses.”

“The opposite? What, do you want me to put ‘not’ before every verb?”

Luke gives her a look. “You know what I mean. Just… turn Phillip’s verse down. Like a conversation. Reject him.”

Jesse snorts from where he’s seated. They both look to him.

“What?” Beca asks.

“Nothing,” Jesse says.

Beca takes one of the balled-up papers beside her and chucks it at him.

“Hey!”

* * *

Beca sends Luke what she’s written at the end of the night.

 **Luke:** ur fucking with me  
**Luke:** you really put NOT before things?  
**Beca:** it WORKED  
**Luke:** dear god  
**Luke:** you’re not a songwriter  
**Luke:** send this to Emily  
**Luke:** she’ll fix it

Beca couldn’t argue with that.

 **Beca:** it’s not all bad though right?  
**Luke:** send it to Emily

Beca rolls her eyes.

Chloe’s verse:  
_You'd be the one I was meant to find_  
_It's up to you, and it's up to me_

Beca’s verse:  
_And I'm **not** the one you were meant to find_  
_It's **not** up to you, it's **not** up to me_

Putting ‘not’ in front of things _worked_ , okay? She sends it to Emily though. And Emily writes the beginning, the middle, and the end of all that Beca was supposed to write. But she keeps Beca’s two lines though, saying it was actually kind of clever.

See? _Someone_ here appreciates her.

* * *

“So… _you_ wrote this?” Chloe is looking at her like she knows, she _knows_ this Emily’s doing but she’s toying with Beca.

“Mhm,” Beca keeps up the facade. “All me.” Smirk.

Chloe rolls her eyes. “Good job, _Emily_.”

“Hey! I told you I wasn’t a songwriter. I can’t be held responsible for what I actually am… not.” She manages to correct where she got confused. Beca shakes her head.

“I can’t believe you put ‘not’ in front of everything and thought it was going to work.” Chloe is smiling like she thinks Beca is the biggest dork.

“Hey, I told Emily that in _confidence._ ”

They both look at each other and laugh.

“But it’s okay, right?” Beca asks when they settle.

“Mhm. I really like it. It’s perfect, actually. I’m _so_ glad Emily is more confident in her songwriting skills now. The Winter Special really did things for her.”

“She’s a legacy,” Beca says, stating a known fact.

“Legacy,” Chloe agrees with a nod, circling something on the script and writing a note in the blank spaces of it.

* * *

It’s another day of just Beca and Chloe working on music things. It’s not a rehearsal day so the whole group isn’t here, but Chloe tends to spend what time she can directly after classes to work on the play. Beca watches her from where she’s now sitting with her laptop some feet away from where Chloe is making notes on the script.

She knows Chloe is putting in all of this extra time because she’s anxious about not having everything done in time. And perfectly done at that. She knows how much this means to Chloe.

“Hey,” Beca finds herself saying.

“Yeah?”

“Come here for a sec.”

Chloe looks confused for a moment but she puts her pen down and sits on the seat beside Beca.

“What..?” She asks, and it sounds so uncertain that Beca can’t help but beam at Chloe because the redhead is just that cute.

“You’re gonna make something with me,” she tells Chloe after a beat, double tapping her spacebar.

“What?” It’s more of a sound of confusion than a question this time.

“We’re gonna do a cover of something,” Beca says, already pulling up the program on her laptop. “You need to get your mind off of this—” Beca gestures vaguely to the auditorium, the stage.

“So, creating something is going to help me get over the stress of something else I’m already trying to create..?”

Beca looks at her. “I didn’t say this was a fool-proof plan.”

Chloe half-heartedly rolls her eyes but she’s scooting closer to Beca and there’s a small smile on her lips.

 _She’s excited_ , Beca thinks, and that makes her happy as she gets her recording things out.

* * *

They do a mash-up of Bruno Mars’s Just The Way You Are and Nelly’s Just A Dream. The first being Chloe’s song suggestion and the latter being Beca’s. Beca makes quick work of creating the beats – a simple loop for her and Chloe to sing over.

Chloe’s eyes light up when Beca joins in with her song in the middle of Chloe singing hers. It’s complete improvisation, both of them taking cues from each other just by looking at one another’s eyes. It’s probably a testament to how well they both work with each other.

“That was ah-mazing.”

Beca grins as she saves it. It’s not the cleanest mash-up – obviously – but it’s a small break of doing something else that can get Chloe’s mind off of everything. Beca just doesn’t want her to worry so much because it’ll be fine. She wants to tell Chloe it’s not all on her shoulders, that everyone will help her out, and that it'll all be okay.

“Thank you,” Chloe whispers, an appreciative smile on her face.

Beca smirks to herself before saying, “no big.”

When Beca is done with all of her saving, she closes her laptop with a sigh and falls back against the chair. Chloe’s head finds her shoulder a moment later and Beca can’t find it in herself to shift or complain.

“I really needed that.”

“I know.”

Chloe looks up at Beca from where her head is rested and Beca tilts her head to look down at Chloe. Their faces are both _so close_. Beca gulps. She thinks she might just be imagining it but Chloe is… moving closer?

Then the auditorium doors open and they move away from each other, recalling where they are.

“Chloe, babe? You done here?”

Right on time, Tom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> throwback to pp1 where beca was like hey chloe r u good to take the lead LITERALLY right after a scene where chloe talked about just having gotten surgery for her nodes. good times.
> 
> also! i got some super awesome news today! :) but it'll probably mean i'll be a bit busier, so updates are probably gonna be every other day instead of daily now. plus, it'll also help me figure out how this whole fic is gonna go bc it's this point of the fic that i'm kinda blank on. i have the ending planned out already. so best to go a bit slower and not rush things so i can figure out how to go from here to there the best way possible. thank you guys for keeping up and reading all the chapters. it means so much to me that you guys are into this!!!


	17. For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is literally just Beca loving Chloe. She does so many things she wouldn't normally do.

She thinks it’s her diminishing will that gets her agreeing to a _sleepover_ at Chloe’s house with all of the girls. This ‘having feelings for Chloe’ thing is really killing her vibe.

(“You’re coming.”

“Am I though?”

“Beca, c’mon. It’ll be fun!”

“Someone will die.”

“Of FUN.”)

So she’s here. She rings Chloe’s doorbell even if her parents probably wouldn’t care if she just walked right in and started eating out of their fridge. Chloe pulls back the door with this crazed grin that has Beca’s eyes widening before she’s being pulled in.

Squeals. She hears so many.

All of the girls are in the living room. Things have been moved around so that the center has enough space for all of the mattresses and sleeping bags.

“Christ.”

“Awesome, right?” Chloe says.

“Sure, let’s say that.” 

Beca drops her bag down and her hand is quickly taken by Stacie’s, who is pulling her towards the oblong coffee table with a myriad of food on top of it. There’s food everywhere. She thinks she actually sees a _KitKat_ bar lodged into a jar of _Nutella_.

“Chocolate on chocolate? Really?”

Chloe pulls the KitKat out from the jar and puts it in her mouth, proving a point to Beca. She rolls her eyes with a smirk before she settles on the floor against the sofa. Emily sits above her wearing a purple unicorn onesie. Wow, this was really her night, huh?

“So--!” Stacie starts. “Beca’s here now. Let’s pop the drinks out.”

“Wow, really? Okay, we are _not_ playing Never Have I Ever again.”

“Aw, you guys played Never Have I Ever without me?” Emily is saying.

“I promise you, you were better off not playing,” Beca assures.

“Oh pshh, Beca’s just a party pooper. Besides, we’re not playing that. No one’s drunk enough yet. And it’s tired. We’re doing charades!”

“Oh god.”

Chloe laughs, hugging Beca’s arm before she leans against her. Beca wills her heart to relax.

* * *

“That’s not a skateboard! It’s not!” Beca.

“Chloe, we’ve taken art classes! That looks like a dick!” Stacie.

“Guys, c’mon, that’s a skateboard!” Chloe defends.

She, Stacie, and Chloe are on a team. It’s terrible. They’re like 6 points behind the leading group. Aubrey, Emily, and Cynthia Rose surprisingly make a good team. They’re not as bad as Jessica, Ashley, and Amy though. Flo and Lilly look like they regret agreeing to come up with the categories and referee.

“Chloe, that reminds me of the monster that haunts the rivers of my village,” says Flo.

Lilly says something that – surprise, surprise – no one can hear. Beca just shakes her head. She, Stacie, and Chloe might end up killing each other. Beca would be better off on Aubrey’s team, which is saying a _lot_ because they butt heads with each other often.

Stacie is so done. She snatches the bottle of Jameson right off the coffee table and takes a swig directly from the bottle.

(Chloe’s dads aren’t home. They’re in Palm Springs where Mr. Beale is redesigning a house for someone. They decided to make it a little three-day getaway.)

“Okay, maybe let’s not do that,” Beca says, taking the bottle from Stacie who pouts just as Chloe returns from the writing board, plopping down with crossed arms.

“When is the pizza getting here? I need comfort food,” Stacie says as she takes an M&M from their _pile_ of comfort food.

The doorbell rings.

“Pizza!!!” Amy exclaims.

Emily shoots up from where she was sitting on the couch, standing on the cushions as she watches Amy rush towards the door.

“Guys, calm down,” Aubrey is telling all of them. She hasn’t even placed the payment in the delivery boy’s hands and Amy is already running towards them with a stack of boxes.

* * *

“I feel _so_ much better. Sorry I wanted to kill you, Chloe.” Stacie lays back against a mound of pillows, hand to her tummy.

Chloe just beams, clearly unfazed by the truth of 20 minutes ago.

Beca is mid-bite of her pizza when she notices Emily pull away from her own slice and she can’t seem to rip the cheese pull, the gooey substance drooping down. Beca puts aside her slice to help catch Emily’s cheese, laughing. Once they deal with the situation and Beca tunes back into the conversation, they’re all somehow talking about dicks.

 _How_ the fuck? Honestly.

“I mean, I’m gay, but you ladies do you,” Cynthia Rose says and the circle laughs.

Beca takes a sip of her drink and observes rather than joins. Emily too. Honestly, Beca feels concerned about Emily’s child ears hearing this shit. Okay, she may be sixteen and like, they were all sixteen once but this is _Emily_. She needs to be _protected_.

Dick girth transitions into sex talk and somehow the people who are actually involved in this conversation – basically everyone besides Beca, Emily, Lilly, and Cynthia Rose – broach into the topic of Chloe and Tom. Beca loves Stacie, but she also _hates_ Stacie.

“Is he good?”

Beca purposefully tunes out of the conversation then, turning her attention to frayed ends of the throw laid behind her. But like curiosity usually does, it gets the best of Beca and she tunes back in just in time to hear Chloe wrap up the bit she avoided.

“I mean, I’m satisfied, so. He’s really nice, you guys.”

Beca thinks she tastes bile at the back of her throat. Chloe progresses with the conversation but she moves it away from the physical aspect of her relationship to the emotional part of it. Chloe talks about how appreciated she feels by Tom – how Tom goes out of his way to make their dates special, having taken Chloe on his yacht. Tom has a fucking _yacht_? It’s this point that Amy interjects with the fact that she too has a yacht – well, her father does.

“It’s called the Fat Dingo Bitch. It’s what he always calls me mum.”

Beca blinks. Amy says that with such complete sincerity that Beca thinks ‘Fat Dingo Bitch’ is genuinely a term of endearment between her parents.

The conversation shifts when Stacie alerts them all that she just got the sleaziest text from some guy on Tinder. Then everyone, even the people who weren’t contributing to the conversation like Lilly, Emily, and Cynthia Rose, rush to Stacie to read this text. Beca remains where she’s seated though and Chloe does too. Chloe actually looks to Beca and waves her over with a smile, and because Beca thinks she might be whipped, she scooches the distance till her and Chloe are resting against the same couch.

She doesn’t know how she feels knowing all of this information about Chloe and Tom’s relationship now. Like, Tom is pretty much set as a Grade-A Douche in Beca’s head because of what she knows of him from Luke but hearing Chloe talk about him has her second-guessing. Because Chloe likes to see the best in people, but she’s also aware enough to see through their shit. She even admits that Aubrey can get a little crazy sometimes and they’re best friends.

“What are you thinking about?” Chloe asks, nudging Beca with her shoulder a little.

“Just stuff.”

“Yeah?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Beca replies, laughing lightly afterwards.

It’s been a while since they’ve done that. Chloe smiles to herself too before she rests her head on Beca’s shoulder. It makes Beca swallow, but she breathes out slowly to steady herself.

“Are you happy?” She finds herself asking after a moment.

“Mm?” Chloe noises, lifting her head up to look at Beca.

Beca gulps again and turns her head to face Chloe. “With Tom. Are you happy?”

Chloe looks surprised, caught off guard by Beca and the topic of her question. They’re definitely closer now but they’re not the kind of friends Chloe and Aubrey are. They don’t talk about boyfriends or relationships. And considering what Beca knows about herself now and what she had learned about Chloe before, she understands why.

When Chloe doesn’t answer after a long beat, Beca asks again – her voice soft, curious. “Are you?”

Chloe takes a moment to contemplate, to decide how or what she’s going to say, before she gives Beca an answer. Her eyes soften and she nods, a genuine look of sincerity upon her face when she says, “Yeah. I am.”

Beca doesn’t want to believe it, but she’s looking at Chloe’s face now and knows she’s not lying. She nods her head before turning her gaze forward again, eyes on the huddle of girls crowded around Stacie’s phone.

Well, _she_ definitely didn’t think she was going to doing this tonight – resigning herself to the truth of her situation. And that was that Chloe is in a relationship and Chloe is _happy_. And as often as they have their moments – and they do have them often despite Beca’s caution – Chloe is with Tom. Chloe is happy with him and _wants_ to be happy with him.

Beca decides that whatever iota of hope that sprung in her when she learned that Chloe once liked her forever ago needs to be diminished. Because she needs to face facts that it was _before_. Not now. Not now when Beca realizes she’s in love— _likes_ , she _likes_ Chloe. And that means _enforcing_ caution instead of just being aware that she _should_ be cautious.

Beca finds herself laying her head on Chloe’s shoulder, and she thinks she feels Chloe’s body tense in surprise before relaxing. She feels Chloe rub at her leg comfortingly.

Just this. Just this one last time. She’ll let herself have this. Then she’ll be more careful.

* * *

She doesn’t avoid Chloe. Not like before. Not when she’s made so many promises to be a better person in Chloe’s life. But she draws lines around Chloe. She reminds herself constantly to keep focused on _business_ – whatever business may be. She and Chloe still text, still hangout, Beca still even goes to watch Chloe dance or cheer sometimes, but she tries to disconnect herself from the way she feels. Every time she looks at Chloe, it’s a constant reminder that she shouldn’t have feelings for her. That it should be finished.

Sometimes, she thinks it works.

But then sometimes Chloe throws her head back in a laugh or hugs her when she’s happy, and she knows it doesn’t.

But she’s good at it – forcing herself to not like Chloe. Luke and Jesse already seem to be convinced that she has her feelings in check. They’re surprised, sometimes saddened, but overall understanding. Sometimes Luke still doubts her. Sometimes Jesse does too. But Beca is good at being unreadable when she wants to be.

* * *

Midterms come and go. Then the Seniors have to go on their Senior Trip but Chloe doesn’t want to.

“We have so much to do,” she whines.

She and Beca are sitting on the couch in Chloe’s living room. Beca is over for because Mr. Beales got their hands on a really nice slab of meat that is probably going to become the best cut of steak Beca has ever tasted. They’re in the kitchen cooking up a storm while Beca and Chloe watch Queer Eye on Netflix.

“Chloe, it’s like a week, you’ll be fine,” Beca reasons.

“A week, but that’s _two_ rehearsals, Becs. _Two_.”

“I’m aware of what two means.” She smirks. “Look, Chloe, I’ll make sure me, Jesse, and Emily do some work. Just go, it’ll be fine. We just have like what, two numbers left to write? We have enough time.”

Chloe sighs. “Fine,” she says, but she makes known that she’s not happy about it by falling against the couch with crossed arms. Beca thinks she’s _so_ cute. But it’s a thought she quickly pushes away.

She understands where Chloe is coming from. They’re a little over halfway done with the semester, and just when everyone should be more focused, they’re not – which is understandable, they have college things to deal with and all of that. Aubrey sometimes only makes it to one rehearsal because she has to do things for Student Council or go on an interview for a job she’ll be having for the summer before she goes off to Northwestern. Yeah, she and Luke applied for and got into the same college – the college being the prime choice for both of their parents (Beca thinks it’s a Military Dad thing.)

Chloe has been applying to some places but she’s all over the place. When Beca hears Chloe talk about it, it’s like she can’t decide – what she wants to do, where she wants to go. It’s a little worrying but she knows Chloe will be fine. Stacie has already gotten into Cornell to study some science thing, surprise surprise. She’s not sure where everyone else is going but she thinks Jessica got into NYU and Ashley got into somewhere close to that. It’s kind of cute.

It makes her wonder what she’ll be doing in a year’s time because she _knows_ she doesn’t want to go to college. She has a feeling her dad will make her go, though. Jesse already has his heart set on the New School. He wants to study Film. Emily, who still has halfway to go in high school, already has an inkling of what she might want to do: it’s been between Education (she wants to teach kids), Psychology (“I’m good at listening to problems!”), and Fashion Design (random but hey, she’s seen Emily help Benji out with costumes and the girl knows how to work a sequin machine).

“Becs?”

“Mm?”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Uh, just… college and stuff. I mean, not for me. But for you guys.”

Chloe frowns at that, confused.

“Like, I don’t know, I know you’re stressed out about a lot of things but I feel like you’re less stressed about the one thing you should be stressed about.”

Chloe’s brows furrow even more. Beca _hates_ that she looks so cute.

With a sigh, Beca clarifies herself once and for all: “You finish in like two months, where are you going to college?”

“We’ve been asking her the same thing,” Mr. Beale walks in then with a cheese plate. Holy hell, they’re doing steak and fixings and they had time to do _that_? He takes a slice from the selection and pops it into his mouth, chewing. “But she’ll tell us when she knows,” he says, hands up like he knows Chloe will get defensive about it if he doesn’t disclaim himself. He walks out of the living room then.

Beca looks to Chloe. Chloe watches her dad leave before she turns back to Beca. “What?”

“Are you scared or something?”

“What, no.”

Beca smiles a little. “Chloe.”

“I’m not scared,” she whines. “I’m just—there’s more important things to be doing right now! The play is 2 months away, we _don’t_ have an opening number _or_ a powerhouse anthem that brings all of the characters together. Costumes are _nowhere_ done. Aubrey is _freaking_ out over organizing prom. We _don’t_ know if we’ll get the venue we want. And the semi-finals are just around the corner and Denise is out with a sprained ankle!”

Beca’s eyes widen then.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s okay, really—” Chloe is breathing a little heavily, clearly not fine.

She’s definitely going to need to intervene here. “Hey. Look at me.”

It takes Chloe a second but she does.

“Everything will be fine. We’ll be finished before you know it. Aubrey is fucking crazy but she’s also crazy _good_ so you know she’ll make it all work out at least a _week_ before the date you guys settled on getting everything done. You guys are definitely going to win semi-finals. Fuck Denise’s sprained ankle, I don’t know who she is but I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

Chloe sighs, nodding, her hand squeezing Beca’s a little. She has no idea how she became _this_ person. She hates giving pep talks. Or comforting people. It’s super fucking weird.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Despite Chloe claiming she’s ‘okay’ now, the next thing she does is rest her forehead against Beca’s shoulder and groans. Beca smiles and brings a hand up to pat Chloe’s back.

“There there.”

“You’re the _worst_.”

* * *

Beca is excited for the seniors to go off on their trip. She’s actually waiting for it. The second they leave that Friday, Beca runs to where she knows Emily does her after-school science thing and busts through the door.

“Hey. C’mon.”

Emily is discarding her safety goggles, throwing a quick ‘bye’ over her shoulder, before running off with Beca to the auditorium.

So, a couple of things: they’re not monsters who hate their friends and can’t wait till they’re gone. No, they have a _plan_. It all started this one night while Beca was playing around with some new mixing gear that Luke decided to pass off to her since he won’t be able to take everything with him when he goes off to college. She had created this beat – a loop – that had her tapping her foot and singing sounds that definitely had the potential for something, a specific something that needed to be checked off of Chloe’s list. She texted Emily about it that same night and the other girl is _so_ excited. They’re going to write the song as a surprise to Chloe before she gets back. But they’re not just going to write it: they’re going to write it, arrange it, choreograph it, _and_ perform it for Chloe when she gets back.

She and Emily spend an obscene amount of time in the auditorium. And when Jesse returns from where he had been helping Benji with costumes, he drives the girls over to Emily’s where they continue to write. They practically stay up until they’re forced to sleep because their eyes won’t stay open any longer. They do the most they can though, running off of each other’s energy and the high of inspiration, but at some point, even that and the Redbulls stopped working. The sun’s already up when Beca eventually gives in and falls asleep with her head against Emily’s bed and Emily’s head on her shoulder.

* * *

They finish the song Saturday night. Beca produces the shit out of it all through the night and into the early hours of Sunday morning. But it needs more. When she wakes up after some hours of being asleep at her desk, she cleans up and heads out again with her gear, having texted Emily that they need to go to over to Benji’s.

In addition to being the biggest Star Wars fan, Benji is also the son of a man who has made several smooth jazz albums, so they have a proper in-house studio. Beca lets Jesse, Benji, and Emily record some sounds and snippets that will make up the backing track. It sounds _so_ fucking nice. She swears she’s never loved doing what she does more than when she listening to people record from the other side of the glass, giving them direction, playing with the dials and faders.

* * *

On Monday, they enlist the help of Chloe’s dance class. Emily uses her adorable, good-natured charm to get the instructor and class to agree that throughout the week they will be learning the choreography for a song that she and Beca had made. They really sell it when they say it’s a surprise for Chloe. (“It’s her birthday when she gets back.”)

It’s not Chloe’s birthday. Chloe was born in fucking _July_. But it _works_.

Thankfully, this particular instructor has had experience with choreographing for musical theater – which is the greatest coincidence – so she’s able to guide Emily’s choreography in the proper direction, to not make it too difficult so that people can still sing while dancing to it.

Beca doesn’t understand dancing at all, but she thinks it’s amazing when people move in unison. And moving in unison to a song she and Emily created? Even better. The song even sounds so professional coming through the speakers of the studio thanks to all of the equipment from Benji’s dad’s studio. And all of the voices, the layering, the countless of hours just making sure it sounded _powerful_. Packed with meaning. Beca can’t wait to surprise Chloe.

* * *

The fact that they managed to accomplish so much with just four people for that week all of the seniors were gone has Beca floored. When she watches the final dance rehearsal on the auditorium stage with Emily and all of the dancers from the studio, she actually cries. It’s so stupid. Jesse sees her and she has to punch him on the shoulder with one hand while she wipes at her eyes with the other. But Jesse hugs her. And he looks so happy too.

“It’s amazing, Becs. It really is.”

Even Benji looks at the stage with tears in his eyes but Beca has a feeling that has more to do with Emily for him than the actual performance. Because Emily carries the performance incredibly even if she isn’t going to be the one performing for the actual play – that goes to Cynthia Rose. But Beca is glad she has a chance to see Emily sing and perform all of the songs she wrote. The Winter Special? This? God, Emily is _so_ talented. Mrs. Byers will have nothing to worry about if she ever leaves Emily in charge of doing a play for her senior year.

* * *

“Where are we going?” Chloe asks through a giggle.

“Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon.” Beca has a smile on her face, dragging Chloe to the auditorium.

Beca comes to an abrupt stop in front of the auditorium. Chloe skids because of it.

“Okay, wait.”

“You’re freaking me out. You’re never this excited about anything.”

Beca laughs. She can’t fight the smile on her face or the giddiness she feels. “You need to cover your eyes.”

“I have to cover my own eyes? Have you never surprised anyone before?”

“You’re taller than me! I can’t cover your eyes.”

“Sure, you can, you just—” Chloe takes Beca’s hand and puts it over her eyes.

“Wow, this is so effective.”

“Don’t be a poop. C’mon, show me the surprise!”

Beca shakes her head and moves behind Chloe, putting both her hands over her eyes. “Okay. Open the door and start walking.”

Chloe does. Beca guides her. Telling her where she needs to step and if she needs to take a step down. Beca keeps her walking until she’s off of the final step with a great view of the stage. 

“Keep your eyes closed,” Beca instructs. “Are they closed?”

“Yeah, they’re closed, Becs. What’s going on?”

“Don’t open till I let you know.” She moves her hands away from Chloe’s eyes and signals Benji who is standing at the side of the stage. He hits the lights and they all go off with the exception of a lone spotlight on center stage.

Beca is on a step above Chloe so it’s easier for her to put her hands on Chloe’s shoulders.

“Okay. Open.” And when she says ‘open’, the opening notes of the song plays.

“ _I am not a stranger to the dark. Hide away, they say, 'cause we don't want your broken parts_ …” Emily steps into the spotlight.

Chloe blinks, confused. Emily goes on.

“ _I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say, no one’ll love you as you are_ …”

The lights slowly begin to brighten.

 _When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_  
_I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out_  
_I am brave, I am bruised_  
_I am who I'm meant to be, this is me_

The dancers behind Emily can be seen now. They all begin to move.

 _Look out 'cause here I come_  
_And I'm marching on to the beat I drum_  
_I'm not scared to be seen_  
_I make no apologies, **this is me**_

“ _Oh, oh, oh, ohhh_ ,” Jesse enters.

One by one, specific people from the group begin to sing before they all start to move with Emily, who leads the song, a step in front of everyone else.

 _I won't let them break me down to dust_  
_I know that there's a place for us_  
_For we are glorious!_

A flash of lights that Benji times hits perfectly. 

The performance is going incredibly. Chloe watches, wide-eyed and mouth hung open like she can’t believe what’s going on in front of her. Emily and the dancers perform in-sync, in costume, with devised lighting and a gorgeous backdrop that Benji has also made.

 _Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)_  
_And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)_  
_I'm not scared to be seen_  
_I make no apologies, this is me_

Beca watches Chloe react with the proudest smile on her face, she’s so excited Chloe seems to be floored by this. Chloe looks over her shoulder at Beca and Beca just grins at her before jutting her chin towards the stage so Chloe can catch the ending.

 _When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_  
_I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out_  
_I'm gonna send a flood_  
_Gonna drown them out_

Jesse, Emily, and the dancers are looking so good, feeling the song and embodying its message in their movements and joy. Obviously, Jesse isn’t actually going to be in the performance when they do it in the show – and neither is Emily – but Beca just couldn’t help but allow him to join because he was so into it when he and Beca were watching them choreograph the dance.

_This is me!_

They all come to a stop at the same time. Chloe literally looks like she has no idea what to do. Her mouth is open, her head is shaking. She decides that clapping is probably the most appropriate thing she can do next.

“Holy shit!”

Beca laughs.

“That was incredible!”

Chloe is moving forward, gesturing to the stage. “You guys!”

“It was all Beca’s idea,” Emily reveals with a grin from center stage, a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead that actually looks like it makes her sparkle. Appropriate, since Emily is a fucking _star_.

Chloe turns, looking at Beca on the steps. “You did this for me?”

Beca just shrugs. “One less thing you have to worry about.”

Beca doesn’t know what she expected as a reaction but the next thing she knows is Chloe is making strides to close the distance between the both of them before wrapping Beca in the tightest hug.

“ _I love you_.”

Beca reacts noticeably, eyes widening and body tensing but it happens just as Chloe squeezes her so the other girl doesn’t notice.

“Beca, this is _amazing_ ,” Chloe continues to say, pulling back from their hug but her hands are still on Beca’s shoulders. “I can’t believe you did this.”

“It was a group effort, really. Emily wrote the song. Choreographed with the help of your dance studio. Jesse and Benji legit worked night and day trying to get all of the costumes done.”

“We have the pin pokes to prove it!” Jesse says from the stage.

Chloe laughs lightly before looking back at Beca.

“We just… didn’t want you to have to worry about it anymore,” she says simply, nodding once.

Chloe is looking at her like… well, Beca can’t really explain it. _Enamored_ is the closest thing she can think of. Then Chloe is pulling her back in for another hug.

“Thank you…” The girl whispers against her shoulder.

Beca feels Chloe’s lips press against her skin over the material of her shirt.

“No worries,” Beca says after a beat, her own hands coming up to rest on Chloe’s back – albeit a little awkwardly but there’s like a stage of people watching them do this that Beca has a clear view of, so she’s not the _most_ comfortable. 

She really doesn’t know what else to say. Honestly, the excitement of doing it all in such a specific amount of time gave her a rush, so she feels like she got something out of this too. Plus, it was all worth it to see how happy Chloe is right now.

It feels like they’ve been hugging for a long time until Beca makes the first move to pull away because: her new rules and _caution_.

Chloe shifts a little awkwardly when Beca pulls back but it doesn’t last long because the redhead flashes her another smile a moment later.

“Happy birthday, Chloe!” A dancer from the stage says.

Chloe frowns and turns around.

“What?” She asks, confused.

In a hush, Beca quickly tells her. “We had to lie and tell them it was for your birthday to convince them, just go with it.”

It clicks in Chloe’s head. “Oh, thank you!” Chloe is quickly saying after, a dazzling smile upon her lips.

Beca claps to add to the effect. Chloe bows here and there when more people congratulate for… well, being born, Beca guesses. A couple months early but hey, there are no losses here.

* * *

Chloe _insists_ that Beca come over for dinner that night. She says she can’t possibly let Beca go home because she needs to know _everything_. How they did it, how they managed to in such a _short_ amount of time. There’s a _team_ of people that’s been working on this play for months, and Beca and three other people did so much work in the span of a week while the rest of them were off at the lake, taking selfies in bikinis and riding jet skis. (“Did Stacie make you guys do that Wipeout-y obstacle course?” “Oh, absolutely.”)

She tells Chloe and her dads the process over dinner. They’ve made paella. It’s _so_ good.

Chloe and Beca retire to the living room to watch Netflix and talk some more after. Chloe tells her all about the seniors' getaway. How they almost broke the chandelier at the lake house. How Stacie managed to get them all free access to the jet skis and the blow-up obstacle course. She also tells Beca about how they all thought Flo was going to die when she slid down this slide so fast and hit the water with the _loudest_ plop. 

“Like you hear it, and you just _know_ she died.” 

“She okay though?” 

“I mean, she’s walking. I think the trauma’s gonna live with her forever though. We gave her lots of hugs after… then Bumper tried to recreate it and it was this whole _thing_.”

Beca chuckles.

God, she’s missed Chloe. Like, she’s been really good about not thinking about Chloe randomly lately, but that’s probably because she actively tries to avoid it and when she feels that she might remotely be about to think of Chloe, she swats at it with her brain-thought swatter. Like, that’s not a _thing_ , but it works for Beca. Basically, she been actively pushing thoughts of Chloe away.

But here, with her, right now, with Chloe across from her with this gorgeous tan, the brightest eyes, and the happiest smile on her face, laughing while she tells Beca about something Lilly did… Beca can’t _not_ want Chloe to fill every crevice and corner of her mind. For all of the times last week that she forced the thought of Chloe away, they rush to all the spaces of her brain with tenfold the power. Beca is overwhelmed by how much her brain just seems to _scream_ ‘Chloe’ even if Chloe is just right in front of her.

They talk and talk and talk. Long after the lights in the house turn off and Chloe’s dads retreat to their bedroom and the only thing that illuminates the living room is the flat screen TV running some episode on Netflix. Beca and Chloe pay no attention it, more interested in each other and their stories.

Beca has no idea how it happens, but she ends up falling asleep against the pillows of Chloe’s couch. God, she knew it was such a mistake when they pulled the bed part of the couch out, but Chloe insisted that it would be fine, they just needed more leg room because her legs _kill_ being curled up under body and that she’ll totally drive Beca home in a bit. It must have been hours since then because when Beca wakes up, the sun’s early morning rays peek through the curtains of Chloe’s living room windows.

“Shit…”

She looks over her shoulder and Chloe is fast asleep, cuddled up as close to Beca as she possibly can be without actually holding her. Beca finds herself turning over carefully. She lays on her side, making sure she’s a bit of a ways away from Chloe because it definitely wouldn’t be smart to be so close to her while face-to-face.

Chloe looks so peaceful. So fucking content. She can’t believe Tom gets the privilege of seeing this sometimes considering what a shit person he is for what he did to Luke. It makes a rush of anger surge through Beca but she assuages it but letting out a deep exhale through her nose, deciding to focus on Chloe instead – which does the trick with unbelievable ease.

Beca hates that.

She hates that Chloe has this effect over her. She hates that she’s probably in love with Chloe. She’s constantly been correcting herself for some time, claiming she just ‘likes’ Chloe or it’s just a ‘crush’, or some form of _just_ ‘having feelings’ for her that will eventually go away. But looking at Chloe now, Beca can’t lie to herself anymore: she probably loves Chloe. Like, is fucking _in love_ with her. And it fucking sucks because there was this point in time where she could have maybe done something about it and Chloe would have reciprocated but that was so long ago. It’s almost half a year ago at this point, since they’re much closer to the end of the semester than they are to the beginning of it now.

Beca notices that Chloe’s Spotify is still playing music at a low volume from the coffee table, having been put on shuffle hours ago when they were still talking after they had turned off the TV. It’s some acoustic song that opens with idyllic guitar plucking that’s really soft and Beca knows it’s a Paper Kites song.

 _In the morning when I wake_  
_And the sun is coming through,_  
_Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,_  
_And you fill my head with you_

 _Shall I write it in a letter?_  
_Shall I try to get it down?_  
_Oh, you fill my head with pieces_  
_Of a song I can't get out_

 ** _Can I be close to you?_**  
_Oh-oh-oh-ooh, ooh_

God, she fucking hates this.

Beca decides then to slip out of bed as soundlessly as possible. She makes do without much noise. She notices Chloe stir a little once she’s off of the pull-out though. But Chloe doesn’t seem to do anything after that except nuzzle her face further into the pillows. Beca lets out this little breath of relief before she walks out of the living room and to the front door. She makes sure to lock it behind herself and shut it as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Chloe.

It’s only 5am from what her phone tells her, and it’s at least 30 minutes on foot to her home from Chloe’s, but Beca honestly doesn’t mind the trek when she has to sort through her feelings – now, love – for Chloe. Sure, her dad will probably ground her when she gets home, but you know what? Maybe time away from Chloe will do her good. It might make this new realization infinitely more manageable. And if not, then well, at least Beca has an excuse to act all distant again in a way that won’t offend Chloe. (The ‘ _my dad’s an ass_ ’ card always works. It gets her out of most things. She even used it on Emily and Jessica once when they invited her to paint mugs or some shit.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jvn voice* can you believe?! that beca is THIS in love with chloe??? also huzzah for the return of "yeah?" "yeah." and shout out to the parks and rec quote i used because it's perfect for bechloe. i love april and andy. also also! i feel like we may almost be done in like 2 more chapters! i'll probably try to end it on 20 though because i hate odd numbers. xD
> 
> note: i'm going to switzerland tmr for a school thing so like v v high chance there won't be a reply till i'm back in a week. but an update will come i promise! :)


	18. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca's life opens up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i legit speed wrote this in 5 hours and only read through it once for mistakes so if y'all see anything, holla so i can fix it

She’s so in her head thinking that she walks past her turn and ends up at home 15 minutes later than when she originally thought she would. Of course, it’s not a surprise that when she gets home, she sees her father already there waiting for her, having coffee by the kitchen island. Beca sighs, hanging her jacket up before walking over.  


“I know, okay? I’m grounded. Old news.”

To her surprise, her father doesn’t seem angry. Instead, he puts his mug down and pats the stool beside him. “Come here for a sec, Bec.”

She pushes out a breath but she’s already moving forward. 

“I really don’t need a lecture,” she says. It’s like 6 in the morning. She’s tired. Everyone in the world should be. It’s too damn early.

Beca slides herself on top of the bar stool beside her dad and slumps her shoulders. “What?” She asks, not really looking at him but rather the small bundle of potted cacti on their kitchen island. One of them has a small flower growing out of it now. She’s tempted to touch it but before she could do anything impulsive, her dad is speaking.

“I wanna talk.”

“About what? Aren’t we already talking..?”

Her father presses his lips together, breathing in deep through his nose before exhaling. “About that fight that we had a while ago… And your mother,” he adds after beat, those words having more difficulty leaving his lips.

Beca finds herself blinking many times.

Before she can protest or walk away, her father is continuing:

“I’ve been seeing someone.”

That snaps Beca out of her daze. Jesus Christ, is he about to come clean about an _affair_ right now? Really? _This_ early? And like, to her? Of all people? Can’t he just tell Sheila and get it over with—

“A therapist,” he finishes.

That has Beca looking up at him. She allows him to continue on, not opening her mouth just yet.

“I started seeing one around the time… after we had our fight. Every Thursday. Once a week. For a couple of months now.”

So that’s why he’s been coming home late on Thursdays. Figures. She had a hard time believing her dad had that many after-school happenings on the regular. Or that he was at the ‘gym’ as Sheila’s said once or twice.

“Sheila knows. She’s… actually been covering for me for a while, as you know. She’s been really supportive. She wants me to get better about it. For _us_ to get better.”

Beca just listens. She figures her dad has more to say than she does.

“I, um… I’m ashamed, Beca,” he admits. “I really am. I…” He lets out a shuddery breath. “I have a hard time talking about this. About anything that’s… I mean, you know, you get it from me—”

Beca tilts her head at that. She can’t disagree.

“But I’m your parent. And an adult. And I should… I should take responsibility for my actions. Acknowledge my wrongs and shortcomings, I… I need to get my _shit_ together about what happened to us all those years ago.”

Beca’s eyes widen at her father’s use of a ‘crude word’. But he really seems to be building momentum with this speaking thing so she just lets him go on, listening intently because he definitely has her interest now.

“I’m sorry, Beca,” he says, the words firm and strong and exuding sincerity. Her father frowns as he says it, eyes not really on her but looking at her hands on her knees over the material of her dirty jeans. “I’m…” He makes an effort to look at her now, and she can tell it pains him – that it’s difficult for him to do this but he’s pushing himself because he’d be damned if he’d gone this far and didn’t do this today. “I’m _so_ sorry, honey.”

Beca blinks and gulps, and a jolt of shock runs through her when she feels wetness on her cheeks. She’s quickly moving to wipe them away. Not used to this, she’s trying not to look at her dad but he’s channeling so much focus into keeping eye contact with her that it’s hard to avoid his gaze.

His hand, shakily, comes to touch hers over her knee. He presses his hand down against hers and his fingers curl, holding it a little tightly. Beca watches his hand as he wills for the trembling to stop and she hears a sharp inhale from her father and she knows he’s crying. It makes looking up even harder, but she does it anyway because she needs to see this – for her, and for him too. She knows this is hard for him and it’s not like she’s going to be a dick and make it even more difficult when he’s really trying to lay it all on the line here.

“I let you down, hon. I really did.” He breathes in deeply to keep himself together. “I wasn’t there for you after your mother died. I checked out. I felt so… so powerless. I was failing at my marriage, halfway through quitting out of it, drinking again, I wasn’t satisfied with where I was at with my life and it showed in the way I treated people and all of my relationships. When your mother–”

He actually sobs, his hand squeezes hers, and it takes him a second but he holds himself together.

“When she passed, it really did it for me. I felt… so… There wasn’t even a word for it. I felt like nothing. Like I couldn’t do anything. Like I wasn’t good enough to even try.”

Beca finds herself squeezing her dad’s hand back just lightly. It seems to help him continue on. They don’t look at each other. He’s looking at the ground, she’s looking at him. It doesn’t take away from the sincerity of the conversation; in fact, it helps move it forward. Baby steps.

“I was so caught up in how pathetic I felt that I didn’t think about what I could be doing – what I _should_ have been doing,” he corrected himself. “I should have stepped up. I should have taken charge of what was my life. I should’ve… I should’ve _helped you_ , Beca.”

He looks at her now and he’s holding her hand, shaking it just a bit for emphasize and so that she would look at him. She does. And she hasn’t seen her face, but she’s sure her eyes are as red and wet as his are.

“I played the victim. And there was no excuse. We all… have our coping mechanisms. Mine may not have been the healthiest.”

They both take a second to nod their heads at that. It’s a millisecond of feeling light before the shroud of seriousness covers them again.

“And it took on you. You... you _became_ me. You were always like me to extent. We have the same taste in food, we both live off of coffee, and as much as your mother hated it, we’re both carry that… _protectiveness_ about ourselves towards other people. We go about it different ways… but… the outcome’s the same. We do things to protect ourselves. Or feel better about ourselves.”

Beca’s forehead creases, her head bowing as she registers that realization. Then she’s looking up at her dad again.

“But like your mother, you were always soft. Gentle. You were good. You _cared_. You are this… beautifully disastrous mix of the both of us and I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, honey.” Her father is touching her face, laughing just lightly.

The tears seem to build up twofold in her eyes. She brings the back of her free hand up to wipe at her nose, sniffling.

Her dad uses both of his hands to hold hers now.

“I wasn’t a good parent to you,” he then says flat out, looking at her with undivided focus. “I wasn’t present. And when I returned, I was dubious and neglectful. I pretended. Because it was easier than having to deal with the weight of it all. I…”

It’s hard to roast yourself. She gets it. She completely understands why her dad takes a break for a second.

“I let you down. I let you down when I should have been there. I made it about me, and it shouldn’t have been. You lost a _parent_. And I made you feel like you lost _two_. And I will never forgive myself for that, Beca. Look at me, I will never forgive myself.”

Beca sniffles and whimpers. Fuck, she hates this. Why is she crying so hard? She can barely see out of her eyes.

“But honey, I will do my _very_ best. Try my _very_ hardest, to make sure you _never_ feel alone again. That you feel _loved_ , and _cared_ for. And I will acknowledge my mistakes, and everything I try to walk around. And I… I’ll be your _dad_ , Beca. I’ll be who I’ve always wanted to be for you. _Sincere_ honesty, no more walking around it and moving past it without talking about it first. Complete candor, between the both of us. I want you to be honest with me too. And feel like you can talk to me about things. And, and if that’s too much, then I can take you to see someone first. You can talk to someone first and _heal_ before we do this. I’ll make sure you get whatever you need, Beca.” 

He holds the side of her face again and makes her look at him.

“I’m going to make it _right_. It won’t erase what I did. I don’t expect it to nor do I want it to. Because knowing who I was back then just strengthens my desire to be who I am now, who I’m _trying_ to be now. It will make going forward better. I will be _better_ from now on. And I want you to call me out on it. I want you to—”

Beca sobs and her whole body hunches forward. Her dad’s arms come around her in a hug, holding her as she cries. She’s breathing heavily and she wants to stop crying because this is _so_ lame but she _can’t_.

“—to call me out when I’m being a dick, or an ass, or whatever you call me in your head.”

Beca lets out something of a laugh in the midst of her tears and she can’t tell her father is smiling as he rubs up and down her back to soothe her.

“You come up to me and you give it to me straight, okay? This is a process that will take both of us, and I want you to be part of it just as much as much as I am. I wanna work to be better. I want to _be_ better, Bec. I don’t want to hate who I am anymore. I want to be someone you can be proud of. To be happy you have.”

He presses his lips to the side of Beca’s head. Her body has stopping shaking and her cries have calmed noticeably but she still breathes a little heavily, mostly resulting in quick intakes of breath until she fully stops.

“I wanna be a good dad. I want to try before it’s too late and I lose you forever. I really don’t want to. I’m so scared of that, Beca. You’re the one good thing I did in my life… even if it was a… you know, a broken condom—”

That somehow stops Beca’s crying immediately and she looks up at him with this sort of frown like she can’t believe he decided that _now_ was a good time to admit that? Like, she knew she was an accident but like really?

“Full honesty,” he defends.

Beca just shakes her head and lays her head back down on her dad’s shoulder. She inhales and exhales deeply a couple of more times, trying to get it out of her system until she truly believes she’s ready enough to like, open her mouth and talk about this and be smart about what she says too.

“Okay,” she finds herself saying after a bit.

“Hm?” She feels her dad shift and she knows he’s looking down at her now.

“Okay,” she repeats with a nod, lifting her head off of her dad’s shoulder and looking at him. “Okay.”

It means ‘yes’, she accepts his apology and hears what he just said. It means she agrees, to whatever thing it is her dad’s trying to do. She’ll play her part in it. She can’t not. Her dad literally just laid down everything for her, complete vulnerability, and Beca’s uncomfortable with emotion but she can respect honesty and straightforwardness. And part of her – a rather big part that she likes to push aside and hide – wants to stop this too, to stop fighting her dad, stop feeling alone in her own home and life. She just wants someone to have her back – wholly and completely. Admitting this makes her miss her mom, who has that person for her – who was everything. It makes Beca lean into her dad again and hug him.

Her dad lets out this sort of light chuckle and fond bubbling noise. Like he can’t remember the last time she hugged him like this and he’s so glad.

He strokes his hand up and down her back, his cheek against her head as they sit and bask in this newfound place they now reside in. A few more tears stray from out of Beca’s eyes as she rests against her father, which she wipes away with the back of her hand after sniffling.

“God, this is so stupid.” She doesn’t mean the moment they just had, but rather the tears. Her dad seems to get it.

“Hey, it’s not stupid. It’s… it’s good for us,” he decides positively.

“Whatever I guess.” She sniffs again but is leaning further into her father.

“’Whatever you guess?’” He chuckles. “C’mere.” He puts his other arm around her and hugs her fully this time.

She lets him and laughs gently when he does, her vacant arm coming to curl around him too. It’s been so long since she held her dad like this. She can’t even remember when the last time was. It feels… good, she thinks. Like healing. She’s so unfamiliar with it that she can’t place it but she knows this is a healthy step in the right direction – for the both of them.

“By the way, Bec?”

“Hm?”

“You’re grounded for all of next week.” He presses a kiss to her head.

“What?!” She pulls away. “But, but we just had a moment—you cried, I did too. Doesn’t that warrant a no-grounding?”

“Hey, if you were my parent and I came home in the _morning_?” He points out.

“I said I was going to Chloe’s,” she defends herself lightly.

“Didn’t say you were going to sleepover,” he counters kindly.

Okay, well. Like, that’s _valid_ , but like _c’mon_.

“I would have let you get by with a text,” he lets her know. And damn, she hates it because she knows if she had just texted him she wouldn’t have to worry about getting grounded.

“God, _fine_ ,” she gives in. He has… _points_. Maybe. Whatever.

“Don’t worry, you’ll live,” he tells her with a smile.

She twists her lips and crunches her nose a little, letting out this small displeased huff as she slides off of the bar stool.

Her father laughs lightly, watching Beca in fondness. “Do you want breakfast? I feel like you skipped breakfast over there.”

“Yeah, I kinda slipped out early,” she admits. “Hoping I could skip past you and all.”

Her dad nods, understanding. “Little late since I checked your room at midnight,” he points out.

Beca shrugs. What’s done is done, really. She had no idea her dad checked her room at midnight if she wasn’t around though. That’s kind of… nice of him, or whatever. Beca realizes then that she isn’t really aware of all of the effort her dad tries to put it.

“Eggs?” He asks.

“Yeah, that sounds fine. I’ll go get cleaned up first though.”

Her dad nods, slipping off from the bar stool as well. “Alright, I’ll meet you down here.”

They both begin to walk towards their desired locations until—

“Hey, Bec?”

She turns around. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Beca swallows before allowing her lips to curve into a small smile.

“Uh yeah, love you too, dad.”

Beca thinks her dad’s about to cry. His eyes are welling up with tears and his lips are trembling just a bit.

“Slow down on the coffee, I’ll be right back,” she decides to say, hoping it lightens the mood.

They nod at each other and Beca leaves for her room.

* * *

It’s the best shower she’s had in a while. She feels like she’s getting rid of more than just yesterday. Today’s like, a new beginning for her and her dad. It’s so cheesy and like, of course, she’s a little afraid about going into this – everyone should be cautious of such developments but… she kind of believes him. She believes him this time and she hopes he doesn’t let her down.

She hopes she doesn’t let him down either.

It’s also on her to help him through this. And by helping him… maybe she’ll help herself too.

* * *

They have a nice breakfast. When Sheila comes down to eat, she’s surprised to find Beca sitting where she’s actually supposed to – beside her dad and across from Sheila instead of one seat down. But she sees them talking and smiling and she knows. Her hand comes to touch on her father’s back before she sits, like she’s saying she’s proud of him before she settles into her seat. Beca actually smiles at her and she thinks Sheila looks touched, like she’s surprised Beca can do that without sarcasm laced in her lips.

Sheila returns the smile before unfolding the napkin on her lap.

“So what’s good here?” She says, looking over the food.

Her dad did a little more than eggs. He had time to whip up waffles and some bacon too.

“The waffles aren’t bad. Bacon’s a little burnt though,” Beca says after she chews.

Her dad looks at her like he’s offended. _Those are perfectly coated in brown sugar and crispy_ , his eyes read. She laughs. He does too. And Sheila smiles before she joins in with a chuckle at both of their shenanigans.

The center of Beca’s chest feels _light_.

* * *

“Beca!”

Chloe rushes to her the second she spots her walking across the school’s lawn.

“Hey! What happened? Are you okay? Your text didn’t say much.”

She’d sent Chloe a text when she was walking home. A simple ‘had to go home, sorry’.

Chloe’s eyes are wild with worry. “Did you get grounded? God, I’m _so_ sorry we fell asleep. I promised I’d drive you—”

“Hey.”

Beca is smiling. Chloe is confused. She holds Beca’s wrists like she doesn’t know what’s going on. Why is Beca in a good mood right now? She should be pissed, right? Like, did her dad ground her again?

“What? Why are you smiling? What’s wrong?”

“I’m grounded,” she tells Chloe with a smile. She’s so happy to see Chloe’s face right now.

Beca feels Chloe’s thumbs stroke mindlessly against her wrists. “What? Why are you..?”

“It’s fine, really,” Beca says. And she genuinely means it.

Chloe shakes her head, so confused.

Beca thinks she wants Chloe _closer_ but then remembers her line and makes the conscious decision to slip her wrists away from Chloe’s hold carefully – and slowly, so it’s not like rude.

“Why aren’t you mad?” Chloe asks with her head tilted.

God, she looks _so_ cute, Beca thinks.

“It’s okay. I’m… I’m fine,” she decides, nodding her head with a smile. “Let’s go inside, c’mon.”

She’s leading Chloe inside, and though confused, Chloe follows, her feet carrying her. “Bec, I really feel like I’m in some weird Twilight Zone right now.”

Beca chuckles. “Don’t worry about it, Beale. C’mon.”

* * *

Chloe is confused all day. Beca gets a kick out of it. But she thinks at the end of the day when they’re finally at rehearsal, she should probably tell Chloe why she’s not in a bad mood. Because Chloe literally has had a lost puppy look on her face all day. Every time Beca sees her, she’s looking at Beca inquisitively, wondering why she’s not mad, or upset, or _something_.

When everyone’s in their places, rehearsing or working to their heart’s content, she takes Chloe and they sit up at the highest row where they usually go for their private conversations. Chloe curls her feet under her legs, piqued with curiosity as Beca sits her down.

“I talked to my dad,” Beca says after a moment.

Chloe frowns, tilting her head again in that same fashion as this morning. It makes Beca’s smile widen and she hates herself for it. Fuck, Chloe needed to stop being and doing and just—looking like _that_. She’s trying to do a big reveal here and she’s too distracted by how adorable Chloe Beale looks. Story of her life. Beca clears her throat and gathers herself before speaking again.

“We spoke,” she clarifies herself.

It takes Chloe a minute. Beca watches her brows furrow, her eyes squint, and slowly, ever so slowly, it clicks in Chloe’s head and she’s lifting her head upright from where it was once tilted with widened eyes.

“You… you guys spoke?”

“Yeah,” Beca reveals with a nod of her head and a smile. She can’t believe it either.

“Really?” Chloe asks once more just to make sure, because she too can’t believe it.

“ _Really_.”

Beca watches as Chloe’s lips curve into a smile before widening into a large grin. Chloe pulls her in for the biggest hug before she knows it and Beca doesn’t care that she kind of gets whiplash from how fast the movement is. She just lets herself be hugged by Chloe. And even hugs her back.

“I’m _so_ happy for you, Beca,” she hears Chloe whisper against her shoulder.

Beca’s so happy too that she lets herself slip past her line and holds Chloe tighter.

Chloe embraces her even closer then. So she thinks it’s fine. It’s not breaking the rules of Chloe does it too.

Beca feels _so_ light and full, all at the same time.

* * *

As the days go by, her relationship with her father only seems to be getting better. She notices that it’s not much different but it’s not the same either if that makes sense? They don’t act like things have to change completely. They’re still themselves. But Beca notices more now. Like her dad starting conversations with her, asking her how her day has been and if she’s eaten or if she wants food, and how the play is going and how her friendship with Chloe and Jesse is. She thinks she notices it more now because she actually opens herself up to receive the interaction rather than close off at the potential of it.

She learns her dad is _actually_ funny – in his own dorky dad way, but still, it’s pretty entertaining sometimes. She finally acknowledges that he _actually_ is really good at cooking. She had no idea when he learned to do that. She knew before he couldn’t cook to save his life. He must have picked the skill up somewhere along the way. He’s also actually a really great teacher. Thoughtful, considerate, but fair. Maybe just like how he is as a parent. She even sits in his office one time with him as he grades. They talk about her day and the play while he goes over the quiz he gave out that day, and he slips in remarks as they carry on their conversation. Like how he likes how this student mentioned that detail, or how he really likes how this student makes the effort with transitions, and how, oh, this student really missed the point but he can tell they were trying so it’s a half point.

It’s crazy how they go from somewhat familiar strangers to being this close.

Beca finds herself changing too. She doesn’t run up the stairs at the sound of her father’s voice greeting her because there’s no reason to avoid him now. It was a habit that was hard to shake, she won’t deny – she’s so used to cutting her father off by just leaving the room or running away. But now she doesn’t do that. She’s reminds herself to stay. To give her dad a chance. And every chance she gives him is a chance she doesn’t regret. Because he makes the most of it. Even if it’s this stupid interaction about how he got bowtie pasta for dinner because he thought it’d be ‘cool’ and ‘hip’. Her dad is _such_ a dork. She kinda loves the dude. And she isn’t afraid to admit that now. Though, it may just be to herself at the moment, she’s pretty confident that it’ll be to the rest of the world soon too.

* * *

She’s in her room doing homework. Saved by Khalid filters out through her headphones, cupped comfortably over her ears as she writes. It’s a pretty chill Friday. She even had ice cream with Jesse before she came home. Though, he isn’t in the greatest of moods – which is why she had ice cream with him. He’s been pretty down for a while.

* * *

_“Jesse?” She walks into his room, cautious because she hears a depressing Sam Smith song playing and his texts to her weren’t that promising either._

**_Jesse:_ ** _Can you come over?_  
**_Beca:_ ** _sure_  
**_Beca:_ ** _why though?_  
**_Jesse:_ ** _I really need you_  
**_Beca:_ ** _okay  
_ _**Beca:** _ _i’ll be there in 10_

_“Dude? Jesse..?”_

_Jesse is sat on his bed, hunched over with his head in_ his hands. When he looks up at Beca, his eyes are red and his face is all wet with tears.

_“Dude…”_

_Jesse lets out a strangled choke and then he’s weeping, burying his head in his hands again. Beca walks over and sits beside him on the edge of the bed. As soon as she does, he’s turning over and his arms are wrapping around shoulders. Beca moves her arms around him and hugs. She has no idea what the fuck is going on and it scares her but she knows Jesse – she knows if she just holds him and lets him get out of his system, he’ll talk eventually._

_And he does. Sure, he cries on her for like 10 minutes and her shirt is definitely wet at the shoulder, and she feels kind of uncomfortable because emotion but also it kind of hurts because she hates seeing Jesse like this. As much as she plays off being uncaring towards Jesse, he matters so much to her. When he hurts, she does too. It’s fucking stupid._

_(“But that’s what friendship is,” he told her once._

_“Friendship is fucking stupid then.”_

_He tsks. “It’s great. Feeling what people do too.”_

_“So if I get stabbed in the gut with a knife, you’d want to feel that too?”_

_“Damn, dude. How do you always manage ruin things?”_

_“It’s a talent.”)_

_Jesse moves away from Beca. His sobs have stopped. He wipes roughly at his nose with the sleeve of his shirt and he’s using his fingers to wipe at his eyes. He lets out a shuddering breath when he’s done._

_“…You good now..?” Beca asks._

_Yeah, she knows that’s not like, the ideal thing to ask someone once they’re done crying, but she’s new to this Trying thing, okay?_

_Jesse knows her though, so he understands that’s her making an effort. “Yeah,” he says, sniffling again._

_“What happened?” She asks._

_“It’s Aubrey.”_

_Beca straightens then, more alert now. What the fuck did Aubrey do?_

_“We’re… she… she says it’s not a good idea, us being together.” Jesse’s eyes squeeze shut at the admittance of it, like saying it out loud brings fresh waves of emotion._

_“So… you guys were together?”_

_She doesn’t know much about Jesse and Aubrey’s relationship, but she knows enough that they’ve sort of casually been going on dates. She didn’t make it easy for Jesse. Aubrey, like Chloe has said many times, is a very driven person. Her final year of high school is extremely important to her. She doesn’t want to waste it by being distracted. So, it took Jesse a long while to get to even ‘casually dating’. First, they were just talking, then they were friends, then they were good friends, then she threw him a bone and declared one of their hangouts a date. That was like a while ago though. She just assumed they were dating now even if nothing much changed with the way they hung out around each other. She puts Aubrey down as a non-PDA type, and she’s probably right, which is why there was no evident changes. She knows Jesse loves to show affection though. So maybe that was a sign. Or maybe he just went by her rules because Jesse’s that type of guy – kind and understanding and always wanting to make sure you’re comfortable._

_“No… but I asked today if… you know… and… and she said no.” Jesse actually whines because he’s so sad, his head dropping lower._

_Beca finds herself resting her hand on his back._

_“She says it’s not a good idea because she’s graduating. And like, she’ll move when she goes off to college. And there’s no point trying long distance. Because it’ll just hold the both of us back. Because like, apparently going off to college is like, the start of a new you, and the new you shouldn’t have any predispositions or whatever it was she said.”_

_Beca nods. It makes sense. And totally sounds like an Aubrey thing to say. All head even if she wants there to be heart. She learned a lot about Aubrey in passing from Chloe. About her dad, the expectations she has to live up to. It warmed Beca up to her a bit. Like, she still thinks Aubrey is a pain in the ass, but like, she doesn’t hold that against her now._

_“So yeah…” Jesse sighs. Beca thinks that’s it, and he’s done, but because Jesse is Jesse, he goes on: “And I mean, I get it. I really do… She has so much to worry about and I’m just a distraction but like… it would have been easier if she didn’t let me get a glimpse of it.”_

_He looks at Beca then. Beca thinks he looks so sad. It kills her._

_“Glimpse of what?” She finds herself asking._

_“What it would be like to be with her. What it would be like to be **us**. We had this… great day at the park. She let herself forget about everything and we were just… we were laughing, and smiling, and riding bikes, and having this great picnic, and—” Jesse sighs again, heavier this time, and he grumbles a little bit before scratching at his head all frustrated._

_“It’s just hard because I know what we could be like. I know what **she** could be like if she just… if she just let herself stop worrying about everything.”_

_“It’s her dad, dude.”_

_“I know,” he’s quick to say. “I know…” He repeats again after a beat, quieter._

_Beca offers him a sad little smile and pulls him in for a hug – which, literally, she can’t recall ever doing this before. But Jesse needs it. And she feels the tension in his body leave when she pulls him in, so she thinks it’s worth it. It’s worth it if it makes Jesse feel a little bit better._

_“I really liked her, Becs…” She hears him say quietly. “I could’ve lov—”_

_“I know,” she says back quickly, cutting him off. Because she’s not going to let Jesse do that to himself. She’s not going to let him hurt himself even more by admitting what they both know._

_She feels Jesse nodding before he’s resting his chin on her shoulder again, and she squeezes his body just a bit to let him know that she’s here – whatever ‘here’ means. She’ll even sit through a movie with him if it makes him feel better._

* * *

Her phone buzzes in front of her, disrupting her music with a notification. She pauses it and takes her headphones off before she slides her thumb across the screen to unlock her phone. It’s Chloe.

 **Chloe:** neca  
**Beca:** neca? sorry there’s no neca in this house  
**Chloe:** pshhh  
**Chloe:** I0 iss yy  
**Beca:** wow literally none of those were words

Chloe’s at a party right now – Friday night, so of course. And it’s like a Popular Kids party. One that’s mostly centered towards the kids who _actually_ party – like Chloe and Stacie… and _Tom_. But she knows Stacie’s cat’s girlfriend just gave birth so she isn’t sure if she went or not. Plus, it was a party thrown by Tom’s friend who doesn’t actually go to Barden but another high school, so it’s a little farther out of town. Chloe’s allowed to be there because her parents _aren’t_ in town. (They’ve gone to Palm Springs for a three day getaway. Mr. Beale is redesigning a new house there, and they thought might as well make a little vacation of it.)

 **Chloe** : I MSISS YOU  
**Beca:** ok you managed 2 but i feel like i shouldn’t give you credit for “i”, it’s way too easy  
**Chloe:** I wih you were here  
**Chloe:** wish**  
**Chloe:** so haed to typw omg

Beca decides then to call Chloe. It’s easier than deciphering what she’s trying to say. Plus, she’s kind of worried about her.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Becs!!! I miss you!!”

“I realize. No but really, are you okay? If you’re this drunk, you might wanna find someone you know to take you home. Is Stacie there?”

“I’m here with Tom,” Chloe tells her – though, it’s more like slurring than coherent speaking.

“Oh,” Beca noises.

“But Stacie’s probably here so who knows?” Chloe then quickly adds.

“Apparently _you_ don’t,” Beca retorts. “Hey, where’s Tom?” She asks while she’s whipping up a text to Stacie.

 **Beca:** hey where are you?  
**Stacie:** home  
**Stacie:** why?  
**Beca:** nothing just wondering  
**Stacie:** weirdo  
**Beca:** :P  
**Stacie:** (kissy face emoji)

Beca exits out of her chat with Stacie and interrupts Chloe’s monologue about how she doesn’t know where Tom is but he could be at the pool table, or the foosball table, or doing a keg stand competition.

“Hey, can you find him and ask him to take you home?” She’s saying, her voice a little strung because clearly she’s worried now that she knows Stacie’s not there, Tom’s nowhere to be found, and Chloe seems to be drunk as fuck.

“Becs, I’m fine.” But she slurs it. So she doesn’t sound ‘ _fine_ ’.

Beca grows more antsy.

“Chloe, do you know where you are?”

“We’re at Tuck’s place. It’s not far.”

“From what?”

“What?”

“Not far from what?” Beca repeats, her words her a little harder.

“Oh! Town?” Chloe says, like she’s not even sure herself.

Beca rolls her eyes and groans. “Oh my god. Look, can you please find Tom and ask him to take you home or at least watch you or something?”

“Beca, I’m completely capable of taking care of myself,” Chloe slurs.

“Well, you don’t sound like it right now and I’m worried,” Beca points out, sounding a little harsher than she intends too.

“I’m fine.” Chloe whines, seemingly having picked up on Beca’s annoyed tone.

“No, you’re not!”

There’s a brief silence. Beca pinches the bridge of her nose. _Take a deep breath_ , she instructs herself before continuing on.

“Chloe? Chloe, can you please find Tom?”

“I have to go, Becs.”

“Chloe no, _wait_ —”

The line goes dead.

Fuck.

* * *

She calls Luke and asks him for Tom’s number. He’s confused and asks her why but she implores him to just give it because she’s running short on time and Chloe sounds really drunk and she’s _worried_.

The next sound she hears is of a notification on her phone informing her Luke’s just sent her a message.

“Thank you.”

“No prob.”

* * *

Beca tries but it doesn’t go through.

She calls Luke again.

“He’s not picking up.”

“Okay, let me call him.”

That knocks her out of her focus a bit. She doesn’t want Luke talking to Tom. But he says it with this assuredness that has even _her_ believing that he’ll be fine and will pull through. That Chloe’s this close to being safe and that Luke’s in no danger of getting his heart broken by someone who doesn’t deserve it.

“Okay.”

* * *

She waits for Luke to call her back. Text her. Anything.

She paces her room and it feels like _so_ long even it’s only been like 10 minutes at most. The next sound she hears is a beep from her phone – a message from Luke.

 **Luke:** I’m going to get Chloe

 **Beca:** thank you

She sighs, locking her phone. She decides to take a shower to calm herself. It’s not like she can do anything by worrying from where she is. 

When she gets out of the shower some time later, there’s a voice clip from Luke.

“ _Hey, I’ve got her. And Tom too. Apparently, Stacie wasn’t there. Opted out for something with Aubrey and cats. Don’t worry, I’ll get them home. Chloe first too._ ” 

It was sent not too long ago.

Beca decides she’ll meet Luke there. With her hair still wet, she throws on a hoodie and some shoes, and makes her way downstairs. She pops into the living room to tell her dad she has to go to Chloe’s real quick but she’ll be home before midnight. It’s nearing 11, so he looks at her a little warily.

“Promise,” she adds to help her case.

It has her dad agreeing with an ‘okay’ and looking at her like he trusts her. She’s about to walk away when she decides to pop back in and ask:

“So long shot, but I can borrow your car, right?”

“Bec, you don’t have your license.”

“Because you didn’t get me a car.”

“Because you didn’t want to get your license! I’m not willingly going to let my daughter _joyride_.”

“Ugh fine, I’ll use my bike,” she retires. It was worth a short.

“I can drive you!” He calls out in offer as she’s walking down the hall.

“No thanks!” She answers.

“Be careful!” He tells her.

“Okay!”

“Be home before midnight, Becs, please!”

“Yeah, okay!” She says, even she’s closer to the garage than the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stacie’s cat is named confucious. i just thought all of you should know that. and he’s less of a cat and more of a Presence. he basically takes care of himself and stacie just leaves food and water for him everyday, hoping to keep him alive bc he’s the baddest motherfucker out there. also yay, i'm so glad to be back!
> 
> also super mega bonus: i finally made that spotify playlist one of you asked for! [click on this for those fresh ass tunes](https://open.spotify.com/user/z8gb7aglfvhhzvvd5b62kfx9d/playlist/4qbkDWERdh00Us867BC5GF?si=4J_m5kyiS526gRf4SlsYtQ). i'll update it with new music if a chapter has some. :)


	19. The Build

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca is truly fucked with how in love she is with Chloe.

Beca gets to Chloe’s before Luke much to her surprise. Chloe’s home is not incredibly far from hers – and maybe she was just biking extra fast because of nerves – but it could also be that this Tuck person’s house is a little ways away. She waits across Chloe’s street, propping her bike against a lamp post. It’s a couple of minutes later when she hears the familiar sound of Luke’s Jeep, her heartbeat rising as she stands up from where she was once seated on the curb. Luke parks in front of Chloe’s house and is quick to move around his car to open the passenger side where Chloe is seated. She crosses over and walks around Luke’s car, meeting him at the door.  


“Hey—”

“Hey—Shit, Bec, what are you doing here?” Luke asks, moving away and pulling the door back wider.

“I wanted to help,” Beca says, though her mind is occupied by the sight of Chloe, who looks so messed up right now with mused hair and hooded eyes. She reaches out for her.

As she does, she feels Luke slip something into her back pocket, mumbling ‘her phone’ before stepping away again. Beca just nods in acknowledgement, more focused on just getting Chloe out of the car and inside than anything else.

“Beca?” Chloe asks in her hazy state.

“Hey, Chlo,” Beca greets, busying herself with undoing Chloe’s seatbelt and helping her down. 

Tom looks equally dazed but somehow more coherent in Luke’s backseat. He manages to tilt his head in greeting at Beca while she’s helping Chloe out. Luke just stands at a distance and holds the door open for the both of them.

“I’ll get her inside,” Beca informs once she has Chloe’s feet on the ground.

“Are her parents home?”

“No, they’re in Palm Springs but I think a family friend is with her for the night? Lindsey something.”

“Okay, I’ll get Tom home.”

Speaking of Tom, he thinks now is a good time to get out of the car. He stumbles out of the back seat. Jesus Christ, she hates drunk people. Beca rolls her eyes.

“Wait, let me help—” He’s saying, though it’s garbled.

“Tom, no,” Luke is already saying from where he stands, a matching look of dissatisfaction on his face.

“You’re not the boss of me _, Luke_.”

But Luke sure is the boss of making sure Tom doesn’t faceplant into Chloe’s front yard, quickly striding over and hooking his arms under Tom’s body when he’s about to fall.

Tom roughly pushes him off. “Get away from me—”

The sight of Luke being pushed off makes Beca bite her lip, her foot tapping impatiently to keep herself cool. She doesn’t want to lash out at Tom right now. But God, she’s _so_ angry at him, and he doesn’t even know. She never thought she’d feel this angry at Tom – for a reason other than not taking proper care of Chloe tonight – but she is. Hearing about Luke and Tom makes her angry enough, but seeing them together has her jaw squaring and her teeth grinding together.

Luke backs away but he’s looking at Tom in this… way that Beca can’t explain, like he’s annoyed but he’s hurt too. Beca gulps as she watches before feeling Chloe groan beside her, reminding Beca she’s there. She hoist Chloe up on her side a little better before telling Luke she should really get Chloe in.

Luke nods, eyes hard and unmoving from Tom, who is struggling stand up. 

“Okay. I got Tom.”

She thinks she hears Tom say ‘fuck you’ but she can’t be sure because he topples on to Chloe’s front lawn while Luke watches him, clearly letting him get it out of his system before anything else happens. She doesn’t want to leave Luke, but he looks away from Tom for a moment to nod at Beca and she’s nodding back before shuffling away with Chloe. Beca thinks she hears them arguing before she and Chloe step into the house.

* * *

When they get inside, Beca finds Lindsey – Chloe’s family friend – sleeping on the sofa in the living room. The TV is on at a low volume as if she fell asleep while watching.

They walk further down the hall. Beca helps guide Chloe up the steps and to her room. And though she’s only two inches shorter than Chloe, it proves a little difficult but Beca puts that down to the fact that Chloe is wearing heels and is like, not carrying her own weight at all.

“Okay, here we go.”

She rolls Chloe on to her bed.

“Mm? Becs?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re home?”

“Yeah, we’re home, Chlo.”

“Okay.”

“Alright.”

She goes to remove Chloe’s shoes and she’s considering helping Chloe into something more sleep-appropriate because that outfit does not look comfortable at all, but she doesn’t want to make Chloe uncomfortable and thinks it’s best to just let this one be. She places Chloe’s heels on the floor by her bed before walking over to get a closer look at Chloe.

Her eyes are closed like she’s trying to rest but she stirs just slightly with a creased forehead, hand pawing at her neck. Beca takes note of the necklace Chloe is wearing for the first time then. It’s a simple platinum chain and hanging at the end of it, there’s a letter ‘T’. It makes Beca’s heart hurt but she’s also rolling her eyes because that’s _so_ lame to wear the letter of your boyfriend’s name around your neck. (And it’s not just because that’s Tom’s initial, she said this about the second High School Musical movie too when she watched it with Jesse, and Troy gave Gabriella a similar necklace.)

With a sigh, Beca leans over and moves Chloe’s hand off of her chest, reaching behind the girl’s neck to undo the necklace. She collects it into her palm before putting it on the side table beside Chloe’s lamp. Chloe stops scratching at her neck then, huffing contently, more at ease to fall asleep now.

She leans over Chloe again. She whispers, “Chlo, I’m going home now, okay?”

“Hmm? What? Noooo.”

She whines. Chloe actually whines though her eyes are closed. Beca watches as her hand feels around the bed, reaching for Beca. God, if she wasn’t worried and a little upset at Chloe’s behavior right now, she’d actually think this was cute.

Beca puts her hand in Chloe’s just to get her to stop moving around, keeping it against the bed.

“I have a curfew, Beale. Don’t want me to get grounded again now do we?” Beca muses with a smirk.

Chloe squeezes her hand. With a huff, she seems to resign at that. But she pouts, to let Beca know that while she doesn’t want her to get grounded again, she’s not happy about Beca having to leave either. 

Beca rolls her eyes a little fondly at her reaction. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll text you tomorrow.” 

Speaking of text, Beca takes the phone Luke slipped into her back pocket earlier and puts it on Chloe’s bedside.

“I want you here.” Beca is surprised to hear Chloe say, and coherently too.

When she looks back at Chloe, her eyes are open and she’s looking at Beca. Beca feels a rush of emotion at the sight of the bright blue of her eyes.

“I know,” Beca says after a beat of them staring into each other’s eyes.

Chloe whines again at her lacking response before turning on her side with disgruntled noise, her back to Beca. Beca just rolls her eyes again – albeit fondly – because Chloe’s a fucking child.

“Sleep well, Chlo.”

Beca straightens and looks around the room, making sure everything looks alright before her departure. After a moment, she decides to plug Chloe’s phone into the charger just in case it was low on battery or something – after parties, phones usually are. When she does, the screen lights up and Chloe’s lockscreen is that photo she took of Beca all that time ago with the polaroid and her feigning annoyed. It makes something click in her – it feels soft and painful all at once.

She looks at Chloe, the red of her hair and her back to her, and sighs when she feels this sort of longing wade through her at the sight of Chloe.

“Night, Beale.”

Despite herself, Beca leans over and presses a kiss to the back of Chloe’s head before moving away and leaving the room.

She makes it home before midnight and she and her dad high five before going up the stairs together, his arm over her shoulders.

* * *

She’s surprised when she wakes up the next day and there isn’t already a text from Chloe. Usually, no matter what state Chloe is in after a party, her internal clock wakes her up unnaturally early.

It’s 11:04.

Maybe for the first time, Chloe’s just actually feeling the after effects.

Beca gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom.

* * *

It’s around 4PM when Chloe finally texts her. Beca is in the living room with her dad, mostly scrolling through her phone while he watches some golf thing.

 **Chloe:** Hey…  
**Beca:** hey  
**Beca:** how are you feeling?  
**Chloe:** Can you come over please?  
**Chloe:** And like, for a while?

The three dots from Beca’s side blink for a bit while she contemplates what that means.

“Um, dad?”

“Yeah, Bec?”

“Can I go over to Chloe’s? And like, for a while?”

“A while?”

She finally looks up from her phone to shrug, a confused pout on her lips. Her dad looks just as confused as she does about what that means.

“Like, you’re gonna sleep over?”

“I don’t know. Chloe just said ‘for a while’ and that could mean anything.”

“Well… I supposed since you’ll just be at Chloe’s… But text if anything changes, alright?”

“Yeah.” She gets up from the couch and walks over to her dad to press a kiss to his cheek before walking out of the living room, thumbs tapping meticulously on the screen of her phone.

 **Beca:** okay  
**Beca:** see you in a bit  
**Chloe:** Okay  <3  
**Chloe:** Just come in when you’re here, I’m in the living room  <3

Beca thinks Chloe is a little excessive with her emoji use today but it’s whatever.

 **Beca:** (thumbs up emoji)

* * *

What she doesn’t expect when she walks into the Beale home is to find Chloe on the couch with tissues surrounding her and a tear-stained face.

“Whoa. Chloe, what—“

“Hey—” She sniffs. “You’re here.” There’s a small smile on Chloe’s face despite the sadness written all over it as she pats the couch. “Come sit.”

Beca walks into the living room cautiously, her eyes fixed on Chloe as she nears her. “Dude, what the fuck..? Why are you crying?” She sits herself down on the couch, the tension in her body leaving at the familiar softness of it.

Chloe moves some of her used tissues out of the way, still sniffling. “Oh, it’s nothing, I just—” She exhales. “I just broke up with Tom—” She barely finishes her sentence before she’s bawling, her face scrunching up, and she’s burying her head against Beca’s shoulder.

Beca blinks, eyes widened in shock at the sudden change in the room. Chloe cries hard against her and all Beca can do is remain still, trying to absorb that before deciding she should probably move her arms instead of staying frozen like a statue. She lifts them slowly, placing her hands on Chloe’s back that moves as she cries, her body wracked with sobs.

“Shhh, hey. Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Beca doesn’t even understand what’s coming out of her mouth. She doesn’t even know where it comes from. But she knows this is the kind of thing people say. And she just doesn’t want Chloe to feel like this anymore.

“I’ve got you, dude. It’s okay…”

It actually hurts Beca that Chloe seems to be in so much pain.

* * *

It takes Chloe a bit to stop crying. When her tears mostly subside, she’s telling Beca what happened through her quick gulps of air, hiccupping a little. Beca just rubs her hand up and down Chloe’s back as she patiently waits for Chloe to get out what she’s trying to say.

Chloe woke up and remembered most of what happened last night even if it’s hazy. She says she was so disappointed in Tom, so upset at what happened last night. The first thing she did after getting cleaned up was go over to his and confront him. He was hungover but recalls what happened last night too, how he let the both of them get wasted with no idea on how to get home. They knew like one other person at that party and it was the person that was throwing it. It was careless and stupid, and she’s just so upset. But Tom didn’t really seem serious about his apology. He seemed annoyed. And Chloe is still wondering if it was just because he was hungover. But it went from a tense discussion to a fight. And it ended with Chloe placing Tom’s necklace back into the palm of his hand before leaving.

That little detail makes Chloe groan, leaning further into Beca’s shoulder, before she sneezes into a tissue.

“The worst part was that I knew. I woke up and I _knew_. I knew that’s what I was going to do. Even if I was trying to talk myself out of it.”

Chloe is bawling again and Beca just lets her burrow into her shoulder to cry it out.

* * *

Chloe is curled up, lying on the couch, when Beca walks into the room with a grilled cheese sandwich and a small bag of potato chips.

“You should eat,” she says, placing the plate of food on the coffee table in front of Chloe.

Chloe sniffles before sitting up. “Thanks.”

Her voice is small. The redness of her eyes are less now, almost back to their regular shade as she hugs the blanket tighter over her shoulders and takes one of the halves of the sandwich Beca made, biting into it.

“This is the first thing I’ve eaten today,” Chloe mumbles as she chews the small bite in her mouth.

“I know.” 

Based on what Chloe said, she had a very eventful day. One that didn’t seem to involve food. She thinks at most Chloe had like a l _ot_ of water but she basically just cried all of it out, so she definitely needed sustenance.

“You feeling better?”

Chloe shrugs. “Well, I have to be. I basically just used up this entire tissue box.”

Beca finds herself laughing lightly. Chloe laughs too. They smile at each other.

“I’m sorry, Chlo. I know you… I know you really liked him. Or lo—”

“Yeah,” Chloe says then, not letting Beca finish what she was going to say. “I really liked him.”

“So you didn’t..?”

“I don’t know… I feel like… I feel like it would feel different if I did. Worse.”

“You mean this isn’t _bad_ for you?” Beca asks in some disbelief. Because Chloe has gone through like 90% of the contents of that tissue box.

Chloe smiles behind her sandwich before taking a bite. “People cry, Beca,” she points out teasingly.

“Well, I mean, yeah— but, that’s like… a _lot_. That’s a good chunk of tree you just used there.”

She didn’t think she needed to hear it, but the sound of Chloe’s laughter fills her with _such_ a sense of calm. Beca is looking at Chloe and the redhead smiles at her, soft and small – delicate.

“Did the food make you feel better?”

Chloe nods. “I think we’re going to need more though.”

Beca raises a brow at that.

* * *

They end up ordering what Beca thinks is enough for a MukBang probably. Chloe postmates _so_ much shit, it’s insane. Like, there’s pizza, there’s KFC, there’s Italian food, there’s Chinese food – heck, there’s some Chipotle too.

“You’re fucking crazy,” Beca says when she finally sees all of the food laid out on the coffee table. They had to move all of the décor on it off because they needed all of the space they could get.

“I hope you’re hungry.”

“Christ.”

* * *

They sit, and talk, and laugh, and eat. God, they eat so much, Beca thinks she never has to eat again. A lot of it goes into Chloe’s fridge for tomorrow (and probably the rest of the week because it’s _that_ much). Chloe seems to come off a little happier but Beca can still see she’s tired – maybe not physically but emotionally, if that makes sense. As much as she hates Tom (for her own reasons with Luke and for what he happened with him and Chloe), she knows Chloe really cared about him. Apparently, not enough to love him, but enough for it to hurt that they weren’t together anymore.

They pull out the bed part of Chloe’s couch and Chloe puts on a movie she really wants to watch on Netflix. Beca’s not a big movie person, but this one has Natalie Portman in it and she really doesn’t mind Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman is pretty legit.

They sit on Chloe’s pull-out couch with their legs stretched and Chloe’s head on her shoulder. She doesn’t understand what this movie is or what it’ll end up being about – and usually she’s good at predicting after the first couple of minutes – but right now, she doesn’t care. She’ll gaze mindlessly ahead, eyes on the screen, as long as she can feel Chloe breathe quietly beside her. Beca is content knowing she provides Chloe with the comfort she desires.

Chloe shifts a little and she’s moving her hand to lace it with Beca’s.

Beca gulps quietly, hoping Chloe doesn’t notice how she tenses a little bit.

Chloe doesn’t. She just watches on as the movie progresses.

Beca thinks she should finally pay attention to it now and stop thinking about the warmth of Chloe’s hand or the way Chloe’s thumb seems to be absently stroking her skin.

“I’d be depressed too. I mean, Oscar Isaac? I’d be devastated.”

“Ditto.”

Chloe chuckles.

Beca smiles at the sound of it.

* * *

Beca ends up sleeping over. She texts her dad when that development comes up.

Chloe had seen her looking out the window at the moon and whispered, “Please stay.”

Beca couldn’t say no.

They finish the movie and Beca thinks they’ll just sleep here, but Chloe is soon tugging her upstairs. It makes Beca nervous for some reason but she allows Chloe to lead her.

Chloe lends her a Barden shirt that’s a couple sizes too big for her (“I love sleeping oversized shirts, don’t you?”) and some sweats.

Beca showers in Chloe’s bathroom and feels weird.

Beca uses Chloe’s toothpaste and feels weird.

She dresses in Chloe’s clothes and feels weird.

She slips into Chloe’s bed and feels weird.

She’s so overtly surrounded by all things Chloe that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She can’t really process it. She doesn’t let herself lest she wants her mind to go into overload. And really, she shouldn’t even be overthinking things like this. But she’s in love with Chloe and Chloe doesn’t know that, so she does.

Chloe sleeps on the right side of the bed, between the wall and Beca, and Beca sleeps on the left and makes sure to stay as close to the edge as possible. Though, Chloe seems to notice this and doesn’t allow it, taking the end of Beca’s shirt and tugging it in her direction with a whisper of “c’mere”. And because Beca is whipped, she obliges. She always obliges when it comes to Chloe now. It’s fucking stupid. She hates it.

They lie on their sides, facing each other, and Beca is thankful Chloe can’t hear how loud her heart is beating right now. But it’s _so_ deafening in Beca’s ears. They lay silently, staring at each other’s faces under the darkness of Chloe’s room, the only light coming from the window where the moon shines through.

Beca’s heart literally skyrockets in speed when Chloe’s hand comes up to tuck some hair behind Beca’s ear.

“Thanks for staying with me tonight.”

“It’s no big.”

“It means a lot to me.”

“Sure.”

Beca watches as Chloe’s lips curl into a small smile. She doesn’t know what Chloe’s looking at. Is it Beca’s hair? Her neck? The space between them? But her eyes are pointed somewhat downwards and not Beca’s eyes so she doesn’t know.

“You’re a talker, aren’t you?”

“You know me, a woman of many words.”

Chloe chuckles quietly.

“Thanks for being here, Beca.”

She takes Beca’s hand under the blanket. Beca gulps.

“Anytime.”

Chloe sighs then, closing her eyes. Beca wills herself to close her eyes too because she can’t very well watch Chloe sleep, and she just wants to fast-forward through all of this bullcrap because it makes her feel like a lovestruck cheeseball and she hates that.

 _Sleep, sleep, sleep_ , she chants in her head.

Sometime later, in the midst of Chloe’s soft breathing and the single word she chants repeatedly in her head, Beca falls asleep with her hand holding Chloe’s.

* * *

When Beca wakes up the next day, Chloe is already moving about in her room.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” She beams at Beca.

It’s a complete 180 to how she seemed last night. Beca guesses a shit ton of comfort food and a good night’s sleep do that to you. She sits up, scratching at her head, before she yawns.

“What time is it?”

“10:30.”

“Hm. When did you wake up?”

“Six.”

Of course.

“Jesus…” Beca mutters.

Chloe tells her she went on her morning run already. And that she has a bowl of sliced fruit in the fridge waiting for Beca downstairs. And she also cleaned the house. And tidied her room – with the exception of her bed because Beca was sleeping in it.

“Get ready.”

“For what?”

“We’re having a day out.”

Beca frowns. “Doing what?”

Chloe finally turns around from where she’s organizing something in the storage area of her window seat and smiles. Beca thinks her heart fucking explodes because Chloe looks fucking gorgeous with the sunlight illuminating her from behind like that. God, it’s way too early to be having these thoughts about Chloe.

“Stuff.”

Beca rolls her eyes. But before she can say anything, Beans comes bounding in the room and he’s jumping on the bed and on Beca’s lap, slobbering away at her face.

“Beans! What the—? Ahhh.”

Chloe giggles before walking over to help Beca get Beans off of her.

* * *

It seems Chloe gets over shit by being _really_ physically active. She and Chloe go on a hike sort of. They walk the trail then get late lunch at Theo’s after. Then Chloe tells them they’re going to her dance studio after they’re done paying the bill.

“Wait, what? But you don’t have dance class on Sundays.”

“I know, but I booked a room just ‘cause. There’s nothing like dancing it out to get stuff off of your mind.”

“To be clear, I don’t have to dance too… right?”

Chloe snorts in laughter. “No, Becs.  You don’t. You can just watch. And drink a smoothie too. My card just filled up with stamps so I can get a free smoothie!”

* * *

Chloe says they’ll only be there an hour so Beca won’t have to wait that long. Beca says she doesn’t mind and sits on the small couch against the wall, sipping on her smoothie. It’s green and has something called an ‘immunity boost’ in it but god, it’s also really fucking _good_.

Chloe doesn’t do anything serious at first. She just plays some music and moves to it really chill, sometimes mouthing the words and singing to Beca. Beca lets herself move along to the music too from where she sits, singing along at times and mouthing the words towards Chloe when they look at each other. It doesn’t take long for that to progress into Chloe pulling Beca up to dance with her. But the song Chloe is playing sounds _so_ nice Beca can’t help but join without a care.

_Ooh, let me discover all of your colors_  
_If you love me let me know_

They mouth the words to each other: “ _Don't let me leave when I'm standing at your door_ _, don't make me stop when you're really wanting more.”_

They get lost in their movements as the song builds.

_If you show me what you were thinking of_  
_Let me get inside your mind_  
_If you show me love, it'll be enough_  
_It'll be a better night_

They’re smiling, laughing. Chloe spins her, and they’re having such a good time enjoying the music and dancing with zero seriousness and a hundred percent of the bliss.

 ** _If you love me let me know_**  
**_If you love me let me know_**  
**_If you love me let me know_**  
_It'll be a better night_

 ** _If you love me let me know_**  
**_If you love me let me know_**  
**_If you love me let me know_**  
_It'll be a better night_

It feels like this song Chloe played is trying to tell her something, but Beca is having too good of a time to overanalyze it. Chloe is laughing against her. They’re not so much dancing any more than they are holding each other while walking around in circles and trying not to fall.

“Dude, what the fuck—” Beca laughs.

“I can’t, I’m dying—” Chloe cackles.

 _How_ did they get here honestly? But Chloe’s smiling so brightly and laughing so hard that Beca doesn’t care that Chloe is basically hanging off of her, halfway to the floor with the way the laughter takes over her body. Beca lets her drop with a fond roll of her eyes, and it makes her crack up even harder at the thud sound that’s made when Chloe lands. The redhead throws her head back in laughter, rolling on the floor. Beca’s legs give out and she’s joining Chloe on the hardwood, cackling.

_Don't let me leave when I'm standing at your door (Baby no, don't let me)_  
_Don't make me stop when you're really wanting more ('Cause I know you're wanting more)_

_If you show me what you were thinking of_  
_Let me get inside your mind_  
_If you show me love, it'll be enough_  
_It'll be a better night_

**_If you love me let me know_ **

The phrase repeats until the end of the song. And eventually when their laughter dies down into soft giggles that turn into deep breaths, Beca thinks the song has a point. And it definitely doesn’t help that when they sit up, Beca looks to her left and Chloe is already staring at her, this expression and smile on her face that she can’t really decipher. Beca watches Chloe so long that Chloe actually blushes, laughing lightly before she puts her hand on Beca’s cheek and pushes jokingly.

“What?”

“You’re so…”

Chloe doesn’t finish her sentence and just laughs lightly to herself, smiling.

* * *

Chloe goes to Prom stag. Aubrey and Stacie drop their dates in solidarity and join her. It wasn’t that hard. They weren’t that attached to their dates to begin with. Some hot guy from the basketball team asked Stacie and she agreed on the condition that his hot teammate go with Aubrey. Now those dudes are dateless and Chloe, Stacie, and Aubrey look like the hottest trio known to mankind. It might be an exaggeration but they look really good and they aren’t even in their dresses yet.

She and Emily hang around Chloe’s house while all three of them get ready. They talk excitedly – or rather, Emily talks excitedly with them about how she can’t wait for her Senior Prom and Beca sits minding her own business, playing 2048 on her phone.

“Yeah, aren’t you _so_ excited too, Beca?” Stacie teases from where she’s putting on her earrings.

“Over _joyed_ ,” Beca retorts, smirking at Stacie from where she sits on Chloe’s window seat with Emily. 

Stacie snickers at Beca’s sarcasm before turning to fully face the mirror again.

When it’s time for all of them to put their dresses on, Emily says she and Beca should wait downstairs with Chloe’s dads so it’s like a big reveal. Beca thinks it’s silly, but she lets Emily take her hand and they go downstairs to wait for all three of them.

Stacie comes down first because she’s the most decisive about the whole getting ready process. She doesn’t doubt what eye shadow she wants to use like Chloe or if she should wear her hair up or down like Aubrey. And she looks hot as fuck. Chloe’s dads make it seem like a runway show with all of their comments about ‘work it’, ‘now face here’, and ‘yaaas honey’, and _two_ cameras they have to take pictures with in addition to their phones.

Then Aubrey comes down and Beca actually smiles because okay, she does look really beautiful. And that’s probably what Jesse would say if he were here. Her dress is white with like this silver beaded design and it’s just like, super elegant and really sophisticated, and it matches Aubrey perfectly. Mr. Beale has his hand over his chest when they’re finally done snapping a billion and one photos of Aubrey from all four of their devices. 

“Gosh, you look like such an angel, sweetheart.” 

“You’re gonna kill ‘em, B.”                                                                                  

Okay, Beca’s only a _little_ jealous that she’s not the only person Mr. B calls ‘B’. But Aubrey looks so pretty and happy, that really, Beca’s pettiness is soon forgotten. Though, it might have to do with the fact that Chloe begins her descent down the stairs.

Her breath actually _hitches_. It’s so fucking _stupid_.

She’s thankful Emily is behind her, hands on her shoulders, squealing happily because Beca was sure she’d be given away if she was standing by herself. But Emily provides a great distraction and keeps Beca grounded despite how badly her stomach is doing backflips in her body.

Surprisingly, it’s Mr. B who cries. Mr. Beale holds him. And Stacie and Emily end up taking over camera duty because they’re so overwhelmed by how pretty Chloe looks. _Relatable_ , Beca thinks.

She, Aubrey, and Stacie hug and squeal together when all of the photos are done.

“I’m _so_ excited,” Stacie says.

“We’re gonna be amazing, ladies.” Aubrey.

“It’s gonna be lit!”

Okay, that makes Beca rolls her eyes even though only Chloe could get away with screaming ‘lit’ like that and still be cute, even if it was really dorky.

“Gosh, you guys look so beautiful I want to drop dead and die,” Emily gushes.

Beca blinks. Repeatedly.

“Whoakay there, Legacy. Let’s take it back a notch, hm?” She’s patting Emily’s back.

Emily is nodding, trying to collect her ‘chill’ on the matter.

The girls end up crowding to Mr. Beales to look at the photos they took. But Chloe finds Beca trying to breathe by the living room.

“So, what do you think?”

She looks up from where she was gazing at the ground. Wow, it’s even harder when Chloe’s closer like this.

“You look… great. Real nice. Definitely.”

Chloe makes this sheepish sort of face before shaking her head.

“Wow, you really have a way with words.”

“What? Did you want me to say you were beautiful and that all of the stars in the sky have nothing on you? Because, that’s super last season, and we only use generic adjectives now. Talkers Digest 2018 said so.”

Chloe laughs but she’s also blushing.

“I like your dress though. It’s… nice.” 

Beca wouldn’t mind wearing that color. Though, if she had to wear anything close to the beige color of Chloe’s gown, she’d probably settle for something more dust pink in shade. Though, let’s be real, if she had to show up anywhere in a dress, it’d be an all-black one.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They grin at each other, and it’s stupid, and they’re both blushing. Beca’s so thankful Mr. Beales come over and tell their daughter they want ‘pics by the fireplace before you girls go off’.

Beca and Emily take their pictures. Mr. Beales tell Google to play music at some point and it feels _so_ much like a photoshoot for 5 minutes while they’re snapping away. Beca decides to get creative with the angles in the spirit of things, and it has all of them keeling over in laughter before she eventually does get some really nice shots of all of them in some very cutesy and then promiscuous poses. And literally, Mr. B is the only one who manages to compete with Stacie when Emily says ‘look sultry’.

On their way out, Stacie uses her Instax to take a polaroid of her cleavage and presses it to Beca’s head before they all head out to the limo Chloe’s dads gifted them with.

“What am I gonna do with this?” She asks Stacie as they’re all walking away.

“I don’t know! Make a scrapbook! It’s a memory!”

Beca shakes her head but she’s smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALIEN BY SABRINA CARPENTER IS A BECHLOE HS AU SONG AND THAT'S FACTS. but whoaaa dudes, we're so close to the end i can't aca-belieeeeve it. and also i've got treats! check out [this](http://bsnows.tumblr.com/post/172041945346/she-hates-that-shes-probably-in-love-with-chloe) to see chloe's lockscreen bc i just had to photoshop it so you guys could see how i kinda see it in my head.


	20. The Big Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of flashbacks. And then a misunderstanding gets cleared up because Bechloe actually _talk_.

“Beca? Earth to Beca? Hellooo?”

Beca blinks.

Jesse stops waving his hand in front of her. “Dude, it’s your turn.”

They’re in his room – she, Jesse, and Luke – playing Monopoly because they have nothing better to do and Jesse tends to start thinking about Aubrey when he’s left to his own devices for too long. Sure, they’re like okay now, not that they ever weren’t because nothing wrong technically happened, but Beca and Luke can still tell it’s on Jesse’s mind – the ‘what could have been’ of it all. So they play Monopoly with Jesse, or watch movies with him, even going as far as to partake in some discussion about it afterwards. It’s not the worst, but they’ve both definitely played more board games and seen way too many movies for their liking.

“What are you thinking about?” Jesse asks after Beca rolls and he moves her piece for her.

“Ha, that’s mine. Gimme rent.”

Beca rolls her eyes at Luke but pays him 12 dollars in Monopoly money.

“I don’t know, just… stuff.”

Chloe. She’s thinking about _Chloe_. She can’t _stop_ thinking about Chloe. It’s a serious problem. Chloe is literally always on her mind lately and it doesn’t help that they spend more and more time together because Beca is helping Chloe through her ‘grieving’ process. Though, to be honest, she pretty much stopped seeming sad and going on lengthy runs after like a week. Now it feels like they spend so much time together just ‘cause.

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (MONDAY, 7:15AM)**

It’s Monday. Which means it’s the first day Chloe will see Tom after their break-up. (If they run into each other at all. Though, they probably will since they’re in a lot of the same classes.)

Beca – at Chloe’s insistence – has decided to ride with Chloe today instead of Jesse, who definitely understands after she explained what happened over the weekend. Chloe greets her with a smile when she gets into the car but Beca can tell she’s nervous.

It’s quiet in the vehicle as Chloe drives out of Beca’s street. Some radio show plays at a low volume. No one really cares what the weather forecast for the week is, Pauline.

“Do you… want me to play music?” Beca suggests after a beat.

“Mhm,” Chloe is quick to reply, nodding eagerly.

That’s all Beca needs before she’s taking her phone out and opening Spotify. She goes through her songs and then realizes for the first time that she’s really not all that sure of what she wants to play. Like, it’s kind of early, so maybe not something that fast-paced or loud? But Chloe’s just gone through a break up, so maybe no lovey dovey shit? But also, maybe it’s a little too early for songs about getting over someone? She doesn’t know how she feels about sad songs because she doesn’t want to add to the way Chloe might feel.

“Christ—” She mutters under her breath.

“You okay?”

“Mhm. Just… trying to start the morning off right.”

“Don’t stress. Anything will be fine.”

Beca turns to look at Chloe then. She has eyes on the road so Beca doesn’t have much to go off of but her side profile to discern how she feels. 

“Anything?”

“Anything,” Chloe repeats. She glances over at Beca after a second and Beca sighs before turning back to her phone.

Well, she said ‘anything’, so…

Beca hooks her phone up to Chloe’s car and plays Too Young by ayokay.

They get through the first line of the chorus before Chloe is looking over at her, this small smile on her face. 

“You really went there, huh?”

“You said anything,” Beca points out with a shrug.

Chloe chuckles and shakes her head, turning back to face the road. Her fingers tap the beat of the song against the steering wheel, her head bobbing lightly as she listens on.

 _Truth is you hold me back_  
_Maybe I love you, I'm too young for that_  
_And I know your expectations got me feeling trapped_  
_Maybe I love you, I'm too young for that_  
_And I know we're too, we're too young for that_

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (WEDNESDAY, 11:14AM)**

 **Chloe:** Have lunch with me?  
**Chloe:** (image of where she’s eating under the tree on a hill by the football field)  
**Beca:** be there in 5

 

“Hey, I’m gonna go eat with Chloe, is that cool?” She asks, her question directed at Jesse and Luke, even if she’s already getting up.

“Yeah, that’s cool. Is she okay?” Jesse has a look of concern on his face. He probably feels weirdly in tune with Chloe right now because of his thing with Aubrey (even if it was a while ago – Jesse’s sensitive, they’re letting him have it). 

Beca shrugs a little, balancing her tray as she slides out from their table. “I guess? She hasn’t had a spontaneous breakdown so I guess that’s pretty okay all things considering.”

Jesse just nods.

“Hope she feels better,” Luke wishes.

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (MONDAY, 7:55 AM)**

The bell rings and in a simultaneous occurrence, lockers shut and people begin to make a move for their assigned classrooms. Beca is paying more attention to the familiar figure she sees heading down the corner. She grabs her book and shuts her locker before running after it.

“Luke!”

She hasn’t had a chance to speak to him over the weekend. She’s texted him a couple of times but he hasn’t read the texts. She figured he just had a busy weekend after the third unread text.

“Luke!” She finally catches up to him, touching his shoulder.

When he turns around and sees her face, she finds herself taking a step back.

“No.”

He has a black eye.

“Don’t—”

“I’m gonna fucking kill him—”

Luke’s hand comes to hold her by the arm, stopping Beca in her tracks. “Beca, don’t.”

“Dude, he _hurt_ you!” She argues, unable to believe he isn’t marching down the halls right now trying to find Tom’s ass and beat it to next Tuesday.

“I got him too,” Luke defends lamely. “It doesn’t matter, just drop it.”

“Just _drop it_? Have you _seen_ your eye? No.”

“Beca, please. Look, I just don’t want to think about it anymore. It happened, let it go. Please.”

Beca pushes out a huffy breath, leg bouncing impatiently as she tries to keep herself together. Luke just stands and watches her, making sure his hand doesn’t leave her arm because he knows Beca will go off if he lets her go. The halls are clearing up. They’re both going to be late for class.

“Who started it?” She decides to ask after a moment. If she’s not going to be able to do anything about it, she at least wants to get her facts straight so she can apply the correct amount of force in her head when she imagines herself punching Tom across the face.

“…”

“He did, didn’t he? Christ, Luke, just let me—” She tries to walk off.

“Bec, what are you going to do?” He looks at her with a face that reads: realistically, c’mon.

Beca squares her jaw and grinds her teeth. “I’m still mad.”

“I know.”

“I wanna kill him.”

“I know.”

“We should.”

“No.”

Beca rolls her eyes then. She thought she’d slip past Luke and he’d say ‘I know’ again and they’d actually get somewhere with this ass-beating she wants to take place.

“Luke…”

“Beca, just… I got him too, okay? You have that.”

“Was it a good hit?”

He shows her the back of his right hand. It’s bruised at the knuckles.

Beca smirks a little. Luke rolls his eyes at her reaction.

“C’mon, let’s go to class. I’ll tell you about it later. You’re going to be late.”

“Dude, we’re already late, I’d rather you just tell me now.”

“Go to class, Beca.” He nods towards her classroom.

“ _Fine_. But at lunch, tell me.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (WEDNESDAY, 11:16AM)**

“Hey,” Beca greets, finding Chloe sitting cross-legged underneath the tree, biting into an apple.

“Hey.”

She manages to sound glad and even smile a little bit, but Beca can tell she’s kind of sad when she sits down beside her on the grass.

“Not feeling like people today?”

“Yeah…” Chloe admits, biting into her apple again and chewing.

Beca nods, understanding. She takes her plastic fork and pokes it into the fruit salad on her plate.

“He won’t look at me,” Chloe shares, surprising her. “It’s been like two days, and he goes out of his way not to look at me.”

Beca looks away from her food and at Chloe. “He doesn’t deserve to look at you.”

Chloe pushes her brows up, lips in a pout. It’s the most unsatisfied she’s ever seen Chloe.

“Like, it was _his_ fault. Why do _I_ feel bad?” She chucks what’s left of her apple onto her tray.

Beca jumps a little at how it bounces off, knocking around some of the contents on Chloe’s tray, before it rolls a few feet away on the grass.

Chloe shoves her face into her hands, groaning. “I can’t do anything right…”

“Hey—” Beca lifts her hand with the means to touch Chloe on the shoulder but it remains hanging mid-air. She curls her fingers and puts her hand down on the grass. “Chlo, just… look at me. Please.”

Chloe sniffles before she lifts her head off of her hands and Beca knows that when they meet eyes, Chloe will have tears in hers.

“I shouldn’t feel bad. I _shouldn’t_. Why does he make me feel bad?”

It hurts Beca to hear Chloe speak with such agony in her voice.

Before she can really do anything about it, Chloe is leaning forward and hugging her. Beca allows it, breathing in deeply before pushing the breath out slowly as Chloe sobs quietly into her shoulder. She brings a hand up to run it up and down Chloe’s back, soothing her.

It hurts to see the person you love cry. It also hurts knowing they’re crying over someone else. On top of that, it doesn’t feel all that great to begin with – comforting the person you’re in love with about their break-up to some douche who somehow managed to make himself 200% more shitty in Beca’s head.

“It’ll be okay,” Beca finds herself saying despite this.

She just wants Chloe to feel fine.

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (FRIDAY, 8:48PM)**

After leaving the Beale household, Beca keeps up with what the seniors are doing at Prom through Snapchat. She doesn’t even have to actively check her stories, notifications just fill up as the evening goes by. Chloe sends her one when they’re all in the limo. Stacie also sends 3 different ones from the limo. Luke sends her one when he arrives at the school’s parking lot, the caption reading: _here goes nothing_.

(Luke isn’t incredibly excited about Prom. But it’s tradition. He’s mostly going because Donald couldn’t score a date in time – bro solidarity. Plus, he’s also going for Beca in a way – to keep an eye out for Chloe because Tom will definitely be there and they were both nominated for Prom King and Queen. That was the drama she and Jesse were at home waiting patiently for.)

“Do you think they’ll win?”

“God, I hope not. Chloe’s gonna feel terrible.”

“We should ‘Carrie’ Tom.”

“What? You want to carry Tom?”

“No, _Carrie_. Like the movie.”

“Jesse, you know I’m not gonna get that reference.”

“Literally everyone in the world knows that movie!”

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (FRIDAY, 9:30PM)**

Luke gets _so_ tired of Beca and Jesse’s continuous texts that he just Facetimes them and holds his phone up while announcements are happening.

Chloe wins Prom Queen.

Jesse physically squeezes Beca’s leg so hard that she has to swat at him to let go even if she’s holding her breath for the next announcement.

 

_And your Prom King is…_

“Dear god, please don’t be Tom, please don’t be Tom, please don’t be Tom—”

“I really don’t want it to be Tom,” Luke mumbles from where he’s holding the phone up.

 

_Luke Stanbraugh!_

“What?!” Beca and Jesse both yell from where they’re looking at Beca’s phone.

“Wait, what?” Luke says now, confused.

People all begin looking to him and he whispers quickly that he’s ‘gotta go’ and the screen goes to black and they’re probably being shoved into Luke’s pocket.

“Wait, no! I wanna see them dance!” Jesse complains.

“Wait, but Tom didn’t win,” Beca points out.

Jesse looks at her then, realizing what this means. “Tom didn’t win!”

“Tom didn’t win!” Beca repeats.

“Tom didn’t win!!!!!!!” They both cheer.

Beca’s father walks by the living room then and looks at Jesse and Beca weirdly before shaking his head and moving to his office.

* * *

**THREE WEEKS AGO (FRIDAY, 10:39PM)**

They’re on a Facetime call with Luke as he, Chloe, Stacie, Aubrey, Donald, and a few other people make their way out of the school.

Chloe’s crown now sits on Stacie’s head. Aubrey wears Luke’s.

The video is shaky. They’re all walking down the front steps, laughing and talking over each other.

“I can’t believe we won!” Chloe says, arm hooked around Luke’s.

“So worth it seeing Tom’s face when Luke walked up,” Stacie says, snorting.

Aubrey agrees with a laugh.

“Dude looked like he _shat_ himself, man,” Donald points out.

Everyone laughs then, even Jesse and Beca from where they watch them all on the screen.

“I’m just glad Chloe didn’t have to go through that with Tom,” Jesse points out.

Beca nods in agreement.

Chloe blows upwards at some hair that’s gotten in her face. “Me too, jeez.” She brings a hand up to move it to the side but it keeps falling downwards.

Beca smiles, watching the half of Chloe’s face she can see on the screen as she struggles with her hair. The ginger eventually gets the idea to tuck it behind her ear.

“So where are you guys going now?” Beca decides to ask, to keep herself from gushing over how cute Chloe is in her head.

“Yeah, what’s the plan?” Jesse chimes in.

“I don’t know, I think we’re going to get something to eat,” Luke says.

“Burgers!” Donald says from somewhere off screen.

“I want French fries!” They hear Cynthia Rose’s voice say.

Aubrey suggests they all go to the 24-hour dinner and everyone agrees.

“You guys wanna like meet us there?” Stacie asks, taking the phone from Luke when he has to bend down to tie his shoe.

“Ah, I’m good. Plus, it’s your guys’ night, you guys should enjoy it,” Jesse says, looking at Beca when he realizes he spoke for the both of them.

But she agrees, nodding. “Yeah, have fun, guys. We’ll see you Monday.”

“You bitches sure? I mean, we want you there.”

“Let Senior Prom be Senior Prom will you?” Beca retorts with a lazy smirk, though she’s warm at the thought that they all want Beca and Jesse there so much.

“We’ll have our time,” Jesse slides in, winking.

Stacie winks back at him.

Beca rolls her eyes.

“Goodnight, guys,” she decides to say.

“Alright, you two. See you bitches Monday.”

Before Stacie hangs up, she can hear Chloe going ‘wait, I wanna talk to Beca—‘ but then the call ends.

Beca’s phone buzzes a moment later with a text from said redhead.

 

 **Chloe:** Miss you!  <3 (kissy face emoji)

 

Beca sighs, pressing her lips together. Then she realizes Jesse is beside her, looking over her shoulder, and he offers her this sad sort of face to which Beca just responds to by shaking her head and locking her phone.

She isn’t going into this right now.

Chloe had a good night and that’s all that matters. Her friends are off having the time of their lives right now and that’s all that matters. How Beca feels? That doesn’t matter. Not tonight. 

* * *

**TWO WEEKS AGO (TUESDAY, 5:32PM)**

“Beca!”

Chloe lands on the couch, knocking Beca’s pencil case down.

“Whoops, sorry—” She snatches it and brings it back up before she goes “guess what?”, grinning.

She’s at Chloe’s place doing work for some big project that’s for the end of the year that she really needs to do research for. She’d normally do this at home, but Chloe wanted company, and Beca hasn’t been very good at saying ‘no’ to her lately. Besides, Chloe’s house feels nicer to be in than hers anyway. Plus, her dads made her a little plate of snacks so win-win.

“You’re gonna do this entire paper for me?” Beca cheekily guesses.

“No. But I’ll help you with that if you need it,” she quickly adds. “I’ve got tickets!”

“Tickets? To what?”

“A concert!”

Beca shrugs as if to say ‘what concert?’

“It’s this local band that I really like. I saw them at a bar like a year ago, and now they’re playing a concert just a little out of town.”

“And..?”

“ _And_ … I want you to come with me!” She beams.

Beca rolls her eyes. She wants to ask what kind of music they play but she knows she’s going to end up there with Chloe anyway.

* * *

**TWO WEEKS AGO (FRIDAY NIGHT)**

Beca doesn’t hate this band. She doesn’t hate them at all. Especially when they’ve decided to cover ‘Mr. Brightside’ for fun, and she and Chloe are now screaming out the lyrics of it, hands curled into fists while they sing their hearts out.

“ _But it’s just the price I pay! Destiny is calling me! Open up my eaaaagerrrr eeeeeeeeyes! ‘Cause I’m Mr. Brightside!_ ” __

Chloe hugs Beca to her side and they jump in place as the singer goes on with the song. She feels nothing but the excited beating of her heart and the thrill that rushes through her from the crowd. She looks at Chloe and knows Chloe is thinking of nothing but this moment. It makes Beca feel even better.

They sing along for the final chorus and Chloe pulls her in for another hug when the song ends.

* * *

**ONE WEEK AGO (WEDNESDAY, 7:29PM)**

She’s at Chloe’s place, deep into her notes studying for Finals when she hears Chloe begin to sing.

“ _A couple rebel top gun pilots flying with nowhere to be. Don’t know you super well but I think you might be the same as me. Behavior abnormally_.”

Beca raises her brow.

The song builds up and Chloe starts to dance.

 _Let's let things come out of the woodwork_  
_I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies_  
_Yeah, awesome right?_  
_So let's let things come out of the woodwork_  
_I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lines_  
_Seeing me rolling, showing someone else love_  
_Dancing with our shoes off_  
_Know I think you're awesome, right?_

She turns to Beca, who is knee-deep in notes on Chloe’s bed. She points.

“ _Our rules, our dreams. Blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite!_ ”

Beca scoffs in a laugh, rolling her eyes. Chloe moves closer, dancing as she sings the words.

“ _Blowing shit up homemade d-d-d-dynamite!_ C’mon, Becs, join in!”

Beca narrows her eyes at Chloe before she’s giving in:

“ _We’ll end up painted on the road, red and chrome, all the broken glass sparkling_.”

“ _I guess we’re partying_ ,” they both mouth, flicking their index fingers up over their heads.

She’s being pulled off of the bed and they’re dancing in Chloe’s room to Lorde and everything is _good_.

 _So let's let things come out of the woodwork_  
_I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies_  
_Seeing me rolling, showing someone else love_  
_Hands under your t-shirt_  
_Know I think you're awesome, right?_

Chloe is smiling, Chloe is happy, and everything is good. __

* * *

**PRESENT TIME (WEDNESDAY, 4:35PM)**

“Beca? Dude? You really need to stop zoning out, man.” Jesse is looking at her, concerned despite the fact that she’s probably slowing down their game.

“Hm?”

“I could have stolen like five hundred dollars from your money and you’d have no idea.”

“That’s impossible, I don’t even have five hundred dollars.”

They look at Beca’s money pile. She’s got at least two-fifty in smaller bills at most. It’s no secret she’s the worst at this game compared to Luke and Jesse – and even more terrible when she’s not paying attention.

“Dude, seriously, what are you thinking about? And don’t say ‘stuff’ because it’s clearly not that.”

“I can’t stop thinking about Chloe,” Beca admits, because really, she’s well past caring at this point – it’s driving her crazy.

“I knew it! I knew she still had feelings for Chloe! Pay up, Luke.”

Luke slides 20 in Monopoly money over to Jesse.

“Dude, c’mon… We agreed on a real bill.”

* * *

So, she’s in love with Chloe. She’s in love with Chloe and it’s probably not going away anytime soon. It probably won’t even go away when Chloe goes off to college because Beca is sure the redhead will find a way to stay in her life (and she’ll probably visit her dads any chance she gets on top of that, so really Beca can’t escape).

Her best bet would be to flee the state, even if it’s unrealistic. She’ll move to Michigan or some shit and live a quiet life.

(“I don’t get it, why don’t you just tell her? She graduates in like three days. The play is in like, _two_. What do you have to lose? It’s not like Chloe’s gonna be weird about it even if she doesn’t feel the same way. Chloe adores you. It’ll work out.” Jesse is _sickeningly_ positive.)

Beca groans, rolling over so that her face pushes into her pillow.

She’ll just suffocate and die. That’s better than possibly being rejected by Chloe.

But at the same time, Jesse makes sense. She hates it. But he always does.

(Okay, ‘always’ is a little generous but she’s also low on oxygen right now.)

She rolls onto her back again and breathes, huffing.

_I’m gonna have to do this, aren’t I?_

* * *

She decides to sleep on it. For like a day at least. A good 24-hours to decide if she wants to go through with it or not.

Since Friday is the big day, Thursday is spent double-checking everything on Chloe’s list and making sure everything is in place for tomorrow. Chloe is – surprisingly – not freaking out. She seems relatively calm, only buzzing with a light energy that Beca puts down as excitement. The sets are all in place, the costumes are arranged in order… Benji even double-checks all of the light fixtures and wiring to make sure everything is up to code. And Emily sticks the song list on the wall by the stage so everyone would be on the same page – regardless of the fact that they all rehearsed it so many times that Beca is sure even _she_ could take any one of the characters’ places. And she doesn’t even _act_.

After making sure everything is in order once again, this time as a group (“Because we’ll probably spot different things with different eyes. Perspective, right?”), Beca waits as Chloe looks into the auditorium one more time. It’s the only time Chloe seems neurotic today and of course it’s before they’re all about to leave. With a final nod, Chloe shuts the door behind her, and she and Beca begin walking.

“It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I’m worried. It’ll be fine.”

“We’ve checked everything three times. Any more would seem excessive.”

“Would it though?’

“ _Chloe_.”

“What?”

Beca just rolls her eyes with fondness at the redhead and starts walking ahead of her. “You’ve spent way too much time with Aubrey.”

“Aubrey has never gotten anything wrong! And she always checks more than three times!” Chloe calls out when she’s catching up to Beca.

* * *

It’s around 11 and she’s lying in bed talking to Chloe. They’ve both decided to sleep somewhat ‘early’ tonight in preparation tomorrow, so they were both in their respective beds by 10 and had the thought of being asleep by half past it. But they’ve been talking for almost an hour now, because they always somehow manage to find something to talk about. Or maybe Chloe’s just keeping Beca on the line because she’s nervous about tomorrow. Beca keeps Chloe on the line too because she’s nervous but for a completely different reason. It’s weird how Chloe grounds her and is the reason for her problems at the same time.

“I just think we made a really good decision with the pink wig is all. I really love it,” Chloe says about the wig they make Gemma wear when her character Anne is performing.

“It’s a pretty snazzy wig…” Beca comments, though absently as she plays with her hair. She’s tired. She just wants to go to sleep but she also really wants to listen to Chloe talk for hours.

“So… have you wished Luke luck yet? For tomorrow?”

“What?”

“You know, Luke. Did you tell him to break a leg? You know, as all good girlfriends do? Or not-girlfriends, I don’t know, are you guys still doing that not labelling thing?”

“Wait, what?” Beca blinks, actually paying more attention to the conversation now.

“With Luke. You’re… dating him, right? Or not-dating. Like, you’re not labelling it but you’re together though, right?”

Beca goes quiet.

Has Chloe… literally… thought… she’s been with Luke… this entire _time_?

“Beca?”

She realizes then that she and Luke never really untangled their mess. They ‘winged it’, as per Beca’s request, and just completely forgot about what they were winging after some time. Or that they were ‘winging’ anything at all.

“Beca? Hello?” Chloe repeats.

“Oh, um, yeah. I’m here.”

“Oh good, okay, thought I lost you there for a second. Anyway, yeah – did you?”

“Chloe, you know I’m not dating Luke, right?”

Chloe sighs. “Yes, Beca. I know you’re not ‘dating’ Luke. You’re just ‘hanging out’ and it’s not ‘official’. But you’ve basically been with him since like, last year though, right? Or not-been with him. Whatever makes you more comfortable.”

“No, Chloe, I’m not _dating_ Luke. We haven’t been dating since like, the start of the year.”

“Wait, what?”

“We…” Beca huffs and rolls her eyes at what she’s about to say. “’broke up’ after I got back to school. Like, a week or two after it. I don’t remember. But we’re not together. We haven’t been together this whole time. We’re just friends.”

Chloe goes quiet now.

“Hello? Chlo?”

She’s still quiet.

“Chloe?”

It’s still silent. Beca waits for a couple seconds longer before opening her mouth to say Chloe’s name again, but the girl speaks just in time.

“I’m here.”

She sounds off.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just… Yeah. I’m fine.”

(Beca doesn’t believe her.)

“Becs, I think we should get to bed. It’s getting pretty late.”

Beca looks at the clock on her nightstand. “Yeah, you’re right, okay.”

“Yeah…”

“…Chloe, are you okay?”

“Mm? Yeah, I’m okay. I’m fine. I just… remembered something. It’s nothing, I’ll just deal with it tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, Bec?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Beca gulps.

“Goodnight, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Um. Yeah, okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

* * *

Thanks to fucking Chloe, Beca doesn’t fall asleep till well past midnight.

* * *

She’s looking at herself in the mirror, making sure she’s satisfied with her outfit because she’ll be wearing it for the rest of the day and well throughout the evening when the show gets put on. It’s just slightly more dressed up than she usually is – a blue top and a high-waisted black pants that Sheila got for her last week while she was out shopping. They have like buttons going down the side by the pockets. It’s a pretty interesting design choice but that’s not really important. She’s literally just trying to think of anything but what she’s about to do today. Tonight. Whenever. She doesn’t know when she’ll exactly do it, which is why she’s so nervous about leaving her house in the first place. Maybe she just shouldn’t leave her house. Maybe she should just stay here forever and never leave and have Jesse act as her representative to the outside world.

“Beca! Do you still need a ride today?” Her dad calls out from downstairs.

They all agreed to meet at school at around noon – to get ready for the big show. She’s already gotten a handful of messages in the group chat informing her who’s there. Stacie’s there. Jessica and Ashley are there. Donald. Benji. The latest arrival is Aubrey. And they just keep pouring in. Her phone buzzes in her back pocket and she fishes it out to read the latest notification:

 **Chloe:** I’m on my way! :)

“Crap,” Beca mutters.

She really doesn’t want to do this.

“Beca?” Her dad calls out again.

“Yeah! Down in a bit!”

“Okay!”

She looks at herself in the mirror one last time.

This is literally the face of a person who’s about to make the _worst_ decisions today.

* * *

**Chloe:** Hey, are you at school already?  
**Beca:** in the car  
**Chloe:** Awes okay  
**Chloe:** I wanna talk to you about something

Beca swallows thickly before typing out her reply.

 **Beca:** me too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 84 years since an update i know. but also like i've decided i'm probably gonna try and make it 24 chapters because i've decided Things and those Things will now be written out in detail instead of as snippets in an epilogue. so yay! it doesn't just end next chapter! woot woot.
> 
> in case it takes me another 84 years to update, you can get your hs au vibes on here: [bechloe hs au tag](http://bsnows.tumblr.com/tagged/bechloe%20hs%20au) / [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/z8gb7aglfvhhzvvd5b62kfx9d/playlist/4qbkDWERdh00Us867BC5GF?si=4J_m5kyiS526gRf4SlsYtQ). (but also i’m gonna try posting the next 3 chapters right after the other so like it’ll take a hot second since i’m gonna write it all beforehand.)


	21. Show Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything Beca wants is right in front of her and she _almost_ does something about that. Almost.

When she arrives at school, her feet move before she can really process it, carrying her out of the car as she throws a quick ‘thanks, see you later!’ over her shoulder for her father. She needs to do this quickly, like a Band-Aid or she’s not going to do it at all. She spent the entire car ride agonizing, fighting herself over it, after she sent that text to Chloe. And it maybe didn’t help that Chloe replied ‘okay’ with a heart emoji to it. It just makes Beca feel like she can probably actually do this, and she really doesn’t want to be able to because that’s _terrifying_.  


The school is mostly empty with the exception of some teachers. She makes a beeline for the auditorium. As she heads down the hall, she sees a familiar figure coming down from the other end of it.

_Chloe._

Her pace quickens. She moves faster and her heart beats harder. There is a high chance she might pass out before she even gets there.

Chloe seems to jog as they get closer to meeting in the middle, so Beca picks up her pace too. She’s a little out of breath when she and Chloe finally meet in front of the auditorium’s double doors, but it's more so because she’s so. Fucking. _Nervous._

“Chloe—”

“Bec, there you are, I wanted to talk to you—”

“I need to tell you something—”

Before Chloe can open her mouth to ask what and Beca can continue, the doors open and Stacie is poking her head out.

“Chloe, oh my god, there you are, we need you. We can’t find the costumes.”

“Wait, what?” Chloe’s eyes widen. “But no, they’re there. We made sure of it yesterday. I checked three times!”

“Beca!”

Beca turns away from Chloe and Stacie to look behind her. Emily is bounding down the hall of her.

“Beca, there’s something wrong with the computer,” Emily reveals a little breathlessly.

“What?” She blinks. Wait, no. Why is everything going wrong right now?

“I don’t know. Jesse and I tried turning it on. And it’s like, blue. The screen’s blue. And we asked Benji to come in and fix it, but now it’s just static-y on the screen and making really weird noises—”

“ _Chloe_ ,” Stacie repeats. “C’mon.” She grabs Chloe’s hand. “We need to start hair and make-up soon, so we have to find the fucking costumes!”

Chloe looks to Beca, wide-eyed for more reasons than one, as she is being tugged into the auditorium.

“I’ll find you later!” Chloe says before Stacie pulls her into the auditorium completely and the door shuts. Then she’s left with a rambling Emily.

“And all of the effects and music are on there and—”

Jesus, did this have to happen? Right now? Really?

Beca puts her hands on Emily’s arms and gets her to calm down before asking Emily to lead her to where the problem is, and soon, they’re both heading down the hall where Emily had come from.

* * *

It’s just her luck, really. For _everything_ to go wrong now that she felt remotely self-assured about telling Chloe she had feelings for her. Her confidence only diminishes as time goes by and is exchanged with the feeling of stress as she, Jesse, Emily, and Benji try to figure out what’s wrong with the computer. They had moved it from the auditorium to the computer room, and the IT guy who is _thankfully_ around today helps them poke around with it.

He explains a lot of things that Beca doesn’t understand and she does hear ‘reboot’ or ‘restart’ or _something_ , but her biggest concern is that the files are all still there.

“It’ll be erased.”

“What?!” All four of them scream.

“Or maybe not. But anything can happen.”

Was this guy the worst IT worker or what?

Beca turns to Jesse. “I have copies of the music. But it’s in my laptop. At _home_.”

“I can drive you. We can get it and be back before they know it.”

“What about Benji’s special effects stuff?”

“I too have copies out of it. In my R2D2 thumb drive, but that’s also… at home. Oh boy, I really should have preemptively considered all of this happening today—”

Jesse pats Benji’s back. Beca rolls her eyes, growing even more frustrated with that the day is throwing at them. “Jesus, how is everything going wrong right now?”

“Did you hear about the costumes?” Benji now mentions.

“Yeah, I heard.”

They all sigh deeply.

“Okay, so game plan: I’ll drive Beca home to get her laptop, and Benji too, and Emily—”

Emily stands at attention then.

“You keep an eye on the computer and makes sure this guy has it set up in the auditorium by the time we get back. Update us.”

“Yes, sir. Totally yes.”

Jesse nods and turns back to Benji and Beca. “Ready? Let’s do this.”

They all run out of the door. Emily bounces in place because she really wants to run with them but is left making sure the IT guy does more good to the computer than harm.

* * *

They get the laptop from Beca’s home, no problem. She even checks it to make sure all of the files are on there – she knows they’re on there but at this point she’s not taking any risks. She even copies it all to a blank thumb drive in the unlikely case they need a back-up for the back-up before they head out of her home and to Benji’s. 

At Benji’s, they hit a small wall: Benji can’t find it.

“Jesus Christ—“

They’re turning Benji’s Star Wars paraphernalia-filled room upside down looking for it. Benji finds it when he looks inside a Yoga mug that he uses to house his pencils in.

“Got it!”

“Yes!” Jesse cheers, jumping up with a fist pump.

Beca exhales deeply, and they plug it into Benji’s computer to make sure all of the correct files are on there before he _safely_ ejects the USB, and they all go on their merry fucking way back to Barden.

And that’s when their second roadblock hits them. Almost literally. Jesse was so into getting back to campus that he nearly drove into a barrier beside a cop, which would have been _terrible_.

There’s been a car accident at the intersection. Nothing serious, though. But they’re redirecting traffic down another route which makes the trip to school even longer.

“Is it just me or does all of this feel weirdly staged to make our lives ten times harder today?” Jesse says once he turns the corner and is met with a long line of cars.

Beca groans, resting her head against the car. Can the airbag blow and end her already? This day is _such_ a disservice to _everyone_.

Jesse’s phone buzzes and he informs them that Emily says the computer was set back up in the auditorium with no problems.

“The files are gone though… semi-colon back slash.” He sighs.

Beca and Benji do too.

“It’s a good thing we have copies,” Benji notes positively from the back seat.

All Beca can do nod from where her head is rested on Jesse’s car.

* * *

It’s probably the longest it’s ever taken to get to school for Beca. And this does include the day their local pretzel store held Free Pretzel Day and traffic was _insane_. They run into school and head into the auditorium, and it is _busy_.

There are people from Benji’s team making their way across the stage, carrying a big set across. Flo runs past them and out the door with a clipboard and a headset over her ears, and Beca doesn’t even want to _ask_ because Flo is literally one of the dancers – why is she doing stagehand work right now?

They make their way to where Emily is, and Benji quickly sits to begin loading up his effects. Beca rubs the side of her face as she watches him transfer his files. Emily asks if they’re alright because it took so long for them to get here. Jesse just sighs heavily because that was the worst traffic he’s experienced in his life and he almost road rage’d. _Almost_.

“Jesse, you should probably head backstage and get dressed or something,” Beca decides to point out after sighing.

“Did they even find the costumes?”

“Oh, they did!” Emily gladly reveals. “Yeah, apparently the janitors thought it belonged to the marching band and moved it to the band room, and it was this whole thing, but it’s all sorted now and Chloe made sure all the costumes are in the order she wants. It’s all backstage. I think they’ve started getting ready. Jesse, you should probably head back there.”

Jesse nods. He looks to Beca. “You guys will be okay?”

“Yeah, we’ll be fine. Go.”

She and Emily sit on the seats closest to the computer to breathe. All Beca can do is wait for Benji to finish before she loads up her stuff. She tilts her head up and looks around hoping she’ll catch a glimpse of Chloe but she knows it’s a long shot since she’s probably backstage helping everyone get ready.

“It’ll be okay. I’m sure it’ll all work out. I mean, we’ve solved every problem we’ve had today,” Emily shares optimistically.

“True.” Except Beca has one problem she hasn’t solved just yet… It’ll have to wait.

* * *

Whatever time they all thought they’d have to get ready at their own pace before people start arriving is non-existent. It also doesn’t help that some people arrive late or don’t show up at all – namely, Tom, who is nowhere to be found so Donald has to step in to organize his goons and tell them what goes where and when. It’s seriously such an asshole move for Tom to not show up.

Before they all know it, show time is an hour away and people are still backstage doing their final touches. The computer dilemma is all settled, and she and Benji did a test run of all of their material to make sure it works the way it needs to. Beca also helps Benji take care of all of the little things like making sure hats are in place and all of the prop posters are positioned conveniently by the side of the stage without being in anyone’s way. They also go to the computer room to print out the playbooks, which somehow literally everyone forgot needed to be done.

She runs into her dad when she’s making her way back to the auditorium with Benji. He invites her into the Teacher’s Lounge to get a drink real quick. Benji tells her to go ahead since he’s pretty much got everything covered. He just has to place these on the reception table where Mrs. Byers and Emily will now be that it’s almost show time. Beca gives him a nod in thanks before going off with her father.

* * *

“So, almost show time. Exciting, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Beca blows out a deep exhale before taking a sip of the punch that one of the teachers brought to share. She really just wants to be swallowed up by this arm chair she’s sitting on right now; she’s so exhausted. Her dad sits near her on the long couch.

“I’m so proud of you, Bec. Really. I can’t believe you’ve all gotten this far. And with all the issues I heard you guys came across today? It’s really something.”

Beca just nods. She actually feels drained with all of the running and near panic attacks she had to suffer through today.

“So, did you get that thing off of your mind?”

Beca looks at him then, frowning a little. “What?”

“That thing you told me you were thinking about that you have to do. At breakfast, when I asked. Did you deal with it?”

Her dad has noticed she’s been a little checked out. He may have asked her what she was thinking so hard about over breakfast today and she, in not so many words, shared that she was zoned out because of a ‘thing that she needs to deal with at school’.

“Not yet,” Beca reveals and then sighs. 

Because she’s not sure if she wants to do it all at this point. There’s just so many things happening right now. Maybe Chloe’s stressed. Hell, _she’s_ stressed. It’ll probably all calm down when the show officially starts but at the same time maybe not because the show will have officially _started_. And everyone knows that will set off a new kind of chaos.

“Is it anything I can help you with?” Her dad asks after a moment, Beca being in her head going unmissed by him.

Beca sighs.

“It’s really a ‘do it myself’ kind of thing, dad,” she regretfully informs him. 

Because at this point, if her _dad_ can be the one who breaks it to Chloe, she’d actually let him. She doesn’t know if she’s going through with this today – it’s _that_ bad.

Beca’s dad puts a hand to her knee. “Whatever this is, I’m sure you can handle it with flying colors.”

Beca forces the corner of her lips up in a passable smile. “Yeah, thanks, Dad.”

She’s probably not going to tell Chloe today. Maybe she will the next time she’s within the vicinity of Red Bulls and have downed at least three of them, but not today. Probably not today.

The reality of that makes the center of Beca feel like its sinking.

* * *

The curtains begin to lift and she can hear the opening beats of the song she produced and the ensemble sing. God, it sounds so fucking cool. 

 

_Whoa—ooo—oh_

Emily finally finished writing the opening number – using Beca’s original track which she at first deemed ‘scary’. It was a real Moment for her when she had it all written, slapping her notebook down in the middle of the lunch table where she, Jesse, and Luke were eating. Beca can hear Emily squeal in excitement beside her.

“Gosh, this is so exciting!!!”

She and Emily side-step into the row. Since they were outside until the last second making sure everyone had a playbill before entering, she asked her dad to save her and Emily some seats. There are two at the end of the fifth row waiting for them. Right as she’s seated, her phone buzzes in her pocket.

 

_Ladies and gents, this is the moment you’ve waited for_

 

She wiggles it out of its place and checks the text.

 

 **Chloe:** Tell me something

 

Beca frowns and she types ‘like what?’ before her eyes dart up from her phone’s screen to look at the stage. 

Jesse is rocking the showman look. And the dancing. She has to give it to Benji for the special effects and timing he put in for the lights. It really helps entice the crowd. Beca almost forgets she’s texting Chloe until she feels her phone buzz in her hands some moments later. ****

**Chloe:** Anything

 

Beca gulps. It feels like she’s staring at that word for the longest time.

 

_Where it’s covered in all the colored lights_  
_Where the runaways are running the night_  
_Impossible comes true, it’s taking over you_  
_Oh, this is the greatest show_

 

She’s totally ignoring the show right now which is terrible (even if she’s technically seen it twice the whole way through already). Her thumb hovers over the letters on the board and she’s just about to put her finger to the screen when Chloe is thankfully shooting out suggestions before Beca can break a sweat over what to reply to ‘anything’.

 

 **Chloe:** Good luck? Break a leg?  
**Chloe:** I’m dying (skull emoji) (skull emoji) (skull emoji)

 

For someone who’s dying, Beca smiles at the fact that Chloe had the time to add the emojis. As the song builds up, she types out her reply to Chloe.

 

 **Beca:** you’re going to be amazing, it’ll be fine  
**Beca:** you’ll literally be on stage for like a minute  
**Chloe:** A lot can happen in a minute!! What if I ruin the entire play with my tiny dance cameo??!?! (face screaming in fear emoji)  
**Beca:** chloe  
**Beca:** you won’t

 

She doesn’t know where she gets the courage to do this – it may be the rush of the music and the way it builds so hurriedly, it feels like her heart is chasing after it – but it happens and she’s not looking back.

 

 **Beca:** you make everything better  
**Beca:** you’re pretty amazing

 

When Chloe doesn’t reply in a snap like she usually does, Beca thinks her heart seizes up. But she’s sees those three dots blinking which means Chloe is still on the other end, writing something down.

 

 **Chloe:** <3

 

For someone who usually has everything to say, Beca is surprised by Chloe’s short and simple reply. But of course, Chloe being Chloe, more texts follow soon after that.

 

 **Chloe:** You are too, you know?  
**Chloe:** I don’t know what I’d do with you  <3

 

Beca finds herself holding her breath and it’s not because of how cool this entire opening sequence is.

She doesn’t know what to reply to that. So she doesn’t. She just reacts quickly to Chloe’s last text with a thumbs up so that Chloe knows she’s more than acknowledged it and then she holds her phone face down on her lap, willing herself to focus on watching of the show. 

Jesse and everyone are doing so amazing, and she really shouldn’t miss this. 

* * *

She’s trying not to think about it.

_Chloe._

She really is.

_Chloe._

She lets the seconds tick by and allows the song keep her out of her own head.

_Don’tthinkaboutChloedon’tthinkaboutChloedon’tthinkaboutChloe—_

Beside her, Emily snaps her fingers quietly, bouncing just lightly in her seat as the opening number comes together, building to its big moment. Beca tries to focus on Jesse and all of the colorful elements around him. She tries to focus on the lyrics and the fact these are some of Emily’s favorite lines. Anything to keep her mind from wandering.

 

_It’s everything you ever want_  
_It’s everything you ever need_  
_And it’s here right in front of you_  
_This is where you want to be…_

She tries to focus on the way the music makes her feel and how the costumes and lighting are done so well. But god, as much as she tries, she can’t help but feel like those lines sung over and over are there just to remind her of a certain redhead.

 

_It’s everything you ever want_

Chloe.

_It’s everything you ever need_

**Chloe.**

_And it’s here right in front of you_

 

She looks to the side of the stage and knows Chloe is waiting there. It’s kind of intense, like each time the line is sung it’s telling her to do something. Beca actually feels her heart pounding in her chest.

_“This is where you want to beeeeee,” Jesse holds the note waiting for Cynthia Rose to join him._

**_This is where you want to be!_ **

 

Beca gets up.

 

_Stomp stomp._

**Clap.**

She doesn’t know what comes over her. She’s up and making her way out of the row, only offering a quick “I have to do something” to Emily when the girl looks at her all confused and asks her where she’s going.

One after the other, her feet carry her up the steps until she reaches the double doors, just barely pulling it open to slip through so she’s outside. Once out, she’s heading down the left before making a turn to lead her backstage. 

 

_Stomp stomp._

**Clap.**

 

She doesn’t think about what she’s doing or where she’s going. She feels so outside of her own head – hell, her own body. As she makes her way through with purposeful steps, she listens to everyone performing inside, their voices loud enough to be heard even outside of the auditorium, filling her up with this rush of adrenaline she had no idea she would be experiencing right now.

 

_Stomp stomp._

**Clap.**

 

She pulls open the door to backstage and everything becomes a blur then. She’s walking past everyone hustling around in there with a singular focus in mind, her eyes only seeing a particular figure and that unforgettable shade of red standing by the stage, watching the performance intently.

She doesn’t care. About everyone here. About what this could mean. About what she’s about to do.

She takes Chloe’s hand to let her know she’s there before— 

“Beca, what are you—”

She kisses her.

 

_This is the greatest show!_

“I love you.” 

Her words are small and soft and whispered an inch away from Chloe’s lips, uttered so ideally that they fit into that small space of silence before the beat hits again and the song continues on.

Never in her _life_ did she ever think Chloe’s reaction to that confession would be to smile before leaning forward with a soft sigh, her hands coming to rest over Beca’s cheeks with a familiarity that confuses even Beca. They kiss and kiss and kiss, and Beca’s not even sure if she's actually living this or she passed out and this is just her brain filling in the spaces of what she hoped would happen. It feels too good to be real. Too puzzle-pieces-fitting-together-just-right kind of unreal.

_Yes!!! It happened! Gosh, I’m so happy for you guys. I can’t wait to tell Emily about this._

She hears Benji’s voice beside them and it reminds her that she’s basically making out in a very public place with people watching her right now. But also, she doesn’t know if she’s ready to lose this feeling just yet so she ignores it. Chloe seems to agree with the way she moves a hand to Beca's waist, bringing her even nearer.

“Um, guys, I hate to be this person, but Chloe, you literally go on in about 58 seconds.”

They pull away then, a little out of breath. But Chloe stays close, leaning her forehead against Beca’s.

“I can’t believe you beat me to this. This was supposed my moment.”

“Well, you snooze you lose, Beale,” Beca counters with a sassiness she didn’t even know she was capable of with the state of short-circuit her brain was in.

“Oh, shut up,” Chloe giggles. “I had a crush on you before it was like, cool or whatever, don’t—“

Beca laughs. “Are you literally trying to claim having crushes on people as _your_ thing right now? I—”

The rest of Beca’s words are forgotten the second she feels Chloe’s lips again, soft and eager all at the same time.

“Um, Chloe? There’s about 30 seconds. Cutting it really close right now,” Benji warns a tad nervously.

Chloe kisses Beca once more, prolonged and deep, before telling her that she’ll “be right back” and “don’t move” – holding Beca’s hands untill the final second before she really has to let go and run out onto stage to join the rest of the dancers for the end bit of the song.

Beca feels like her eyes will never leave Chloe. It isn’t until she notices Benji scoot in beside her, hugging his clipboard to his chest, that her gaze really breaks.

“She’s pretty great, huh?”

“Um, yeah. I—” She shouldn't ‘guess’. She knows. “She is,” Beca decides.

Benji grins a little too happily.

They watch the rest of the performance in comfortable silence. It feels like the second the final beat finishes and before the lights even completely go out, Chloe’s already running off of the stage and into Beca’s arms.

“Oof.”

But she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chloe is _so_ happy. And Beca can’t tell if it’s because of them, or the rush of dancing, or the fact that the first number went off without a hitch because the applause rings so loudly, even from all the way backstage. It’s probably all three. Beca returns the squeeze she feels Chloe give her body, biting her lower lip when she hears Chloe squeal happily.

They have this small moment before the rest of the cast makes their way backstage, finding them hugging. 

_“They finally kissed”_ , Benji tells all of them.

And then the cast erupts in cheers for a whole other reason entirely. It’s a blur of hugs and pats and I knew it’s! There’s one odd “Goddammit Beca, you couldn’t have waited till after Show Day?” and it’s from Donald, who apparently is now out 40 bucks to Benji and Emily.

“I would have kissed her after the show anyway,” Chloe reveals easily, arm hooked over Beca’s shoulders casually.

Beca raises a teasing brow at her as if to say: _oh, really?_

Chloe just nods. “I told you: you stole my moment.”

Beca’s lips lift into a grin and they both laugh.

* * *

She can’t believe it: she and Chloe. Chloe and her. Like, that was a _thing_ that _happened_.

After the first number, Chloe asks Beca to stay, to not go back outside and watch the show from there, but to ‘hang out’ and ‘be with me in here’, in Chloe’s exact words. Beca doesn't even need to think about it to know she's already staying. 

(Her choice will always be to stay by Chloe.)

* * *

Beca ends up helping backstage a bit. She holds out hats for people about to go on stage. She helps Benji line up props. She even helps do the rope thing for a hot second. But her eyes always find Chloe.

They can’t stop looking at each other.

Even if they’re two feet apart, helping organize things into racks, Beca can feel when Chloe’s eyes find her and she turns her head to catch Chloe staring. They’ll smile at each other – like fucking idiots – before looking away to continue their task at hand. It feels like they’re children.

And Chloe always tries to touch Beca. Even in the heat of things, when they’re really busy helping people get into their next costume, Chloe finds the time to run her hand along Beca’s back as she’s walking past or have her hand on Beca while she’s reading something from a clipboard on her other hand.

It’s fucking insane how they can’t keep away from each other. Beca has to excuse herself to go to the bathroom to pull herself together because she can’t believe how fucking mushy she’s acting right now. Like not obviously, but her behavior is unusual enough that it freaks her out a little and she needs to give herself a pep talk in the mirror to tell herself to ‘stop being weird’.

When she returns backstage, she hates that she’s already trying to looking for Chloe (her pep talk did not help one bit), only to find her taking photos of Stacie in her Jenny Lind get-up against the brick wall.

“Okay, now turn the cheek. Yes, perfect. Give us the smolder. Nice. Oh yeah, totes showcase the boobs. _Yas_ gurl. This is going to look so great on your Instagram.”

Beca shakes her head fondly.

* * *

“We did it!”

They pull the doors of Chloe’s Mini Cooper shut at the same time.

(The play was received _incredibly_. People were smiling and crying and cheering. It was the wildest experience watching all of them applaud for the cast and crew on stage during the final bow. Mrs. Byers was practically in shambles as she congratulated and complimented everyone, letting them know that she’s _so_ impressed – “unbelievably so” in her words - and that she thinks the pride will keep her up until the early hours of the morning.

She took Chloe aside to thank her personally and Beca could hear “I’m so glad there were no fires” before they walked away far enough. Beca chuckled to herself quietly before her eyes landed on Jesse, and they came together in a big hug.)

“ _You_ did it. This was _you_. None of this would have happened if you didn’t fight so hard for it—mmph.”

Her words get muffled against Chloe’s lips. Normally she would like, _try_ to continue making her point because she’s trying to be _sincere_ here, but this feels a hundred times better than being sincere. Plus, Chloe probably gets the point.

Beca never thought it would be possible to get addicted to the way someone’s lips feel… but Chloe’s lips are soft and wet and she makes these little noises when she kisses that drive Beca—

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait—”

“What?” Chloe asks, exhaling heavily.

Her body is halfway over to Beca’s, leaning over the gear stick a little oddly, and Beca’s already backed up into her corner of the passenger’s seat. This was like, the weirdest attempt at yoga inside of a car.

“We shouldn’t be those people.”

“What people?” Chloe blows at her hair, hoping to move it out of her face.

Beca reaches forward and does it for her, and Chloe smiles at her in thanks briefly before they continue their conversation.

“People who fog up car windows because they’re making out in a parking lot?” Beca says.

Chloe nods then, as if she’s slowly remembering that they’re not even a mile away from school. And while they may have been some of the last people to leave because of clean-up, this was still a public place and common decency was a good thing. 

“Right…” Chloe begins to move away, letting out a small ‘ow’ when she knocks into the gear stick before settling back into her seat.

Beca scoots herself away from where she was pressed to the door and situates herself properly into the passenger’s seat, smoothing down her shirt which Chloe has somehow already managed to untuck. Beca’s momentarily impressed before she turns her head to find Chloe trying to even her breathing. The redhead senses Beca staring at her and moves her head, smiling when they meet eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey back.”

“Good?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

They both laugh a little.

“I’m sorry I—” Chloe’s hand gestures what her words can’t seem to say.

“Jumped me? It’s cool.”

Even if it’s dark in the car, Beca can tell Chloe blushes.

“I guess it’s only fair since I… you know.” Beca dampens her lips. She has no idea how to bring up what happened backstage. She knows she should. She can’t just assume she and Chloe are going to remain in this limbo where they make out and can’t keep their hands off of each other without talking about it. Beca’s already ruined (sort of) a relationship before by avoiding conversation about certain… factors.

“Beca?”

She’s still trying to catch her breath so her eyes wander, but she focuses herself to look at Chloe when she answers. “Yeah?”

“Are you— Is this— Do you mean it?”

She watches Chloe’s face in the dim lighting of the car, granted by the lamp post closest to the vehicle. Chloe’s eyes shift nervously like she’s so afraid of what Beca might say, and Beca doesn’t miss the way her lips are parted just barely like she’s holding her breath for Beca’s answer.

It frightens Beca a little, because it’s just now that she realizes just how delicate everything is – how what she says could break Chloe or build her up. To think, _she_ was the one afraid about this entire situation because she thought Chloe would have that power over her, but it’s the other way around.

(Side note: Beca still can’t believe Chloe’s into her. She’s going to have to ask her about that sometime.)

“Of course,” she promises. Beca moves her hand across the space between them to rest on top of Chloe’s, which clutch at her jeans a little uneasily.

Beca thinks now maybe it’s her turn to keep putting things on the line. She feels like she owes it to Chloe, who was brave all that time ago and Beca didn’t even notice. She’s not going to risk them misunderstanding again. No more missed opportunities. This has been going on for way too long for them to lose it all because something was left unsaid.

“Chloe, I’ve had feelings for you for a while now," she decides is a good place to start. "And I didn’t know how to tell you. Or rather, I just thought it would be stupid to because you were dating Tom, and also, there was obviously no way you’d be into me—“

Chloe scoffs then, a small grin on her face. “Sounds fake but continue.”

Beca stares at her pointedly as a joke before doing just that. “Anyway, I just… I do. Like, have feelings for you, love you, all of it. And I know that sounds kind of insincere the way I put that, but I just don’t know how to do this. And that’s like one of the top three most honest things I’ve ever said in my life and I hope it counts for something.”

“What’s the other two?” Chloe asks, surprising the other girl.

“That I love you.” Beca answers easily.

Chloe smiles then.

“And that pineapple on pizza is the fucking _worst_.”

Chloe rolls her eyes then. She flips her hand around so her fingers can lace with Beca’s and she gives it a small squeeze before speaking.

“First of all: so proud of you for having an emotion. Several, actually, from my count for the last three hours.”

It’s Beca’s turn to roll her eyes but she smiles and keeps listening.

“I know it wasn’t easy on you and I just want to say that I’m _so_ happy you did what you did.”

Beca holds Chloe’s hand a little tighter and Chloe returns the sentiment.

“Beca… I’m _so_ happy right now and I have no idea how to let you know.”

“I think you just did actually, there might be a small bump on the back of my head tomorrow.”

Chloe pushes at her arm playfully.

“What I’m _trying_ to say _is_ ,” Chloe continues. “Knowing that you mean this, and that it’s been something you’ve been thinking about for a while is… It means a lot to me. And we’re definitely going to talk about it – in detail because there’s no way I’ve waited this long to not get those – and it’s going to be great. But it’s not going to be now.”

Beca gulps then.

“Because you’re going to take me on a date and that’s when we’ll do it.”

Beca exhales then.

“Scared you a bit didn’t I?” Chloe lets out in a tone that’s all too teasing.

“Jesus, yeah.”

Chloe giggles. It’s Beca’s favorite sound.

“Hey.” Chloe shakes the hand she’s holding of Beca’s so the girl would look at her. “This? This is what I feel like I’ve been waiting for my _entire_ life. And that’s the only sneak peak of our future conversation that I’m letting you have right now.” She winks.

And god, Beca can’t believe it. That she’s here. With Chloe. And they’re holding hands and talking about shit that she never thought she could even get into without mumbling half of the things she’s trying to say while making _no_ eye contact. Because feelings are _weird_. And **difficult**. But the idea of doing this with Chloe? Someone she feels like she’s been wanting and waiting for for the longest time? It doesn’t seem so bad. Beca thinks she can actually do it. Especially if Chloe will be holding her hand and looking at her steadily like she’s doing right now.

“I fucking love you,” Beca finds herself blurting out.

And she’d almost feel embarrassed, but watching the way Chloe’s smile builds and how the skin by her eyes crinkle as they do makes up for whatever amount of discomfort she could’ve felt.

Chloe kisses her hand again.

“I love you too,” she whispers right against Beca’s skin, smiling into it. 

Then she moves her lips away just a bit and speaks up a little louder so Beca doesn’t have to strain to hear.

“You know, you kind of took me by surprise backstage ‘cause things were happening but just know that I 110% fully planned on saying it back right away if we weren’t like, totally busy then.”

Beca laughs, finding herself being rapidly filled with so much joy in that moment that she can’t help but lean over to meet Chloe’s lips with hers. The hand of Chloe’s that isn’t holding Beca’s is quick to find the side of her head. And again, they kiss and kiss and kiss, but this time they keep it tame and no one is getting carried away enough that they are being pushed against car doors and climbing over. It’s soft and sweet and intimate, and Beca can’t believe she gets to share it with Chloe.

* * *

Tomorrow, Chloe will walk the stage when her name is called out and officially graduate high school.

Beca knows she’ll be right there watching and cheering, probably with Jesse and Emily right beside her.

She also knows that while Chloe will be closing her chapter on high school tomorrow, Beca still has one more year left to go.

(That blows.)

And there’s so many things they have to talk about, so many things they still want to know from each other (which Beca thinks is crazy considering how much they already talk), and that’s _fine._

They don’t have to worry about it tonight. Or rather, Beca shouldn’t.

Tonight, they know they love each other and that’s all Beca wants to think about.

* * *

**Chloe:** Goodnight.  <3  
**Chloe:** I love you.  <3  
**Chloe:** And not just in a friend way ;)  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is legit so hard to write after taking a long break. but holy shitballs, we got to the final chapter!!! and don't worry, there's like 2-3 more coming which is essentially gonna be like-- ya know what? that's spoilers. but basically, there's more. ;) hope you enjoyed the chapter!! feel free to holla at me @ bsnows.tumblr.com until the next chapter is posted xoxo


	22. Chloe's Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe graduates. And a surprise and things.

Graduations are… crowded. And they’re early. Or are least Barden’s is. Beca can’t imagine having to wake up for this in a year. She feels someone bump into her and she twists her face into a small scowl. The person is having a loud conversation on the phone beside her, waving their arm up wildly. _We’re here! Near the students! Fourth row! Do you see me? I’m waving my hand!_  


Jesse taps her on the shoulder to keep her from fixing the frown on her face permanently and nods towards Emily, who scored them some seats a row up from Loud Mouth and company over here. They walk over and scoot into the row.

“Great score, Emily,” Jesse compliments once seated.

“Thanks.” She beams.

Beca smiles, forgetting all about Loud Mouth when she takes in the dorky way Emily grins to herself for her accomplishment. As much as she claims to hate on Barden and their shitty school lunches and ill-scheduled graduation ceremonies, she’s… thankful – sort of – for the people it has brought into her life. 

This year – arguably the craziest she’s had – Beca met Emily. An actual _genuinely_ good person who loves and appreciates music and everything about it, just like she does – from the frustration of trying to arrange things just right and the unabashed glee that wakes their bodies and keeps them roused for hours on end when they finally listen to a whole song put together. 

Also, Emily looks up to her – which is super weird because Beca should be responsible for _no one_ – but it’s kind of cool to like, try and not disappoint someone and make sure they don’t do stupid shit or whatever. Though, Emily’s gotten Beca out of more almost-arguments than she can count, so it might be the other way around.

And she met Luke. Sort of fell in love with him. Maybe not the way either of them intended but they do love each other and they’re best friends. In a different way than her and Jesse. Jesse, for sure, is like her brother – and it’s taken her like 5 years to get around to describing him that way – but Luke understands her on a different level.  Luke recognized everything Beca is and was, and cared for her despite it. They shared this crazy journey of almost love and unrequited feelings and just a shit ton of emotional anguish, and that for sure will keep them bonded for life – his words, not hers.

(They’re on the hood of his car, back at the overlook they once went to all that time ago. Except this time, they’re not making out and listening to music. They’re splitting a six-pack of beer and listening to music.

“We’re bonded for life for it.”

Beca chuckles. “What?”

“I’m serious. Like, you’re the first person I ever came out to. Tom doesn’t count since were like involved.”

“Dude, _we_ were involved.”

“You literally came over to break up with me!”

They laugh.)

And of course, there’s Chloe. Always Chloe. Beca would never forget. How could she? Chloe Beale is present in every corner of her mind almost constantly. Beca still can’t believe last night was real. She almost thinks it isn’t. But this morning, she received a wake up text along with kissy face selfie of a certain redhead on her phone to remind her that, yes, something did happen last night.

Thinking about it makes her nervous. In a way she’s never experienced before. Like scared but excited and _terrified_ but super eager. She’s straddling the lines of wanting to know more and avoiding it because never in her life has she been so afraid of being hurt or hurting anybody. Not that she thinks Chloe would ever hurt her or that she’d hurt Chloe but like, it’s _happened_ – Beca _has_ hurt Chloe before. Sure, it was unintentional and she didn’t find out till much later, but Beca has a history of accidentally hurting Chloe’s feelings because she emotionally inept and—

“Beca, she’s coming up, she’s coming up.” 

Jesse shakes her and she snaps out of it. She was so in her head reminiscing, she completely zoned out of the graduation ceremony. Since the letter ‘B’ is pretty early on in the alphabet, there’s not much waiting that needs to be done on their part. 

Beca sits at attention and waits out the B’s until a particular B-name comes up. Bailridge, Baker, Balasco, Ball, Baldoni… It takes a bit but eventually they get to:

 

  
_Chloe Anne Beale._  


 

The three of them stand up. 

“Whoo!! Yeah, Chloe!” They all holler, loud and proud.

They watch as Chloe, dressed in her shiny green (why green, Barden?) graduation gown, makes her way across the stage to receive her diploma and get the little tassle thing on her cap moved to the other side.

“Whoo!” Chloe cheers, curtsying a little before making her way off.

Beca is positively _frightened_ by the amount of warmth that just spread across her chest. Jesus, what was this? Is this like a side effect to loving someone? Feeling your heart like, grow three sizes every time they do something adorable? Beca is not having this shit; it is weird—

 

  
_Anastasia Elise Conrad!_  


 

“Wait, what?”

Everyone is confused for a second before Emily makes a ‘we should just go with this, right?’ face and their clapping increases in intensity to match the crowd’s.

“Stacie’s real name is Anastasia?” Jesse asks.

“This is literally the first I’ve ever heard of it.” Beca makes known, just as shocked.

* * *

They have fun learning the _real_ and full names of all of their friends. 

Hearing Luke’s full name out loud is just as exciting as the first time he shared it with all of them. She doesn’t have to ask to know that _everyone’s_ thinking of that photo of him as an altar boy when he walks across. And it only makes Beca tense a little when she learns that she and Aubrey share the same middle name. Jesse nudges her on the side when they hear it. Aubrey _Jane_ Posen. Well, _that’s_ something they don’t ever need to bond over ever. 

It’s more clapping, more cheering, but eventually, it’s done.  An hour and a half of ‘reminiscing’, listening to Stacie’s Valedictorian speech, a short performance of a handful of seniors singing ‘In My Life’ by the Beatles because of course. That’s practically mandatory at graduations, isn’t it?

The rows begin to empty as attendees get up to congratulate their friend or family member in person. Beca, Jesse, and Emily side-step out of their row as well, making their way to the table they know will serve water and refreshments because while it is a nice day out, it doesn’t change the fact that the football field is out in the sun and the outdoors are the outdoors.

“I can’t believe Bumper’s real name is Braxton. It’s so weird how we didn’t know that until now. He even has a cool middle name – Knox. Braxton Knox Allen? Like who gave his parents permission to put together a name so cool for someone so lame?” Jesse shakes his head.

“The real question is why does he use a lame ass name like Bumper when he could be using Braxton instead,” Beca points out.

“It’s because he’s not cool enough for it,” all three of them say at the same time.

They look at each other and laugh. Then Emily is making an ‘ooh’ face and tapping Beca to make her look over her shoulder.

Chloe.

“We’ll, uh, see you at the table, Beca. C’mon, Jess.” She takes Jesse and drags him away even if Beca can tell he clearly wants to be here for this.

Beca turns around fully, tentatively curling her lips into a smile. She watches the excitement on Chloe’s face build as she gets nearer, and halfway through, Chloe gives up on socially acceptable walking and jogs right up to Beca, grabbing her for a kiss that Beca knows to meet.

It’s so weird. So weird how _normal_ it feels. Like Beca’s been leaning up and Chloe’s been meeting her lips for ages. It’s comfortable yet makes all of Beca’s inside feel like they’re in a mosh pit. Beca resists the urge she has to lose her hand in Chloe’s hair, instead settling to rest it on her shoulder.

“Hey.” She greets, when she finally musters enough coherence to form words.

“Hi,” Chloe whispers back, not even an inch away from Beca’s face. And she’s beaming. And so beautiful, god.

Their lips have just met again for not even a second when they hear two familiar voices go ‘oh my god!!!’.

They part and look towards the sound.

It’s Chloe’s dads, accompanied by a photographer.

“Oh my gosh, _please_ tell me you got that.” Mr. B has his hand on his chest before putting his arms around the girls.

“He did, he did, he did. It looks _great_. Goodness, that is _framing material_ right there,” Mr. Beale says, eyes wide at the camera from a very tired looking photographer.

Beca guesses they’ve had him since _super_ early this morning, knowing Mr. Beales tendency of wanting to document _every_ moment. She wouldn’t even put it past them to ask the guy to take pictures of Chloe brushing her teeth this morning. (They probably did.)

“Chloe, babe, we are so proud of you. We got it on video, on phone camera, on camera-camera,” Mr. Beale lists.

“Two phones, we got it on two phones, baby girl,” Mr. B adds.

Chloe blushes, sheepish at her parents’ antics. “Thanks, guys.”

“All the angles? We have got. them.” Mr. Beale states proudly, accentuating his words with claps.

“Wanna see?” The photographer asks when he finally makes his way over to their huddle.

He holds the camera the other way around so they can see the viewfinder. And there it is: Chloe and Beca in a kiss. It’s weird for Beca. Because she finally actually _sees_ it – kissing Chloe – for the first time. It’s not a dream or a figment of her imagination. It’s right there – in probably way more pixels than Beca can count. They were not kidding around about hiring a _professional_ photographer.

Chloe and her parents get wrapped up in conversation but Beca is still looking at the photo. The next thing she knows is the camera is in her hands to allow for a better look and the photographer is pulling out a vape.

Completely disregarding the douchiness of the vape, Beca zooms in on the photo. She finally sees all of the little details she only _thinks_ she feels when she’s kissing Chloe. She sees the quirk of Chloe’s lips, eased into a happy smile against her own. Her eyes closed contently, as are Beca’s. Her features are soft, relaxed, and totally, totally happy. 

“We’re cute, huh?” She hears from right behind her, feeling Chloe’s arms sneak around her waist and her chin rest over her shoulder after.

“Uh… yeah.” Beca is still staring at it, trying to process it and ignore how quickly her body is reacting to feeling so close to Chloe. _Be normal_ , she tells herself, focusing on looking at the photo instead.

“It’s… it’s great. It’s…”

“Us,” Chloe finishes for her, turning her head to peck Beca on the cheek.

Beca feels the grin before she knows she’s doing it and hears Chloe giggle. Side note: hearing Chloe giggle right against her ear is somehow _so_ much better than hearing her giggle all those times before. Fuck, she’s so happy and she has no idea what to do. It’s almost a good thing Mr. Beale starts reiterating the big Schedule with a capital ‘S’ for today, or else Beca might have done something like grab Chloe and kiss her and not stop. 

She feels Chloe slip her fingers into the spaces of hers as they listen.

“Okay, so, game plan: we head to the house – outfit change – wait for your grandparents to arrive, all of it. Put the mains in the oven. Put together the appetizers… Oh, we need to make sure Beans is wearing his special collar.”

“The bowtie one?” Mr. B asks.

“Yes. I got him a new one that’ll match the dress Chloe picked out.”

Beca smiles. She listens on as they get further into the details of the day, not missing the way Chloe’s thumb strokes back and forth along her skin.

“And then Big Announcement. And then you know, we hope no one dies.” Mr. Beale sighs, wiping at his forehead for the effect of it.

“Hope no one dies?” Beca repeats.

“Oh, trust me. Big Announcement might send people into cardiac arrest but we’ll have a doctor or two in the house what with my sister and Eric’s cousin.”

Beca frowns a little before looking at Chloe, who simply just shakes her head as a way to tell her not to worry about it.

“And Beca, Jesse and Emily are coming, right? And you’re bringing your parents?”

“Oh, um, yeah? My dad and Sheila might come by a little later though. I think some of the teachers have like a brunch thing planned.” 

“Perfect. We’ll have food for days, so it doesn’t matter when they get to coming around. I made those little tart things that Emily likes. And Jesse loves anything crunchy covered in chocolate, right? I made those too. It’ll be so nice to see John Mitchell again, really sit down and talk. I’ll have to coax him into letting me change his hair.”

“You be good,” Mr. B chides, hip-checking his husband with a smile.

“Ooh! The time. Okay, Beca, we’re going to have to borrow this one from you for a bit but you’ll definitely see each other at the house for party. Don’t worry.” He winks. “Chloe, sweetie, start walking. And prepare to be blindfolded.”

Their eyes widen, and she feels Chloe squeeze before she’s being ushered away by her parents.

“Wait, what—why the blindfold? Dad, where are we going? The car?”

“It’s a surprise! Surprises need blindfolds. Yes, the car. Watch your footing. We’ll blindfold you then. Or should we do it now?”

“It’ll be easier for her to see where she’s going without a blindfold; we’ll do it in the car.” Mr. B advises.

Their chatter is quick and Chloe is clearly confused, and if Beca didn’t trust Mr. Beales so much, she’d be worried, but since she does, it’s mostly just really fun to see that doe-eyed look on Chloe’s face.

“Beca?” Chloe calls out.

“Yeah?” She calls back.

“Call 911 if I don’t text you in an hour!”

Mr. Beales laugh.

“Dramatic! This is our daughter.” Mr. Beale pats his heart in pride.

“No doubt.” Mr. B agrees, rubbing Chloe on the back.

Chloe’s family is a whirlwind but there’s not a second with them that’s dull. Beca watches all of them talk over each other until they’re too far away to hear. Eventually, they turn into the crowd and disappear into the sea of people. She shakes her head fondly. Then she notices the photographer still beside her, blowing out a cloud of vape.

“Um… shouldn’t you like, follow them?”

“…Eh. I’ll see them back at the house. They said they’ll film in on their phones for a more ‘personal touch.” Photographer Man tucks his vape into his jacket pocket and walks away with a lazy wave over his shoulder as a goodbye.

Beca is thoroughly confused by the last 15 minutes of her life but she hears a familiar laugh not far from her and turns her head to see Emily with Stacie and Donald.

“Sup, awesome nerds,” she greets when she walks over.

“Beca!!!!”

She’s quickly pulled into Stacie’s chest – and yes, she’s removed her gown and is wearing a top that her boobs are practically spilling out of.

“B, I’m gonna miss you _so_ much.”

“Uh yeah, I’m gonna miss you too,” Beca says, trying to lean away from the way Stacie is trapping her against her cleavage.

“What about me? You gonna miss me, baby boo?”

Stacie finally lets Beca go. “I’ll probably miss you more if you don’t call me ‘baby boo’,” Beca complains, rubbing the side of her face when Donald rests an arm over her shoulders.

“I’m gonna miss everyone _so much_. Jeez, you guys. And then I’ll have this whole year without any of you here. Why is graduation the best and worst?” Emily blinks to keep her eyes from tearing further.

“Awww,” Stacie and Donald say, going in to hug her at the same time. And Beca’s the unfortunate soul who has Donald’s arm over her so she gets lugged in too – a Beca and Emily sandwich. Emily loves it, going as far as to hold Stacie and Donald’s arms. Beca? Not so much.

“God, you guys are so dramatic,” Beca huffs, blowing some hair out of her face.

“Be nice or I’ll shove your face in my boobs again,” Stacie threatens, hugging all of them tighter.

* * *

She’s at the diner having milkshakes with Jesse and Emily when her phone buzzes in her pocket.

 **Chloe:** You would not believe what I just got as a graduation present  
**Beca:** a country?  
**Chloe:** Um, no  
**Chloe:** Smaller?  
**Beca:** like smaller than a country or what you got was smaller?  
**Chloe:** Both  
**Beca:** i’m so confused  
**Chloe:** I’ll show you after the party later :)  
**Beca:** cool  
**Beca:** we’re just wrapping up here then we’ll head to your place  
**Chloe:** Awes  
**Chloe:** I miss you :(  
**Beca:** you saw me like two hours ago  
**Chloe:** 2 hours and 24 minutes ago  
**Beca:** wow  
**Beca:** you dork  
**Chloe:** (kissy face emoji)

* * *

When they pull up to Chloe’s house, it’s obvious some kind of celebration is happening there today. If the balloons by the driveway and entrance aren’t any indication, there’s a line of colorful party flags hung on the railing of the porch and its ceiling to help you. Even Beans’ dog house is lined with it. And because the Beales are so extra, there’s literally a sign in the front yard that says ‘ ** _Congratulations, Chloe_** ** _!_** ’ with a picture of Mr. Beales kissing a grinning Chloe on the cheek. Beca recognizes it as a blown up version of one of the photos from that photo strip that was in Chloe’s car all that time ago.

“That is _so_ adorable.”

The next thing Beca hears is an unmistakable ‘click’ from Emily’s phone.

“Should we go inside?” Jesse asks.

“I mean, I guess.” Beca checks the time on her phone. “We are actually a little late too, so—”

The three of them approach the space. The chatter from the inside gets louder and louder the closer they get. Before they can even knock on the door, it’s being pulled open and they’re greeted by a spritely elderly woman.

“You must be the friends! Come on in!”

They’re being tugged in as she makes her way out, waving them in further. She tells them she’s just gonna be a second, and the next thing Beca knows is that she’s pulling out a pipe and lighting it on the porch as they make their way in.

“Should she be doing that?” Emily wonders with a pout.

“I mean, she’s probably older than all of us combined…” Jesse says as he watches.

Beca is just about to say something when she’s startled by a bright ‘hey!’ and she feels Chloe’s hands on her shoulders.

“Oh, hey!” They all greet.

Emily hands her a purple and green striped gift bag with tissue paper spilling out of it. “Just a little something!”

“Emily!” Chloe gasps, hand on her chest. “You didn’t have to!”

“I wanted to! It’s just a little something to keep your time in college organized.”

Chloe pulls out this white planner with watercolor drawings of cacti all over it. And cacti isn’t something Beca would normally associate with Chloe but looking at it now, it looks perfect in her hands.

“And look inside!” Emily urges. “I stuck a Polaroid in there so right when you open it, you can see me, Beca, and Jesse with you. And there’s a ticket stub from the play because that’s how we all met. And there’s a Scratch-N-Sniff sticker that smells like apples because you eat one like, _everyday_ —”

“That’s right!” Chloe squeals excitedly and they gush over it together, Emily pointing out all of the little details.

It’s the perfect gift. And Beca realizes she has nothing for Chloe. And she’s like, probably Chloe’s girlfriend? I mean, it hasn’t even been 24 hours since they kissed and it’s not like they talked about it, but she probably is, right?

“I got something for you too,” Jesse chimes in, pulling out a something long and slim and wrapped with a thin bow that Jesse’s mom for sure tied for him out of his pocket.

“It’s a BB8 pen but like, a fancy one. Fountain pen. It’s really subtle and not super cartoonish, so it’ll fit right with the planner Emily gave you.”

“Oh, you guys!” Chloe holds the pen to her chest. “That’s so sweet!” She’s pulling them both in for a hug and Beca stands there… very awkwardly and without-gift-ly.

Christ, she feels like shit.

When they pull away and see Beca, she can’t do much but force a little smile. She can’t have Chloe thinking she didn’t get her a present, so she thinks fast on her feet and goes:

“Mine’s for later. It’s kind of like a private sort of thing…”

They all go ‘ohhh’ and Beca spots a sort of devious glint in Chloe’s eyes that she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t ponder on it for too long because Mr. Beale is coming over and interrupting them.

“Guys! What are you doing in the entryway? Come in, come in. We’ve got food. And people. Everything you need for a celebration.” He pulls Emily and Jesse into the living room where the furniture has been pushed around to accommodate space for a sizeable roundtable with all sorts of goodies on it.

Chloe’s hand finds her and soon, she’s hearing Chloe tell her dad that she and Beca will be right back and she’s being led down the hall and up the stairs.

“Where are we going?” Beca asks on their way up the stairs.

Chloe doesn’t really answer and keeps towing Beca along until they’re in her room. Chloe is quick to set her presents from Jesse and Emily down before she’s grabbing Beca’s face and pushing her against the wall, sighing against her lips.

“Whoa. Been waiting to do that for a bit, haven’t we?” Beca jokes when Chloe pulls away.

She simply touches her forehead with Beca’s, curling her hands around Beca’s hips. “Today has been so much and I really just want to spend some time with you. Just like 5 minutes where it’s just us and nothing else.”

Beca understands that. She pecks Chloe on the lips again before leading her over to the window where they sit on the bench built against it.

“How do you feel?” She asks once they’ve settled, holding Chloe’s hands in hers.

Chloe shrugs. “Good? A little overwhelmed and honestly I’m just really happy, about a lot of things, but it’s all happening so fast it’s hard to process. I’m trying to enjoy it though, take in every little thing. Especially you.” 

They’re kissing again and it takes Beca a second before she’s stopping and moving back just a little to mumble, “hold up, the whole ‘me as one of the little things’ is totally a jab at my height, isn’t it?”

Chloe just chuckles before leaning in again, softer this time yet somehow more eager. Before Beca knows it, she’s backed against the wall and Chloe’s over her, a leg on either side of her thighs. And it’s not that Beca’s not enjoying it – because she is, like seriously – but it feels like there’s also a shit ton they both need to say or talk about that they’re not and Beca is careful about this not becoming a sort of thing that allows her to fall back into her old habits of not talking and avoiding important subjects.

“Um, Chloe. Wait.” Beca makes sure it’s not a ‘wait’ that worries Chloe by keeping her hands on her waist, feeling the material of the sundress she has on.

Hearing the small intake of breath Chloe takes when she moves away positively melts her. The way her lips are parted slightly, how her lipstick definitely needs reapplying, and the way her chest heaves a bit quicker than necessary because of her _lack_ of breathing.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

Chloe stares down at Beca like she’s worried anyway. Beca gives her a little squeeze to settle her down.

“I just… Jesus, this is gonna sound so lame. I feel like, shouldn’t we talk about—”

“Chloe!”

Their heads snap towards the door where Mr. B is looking at them with ‘of course you teenagers are up here making out’ face.

“Girls, so glad you’re together but C, it’s announcement time. Your grandmother ain’t gonna kick forever.”

Chloe nods, easing herself off of Beca. And Beca helps – sort of – before awkwardly standing up herself, smoothing down her top.

Mr. B just laughs over their pink faces and slightly disheveled appearance. “Now, I don’t mean to be punny but y’all better straighten up before you make your way down. Chloe, lips. Beca, hair, baby.”

Beca touches the back of her head. Chloe’s hands are quick to get lost in them she’s come to find.

“Be down in two, ladies!” He instructs, patting the doorframe before walking off.

* * *

“So… I know you’re all wondering what this big announcement is. And I know you all also know that I’ve been avoiding the ‘ _so where are you going off to college_ ’ question so you guys might have a brief idea of what this speech is going to be about.”

The room laughs softly.

Chloe stands under the doorway to the kitchen with her fathers to her right and glasses of apple cider in their hands. Beca stands with Jesse and Emily towards the entrance of the living room, where everyone is currently congregated to hear this. 6 or 8 other people that are definitely from whichever side of Chloe’s family are scattered throughout the room, standing or sitting on couches or ottomans.

“And the truth is… for the longest time, I had no idea what I wanted to do for college. I feel like I’m not ready to go on yet but they just handed me a diploma so it’s like, hurry up, Chloe!”

The room chuckles again.

“And I’ve sort of battled about my decision. There were so many choices and all of this support—” Chloe looks to her dads then before addressing the crowd once more. “—that it felt almost impossible because I had _any_ option I wanted right in front of me.”

Chloe shakes her head in disbelief. “I could have gone halfway around the world for college and these two would have found a way to do it.”

Mr. Beale’s eyes water and Mr. B claps a hand over his shoulder to relax him.

“And you all clearly have big dreams for me, I’ve gotten so many ‘the future is yours’ messages written on my Facebook wall… You’re so excited to find out what I’m going to do next and…” Chloe bites her lips. “I know what I’m going to do.”

Someone whoo’s. One of Chloe’s uncles. Forks tap against glasses. Drum rolls are done against laps. Beca is holding her breath. Even she doesn’t know what Chloe is doing or where she’s going. She’s been so secretive about it. One day, it just went from ‘I’m still figuring it out’ to ‘it’s a secret’. And of course Beca cares about what Chloe wants to do – obviously, she believes Chloe can do anything she sets her mind to… But now, because of everything that’s happened last night, whatever college Chloe blurts out will also help determine the success rate of their so-called ‘relationship’ that hasn’t even been discussed. It will probably help determine if there will be a relationship at all.

 _Where are you going?_ She wonders. _How far will you be? Just tell us. Tell **me**._

“And I’m crazy nervous to tell you guys this…”

“She probably chose Davis,” Emily says.

“Didn’t she apply for Tisch too?” Jesse murmurs.

And Beca can’t say anything because she’s holding her breath.

“I…”

Everyone in the room leans forward. And she’s not kidding. Even Chloe’s dads – who already know – are enticed by the way Chloe is holding the crowd’s attention.

“Am taking a gap year!” She throws her hands up.

“Wait, what?” is the first thing Jesse says.

Emily frowns and Beca does too.

“It’s like a year off. People in England do it all the time!” Chloe tries to maintain her smile, clearly discouraged by the confused response she’s getting.

“I’ll still go to college,” she assures all of them. “But in a year.” 

She tries again. “I’ve done all sorts of research on it and it is _super_ beneficial in helping people find themselves and really figure out what their life’s passion is so they make the right decision about the next four years of their life and possible rest of their life.”

Beca still doesn’t understand. Chloe’s eyes finally land on her and it looks almost pleading, like of all the people, she wants Beca to be okay and supportive of this decision too. And totally, Beca will always support Chloe no matter what, but… an entire year off? What would that mean?

“And I’m not gonna be a total lazy butt,” Chloe promises. “I’m gonna work! Intern. Sort of? I’ll be working alongside daddies. 6 months at each business.” She stands a little more confidently. 

“I figured, since I’m their daughter, and eventually I’ll have to know how to take care of their legacy, what better way than to _actually_ learn. And I’ve already been helping them, and it’s _interesting_ to me, and I _like_ doing what they do, so maybe in a year I’ll end up taking something to do with one of their lines of work.”

She gazes at the crowd nervously before forcing a smile. “I’ll be working girl Chloe!”

Everyone makes a little ‘yikes’ noise then.

“Yeah, okay, that maybe wasn’t phrased right,” Chloe decides, shaking her head. “But the point is: it’s a year off of learning and _growth_. I’ll still be educating myself. So it’s not a waste. And I really hope you all will support me in this decision. It’s why invited all of you here. Because I really wanted to share this with you guys and make you understand why I think it’s the best decision for me right now.”

Chloe stares in Beca’s direction for a little before addressing the whole room again. 

“So… hip hip?” Chloe tries, hopeful for a better response.

And it’s quiet. Dead quiet. That is until—

“Hooray!” Chloe’s grandmother shoots up, hands in the air, and the room exhales.

Everyone joins in then, through claps or standing ovations, but the point is, Chloe knows she’s supported. And she looks so relieved and elated that everyone in the room seems to be okay with the decision because she knows Chloe doesn’t want to disappoint any of them. 

Her dads hug her for her bravery, and one by one, her family members begin to crowd her for hugs. Even Jesse and Emily walk up to the huddle to congratulate Chloe personally. But Beca finds herself making her way out to get some air. 

She huffs out a breath once she’s on the porch, kicking at nothing in particular before sitting herself down on the steps. It feels like there’s so much happening all at once and she can’t grab a single thought, so she’s just suspended and blank.

She hears the sound of the door opening and shutting. Then footsteps. She looks beside her to find Chloe, who sits down beside her.

She doesn’t say anything, choosing to let Beca take the lead on that. Instead, she just breathes in, taking in the smell of the freshly-cut lawn and the view of the lowering sun.

She hates how her disappearance might be interpreted. She didn’t think. Obviously. Again. Beca sighs, shaking her head as she thinks of something to say. There’s so much to talk about that she can’t possibly pick so she decides on the latest big thing that happened. And maybe they’ll work their way backwards from there.

“So… you’re staying?” She begins, her voice soft and quiet, for only the two of them.

“Mhm.” Chloe sounds, nodding.

“That means…”

“I’ll be around. For the whole year.” She finally looks at Beca. “For _you_. _Us_. If you want there to be.”

Chloe’s voice is hopeful but it’s also a little upset. And that’s probably due to Beca’s reaction to something that most people would consider _good news_.

She looks at the sky again, taking in the grey and orange hues. Birds fly by, filling their world with the sound of fluttering wings before quiet takes it place again just as quickly. Everything feels still for the first time. The riot in her brain has slowed to a stop. She can pick each thought she wants to deal with now, with no haste and no pressure.

She hates that her first decision is to disturb the stillness.

“You didn’t—” Beca starts.

“No.” Chloe is quick to say. Her hand finds Beca’s knee, stroking her thumb against the denim that covers it. “Not because of you. I made this decision a long time ago. Before I thought anything would… It wasn’t you. I promise I did this for me.”

Beca nods. But she’s still not looking at Chloe. She can only watch her thumb move back and forth against the taut material of her jeans.

“It just so happens that… everything fell into place,” Chloe tries positively, coaxing Beca into looking at her by shaking her knee.

But Beca won’t budge. Her head feels hot and her eyes feel prickly.

She blinks, feeling betrayed by the drop of wetness she sees on her jeans after.

“Beca, good things happen. They’re allowed to. And they can happen to you too.”

She doesn’t even know she’s shaking until she hears Chloe coo and pull her closer.

“Baby, it’s okay,” Chloe says.

And it takes that word – two fucking syllables and four letters and the softness in the way Chloe says it – to turn Beca’s walls into shambles.

She turns into the redhead and holds, allowing herself to be comforted by… _her_. Everything about her. Her warmth, the familiarity of her body, her hands on Beca’s back, her voice. Her smell. Even Chloe’s smell can calm Beca. Maybe she should just keep a bottle of Chloe’s perfume around for cases like this so she doesn’t end up breaking in front of her girlfriend. Or not-girlfriend. She doesn’t know.

Beca pulls back, sniffing once before she wipes under her eyes.

She doesn’t want to say anything because she feels like a fucking wimp for crying because Chloe is staying and they have _time_. With each other, together, that’s not miles and miles away. They have a _chance_.

And because Chloe knows her, she doesn’t let her wallow in it. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

She faces Chloe, finally taking her in. And she’s beautiful. In this totally painful yet healing way. It’s so hard for Beca to understand the way Chloe makes her feel, like everything all at once. This is probably why she should pace herself with all these ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’, and not bottle them in or downplay them all of the time. Now she’s just a wreck every time Chloe so much as looks at her. Every moment of silence between them comes with so much intensity. She feels just like Chloe earlier today and wants to kiss her, kiss her, and kiss her until everything is said and there’s nothing to do but just be with each other.

It’s so weird to want someone and not wonder whether or not they want you back. Because Chloe does. Finally, they’re both at a point where both of their desires are known, and not only that, but reciprocated. It’s fucking crazy… How everything, it all lined up.

Beca picks up on the moisture that’s built in Chloe’s eyes. She smiles softly before going to hold her cheek and Chloe’s eyes flutter closed at the warmth, turning her head to press her lips against Beca’s wrist.

And it’s easily their most intimate moment yet even if they aren’t kissing. And it would almost be sweet… but Beca opens her mouth.

“I don’t know what mascara you’re using but it’s doing so fucking good at making your make-up not run.”

Chloe laughs, pushing at Beca’s shoulder playfully before going to wipe under her eyes.

“Dick. You’re the one who made me cry.”

“Likewise, _Beale_.” Beca sticks her tongue out, grinning.

And Chloe smiles at her before pressing her lips right against the grin on Beca’s face. “Let’s go,” she whispers, taking Beca’s hand between them.

“Where?” Beca asks when they’re walking down the steps of the porch, hand in hand.

“You’ll see,” Chloe teases.

“A surprise?”

“Mhm.”

“I don’t have to be blindfolded for this, do I?”

“Don’t tempt me.” Chloe giggles. And Beca tries not to think dirty thoughts as they get into the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kNOW. it's been ages. but yay for an update, right? if it's riddled with errors, blame me. it's 2am when i finally finished and cleaned it. feel free to holla at me @ bsnows.tumblr.com for whatever, fic-related or nah.


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